Ultrasound a week after the first shows only two days of growth. Spotting was heavier today and slightly redder. Blood test says numbers went down from last week. They keep telling me it is early and all this doesn't necessarily mean bad news, though it isn't great. I don't think they would lie just to make me feel better, but it all sounds like pretty terrible news to me. DH is really sick and is having trouble sleeping due to illness and anxiety about missing work, so I don't feel like I can add to his anxiety right now. I'm just trying really hard to operate as normal in all aspects of my life, and these two weeks and next week are incredibly busy and involve being around people constantly. What I really want to do is go home and be alone and cry a lot.
Post by dearprudence on Jan 30, 2015 18:28:42 GMT -5
Limbo is the worst.
I do think you're right that they wouldn't lie to you, but it is so hard to make determinations this early on. Everything is so small, and so much can change in a day.
Thanks everyone. I feel like I am being dramatic. I could handle this better if H was healthy and I wasn't so freaking busy. It is better for me to take my mind of it, there is nothing whatsoever I can do before next Friday. I understand why you think I should talk to H, but not wanting to give him more to worry about was only one side of it. He has anxiety issues and while it has been months since he had a panic attack, he had two this week due to being sick and worries about work. i know he would try really hard to be there for me, but there was a chance I would end up taking care of him instead. I really don't feel equipped for that at the moment. But he seems like he is ok right now and feeling a lot better, so I'll talk to him tonight.
Started bleeding pretty heavily this morning, so that is about it I guess. It has stopped now, but the evidence is pretty overwhelming at this point, so there is nothing to do but wait. The 2% of hope is not helping, but that is just human nature I guess. I hope I'll be back soon. Thank you for all your help, advice, and comfort in these past few weeks.
Post by aprilsails on Jan 31, 2015 18:16:44 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to see your update. Please take care of yourself and know that the sadness will come in waves. I hope you feel better soon and are back with us as soon as possible.