any successful DIY divorces here?

[Deleted]

We have not made the final decision, both in therapy, etc but I have to prepare & plan...I suspect we'd be good candidates for a DIY without attorneys.

No kids, finances were never merged, we can each support ourselves.

He's the big income earner so I'd be taking a step back - which is fine, I can support myself.  We're both on the deed but only he is on the loan; I have no problem taking my name off the deed and moving out - I really want nothing to do with this house.

I'm a little scared about trying to buy my own place but I'm thinking it's doable.  I think he'll let me take whatever I want.

Is a DIY divorce a dumb idea?  I wouldn't want any surprises once the divorce is final and would hate to think he's only being nice & agreeable until things are signed.

Any advice for me?  I have already taken steps to minimize my outgoing cash and build up a cushion.

[1confused1]

I wish. But, sadly, no. I'm about $100K in (highly highly contested).

I think it can be done if you are amicable and have an open line of communication. If you don't think there will be any surprises then I don't think there's no reason to try.

[jigsy]

We did ours without any lawyers...but o wouldn't be so quick to dismiss what you should get...make sure you get your half!

[cuddlyevil]

My friend did hers herself. He gave her all she asked for. She did the paperwork and paid court costs.

[gingery]

We did ours ourselves and we have 1 child. We were very amicable and it all worked out fine.

[spedrunner]

I did it myself. It was pretty easy but everything was in my name and no children involved

[pinkdutchtulips]

another DIYer - no joint assets, i'm not seeking child support, custody is as outlined in the restraining order/criminal protective order. he was served with petition and failed to respond so i took his default. i expect it to be granted in the next month or so and our divorce would be finalized by the end of March or shortly after that.

all i'm in are the court costs and process server fees.

eta - i'm a paralegal by trade so i understood the legal process already and filled out my own paperwork. i had one of the attys i work for who does pro bono fam law for a local military base review it for me to make sure it was all in order.

[MauMau]

Nope. I hired because I didn't trust my ex basically using Legalzoom to create settlement papers that gave me zero. Nice try buddy. However, he is an abusive piece of shit. Something that is starting amicably then I'm sure it's possible. Even then I would maybe do a consultation with a lawyer. So if I needed to hire in the future I would be ready.

[alleinesein]

Mine was mostly DIY although I did use a divorce attorney to write up the separation agreement and to make sure I got all of the appropriate paperwork filed.

Depending on the state you might be able to do a short form divorce.

If you are parting ways amicably you can both see the same attorney or mediator to take care of all of the paperwork and to draw up your separation agreement. Its much cheaper than both of you hiring an attorney and while it does cost a bit more than going the DIY route it might be worth it just to make sure that you are both protected.

I think that @buckybells did hers DIY in Iowa.

[marigoldgirl]

I am in Washington state and we did it ourselves. We had one older (16 year old) child, still at home, a few assets, a house, and some debt. We were married 24 years. We agreed to everything, printed out the paperwork turned it in. I paid the court fees because I wanted the divorce. It was easy because neither one of us wanted to spend money on lawyers.

[Deleted]

I had an uncontested divorce.  No property or children. I found the cheapest lawyer that I could for the bare minimal.  It was $1400.  I paid her, she gave me all papers..we signed, she filed..the end.  I'm sure I could have done DIY, but going to court is such a hassle.  I never had to see a courtroom.  When papers were complete I picked them up from her.

[tiffany81]

I did our divorce - all the paperwork is online and user friendly in my state.

We had lots of joint assets and a child. But we both agreed and I wrote the terms into all of the documents. It was a breeze and cost us roughly $400 in filing fees.

But ditto the prior poster who said to make sure you get your half. You can quit claim the deed, but does he maybe owe equity? You can have a realtor tell you what the house could realisticly sell for - minus out the transaction costs - minus out the loan - and split the difference.

[Deleted]

I did mine, I forgot now but I think it was around or just under $200 total for all the filings and stuff. Very easy. But we had been married less than 4 years, had no joint assets or debt (we cleared up the debt and sold our house before the divorce finalized), and basically just had nothing we needed to divide. We each kept our own debts (car loan and some CC debt, each without the other's name on it) and I kept my retirement account.

It's been 1.5 years and so far nothing has come back to bite me, unless you could owing $1800 to the IRS for unclaimed income that I knew nothing about at the time. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that even if I had a lawyer to do the divorce, that wouldn't have been written into the decree since I didn't know it was an issue that could even happen.

