We haven't really thought that far yet. My closest family members are 1.5 hours away, and farthest are about an 8 hour drive. My mom would come ASAP for the delivery and probably stay in our guest room for a week. This would not stress me out in the least, I don't think. I'm super comfortable with my mom.
I know my MIL will stay with us for a week at some point during ML, but not sure when... I'm thinking week 3. This, I am less comfortable with so I want her there later. She'd also stay in the guest room. FIL will probably want to come, but I would not feel comfortable breastfeeding (at least in the early stages) in my own home if he was there.
The rest of the family, I think we'll just let them work it out. Fortunately, my due date is at a time when hotels are real cheap around here. My side of the family would likely just drive up for the day then drive back home. DH's family will probably need overnight stays, since they all live farther.
I do NOT plan on being a free couch to crash on. Mom only at first, the MIL only later.
I guess I have thought about it, lol. Just no details since it's so far away.
H's parents are a plane ride away. We know I am being induced by 39 weeks (end of March) so they've booked flights for Easter weekend to be here for his first holiday and when he is still tiny. They will be staying in a hotel.
My family lives overseas. My mom and dad and coming a few days before the delivery date and staying for a month in our guesthouse.
I'm perfectly fine with it, I even encouraged it. We will still have our privacy and I'm glad they can be here for such a special moment. Pur guesthouse has its private entrance and its own bathroom, so everybody will be comfortable.
My in laws recently moved 10 minutes away, so I'm sure they'll stop by often.
MIL is 7 hours by car. My family is a plane ride away. It's obviously early, but I know they will start thinking about it as soon as we tell them, so I guess we should have an idea of what we want.
Mom can stay on the couch if she wants. I'd like to have her here longer than Dad. They can go to a hotel when he comes up.
MIL is an issue. We can stick her in a hotel, but we may have to pay for it. And do I only let her come while Brad is on leave? We don't have the smoothest of histories and my patience is short with her.
pooh8402, you won't breastfeed if FIL is in the house at all? You can't just go to your bedroom or something?
Post by kellsbelles on Feb 20, 2015 9:58:17 GMT -5
My parents live out of state half the year but are coming up for the summer and staying to help with the baby through Thanksgiving. Thankfully they have their own condo.
My inlaws also live out of state and I am sure will want to come visit asap. Im kind of playing it by ear and not letting them make arrangements until I figure out how I am feeling and am ready for visitors outside of my mom and dad. It may sound selfish but I am not close to his parents at all and they would want to stay with us which always puts me on edge. Add in postpartum me and I am sure they would be more anxiety prone than help. Maybe when the baby is a month or two they can come stay for a little while, since Ill have the routine down.
My family lives overseas. My mom and dad and coming a few days before the delivery date and staying for a month in our guesthouse.
I'm perfectly fine with it, I even encouraged it. We will still have our privacy and I'm glad they can be here for such a special moment. Pur guesthouse has its private entrance and its own bathroom, so everybody will be comfortable.
My in laws recently moved 10 minutes away, so I'm sure they'll stop by often.
If I had a guesthouse, I'd be breezy about this too. Lol. It's different when you live in a shoebox. We are lucky in that we have a second bedroom.
Both sets of parents are basically on the other side of the country. Everyone was already planning on coming for H's graduation when the baby should be about 5 weeks old, so we're just telling them to stick with that plan for now. I have told my mom I might want her here sooner and she has said she's willing to come, but it's hard for us to plan not knowing exactly when the baby will come and she can't really just take a huge chunk of time out to come be here - she has work and one of my brothers is still pretty young and lives at home.
When everyone does come the only one who would be allowed to stay with us will be my mom, but I'm assuming even she will stay with my dad and brother somewhere else. We have a one bedroom apartment and thought we have a pull-out couch I'm not opening it up for grabs for anyone.
MIL is 7 hours by car. My family is a plane ride away. It's obviously early, but I know they will start thinking about it as soon as we tell them, so I guess we should have an idea of what we want.
Mom can stay on the couch if she wants. I'd like to have her here longer than Dad. They can go to a hotel when he comes up.
MIL is an issue. We can stick her in a hotel, but we may have to pay for it. And do I only let her come while Brad is on leave? We don't have the smoothest of histories and my patience is short with her.
pooh8402, you won't breastfeed if FIL is in the house at all? You can't just go to your bedroom or something?
