How would you classify your marriage right now?

[fryjack2]

How would you classify your marriage?

1.  Its amazing. We are best friends and laugh all day.

2. Its great but not as good as when we were engaged/first married.

3. Not great, but nothing wrong.

4. Good, but looking forward to when the kids are older and life is less chaotic.

5. Eh. We coexist and need to relight the spark.

6. Coexist and I don't care to light the spark.

7. Should be divorced but its one more thing to do.

8. Not married.

9. SS

[dixeedeluxe]

Good, looking forward to when the kids are a bit older and life is less chaotic.

It's not the kids age though. It's my mental health issues and our living situation. So sub out "kids are a bit older" for those things.

I wish we had more sex. But right now I'm dealing with some issues and it's just not happening. I know it's just a little roadblock and I hope once I get used to SSRIs I'll have a little drive back. I'm only 4 weeks in.

I also think when we move and get a stable living situation, it'll be better.

[TrudyCampbell]

Honestly, very good. We should be having more sex, and we have been slacking in the romance dept (both of us forgot to get cards for our anniversary etc), but besides that I would say our marriage has gotten stronger since having children.

[rjamz]

SS? It's great, but looking forward to when residency is over and we have more time to spend together.

ETA: like TrudyCampbell our marriage has gotten stronger since having J. We're more of a "team" now

[alicia45]

Interestingly enough, dh's layoff has really helped our marriage. He's not super stressed out every day and he's not griping about how awful his job is. We've been fixing up our house with the things we already have. Like, moving around furniture, making A a playroom, redoing the guest bathroom with old things but making them look new again, stuff like that. We've used our zoo membership and museum membership every week to take A out for family days. So, we've been spending a ton of time together and A actually prefers him now. YES!!! See what happens dh, when you're home!?!

Life is good right now.

[sandj82110]

I'm having a hard time choosing, its great, but it's totally different than before kids and right now it's completly kid focused with little time for just us. I think we both just accept that it will be that way for a little while and when they're a little older it will become more about us.

So it's great, but looking forward to when they're older.

[jfh]

We're rocking our marriage. I'm incredulous that with two young kids we still manage to be on the same team. But TBH I credit a lot of it to the fact that my mom has helped us so much financially, so we've made our house a pleasant place to be (it wasn't when we bought it), we have house cleaners every week, we get Plated, etc. I feel like those stressors are the things that eat away at me. Like, if our house was filthy, I would be irritated every time he picked up the guitar. But since we've outsourced so many things, and he's so hands-on with the kids, I don't have much to be resentful about.

[melmon0417]

I chose the first one.

It's not perfect, but we are definitely best friends. He keeps me sane, even when he's driving me crazy. His job is so crazy right now, and I'm totally stressed at work all the time, but when we're laying in bed at night, we can talk and laugh and I feel better. I still stare at him and can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with him.

[lolaburns]

I think it's better than when we first got married. We have had some rocky roads through the years, for sure. I don't know what has exactly changed or why it is so different now but it feels like when we first started dating. When things were new and exciting. I think maybe that is what we both changed.... The monotonous routine we had become accustomed to. I like spontaneity more.

[helicase]

We need more "us" time. Right now, it's very kid focused and when the kids go to bed, we veg on the couch instead of interacting. After C weans, we're planning on a night/weekend away to reconnect.

[muppetinma]

We're somewhere between "Good" and "Co-existing," but hopefully there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Very little work to be had and lots of bills. Hopefully by April, we'll be in a much better place.

[imimahoney]

It's a combo of very good/amazing and good/I can't wait until life calms down. We don't have sex really but I'm pregnant so there's that plus we are renovating. Once life calms down we will solidly be in the amazing camp.

[sunshineluv]

Poof

[kistjenn]

Um, @therealmc said it best for my scenario.

[Deleted]

We are a great team, but man oh man do we need some "us" time. I also need to find my sex drive. I don't know where it went.

We wake up around 5:20 and are apart until 5. Then we feel like life needs to be about Thad. Then, we fall asleep. I don't know how to break that cycle. If we could get even just 15 minutes of just us time I think we would feel more energetic about life and our relationship.

[shevacc]

We definitely could use more time just us but we're generally in a good place. We both need to work on not taking stress out on each other. During the weeks we're both so drained and hardly get 5 minutes to talk in a day, but over the weekend we're talking and laughing together.

Our relationship has gotten stronger since having kids. Our goals for our family line up really well and we're usually on the same page when it comes to the kids. I look forward to more sleep and more us-time down the road.

[fryjack2]

I may be feeling more feelings about this today because I'm in a eh place (about myself) these days, but I'm going to put this out there. PDQ.

H is my best friend, in the sense that I share a lot with him and he is an awesome support person to me. But, he is not particularly funny or extroverted or very talkative. Sometimes I miss those characteristics in a person that I spend so much time with. Like, the chaos of life with the boys might be easier for me if I wasn't usually the only one making jokes about it or if he initiated more random conversations instead of being so wrapped up in work. Or if his personality wasn't as serious.

When we got engaged, I knew that having an emotionally fulfilling partner mattered more to me than having a husband who was the life of the party. But sometimes, I wish my life was more of a mutually made party. H was very sensitive to our different personalities and even questioned if I would be happy with someone like him long term. I am, I just need to get myself in a better place.

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic for my carefree 20s and our life pre-kids. LOL.