I wouldn't go this route if you had any disagreements, major assets to split, or a child. I am not sure I agree that you should walk away with lower money, either. Even if he doesn't pay alimony, the lower earner should maybe get some more assets or whatever to offset the loss of income.

[verycontrary247]

Feb 1, 2015 0:32:09 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

I had an uncontested divorce.  No property or children. I found the cheapest lawyer that I could for the bare minimal.  It was $1400.  I paid her, she gave me all papers..we signed, she filed..the end.  I'm sure I could have done DIY, but going to court is such a hassle.  I never had to see a courtroom.  When papers were complete I picked them up from her.

This was my situation, except it only cost like $700, which exH and I split, as documented in our separation agreement.

[Deleted]

Jan 31, 2015 19:17:51 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I wish. But, sadly, no. I'm about $100K in (highly highly contested).

I think it can be done if you are amicable and have an open line of communication. If you don't think there will be any surprises then I don't think there's no reason to try.

Oh my gosh, that is horrific, I'm so sorry.

I am glad to see the other responses with good experiences and feedback.  Thank you.

[1confused1]

Feb 1, 2015 12:11:41 GMT -5 @blushnbashful said:

Jan 31, 2015 19:17:51 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I wish. But, sadly, no. I'm about $100K in (highly highly contested).

I think it can be done if you are amicable and have an open line of communication. If you don't think there will be any surprises then I don't think there's no reason to try.

Oh my gosh, that is horrific, I'm so sorry.

I am glad to see the other responses with good experiences and feedback.  Thank you.

Thanks.  It is what it is unfortunately.

Good luck!!

[onedayatatime]

We did it diy - except using a lawyer to read the decree and give feedback and then to draw up the deed transfer of the house.

We did have joint bank accounts, mortgage and a car loan but everything else (credit cards, retirement accounts) was separate. No kids The agreement of how to divide assets was easy for us. If we hadn't agreed I would have gotten a lawyer.

[Deleted]

Your ex MAY have to refinance the house, to keep you totally free and clear, title-wise. I am now involved in my ex's foreclosure action, b/c of some stupid statute that says since he was married to me at the time of the house purchase, I hold some interest in the property. Which would be great if we disputed the property - we didn't, I moved out. And even though I resigned all title and interest in our divorce, the mortgage company and court don't see it that way. Just make sure you cover your ass, in case your ex decides to not pay his bills. (grumble)

[itsme]

I did mine DIY. We had one child but no assets. We had cars but I split all that up in the court paperwork. We agreed on everything and it was an easy-ish process. The hardest part was figuring out how to fill out the paperwork properly but the clerks were helpful.

[starryfish]

We did DIY, but unfortunately my XH changed some documents after i signed (like checking a box) and some other shady stuff. I thought I could trust him but he was super shady. He owes me $5k which i know i wont see. So I would be cautious....I should have (but couldnt bc I had just moved to a new county and they required u to live there for 60 days before filing) filed myself, so that way he could not change the documents.

[btay]

Feb 1, 2015 0:32:09 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

I had an uncontested divorce.  No property or children. I found the cheapest lawyer that I could for the bare minimal.  It was $1400.  I paid her, she gave me all papers..we signed, she filed..the end.  I'm sure I could have done DIY, but going to court is such a hassle.  I never had to see a courtroom.  When papers were complete I picked them up from her.

This is what stbxh and I are planning to do.  Neither of us is all that great with ppwk and I want to make sure it's done right, but we already agree on how to split everything.

[brewco]

We did about 90% DIY - we separated all bank accounts and belongings amicably but XH had a large amount of consumer debt and an interest only mortgage (a house he owned for 7 years before we started dating) and I had student loans so we filled out the paperwork, had a mediator review it for completeness then I filed it and paid the fee. I think we paid $250 total between filing fees and a mediator reviewing the paperwork.

[shauniemae]

DIY divorce here - no children, no shared property. Much of the debt was shared, and if I had to do it again, I would work that out differently. However, all it took was completing paperwork I printed from our state website, gathering some of XH's information, and keeping him aware of the court stuff. I did that so he would show up Once it was all said and done, it took both of us to show up at a court hearing, answer the judge's questions, and done.

The fees were a total of less than $200 in court/filing costs.