I didn't say that. of course I'll breastfeed in the same house as him. but I don't feel like I should be forced to go hide in my bedroom when it's my own freaking home, when it's early stages and may take 30 minutes just to latch the baby on. it's my house, and if it's more comfortable for me to feed baby on my couch, then that's what I'm going to want to do. this will be a hill to die on for me. I'm not even close to MIL, she sets me on edge and we have a fragile relationship, but being female, I'd still feel 100x more comfortable breastfeeding in front of her rather than FIL.
My parents are coming for a few weeks probably starting a few days before she gets here. My mom will stay longer than my dad. He has to go back for work, if he can get away to come out now
We finished off part of our basement so they have a room down there and a huge living area...if only we also had a bathroom down there too.
DH's parents are only 2 hours away, they said to just call and they will come up when it works for us. They will just drive up for the day (part of which I am sure his dad will make sure they spend at Cabela's on the way up to see us)
My inlaws also live out of state and I am sure will want to come visit asap. Im kind of playing it by ear and not letting them make arrangements until I figure out how I am feeling and am ready for visitors outside of my mom and dad. It may sound selfish but I am not close to his parents at all and they would want to stay with us which always puts me on edge. Add in postpartum me and I am sure they would be more anxiety prone than help. Maybe when the baby is a month or two they can come stay for a little while, since Ill have the routine down.
Post by smiledamnit on Feb 20, 2015 10:09:51 GMT -5
We've been trying to figure out a good time for my Mom & step Dad to come and are struggling a bit with scheduling. They are flying from NC, so we don't know if they should come around the actual due date...earlier...later? It'll just be DH & me in the delivery, but I don't mind them being at the hospital. We're going to want a couple of days to ourselves when we first get home, but they'll be staying at a hotel and plan to spend some of their visit looking for a short term rental for later in the summer as they are coming out to watch the Bean for a couple of months when I go back to work. Basically, we have no idea what the visit will look like yet.
Rest of the immediate family is local so it's a non-issue.
I didn't say that. of course I'll breastfeed in the same house as him. but I don't feel like I should be forced to go hide in my bedroom when it's my own freaking home, when it's early stages and may take 30 minutes just to latch the baby on. it's my house, and if it's more comfortable for me to feed baby on my couch, then that's what I'm going to want to do. this will be a hill to die on for me. I'm not even close to MIL, she sets me on edge and we have a fragile relationship, but being female, I'd still feel 100x more comfortable breastfeeding in front of her rather than FIL.
I obviously don't know your FIL, but why would you assume that he would just stay on the couch next to you/ same room while you were breastfeeding? Isn't it likely that he would feel just as uncomfortable and probably leave the room? Or can't you just ask him to give you privacy when you are feeding?
I mean, telling him he isn't welcome to come visit with MIL and meet his grandchild seems like a pretty sure fire way to set up major family issues as well as seeming kinda mean to your husband who I imagine would like his Dad to meet your child?
I didn't say he couldn't come at all. MIL and FIL planning on coming to the hospital to meet the baby and staying in a hotel at that time. as well as BIL, his wife and daughter. I'm talking about after the baby is born and we're home, and staying for a week during ML. MIL would be coming and staying in our guest room for a few days to a week to help around the house while DH is at work. my dad won't be staying in my house either, at any point.
MIL is 7 hours by car. My family is a plane ride away. It's obviously early, but I know they will start thinking about it as soon as we tell them, so I guess we should have an idea of what we want.
Mom can stay on the couch if she wants. I'd like to have her here longer than Dad. They can go to a hotel when he comes up.
MIL is an issue. We can stick her in a hotel, but we may have to pay for it. And do I only let her come while Brad is on leave? We don't have the smoothest of histories and my patience is short with her.
pooh8402, you won't breastfeed if FIL is in the house at all? You can't just go to your bedroom or something?
I didn't say that. of course I'll breastfeed in the same house as him. but I don't feel like I should be forced to go hide in my bedroom when it's my own freaking home, when it's early stages and may take 30 minutes just to latch the baby on. it's my house, and if it's more comfortable for me to feed baby on my couch, then that's what I'm going to want to do. this will be a hill to die on for me. I'm not even close to MIL, she sets me on edge and we have a fragile relationship, but being female, I'd still feel 100x more comfortable breastfeeding in front of her rather than FIL.
