Could you do this? Re: Gender

[sunshine239]

This is number 3 for us. We found out with both our first two at the 20 week a/s (we have one boy and one girl). My husband always wanted to have a delivery room surprise but I pressured him both times into finding out.

This one, he's holding strong that he just doesn't want to know. He said I could find out but not tell him and not tell anyone else so it didn't get back to him (our relatives especially are not really good secret-keepers which i agree with him about ).

Now I'm kind of feeling pressured into not find out as well just  because I don't know if I could hold such a big secret in! I know we have one of each but to me the gender is still a big deal to me! 

what do you think, could you do this if you were leaning towards finding out but your DH absolutely didn't want to know?

[runblondie26]

Oh man, I wouldn't be able to hold the secret in.

[noodleoo]

Nope, there is no way that I could know and not tell anyone or buy stuff in pink/blue, etc. There is no way I could keep it a secret. So if he doesn't want to know, I think you have to go along with him and not find out until the end. And I do think it is fair for him to want you to do that since he found out both times before since that's what you wanted.

[sunshine239]

Jan 30, 2015 12:37:33 GMT -5 sunshine239 said:

This is number 3 for us. We found out with both our first two at the 20 week a/s (we have one boy and one girl). My husband always wanted to have a delivery room surprise but I pressured him both times into finding out.

This one, he's holding strong that he just doesn't want to know. He said I could find out but not tell him and not tell anyone else so it didn't get back to him (our relatives especially are not really good secret-keepers which i agree with him about ).

Now I'm kind of feeling pressured into not find out as well just  because I don't know if I could hold such a big secret in! I know we have one of each but to me the gender is still a big deal to me! 

what do you think, could you do this if you were leaning towards finding out but your DH absolutely didn't want to know?

To clarify - he doesn't seem to want me not to find out - he actually said he doesn't want me not to find out only because he isn't. He just doesn't want me to tell him....  

[miamigirl]

Mmmm. I don't think I could keep the secret! I think I wouldn't find out.
You got your way with the first two kids, he can have his delivery room surprise wirh this one, right?

[kellsbelles]

This is kind of the situation we are in but opposite. I don't want to find out and my H does. I figured there is no way we could go another 20 weeks without him, his mom or some random family member letting it slip and I would find out that way. So we are finding out together after our anatomy scan on Monday. But as a comprosmise we aren't telling anyone the babies name until after the birth.

[sunshine239]

Jan 30, 2015 12:43:14 GMT -5 @pennypie said:

I would really want to hold the secret in, but I'd totally slip and use the pronoun accidentally. Or be really involved in finding a name for one sex and not the other and be obvious.

I mostly refer to the baby as "the baby" or "the kiddo" or "it" still, but I do use "he" a lot too. I wouldn't want that pressure on me about 'ruining' the surprise.

 crap this is a good point about the name. Especially because one gender I think we're pretty agreed upon and the other gender we each hate every name the other has suggested.

[pooh8402]

There's no way I'd be able to keep the secret.

[sunshine239]

Jan 30, 2015 12:48:42 GMT -5 miamigirl said:

Mmmm. I don't think I could keep the secret! I think I wouldn't find out.
You got your way with the first two kids, he can have his delivery room surprise wirh this one, right?

I want him to have his surprise I just don't think I can make it! If I can't though I have to not ruin it. Maybe I could slip up on purpose both ways and then just utterly confuse him and that way if i slipped up for real it wouldn't matter?

[runblondie26]

Jan 30, 2015 12:48:11 GMT -5 sunshine239 said:

To clarify - he doesn't seem to want me not to find out - he actually said he doesn't want me not to find out only because he isn't. He just doesn't want me to tell him....  

Do you have a lot of gender neutral clothing? Since you knew the sex of the first 2, I bet you have a lot of pink and blue. We're in the same boat. I think I have like 3 yellow sleepers, lol. It would make not finding out this time tricky.

[christy082]

I would probably slip up and use the pronoun if I knew.

[nmosrob]

I would never be able to keep that secret. I'm good at keeping other people's secrets, but not my own. Even with our baby, we found out what she was but didn't want to tell anyone until after we told my parents that we were pregnant, since they were pretty much the last ones to know. I was texting my friend a great sonogram pic, and accidentally mentioned 'her hand' in the picture, and my friend text back saying Are you having a girl?? I was like, wtf, how does she know? Oops, it's so easy to slip.

[Deleted]

I have the worst poker face on the planet (ironic;) ). My husband would know by the end of the day just by my face.

If you want to wait for him, that's cool. Small sacrifice for you to make him happy.

Thankfully my husband is even more type A than me, so both immediately said we wanted to find out, ha!

[achi]

Honestly, I would just wait. He's given you what you wanted for two, so I'd just go along with his wishes this time. You already have one of each so it's not like you need to stock up on a bunch of opposite gender clothes.

I know that I would not be able to keep the secret and would probably blurt it out somehow over the coming months.

[dearprudence]

Personally, I don't think I could keep it a secret. I'd end up buying something gendered, or slipping on the pronoun, or using the name or something. Did you guys keep the pregnancy secret during the first trimester? I know it seemed like forever to wait and tell people, and that was only 9 weeks. I don't think I could sit on something for 20.

