What did you do with your wedding stuff?

[everyjuan]

I'm trying to not make any permanent decisions right now that I will regret later, but I'm starting to think about what to do with our wedding and sentimental stuff.

We have pictures up all over our house from our wedding, vacations, etc. We have a huge bin full of stuff we made/gave to each other while we were dating in high school. We grew up together, so I have tons and tons of pictures of us. I have my wedding dress. Dried wedding bouquet. Wedding ring, engagement ring. (Not being bitter, but the diamond is fairly small and I don't love the ring. I loved it because it was sentimental. I have no idea what to do with it.)

I'm angry and sad and want to burn everything. lol. This is probably not productive.

I don't see myself going through everything down the road or how those memories will ever NOT be sad to me, but I know I can't just delete that big of a chunk of history from my life. I feel so weird throwing away tons of items and pictures. I know I'm going to have to go through it eventually, and honestly, I feel like I would rather initiate it than show up to our house to find out he threw out all of our stuff.

What did you do? What did you do with the stuff you got rid of? Did you keep anything? If so, where do you store it?

[MauMau]

I'm the most sentimental person in the world. But I've enjoyed every minute spent deleting and cropping my ex off my photo library. Good bye and good riddance was my motto. Lol. Anything that I need to save in regards to the divorce that can be digitalized I placed on a Google drive. I made a folder called asshole in my email on mcc suggestion. Any emails he send go in there automatically so I can open when j feel like it.

I left my two canvas wedding photos for him to deal with. The other photos I have and sentimental things got packed into boxes when he kicked me out sit in storage. Which is nice because time I get that stuff out I won't be attached.

There is no wrong or right way to do it though. Do what's best for you.

[mcc]

I'm sorry everyjuan I can't imagine how hard it must be to think about everything from so long ago. I wasn't married long but I still have my albums and wedding dress and even my bouquet (although I think I threw that out the last time I was at my parent's house). We didn't have a house and had barely gotten our album so I left most of the stuff from our wedding with XH except for the expensive servingware that I took.

The album is in a basement somewhere to be tossed at some point or flooded, whichever comes first. It was expensive so I hate to toss it. My dress was cleaned and preserved and I still have no idea what to do with it 5 years later. I have loaned my veil and hairpiece out to several brides though.

Is there somewhere you can pack it up and keep it to go throug at a later time?

[Deleted]

I'm not very sentimental when it comes to items anyway and like to get rid of items I don't use.

I don't think I have anything left from the wedding except my dress, which is at my mom's house. She can get rid of it if she wants.

I have no intentions of throwing out all our wedding pictures though as I loved our wedding and like the pics.

The rest of the stuff like the scrap books we made in college are still at my dad's house (along with some of my other belongings.) I'll probably throw those keepsakes out once I go through all my stuff in a few months.

You don't have to make any decisions now.

ETA: I did sell my rings and my ex's ring. Show me the money!

[glitzyglow]

After exH moved out, I took all pictures of us and boxed them up. I left them along with my wedding and other wedding mementos when I moved out (he got took the house in the divorce). I have no idea what he did with those items and honestly, I don't really think about it too much.

I sold my engagement ring. I still have my wedding ring only because the jeweler wouldn't buy it, too. I might do something symbolic with it soon to get it out of my possession. It's in a little glass box in my jewelry box for now, but hopefully not too much longer.

Like you, exH and I had a plastic tote of things that we collected over the years together, like notes, cards, ticket stubs, prom junk, etc. We started dating on my 16th birthday, so it contained a lot of tokens from my youth. I kept it and keep it at my parents' house in their storage barn. I figure one day I'll be glad I have some memories from my teenage years. While exH is associated with most of the items, there is stuff in there that connects me to my friends, events, etc. I took all the pictures that had group shots of exH, me, and any friends in them and scanned them, along with all photos of just me or me and my friends. I only scanned a couple of exH and myself if I really liked where it was taken, if I looked really good (lol), or if it had a bigger connection to something than the picture showed. I took all the physical pictures and store them in the box, but I have digital backups of the ones I wanted now if something should ever happen to the hard copies.

I still have our wedding album. It's thrown in a box along with other photos. My friends who didn't know him have gotten a kick out seeing it because a) I'm 19 years old in the pictures. Young Glitzy! and b) OMG...that's him? What a douche! LOL. It doesn't bother me having it around. I never look at it.

[MauMau]

Oh this reminds me that my one wedding dress is hanging on the outside of the closet. I can see it every time I walk upstairs. The other one is in the closest. I need to send them off to one of those charities. The rings I still have too. I'm going to wear the band on my other hand maybe eventually when I can get it to fit again. Haha. And the engagement ring when I have money I'll reset the diamond maybe. I don't want to meet people for craigslist and know at a jeweler I wouldn't get anything. I've also thought about donating them since I have very little attachment.

[winecat]

Eventually I tossed a lot of the wedding/marriage stuff when I didn't feel anything good or bad about it. The pictures are somewhere. Our photog was awful so we didn't do the album.

PDQ- I did burn my wedding dress at a friend's bonfire soon after I caught him cheating. It was giant and poofy so there was no hiding it. My friend said people could bring stuff to burn so I did. Maybe not the healthiest thing to do but I did it.

[mcc]

Oh and I sold the rings-the e ring paid my rent back in Boston for a year which was karma because he wanted to move back here and now he's stuck in NJ while I live across the street from our old apt.

[everyjuan]

mcc I could probably store whatever I take in the basement of my parents house somewhere.

I think I might box up all of the wedding stuff and deal with it later. There really isn't a lot - the bouquet, the mini album we got, guest book, and dvd. I have a cd of all the pictures. I might just keep that and throw away the printed photos.