Well, you did say that, but it won't be my hill to die on. You could send him to his room?
I'm picturing this now and it's funny.
FWIW, I also do not have a good relationship with MIL. I think she can come at the month mark, perhaps.
How are you planning the post/during/pre delivery visits?
At the hospital while I'm in labor, I don't want anyone except H. After the baby is born, both immediate families only. Otherwise, the hospital is just going to be a ton of people coming and going and I don't want that. Extended family is more than welcome after we are home.
When are they coming? How long are they staying? Where are they staying?
My dad/stepmom live out of state, about 6 hours away. I doubt they come at all, and will wait for us to make the trek up there. That's fairly typical for them. My mom and my inlaws are local so no one will need to crash at our place.
Post by dixienormous on Feb 20, 2015 10:34:05 GMT -5
My mom will be moving from semi-locally to across the country not long after the baby arrives. She'll probably be on my couch or the air mattress while she's with us. I'm not sure how long I'll be able to tolerate her. I'm also hoping my sister can come out soon after the baby comes. I might send them to stay with my Grandma over the bridge and about 35 minutes away from us. Close enough to help but far enough for me not to kill them.
Post by rachelgreen on Feb 20, 2015 10:37:10 GMT -5
When we had bunny, my MILF, (eta: haha. I'm leaving it)FIL, mom and grandma came right away (in labor). My dad and stepmom came that weekend/day after we get home. Everyone lives 3-5 hours away from us. I was comfortable with having all of them around.
As for the BF-ing thing - pooh chances are very good that FIL will feel just as uncomfortable and will leave the room. I have a fabulous relationship with my FIL and he leaves the living room if I need to feed her in there. Turns out my living room couch is the easiest/most comfortable feeding locale for us. It was weird feeding for the first time in front of my dad and a male friend but I just threw one of the big A&A blankets over and did it. They were fine and life carried on. I think it was more me feeling weird about it and then when I was doing it it wasn't bad at all.
and I know FIL will feel uncomfortable and leave the room if necessary, but then I'm forcing HIM to leave the room and that makes me a bad hostess in my mind. so I'd rather he just not come altogether for an entire week. MIL alone would put me on edge, both of them there would put me over the edge. it would not be pretty.
in all honesty, we'd probably just play it by ear. both FIL and MIL are retired, so it's no hardship if I let him know at the last minute that I'd feel comfortable having him here. but if we are having problems with the baby, like feeding/latch issues or colic or something, then I'd want the people around me who cause me less stress.
My family lives overseas. My mom and dad and coming a few days before the delivery date and staying for a month in our guesthouse.
I'm perfectly fine with it, I even encouraged it. We will still have our privacy and I'm glad they can be here for such a special moment. Pur guesthouse has its private entrance and its own bathroom, so everybody will be comfortable.
My in laws recently moved 10 minutes away, so I'm sure they'll stop by often.
If I had a guesthouse, I'd be breezy about this too. Lol. It's different when you live in a shoebox. We are lucky in that we have a second bedroom.
I know, I know... This would be different if they had to sleep on the couch or inside the main house.
We fell in love with this house in great part because of the guesthouse. Our families live abroad, so they visit a lot. When we don't have guests, it's DH's mancave. Lol.
Post by rachelgreen on Feb 20, 2015 10:53:32 GMT -5
Lol. Yup my MILF. Doesn't everyone have one lol.
You're not being a bad hostess by asking for privacy. You will have just had a baby. It just sounds like you just don't want them there, which is ok, but I personally don't think you can ask your mil to leave her husband at home. You won't be making your strained relarionship with her any better.
Post by whiskeyandwine on Feb 20, 2015 10:54:00 GMT -5
We have told my parents (4 hours or so away) that they can come while we are in the hospital but we want a few nights at home w/o guests, so no staying until a few days after we get home.
H's family is much harder. They are 14 hours away, flying is not an option, and can't afford a hotel. I am hoping we can convince them to stay home and let us get there around 6 weeks or so...
You're not being a bad hostess by asking for privacy. You will have just had a baby. It just sounds like you just don't want them there, which is ok, but I personally don't think you can ask your mil to leave her husband at home. You won't be making your strained relarionship with her any better.
she leaves him at home all the time for various reasons. and there are times that FIL has come to our house alone for various reasons--like to help DH with a project or something.
