Has your kid repeated a grade other than KG?

[Deleted]

Maybe Kindy counts too, IDK.

DH and I feel it would benefit SD to repeat the 8th grade. Is this something "easily" requested from her school? Do students have to show failure to be "eligible" to repeat a grade? I can't find anything about the subject on our city's school system web site. Thanks.

[moolarkey]

I would think she'd have to be failing in most of her classes before they'd consider it but I'd call the school counselor and ask. I think in most cases the school makes the recommendation to hold someone back and if they don't that the parents typically have to have really good reasons/fight the school to have it happen.

[CurlyQ284]

I'm assuming this is because of the language issues? I would schedule a meeting with the teacher and guidance counselor and talk to them about your concerns and see what they think. I wouldn't just request she repeat.

They may have other programs in place to get her where she needs to be.

ETA the school district where my mom works has special programs for ESL students. I'm not sure what is involved with the programs but I think they do some lessons in their native language while helping with their english and then they have some lessons with everyone else.

[dowagercountess]

1st! For social reasons.

And most often the school makes that decision. I would make an appointment with an administrator.

[Deleted]

I've sent an email to her guidance counselor saying we were interested in talking about options for her, including keeping her back. I am awaiting her reply.

[noradog]

This is a pretty big deal in the 8th grade. With all the other changes she has been through, I'd make certain that the school thought this was the best option. You really want to make it as easy as possible for her to feel like an part of a class/group and I'd be concerned that starting her in a new class would delay that even further.

[dottyblue]

I would NOT do this unless if she is clearly failing classes (which is sounds like she isn't). What is your thought process here?

The older the kid gets, the more impact being held back has. There is a HUGE difference socially and emotionally being held back in 1st grade than in 8th, when she should be making the transition to high school.

[kwx2]

How is making her stay behind a benefit? I agree with the others, if is just the language thing, I would leave it alone. It takes more than 6 months for someone to acclimate to this new environment. If her grades are decent, I wouldn't touch this one with a ten foot pole.

[sequins]

We moved every couple of years because of my father's job. If I had to repeat a grade, it would have wrecked with my confidence on top of other already difficult social and academic adjustments. Especially 8th grade where peer approval is a big deal.

Why do you want to keep her back? Is she failing? Doing poorly in certain subjects?

[Deleted]

Jan 30, 2015 12:45:21 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Is she failing her classes?

Because she is an  ESL student, she is graded on an S/U basis. Overall, she is receiving S's. She has failed all tests and quizzes, has a D average for daily classwork and an A- for homework, most likely because she receives help completing it.

[pantsparty]

Have you asked her about it?

I would have been mortified to repeat a grade at that age. There is an obvious stigma on being held back the older you get.

[rosiebear]

I have a 7th grader and a 9th grader. Both of them would feel absolutely horrible about being held back. It's a huge social stigma and so very public. Getting an extra tutor or aide in school, or even being pulled for special help in certain subjects are things they are accustomed to seeing, and it's not that big of a deal. But actually being held back? HUGE. There are so so so many other ways to get her help. Does she even have an IEP? Does she need one?

I swear, OP, every time you post about this girl I get a sinking feeling in my stomach.

[themysteriouswife]

This sounds like a school and adjustment issue. They need to support her better on the ESL area. The girl was just plucked from everything she has known for her entire life. Now she is here and being set up to fail. Instead of trying to hold her back, get a tutor. Ask for modifications. Work with her teachers. Reevaluate in May.

[lulu13]

I don't know the background here but why aren't you giving any details? Is she failing her classes or not? If she is there is still time to get her in to tutoring to get her on the right track.

[game blouses]

Agree on the tutor. Maybe a college girl who speaks the language could be a nice mentor for her as well. It's much less disruptive than repeating a grade.

[noradog]

Jan 30, 2015 12:54:14 GMT -5 @damnation said:

Jan 30, 2015 12:45:21 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Is she failing her classes?

Because she is an  ESL student, she is graded on an S/U basis. Overall, she is receiving S's. She has failed all tests and quizzes, has a D average for daily classwork and an A- for homework, most likely because she receives help completing it.

This isn't bad though.  She is receiving Satisfactory marks.  Failing some assessments is part of adjusting.  Accepting and using the help that is being offered for homework is awesome!  Do not minimize her success with that due to assistance!  Really praise that she is succeeding in the homework realm, which at that age and with that many changes says a lot.  That's usually an area where you see kids give up because it requires continued work and isn't done at the time it's assigned.  

[Mrs. ChanandlerBong]

Jan 30, 2015 12:54:14 GMT -5 @damnation said:

Jan 30, 2015 12:45:21 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Is she failing her classes?