[DirtySouth]

Only do this if you have nothing to lose (no assets and no kids). If you have any assets, which means you also can scrape together $1,500 to have a lawyer draft your divorce documents, then it's definitely worth it to have an attorney draft everything and get it finalized. If you represent yourself but have joint assets (or debts!), it could seem to go smoothly and then really bite you in the ass years down the road.

I represented myself in two divorces. In the second I was a divorce attorney and knew what I was doing. However, in the first I wasn't yet an attorney and didn't know what the hell I was doing. In that divorce, we literally had nothing of value. Our settlement agreement was like, you take the plastic drawers from Target and I get the couch we bought off of Craigslist. In that situation, I had nothing to lose if I screwed something up.

[Deleted]

Jan 31, 2015 19:28:49 GMT -5 jigsy said:

We did ours without any lawyers...but o wouldn't be so quick to dismiss what you should get...make sure you get your half!

Thank you for this.   My therapist said the same thing and I've been thinking a lot about it.  My natural tendency is to avoid confrontation and just go with the flow but I think you're both right.

I'm going to get an attorney's opinion of my situation and then hopefully we can still proceed toward mediation.

[moonlight]

Jan 31, 2015 19:13:25 GMT -5 @blushnbashful said:

We have not made the final decision, both in therapy, etc but I have to prepare & plan...I suspect we'd be good candidates for a DIY without attorneys.

No kids, finances were never merged, we can each support ourselves.

He's the big income earner so I'd be taking a step back - which is fine, I can support myself.  We're both on the deed but only he is on the loan; I have no problem taking my name off the deed and moving out - I really want nothing to do with this house.

I'm a little scared about trying to buy my own place but I'm thinking it's doable.  I think he'll let me take whatever I want.

Is a DIY divorce a dumb idea?  I wouldn't want any surprises once the divorce is final and would hate to think he's only being nice & agreeable until things are signed.

Any advice for me?  I have already taken steps to minimize my outgoing cash and build up a cushion.

This is what we did. No kids but we did have a house together. I didn't want any part of it so he refinanced in his name only and I signed a quit claim deed. His house, his mortgage, his problem. 

That said, I did have my lawyer friend write up the paperwork for us, but I lucked out in that aspect. I know most people don't have anything like that at their disposal. I don't know that I would feel comfortable without some sort of professional opinion, even if it was uncontested. 

The other thing was that we both worked and in eight years of marriage, we never combined our money. We each had our own car and our own pension. We signed off on each others' stuff. 

As far as the rest of it, I probably let him have more than he deserved. My parents thought I should fight him for the several thousand dollars I had contributed to the downpayment of our first house, but the way I figured it, he was only being so cordial since he was making out like a bandit (he hated me because I was the one who wanted the divorce...and because he's a huge, whiny baby). As soon as I asked for anything substantial, he was going to hire a lawyer and fight me. The way it was, my divorce was free. XH graciously paid the court filing fees, and my lawyer friend didn't charge. I didn't want to have to come up with thousands of dollars for a lawyer to fight XH over a few thousand dollars. I just wanted to be done. 

I was already over most of the furniture and stuff in our house. I took the dining room set and the laptop. He kept everything else. Two years later and I own my own condo. I love it. I had no idea how I was going to make it but I did. I rented an apartment for a year and then bought and started from scratch with my decor. Divorce was the best thing I ever did. 

[moonlight]

Feb 2, 2015 9:38:48 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Your ex MAY have to refinance the house, to keep you totally free and clear, title-wise. I am now involved in my ex's foreclosure action, b/c of some stupid statute that says since he was married to me at the time of the house purchase, I hold some interest in the property. Which would be great if we disputed the property - we didn't, I moved out. And even though I resigned all title and interest in our divorce, the mortgage company and court don't see it that way. Just make sure you cover your ass, in case your ex decides to not pay his bills. (grumble)

We were both on the title and mortgage so he had to re-fi anyway, but they judge was very adamant about this exact thing. She kept continuing the case over this one point. It wasn't good enough that we had in the divorce paperwork that we were going to re-fi in his name. We had to have a bunch of back up plans in writing. We ended up just getting the re-fi and quit claim done before we went back to court. 

[Deleted]

Feb 5, 2015 1:57:27 GMT -5 moonlight said:

Jan 31, 2015 19:13:25 GMT -5 @blushnbashful said:

We have not made the final decision, both in therapy, etc but I have to prepare & plan...I suspect we'd be good candidates for a DIY without attorneys.

No kids, finances were never merged, we can each support ourselves.