[Regina Philange]

I can't really click any option. Our marriage is very good, but we definitely don't laugh all day long. Haha there is too much stuff going on w us for that.We aren't having much sex because I had placenta previa and now I feel like a hippo. A lot of it is centered around Lou, but I don't want to wish away time when he's older. I love him very much, and our relationship has definitely gotten stronger since having children.

[fusion]

We're a really good team, but we have 3 under 5 right now so it's more stressful than it's ever been. I think it's only going to get better though. We've also been more intimate lately and once I can rehab and feel more physically attractive I know that will be even better. H is also in a completely new role at a new job now that could catapult him up, but it's way more stress than his old job. I have been doing a lot more for him to make life easier, and he has been appreciating it and reciprocating with putting in more effort when he is home. We FOR SURE still have a lot to work on - I need to nag less and he needs to be more tuned in to me when I am trying to communicate.

[bigapple]

Co-existing. We're not in a bad place per se, like we don't fight or anything, but we also just don't connect really. We're both so hectic with work, he travels all the time, neither of us has slept sufficiently in years, etc. so we just kind of go through the motions at home, like platonic roommates. I have zero tolerance (forget desire) for physical touch this pregnancy, so sex, cuddles, even hugs goodbye are nonexistent. 

When we actually hang out, we have a great time together, but usually we're operating in our own spheres. We need to make more time for each other, but I just don't know when. Having a kid who never sleeps means we never have any adult time together. By the time we finally get Carter down, I'm passing out myself.

ETA the kid thing has been such a huge adjustment for us.  We spent the first seven years of our relationship jetting off every weekend, partying all night every night, and generally basking in being incredibly social and responsibility-free.  Now the fun people we fell in love with are playing adult, and it's a totally different dynamic.  

[laurack]

hmm. I think it's good. But we don't "laugh all day" lol. I wasn't sure which to choose! I chose the "good but can't wait til kids are older" but even that's not really true. I don't want them to get older! MY BABIES!

I think we are good communicators which is huge. We are generally open and honest and realistic.

We could be having more sex. But that will come when the baby is sleeping better.

I think what really helps is that my husband is great with "helping". I mean I don't consider it helping that he does half the child care and half the chores, but I know that in a way I am actually lucky that that IS the case.

Also we are financially comfortable which is big, because finances are very stressful on a relationship. we aren't rich, but we can pay our bills and eat out sometimes and such. We don't have crippling debts or have to pinch the pennies/fight about money etc.

[Deleted]

The only real "issues" in our marriage is we need more sex now that I'm pregnant. We also love doing so many things together that are just hard or impossible with young kids. Traveling, hiking, road trips, etc are are favorite things, and they are just really hard to do now.

[laurack]

I often find my husband EXTREMELY annoying. Especially when he plays video games, or farts, or eats all my ice cream, or decides to go for a beer after work.

But I really admire him as a person. He is a very interesting, educated, funny man. He's great with kids. So if I step back I know that he's a great catch. We are well matched. I try to think of this when I want to murder him in the night for snoring and farting while I nurse the baby for the millionth time in a sleep deprived haze

[eddy]

I feel weird putting amazing, because that feels like too braggy of a word. But our marriage is better post kids.

We have so much fun together. And parenting is hard, but I feel like a team with him. During the tough times we just mock our children behind their backs and that makes it all seem better lol.  :-#

[Deleted]

I voted good, but it's more like pretty good.  Having 2 kids is tough when you are both exhausted.  We need to make more time for "us".  But we are doing pretty good. 

[dojo]

We have had our trials and tribulations. We are a significantly stronger team now than pre-kids. That said, I'm getting to the point in pregnancy where h is less attracted to me. I'm not hurt by it, I get it. Physical intimacy is very important to both of us so this was a strain on our connection last time. I am starting to feel it again.

[ktstorm]

I said good - looking forward to when things are less chaotic. We were in the habit of coexisting - getting B to bed, and then doing our own thing and not really interacting very much prior to E being born. As horrible as this sounds, we bought a tv for the basement a few weeks ago, (the other tv was in the living room right down the hall from B's room so we could never watch it at night), and being able to sit on the couch together and watch tv together at night has us much more connected. Before we would watch different shows on our iPads in different rooms. This is much better.

[carawestt]

It's very good. We argue occasionally but that's how we've always been. He really is my best friend and he completely gets me. I do look forward to when the boys are older so we can have more one on one time and dates, since it rarely happens now.

[Deleted]

I said great, but not as good as pre-kids. I think that's natural though. We don't fight that often and usually it's just me being mad at him for something stupid and it's over in a day. I was just thinking the other day though that it will probably change again when the baby comes like it did when B was born. Just lack of sleep and me resenting him.

[bigapple]

Jan 30, 2015 10:20:42 GMT -5 laurack said:

I often find my husband EXTREMELY annoying. Especially when he plays video games, or farts, or eats all my ice cream, or decides to go for a beer after work.

But I really admire him as a person. He is a very interesting, educated, funny man. He's great with kids. So if I step back I know that he's a great catch. We are well matched. I try to think of this when I want to murder him in the night for snoring and farting while I nurse the baby for the millionth time in a sleep deprived haze

This is where I am too.  My husband is a great guy: fun, loving, romantic, successful, attractive, interesting, etc.  I just have trouble remembering this when I'm home alone for the fourth night in a row and am still discovering errant socks.