My sister had her second daughter today. I am thrilled to be an auntie again! However, she named daughter the one name I wanted if I had a daughter. Can I be annoyed?
I think you have every right to feel however you feel...especially because it is super hard to want a kid when your spouse does not, and I'm sure seeing a sibling have a baby brings those feelings up even more. But if she thinks you are child free by choice, it probably wouldn't occur to her that you might ever use that name, so I doubt her intentions were bad and it wouldn't be worth resenting her. In other words, it's fine to be really disappointed, but I wouldn't get mad at her unless you directly told her you were planning to have kids and use that name. And if you did tell her that, you gave her fair warning and I'd go ahead and use that name if you do have kids. You're on opposite sides of the country, so it's not that big of an issue to share a name.
I'd be annoyed, but think it's something you just have to get over since nothing can be done and it's not worth hat boring bad feelings around such a joyous occasion. I'm sorry.
You might have told her, she didn't actively remember it, saw the name and thought it was great without realizing where she had heard it before.
I would be a little annoyed that I would have to get a new name but not annoyed at her for picking it.
I agree, except that I don't think you need to pick a new name. They're not going to be in the same class or even around each other often anyway. People far closer to each other share names all the time, and it's not hard to keep it separate.
If you don't distinctly remember this conversation about something that is important to you (& seemingly wasn't to year), I can almost guarantee she can't quite put gear finger on why she was drawn to that name.
That said, you're allowed to feel however you feel. I would be annoyed at the situation, but not mad at my sister.
If you do decide to have a baby, you can still use the name. Unless your sister would be like, how dare lovetrains use our name for HER baby! Anyway, I have a friend from childhood whose mom's 2 sisters each named their 1st son Ryan. The boys were maybe 3 years apart, same school, lived on the same street even (friend's grandfather built all houses in the neighborhood and gifted one to each daughter), but different last names.
You can still use the name, IMO. You are on different coasts, so unlikely to have to many weekend play dates together. Even so, how many people have a brother and a BIL or cousin with the same name? My sister and MIL are both Christy. My brother and stepBIL are both Mike. Somehow we manage to keep everyone straight.
My coworker chose her non-favorite name because her NEIGHBOR's kid had it. Then the neighbors moved. Her son is 8 now and she still brings it up. So I say do it and don't live with regret .
If you do decide to have a baby, you can still use the name. Unless your sister would be like, how dare lovetrains use our name for HER baby! Anyway, I have a friend from childhood whose mom's 2 sisters each named their 1st son Ryan. The boys were maybe 3 years apart, same school, lived on the same street even (friend's grandfather built all houses in the neighborhood and gifted one to each daughter), but different last names.
Oh my sister would be livid if I used the same name. Like would probably not talk to me for a very long time.
The name is [removed by Pilsy] which I will did later. It has particular significance to me bc I love the nutcracker. I have said since I was five years old I wanted to name a daughter that name. I performed in it every christmas for years.
Very pretty name and I love the significance for you.
You can be annoyed. Be honest: you are annoyed. It's okay. I wouldn't rant to her or anything like that, but if I were in your shoes I'd be disappointed and maybe sad, definitely annoyed. The great thing about feelings is, you can have any/as many as you like. How you then act is a different story.
And I had no idea you might want to have a child! I'm sorry to hear your husband doesn't. Who knows what the future holds, though? More than one person has changed his/her mind. I'm guessing you didn't at one point and changed your mind. I think you can/should revisit the name issue if you end up having a child after all.
Also I found out the name on FB when my mom posted it. Which is also irritating to me.
Ouch. I'm sorry.
So you're not close enough that she'd tell you her daughter's name herself and yet she'd never speak to you again if you have a daughter and also name her the same name? That sucks.
You can be upset but ultimately I agree with others that names are first-come, first-serve.
Privately annoyed but you can't call dibs unless you are pregnant. Except maybe on your own name?
I think that is kind of BS. So the older sibling or the one who is partnered first or who doesn't have IF troubles gets dibs? It's not very kind. Idk this whole thing just rubs me the wrong way. Again im not going to say anything to her but this is just one other thing in the long string of ways in which my opinions and feelings mean nothing and it's always all about her. I'm throwing down a you don't know my lyfe here.
I mean that's why people keep name choices a secret .
I really liked a girls name pre-kids but when it came to actually saddling a human to it we had reservations. And what if I had only had boys?
I didn't see your post before the poof but I wonder if there is a way to still use elements of what you liked in the name and use them in another, even more awesomer name
Post by curbsideprophet on Feb 8, 2015 9:32:56 GMT -5
Did you specifically ask her to never use this name? Did she agree?
I did not see the name so I have no idea how common it is. Choosing a name is hard. Finding something both parents can agree on can be even harder. It is a little unfair to request others in your life to set aside a name you may not ever use. However I also think she should have tried to avoid it if she knew it was the one name you really wanted.
We were pretty set on one name for this baby and then shared it with my family. My brother then commented, "Oh, man! That's what we would have named our first son!" Since we had no idea he liked it before we chose it and since we were talking about a baby that is here vs. one that isn't (and may never be if they only have girls), our plan was to use it anyway but tell him we wouldn't care if he used it too (even though we live within 40 minutes of each other and presumably will see each other often-ish). But when we found another name we liked just as much, we decided to use the second one, and part of the reason is because he wanted the other name.
Long story short, if she LOVES the name too, she has a right to use it, especially if she thinks you're not having kids. But for her to get mad about you using it would be stupid. Frankly she sounds like kind of a jerk, so I would use it for sure if you have a baby girl. No need to take her feelings into account if she has never cared about yours.
Privately annoyed but you can't call dibs unless you are pregnant. Except maybe on your own name?
I think that is kind of BS. So the older sibling or the one who is partnered first or who doesn't have IF troubles gets dibs? It's not very kind. Idk this whole thing just rubs me the wrong way. Again im not going to say anything to her but this is just one other thing in the long string of ways in which my opinions and feelings mean nothing and it's always all about her. I'm throwing down a you don't know my lyfe here.
But here's the thing. It's about the future being unknown. Whether a couple is battling infertility or not, there is no guarantee they would have babies that would be able to take the name (if it's not a gender-neutral name, that is).
When SIL and BIL were expecting their son and we discussed names, they mentioned they liked the name William but didn't want to use it because they remembered it was our top boy name choice. I thought that was considerate of them but honestly, I would not have been offended if they used it because I have one daughter and am pregnant with our last child who has a 50/50 chance of being a girl. So then a perfectly nice name doesn't get used at all by anyone.
I know..."cool story, bro." I don't think it's ridiculous to be upset about it, just that I wouldn't let it affect our relationship. And if they named our nephew William and we have a boy? Then we either pick a different name or...name our son William too. No biggie.