Post by runblondie26 on Feb 20, 2015 12:25:56 GMT -5
Both sets of parents will be coming down for delivery again. My parents will stay with us, my inlaws at a hotel. It's great having my mom there to help with the kids while we're at the hosipital and for the few days once we get home. She always makes some nice freezer meals, too.
Since our parents can fly for free, my mom and MIL usually tag-team it and alternate coming down once every couple weeks while I'm maternity leave to help out for a few days. While I wish they were just a quick drive away, it's the best possible scenario given our distance.
Post by dearprudence on Feb 20, 2015 12:31:19 GMT -5
My family is close, all within an hour or two away, so I don't need to worry about where they're going to stay. My mom obnoxiously wants to wait in the waiting room the entire time, which caused her to be sick after both the birth of my son and my niece. Luckily we're giving her toddler duty this time around so she won't be able to sit in the waiting room.
DH's family is all a plane trip away. First time around his parents booked "open" tickets (refundable) so they could change the dates based on when I went into labor. They stayed at a hotel. No one else from his family came down until the kid's first birthday. This time around, DH plans for his mother to stay with us...which neither of us is overjoyed about because the guest room is also the nursery, she is less helpful than a bag of kittens, and causes more of a mess. She needs to be catered to all the time (they complained about being bored when they came down for the birth of my son) and we know we'll have our hands full with a newborn and a toddler. On top of everything, I'm due right before my birthday and the last thing I want is to spend my birthday with her. But DH is really uncomfortable asking her to stay at a hotel, he has a...complicated...relationship with her.
Post by hbomdiggity on Feb 20, 2015 12:34:26 GMT -5
Everyone is a 5 hr plane ride away. They need to book their slot in advance ;-) we have one guest room so only one group at a time (I really don't care about people staying with us).
As soon as I go in labor mom will book a flight to get out here, which I expect to be 1-2 weeks post birth. She will stay for 2 weeks. I want her here.
Then my bro and his family have planned a family vaca to my city. The dates are fixed.
My sister will prob try and come next. She's a teacher so she gets priority for remaining summer months.
We've told MIL that she should start planning, but that's not going to happen. They typically come for thanksgiving so I wouldn't be surprised if they don't come before then. She is reeeaaally excited, but between having to actually plan something in advance and most of the slots being taken she may be out of luck.
ETA: I've lived here 8 yrs and dad has never been to visit. Too scared to fly. He has promised to come for baby, so hopefully my mom brings him by train.
I was totally wrong on what I thought I would be cool with.
MIL, BIL, SMIL, FIL, my sis and BIL all stopped by the first day. That was fine. I had the baby around noon and they were gone by 6 and each only stayed like 20 minutes.
Anyone after that was a disruption. I was a literal bloody, hormonal mess with a baby that wouldn't eat. I only wanted DH there.
Now that we are home and getting a rhythm, people can be slowly introduced. We have a good period from like 10-4 where we feel decent and have a good plan. Last night MIL and FIL were here late helping DH get stuff settled for our first night and I wanted to murder them.
My mom may be coming this weekend and I am hoping that goes well. We get along great normally, so it's not a bad situation at all. But again, I kind of hate everyone right now:). Weather is looking bad, so we'll see what she can do.
Though hopefully my mom coming will give DH a chance to catch up on sleep which would be awesome. My mom will be good to make dinner, run, errands, hold the baby etc. she's watch my nephew a lot and not while he was newborn, but little enough to have good skills.
All of our immediately family is a plane ride away. Last time, my mom, stepdad, and sister came first and stayed for two weeks, then H's parents came and stayed for two weeks.
DS was born on a Friday so my parents came over immediately and stayed through the weekend. My mom asked when would be good for her to stay and I said the following week would be good since DS was going back to work. it was awesome having her around. She cooked every meal for me, refilled my water, etc. Heavenly. I was very sad she had to leave! The in-laws flew up when DS was a few weeks old (they booked their ticket without checking with us first, major drama with that and not a mistake they will make again - DH made that VERY clear). They weren't very helpful so I don't exactly look forward to them visiting after DD is born, but I'll survive. Just one example of them being not helpful - they went out to dinner and didn't bring food back for us! I was appalled. We are at home trying to adjust to having a new born around, and you can't even swing by chick-fil-a to bring us some food while you are out?