BUT, one of my best friends did exactly what you're suggesting. Her ultrasound tech spoke French, so they ended up talking about the baby's sex in French so she would know and her husband wouldn't ("should I paint the room the color of candy or the color of the ocean?"). And she kept it a secret the entire time.

[centralsquare]

Nope.

[sunshine239]

Jan 30, 2015 12:54:16 GMT -5 runblondie26 said:

Jan 30, 2015 12:48:11 GMT -5 sunshine239 said:

To clarify - he doesn't seem to want me not to find out - he actually said he doesn't want me not to find out only because he isn't. He just doesn't want me to tell him....  

Do you have a lot of gender neutral clothing? Since you knew the sex of the first 2, I bet you have a lot of pink and blue. We're in the same boat. I think I have like 3 yellow sleepers, lol. It would make not finding out this time tricky.

I have lots of girl clothes but not boy since my boy is over 5 and I gave away a lot of his clothes.

[5oclocksomewhere]

There is no way I could keep my big mouth shut, and I commend anyone who can! hahaha

[estrellita]

I don't think I could keep the secret. I would probably wait personally!

[runblondie26]

Jan 30, 2015 13:43:10 GMT -5 sunshine239 said:

Jan 30, 2015 12:54:16 GMT -5 runblondie26 said:

Do you have a lot of gender neutral clothing? Since you knew the sex of the first 2, I bet you have a lot of pink and blue. We're in the same boat. I think I have like 3 yellow sleepers, lol. It would make not finding out this time tricky.

I have lots of girl clothes but not boy since my boy is over 5 and I gave away a lot of his clothes.

Gothcha. I'd have a hard time not wanting to sort and pull things out of storage in preparation, if you were holding onto a bunch of both.

[lillaguma]

No, I don't think I could keep the secret. That would be really difficult, I think! I'd wait to find out with him.

[Velar Fricative]

No way could I not slip up.

I agree with the pp that I would go along with the delivery surprise since you found out for the first two and he really wants the delivery surprise experience. I would absolutely not risk ruining that surprise for him. You might be annoyed at having to wait the extra time to find out but the annoyance will be a distant memory once the baby is born.

[starburst]

I wouldn't be able to do it. I'd slip up and use the pronoun. Plus for me one of the reasons I wanted to find out was so I could plan, pick a name, and buy stuff. If I had to keep it a secret from my H, I wouldn't be able to do any of those things.

[fayeelle]

As hard as it is just wait it out. You both found out with the other two so why not be surprised with the third?

[achi]

Jan 30, 2015 14:44:12 GMT -5 oceanspray said:

Jan 30, 2015 12:50:23 GMT -5 sunshine239 said:

I want him to have his surprise I just don't think I can make it! If I can't though I have to not ruin it. Maybe I could slip up on purpose both ways and then just utterly confuse him and that way if i slipped up for real it wouldn't matter?

Really?

My thoughts exactly.

OP - your husband let you have what you want both times. As a PP said, the whole point of finding out the sex is to pick a name, plan, paint the nursery, etc. etc. You just said yourself that you couldn't hold the secret in so play along and let him have what he wants this one time. Please don't scheme to slip up on purpose.

[meltoine]

MH and I are opposite you. He always wants to know and I dont. He could never hold it in as he is an awful secret keeper, so this arrangement would not work for us. If our roles were reversed, however, I could do it. I'm a much better liar than he.

[anna7602]

Jan 30, 2015 14:16:49 GMT -5 runblondie26 said:

Jan 30, 2015 13:43:10 GMT -5 sunshine239 said:

I have lots of girl clothes but not boy since my boy is over 5 and I gave away a lot of his clothes.

Gothcha. I'd have a hard time not wanting to sort and pull things out of storage in preparation, if you were holding onto a bunch of both.

Team Green for #2 over here. A good friend came over when DS was a week old to sort DD's stored clothing and put it into boxes so I could give it away to friends. In the meantime, I had three friends with boys on alert that I would want their clothes if I had a boy myself. I had all the clothes at my house before DS turned 2 weeks old.

These are not insurmountable issues. I would wait until birth to find out the baby's sex.

[EllieT]

BIL and SIL found out with their first but didn't want to tell anyone. In literally the two first conversations we had with them after their u/s the slupped up twice and said something like'when he's born' or 'for him'

First time ithappened I just thought hmmmm but nothing else. Second time it happened I guess I gave DH a quick sideways glance which they caught cause next thing they're all crap you noticed that. And I said yeah this is your second slip.
Now they are expecting no 2 and this time they didn't even try to keep it a secret. Both times they've also been keeping the name a secret but I'm pretty sure I know what this little girl will be named since they've slipped on that a few times too. I haven't told them I know though.

[rugbywife]

So we found out for DD because it was important to me and we are not finding out for #2 because it is important to DH.

People suggested I find out and not tell him but I wasn't ok with that. A surprise is a surprise, I want to honour what he wants, just as he honoured what I wanted last time.

I was initially very concerned with all the details I wouldn't be able to plan for but in time I got over it.

[curbsideprophet]

I would not find out and be team green for DH.

We were team green with the first and I loved it. That was basically my choice. With the second DH wanted to find out so I went with what he wanted.