Post by totallyloco on Jan 28, 2015 22:20:21 GMT -5
And can tell me why it's awesome?
I mentioned in my post last week that I just did an FET of the last embryo I had left over from the IVF cycle where Jack was conceived. Well, it didn't work.
Honestly, six months ago we were on the fence about having a second, but decided to give our two frozen embryos a shot, figuring our odds were maybe 50% and if it was meant to be, it would happen. I figured I'd be happy to get pregnant, and if I didn't, no biggie.
Then I got pregnant with the first one, and was so, so excited, until it became apparent two weeks later that the pregnancy wasn't viable. And now, our last shot didn't work. I know that I need to be done, since emotionally, physically, and financially, these last few months have taken a huge toll on me and I just can't keep doing it. But I'm really struggling with the thought that we're done.
I will say that all of this has made me even more grateful for my awesome little boy, and now I realize how much of a miracle he was. They got 27 eggs from me for my IVF, and out of all of those, I only ended up with one healthy baby. I'm trying to focus on the positives, like not having to deal with the newborn stage, no paying for two in daycare, being able to focus on Jack/attend all his activities/etc. I'm just taking this a lot worse than I thought I would.
I'm so sorry for your loss. If another retrieval is off the table for you, I think it's natural to have a mourning period. No advice really, but sending warm wishes that you find peace soon.
Pro: more money and more time! I see awesome vacations in your future...
Coming from personal experience, I am more or less an only child. I have a half sister, but she is 11.5 years younger than me and grew up across the country from me.
Being an only child rocks! I feel like my mom was able to do a lot more with me. We went on vacations, we went to a lot of theatre, I did a lot of activities as well. I am extremely independent and have the ability to be alone quite well. I am a bit more of an introvert, but I don't think that is too much of a big deal.If anything, it is a good thing.
He will thrive being an only child. There is nothing but positives associated with being an only child. If you are worried about loneliness, don't be.
Post by totallyloco on Jan 28, 2015 22:38:21 GMT -5
Yah, him being lonely is one of my biggest concerns. I grew up with two sisters so I can't picture not having siblings. So thanks, hearing from only children who had great childhoods really helps!
Post by unclejesse on Jan 28, 2015 22:52:39 GMT -5
I'm so sorry.
Yep, we are one and done. I look at it as he will get to (hopefully) experience some great things, as we will simply have more money by not having another child. My career is still a reality, whereas having more could stifle it. I love our little family of three! There are some good blogs and articles about only children which made me feel better about coming to our decision.
I am so sorry. I was almost an only child and I had a wonderful childhood. I never thought id why I didn't have a sibling even when I was old enough to realize my friends had them. I never felt lonely. There are many other ladies here who are one and done.((((huge hugs )))))
I was an only child and I loved it. I had cousins my age that I was very close to growing up and I'm still close to them. They and all my friends always seemed super jealous of me not having siblings. Because there was only me my parents were able to devote more time to their jobs, which were very important to them. They had the money to pay for my college costs with $ leftover to help with law school. They were able to spend lots of time with me one on one. My mom and I had such fun turning college tours into vacations. I never felt that my life was missing anything by not having a sibling. Being an only has not caused me to feel lonely. I am an introvert and I do enjoy my time to myself, but I am also very independent.
There is a very good chance that G will be an only. We would have to substantially change our lives (where we live, possibly our jobs) to have another child. While I often get baby fever, I don't feel like our family is incomplete with just one child.
I'm an only child and I wasn't lonely growing up. I enjoyed time with cousins and always had friends around. We were able to do lots of things as a family if three that I know we wouldn't have been able to do as a bigger family.
I'm sorry that so much of your journey has been filled with loss.
We are pretty certain that we are one and done. You're a newbie, so you probably don't know that we adopted our precious gift. We dealt with infertility, but knew that we were being called to adoption before we started on the IVF path. We never thought that we would only have one child, but we both feel completely content with our beautiful, kind, strong, and independent little lady. If I magically end up pregnant (we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility) or an adoption falls into our lap, we would obviously not be one and done, but I truly feel that our family is complete. There are times when I think it would be nice for her to have a sibling, but there are so many more times when I love only having one. We get to do so much together that wouldn't be as easy with a second child. I am looking forward to traveling abroad with her and experiencing things that wouldn't be as easy with more than one.
I hope that you are able to find peace and contentment in your family! Hugs!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I am not one and done, but I'm an only child. I wouldn't change it for anything! I have such a close relationship with my parents now. Some positives-more vacations, easier to go out, more time to concentrate on your child.
Post by blessed2bmama on Jan 29, 2015 3:15:11 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss and all that you are working through now. We are one and done. We dealt with years of infertility and then our little dream come true happened. I struggled with wanting a second/sibling for her, while my H was completely content from the day she was born. I have come around to his point of view recently. I don't really want to go through the stress and pain that we went through the first time all over again. We have a lot more time, money and energy to focus on her than we would if we had two. Some things seem much easier with one than with multiple kids-seriously, sometimes I am in awe of friends with two+ kids for just getting out the door on time when it is often a struggle with just one! Having a big family would be amazing, but I love our little family, just the three of us. I am at peace with it now, and I wish that for you, too. Hugs.