Because she is an  ESL student, she is graded on an S/U basis. Overall, she is receiving S's. She has failed all tests and quizzes, has a D average for daily classwork and an A- for homework, most likely because she receives help completing it.

In addition to family therapy have you considered finding a individual therapist for her that is fluent in her native language?  So she can safely vent and/or try to navigate her feelings about this whole thing?
Especially if this move was a decision made for her without her input?

[lulu13]

So she's getting all satisfactories which would indicate that she does not need to be held back. What's with the sabotage?

[underwaterrhymes]

I feel so bad for your SD.

Please, @damnation, pay attention to what people are telling you. I feel like you're ignoring what needs to happen here because you feel attacked. But people are actually giving you very constructive suggestions on how to get through this as a family, while helping your SD.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

When did she start school? I think the school would facilitate the process of repeating grades.

[Deleted]

Jan 30, 2015 12:39:36 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

I'm assuming this is because of the language issues?  

ETA the school district where my mom works has special programs for ESL students. I'm not sure what is involved with the programs but I think they do some lessons in their native language while helping with their english and then they have some lessons with everyone else.

Well, language barriers and the overall belief that school is optional. Not sure if I'm stating that correctly but she struggles with understanding how important education is, that going to school really is something that every child does and that it's pretty much the law. She's always been able to go to school when she wanted to but had also had years in which she did not attend for weeks or months at a time.

She is in the school's ESL program but does not receive lessons or tutoring in Spanish. English only.

[joenali]

Is she receiving ELL support?

[Monica Geller]

As a middle school teacher, my heart is breaking for your SD. Please give her time to adjust and resources for success and counseling for all of you. She cannot just become an "American" middle school student instantly.

[themysteriouswife]

Education will never be important if you do not support her. You are finding every little thing to bitch about.

[pugz]

there is a huge stigma for being held back at any age, but in later grades it's going to be much much worse for her socially.

I think you need to give it more time and you ABSOLUTELY should be in family therapy right now to learn how to cope with these challenges. There is no excuse for not getting professional help

[lulu13]

Jan 30, 2015 13:10:19 GMT -5 @damnation said:

Jan 30, 2015 12:39:36 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

I'm assuming this is because of the language issues?  

ETA the school district where my mom works has special programs for ESL students. I'm not sure what is involved with the programs but I think they do some lessons in their native language while helping with their english and then they have some lessons with everyone else.

Well, language barriers and the overall belief that school is optional. Not sure if I'm stating that correctly but she struggles with understanding how important education is, that going to school really is something that every child does and that it's pretty much the law. She's always been able to go to school when she wanted to but had also had years in which she did not attend for weeks or months at a time.

She is in the school's ESL program but does not receive lessons or tutoring in Spanish. English only.

Would you be able to just flip a switch and step in line under new norms and a totally new system? How long would it take you?

[gretchenindisguise]

I'm curious to hear the motivation to have her repeat. Is it solely grades based?

At 8th grade - I'd do anything in my power to not have her repeat. That'd include family therapy, Spanish speaking individual therapy for her, and a tutor. I'd probably actually hold off on the tutor until the summer and see how much the therapy helps. I assume you think she's bright enough for the work, so she needs time for adjustment.

Put yourself in her shoes. Really truly try to imagine yourself moving to a new country, new home, new family, new language, new culture, new school and schooling system. What would help you cope with these things? I'm sure you're already doing so much for her, and it's a huge burden on you. And it will continue to be, but it will lessen and it will lessen fastest if you give her the support she needs.

[adhdfashion]

Dude the school year isn't even over. You haven't done summer school. Or tried a private tutor.
I am throwing you some major side eye. Holding it kid back at that age is a last resort.

[Deleted]

I think you should totally have her repeat 8th grade because it is your goal for her to hate you and hate this new country.

It's a great way to achieve that goal.

[joenali]

Jan 30, 2015 13:10:19 GMT -5 @damnation said:

Jan 30, 2015 12:39:36 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

I'm assuming this is because of the language issues?  

ETA the school district where my mom works has special programs for ESL students. I'm not sure what is involved with the programs but I think they do some lessons in their native language while helping with their english and then they have some lessons with everyone else.

Well, language barriers and the overall belief that school is optional. Not sure if I'm stating that correctly but she struggles with understanding how important education is, that going to school really is something that every child does and that it's pretty much the law. She's always been able to go to school when she wanted to but had also had years in which she did not attend for weeks or months at a time.

She is in the school's ESL program but does not receive lessons or tutoring in Spanish. English only.

It should be English only. That's how she is going to learn. Don't hold her back. It's hard to learn English as an older student. Have some patience. Also, her gen ed. Teachers should also be giving her support in the classroom. If they don't know how to support her they should speak with an ELL teacher to learn some ELL strategies they could use in the classroom.