He's the big income earner so I'd be taking a step back - which is fine, I can support myself.  We're both on the deed but only he is on the loan; I have no problem taking my name off the deed and moving out - I really want nothing to do with this house.

I'm a little scared about trying to buy my own place but I'm thinking it's doable.  I think he'll let me take whatever I want.

Is a DIY divorce a dumb idea?  I wouldn't want any surprises once the divorce is final and would hate to think he's only being nice & agreeable until things are signed.

Any advice for me?  I have already taken steps to minimize my outgoing cash and build up a cushion.

This is what we did. No kids but we did have a house together. I didn't want any part of it so he refinanced in his name only and I signed a quit claim deed. His house, his mortgage, his problem. 

That said, I did have my lawyer friend write up the paperwork for us, but I lucked out in that aspect. I know most people don't have anything like that at their disposal. I don't know that I would feel comfortable without some sort of professional opinion, even if it was uncontested. 

The other thing was that we both worked and in eight years of marriage, we never combined our money. We each had our own car and our own pension. We signed off on each others' stuff. 

As far as the rest of it, I probably let him have more than he deserved. My parents thought I should fight him for the several thousand dollars I had contributed to the downpayment of our first house, but the way I figured it, he was only being so cordial since he was making out like a bandit (he hated me because I was the one who wanted the divorce...and because he's a huge, whiny baby). As soon as I asked for anything substantial, he was going to hire a lawyer and fight me. The way it was, my divorce was free. XH graciously paid the court filing fees, and my lawyer friend didn't charge. I didn't want to have to come up with thousands of dollars for a lawyer to fight XH over a few thousand dollars. I just wanted to be done. 

I was already over most of the furniture and stuff in our house. I took the dining room set and the laptop. He kept everything else. Two years later and I own my own condo. I love it. I had no idea how I was going to make it but I did. I rented an apartment for a year and then bought and started from scratch with my decor. Divorce was the best thing I ever did. 

This is inspiring; I can't wait to be in this place mentally.  Right now I'm in the scared place; but luckily no resentment or harsh feelings toward each other which makes it easier.  This has been a long time coming and I'll probably end up wishing this happened many years ago.

[moonlight]

Feb 5, 2015 6:58:42 GMT -5 @blushnbashful said:

Feb 5, 2015 1:57:27 GMT -5 moonlight said:

This is what we did. No kids but we did have a house together. I didn't want any part of it so he refinanced in his name only and I signed a quit claim deed. His house, his mortgage, his problem. 

That said, I did have my lawyer friend write up the paperwork for us, but I lucked out in that aspect. I know most people don't have anything like that at their disposal. I don't know that I would feel comfortable without some sort of professional opinion, even if it was uncontested. 

The other thing was that we both worked and in eight years of marriage, we never combined our money. We each had our own car and our own pension. We signed off on each others' stuff. 

As far as the rest of it, I probably let him have more than he deserved. My parents thought I should fight him for the several thousand dollars I had contributed to the downpayment of our first house, but the way I figured it, he was only being so cordial since he was making out like a bandit (he hated me because I was the one who wanted the divorce...and because he's a huge, whiny baby). As soon as I asked for anything substantial, he was going to hire a lawyer and fight me. The way it was, my divorce was free. XH graciously paid the court filing fees, and my lawyer friend didn't charge. I didn't want to have to come up with thousands of dollars for a lawyer to fight XH over a few thousand dollars. I just wanted to be done. 

I was already over most of the furniture and stuff in our house. I took the dining room set and the laptop. He kept everything else. Two years later and I own my own condo. I love it. I had no idea how I was going to make it but I did. I rented an apartment for a year and then bought and started from scratch with my decor. Divorce was the best thing I ever did. 

This is inspiring; I can't wait to be in this place mentally.  Right now I'm in the scared place; but luckily no resentment or harsh feelings toward each other which makes it easier.  This has been a long time coming and I'll probably end up wishing this happened many years ago.

It's always scary at first. But just like anything else, things eventually fall into place. I definitely wish I would have left a long time ago. 

One thing I forgot to mention was that we had no equity in the house. We would have been lucky to break even and may have even been underwater if we'd tried to sell. If there had been equity in the house I would have made sure to get my share. 

I know you are not on the loan but did you buy the house together? If there is equity in it, you may want a professional opinion on that part. Or, if it's not a lot, you might also decide it's not worth it.