I'm sorry totallyloco, I had no idea of your loss. I'm unsure if I'm one and done- so many variables. In a perfect world, I'd have 2-3 more babies. But that would require a finalized divorce, finding hubby 2.0, marriage etcetc. And while I hope for the best, I just can't count those chickens before they hatch- literally lol. So while in my mind I always imagined myself with more kids, lately I've been giving some serious consideration that it may not happen and that DD is my one and only. And you know what? I'm ok with it. I'd LOVE for her to have siblings, but kind of like your train of thought; what's meant to be, will be. I count myself as lucky to have one child who is healthy, smart, beautiful and thriving and I'm pretty dammed lucky to have that:)
I'm so sorry that the FET didn't work, and I'm sorry you are know having to readjust your vision for your family.
I have an older step son, but I am one and done. We knew from the start that we would only have one. Money and travel and lifestyle were considerations, but even more it's about me and what I can handle. I have some anxiety issues and don't handle change and chaos well. I get lots of one-on-one with my little guy, and I can be a good parent that way.
Bonuses: MIL babysits without getting overwhelmed, no siblings passing illnesses to each other, No competition for resources or attention, my smaller car is not an issue, And obviously the financials are easier.
I could be oad, not by choice but more by circumstance and age - it's hard to accept when you've always pictured yourself with a big family, but i know how lucky and blessed I am to have this little man and for that I am truly grateful.
Maybe you could mention having a hard time coming to terms w things to your OB, I'm sure she has the name of a counselor you could talk with to get all your feeling out.
One and done representing, and not completely by choice either. If Andrew's care was less expensive and his future less uncertain, we'd probably have another. But, our odds of having a second child with ASD are high and we need to do what's best for A, so my uterus is closed.
I don't really worry about him being lonely. He goes to school and has lots of playmates outside of school, too. And I love how EASY one child is. He gets a lot of quality time with both of his parents because there's no need to divide and conquer. I like that when he's napping, the house is quiet. When he goes to bed, I don't have to worry about getting another child down.
In our situation, I felt like adding another child was irresponsible. I'm sad that the decision wasn't really ours to make, but I adore our family of three.
We are one and done. We said that we would be even before we had Lillian. There was a time where I re-thought about it and it really is the best choice for us. I feel like we are complete as 3 and I don't really worry about her being lonely or not experiencing something other kids do with siblings. She is in school full time and I know she will always have lots of friends.
For us it was a lot about just knowing that it what we wanted but there of course were other reasons as a bonus. Money being one of them, having our time to devote only to her and the ease of just 1 child. We are going to buy a beach condo and with only one child it is something we can do, if we had another that money would not be there.
I am sure there will be times when she feels lonely but there is also no guarantee that she will be close to her siblings if she had any.
And like unclejesse said there are some really good positive articles out there about only children. I will try to find a couple I love and link them for you.
A is so independent, and really likes her own space. I always say that she is the perfect candidate to be an only child.
We were on the fence until my husband got diagnosed with MS. That really sealed the deal for us. It's a possibility that some day, he won't be able to work full-time, or at all. I know I can give support the three of us.
With one child, we can do all the things we want to with, and for, her. With two, a lot of things we want for her wouldn't be possible.
She has two (almost 3 - one due in March) cousins, and they are all within 3 years of each other. We spend SO much time with them. Plus, she is in school full-time, so she has friends there. We do activities with other kids. So, she has plenty of interaction with other kids.
I know my thoughts aren't well-written this morning. Sorry!
Post by creamsiclechica on Jan 29, 2015 9:00:27 GMT -5
I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and hoping you find some peace in a difficult and heartbreaking situation. I am so sorry that things did not work out they way you wanted, especially after so much. I know I don't belong in here, but I just wanted to send you some love when you're hurting. Big hugs, sweetie.
Post by rubber pants on Jan 29, 2015 9:04:39 GMT -5
One and done.
Sometimes I'm sad about it but other times I think "she's healthy, happy, thriving, smart, potty trainer, eats and sleeps". We count our blessings and she will have plenty of friends and cousins to play with.
We want our lives back. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I am so sorry your FET didn't work. Infertility sucks.
We don't necessarily want to be one and done, but we had infertility struggles while conceiving K. We are going to try for another one early next year, but if it doesn't happen easily, we could be one and done since I do not want to go through IVF. I had always imagined having 2 kids, but I've been coming to terms with possibly only having one (awesome) child.
I'm so sorry your FET didn't work. We also did IVF(3) and one FET to have M, so I can relate to the physical, emotional and monetary toll it takes on you. I ended up miraculously getting pregnant on my own the December before last, had no idea and miscarried. Turned out that I had choriocarcinoma(so the mc was most likely a good thing for me) and while the odds are not high that I would get it with another pregnancy, they are there. We recently came to the decision to not transfer our last two embryos after a bunch of conversations and soul searching. I still have moments of sadness about being one and done. However, as time goes by I feel more at peace with the decision.
So many, many hugs to you (((totallyloco))) Please feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk, vent or anything at all.
I just wanted to give you hugs. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to deal with - especially since the decision was not ultimately up to you. I hope you are able to find peace with it.
((hugs)) I'm sorry for your loss and for all the heartache in this thread. I'm sure your son and everyone here with an only will have a wonderful life because of the caliber of mother that they have.