I have no idea what to do with my dress. I loved it so much.

As for all of our dating stuff, ugh. I don't even know. It hurts to think about throwing away, but the thought of it being anywhere near me makes me sad. I don't know how I will ever look at those things and say to myself WHY DIDN'T YOU RUNNNNNN! lol. I don't know if I could sort them now, so maybe those just need to be chucked into my parents' basement for now.

Thanks for sharing what you guys did. Seeing that there is no right or wrong way makes me feel better.

[mcc]

I liked that because you're managing it not because if the bad parts. Don't beat yourself up, we all did what we thought was the right decision at the time for ourselves, even if we knew it might not have been.

Throw the bouquet away-that'll just get gross and dusty. Maybe you can save the dress for a family member to dress up in?

[everyjuan]

Also, I am being super dramatic about this. lol. Rationally, I guess I know that having a box in the house won't burn a hole through the floor and radiate poison, even though I feel otherwise. :-P

[mcc]

Not dramatic, totally normal. We all have things that mean more than others. I may never eat skinny cow ice cream again because of XH ate it and would make me fetch it for him then tell when he gained weight from eating 3 in one night (sigh), but the mug set from our registry I use everyday!

[bl]

I am similar to you in that we started dating very young (18) and have years of letters and cards, ect. I originally hadn't thought much about it, but one day after he moved out and his new gf was coming to visit we met up to exchange things that got mixed up in his move out (he had some of my things, I had some of his) and he handed me a stack of letters I wrote him and said he couldn't keep them in his apt because new gf would flip, but he didn't feel right throwing them away so he gave them to me to do whatever with. At first I was so mad because like always he was wanting me to be the "bad guy" and throw them away, but eventually I just had to.

I kept our wedding album because it is a piece of my history, art, I look damn good, and expensive, but I haven't looked at it once since our split. I keep it in a little storage bin in the closet in the guest bedroom.

I traded in my engagement ring for a pair of diamond earrings and kept my wedding ring because its pretty and I still wear it sometimes on my right hand. I only do this because I am able to separate the fact that its a wedding ring with that fact that its just a pretty sparkly thing on my right hand.

I dont think there is any right answer here, some things you will need to get rid of and other things don't carry the emotional weight and can be kept as just a keepsake from a time in your life.

[sherbanator]

I'm still in limbo but I put everything in a Rubbermaid bin and put it in the junk room. Going through Christmas ornaments was the hardest.

[WinterIsComing]

The best advice anyone gave me was to wait till some time had past to make any decisions. Especially if you have someplace to store everything out of sight. Right after I found out XH was cheating, I was ready to throw everything away but now I'm glad I waited.

My wedding dress is still at my parents. I will probably donate it at some point along with my veil.

I threw out all of the larger wedding pictures of just me and XH. I kept the smaller ones that had my bridesmaids and my family. I don't know that I will ever display them but I'm happy to have them. I will probably keep the digital wedding pictures and other pictures from vacations, etc. I thought it would be hard to have them (even though they were just sitting on the hard drive) but 10 months out from our split I find that if I see them they no longer make me sad, more that I just see them as a previous chapter of my life. Wedding album is at my parents, not sure what I'll do with it yet.

I am planning to trade my engagement and wedding rings for some diamond solitaire earrings and couple smaller pieces at the jewelry store we bought them from.

Someone on this board mentioned they used their wedding china as everyday dishes. I think I might do that too! All of the china is sitting at my parents right now but since I need new dishes anyway I might start using them every day.

[cuddlyevil]

I took my dress and a few pictures but left the rest.

[onedayatatime]

I think not making decisions now is the best thing you can do. My first instinct was to smash my china - and I'm glad I didn't do that

I kept everything I could fit in boxes in my closet - like you, most of our stuff was entwined, so I had a friend come over and help me sort out what was addressed to him vs me. If I had done it alone, I would have read through everything. All my stuff is in a box in the closet. I didn't throw out any college or hs letters, or any pictures (all mine were smaller than 11x14 though, so very manageable). I also didn't throw out all the cute stuff I had made for the wedding. But I don't have them in sight - and when I do think of them now, I'm not sad. It just feels like a closed chapter. But it was a part of my life and I don't want to erase it.

I kept all the digital photos.

My dress is still in my closet and I intend to donate, I just haven't done that. I plan to get diamond earrings - either through trade in or just buying another diamond at some point so the rings are in a drawer.

While I didn't smash and burn everything - we had a personalized cake topper that looked like us. A friend came over to vandalize and smash his half of the cake topper when the divorce was over - it was silly and fun. A letting go ceremony with one other person

[Deleted]

Yeah, I think my advice would be to do nothing until you know what to do. Don't feel like you HAVE TO do anything.

Personally, I threw out all of my wedding "stuff" (programs, bouquet, cards, etc) when I moved - so around 3 months or so after we split. I had to go through everything anyway and couldn't see bringing any of it along.

I still have all photos, except maybe a few of just the two of us that I tossed. I agree with you that I wasn't going to dump all the memories of the 8 or so years of my life that I spent with him. Lots of them also involved family or friends and were good times. I don't think I have any keepsake type items.

My wedding album is at my parents' house along with a bunch of my unrelated photos and keepsake stuff. My place is tiny and when my BF moved his stuff in, there just wasn't room. I don't know what I'll eventually do with the album. It is a scrapbook I put a lot of work into and it is filled with pictures of my friends and family. Thankfully, my photographer focus more on capturing the whole wedding than on taking a bunch of pics of the two of us, so probably 95% of the photos, while they may include us, also include other people. I have no idea if or when I'll ever want to look at the book again, but I just haven't felt right throwing it away.

It's also been out of my house for like 8 months, so IDK if I'd feel different if it was actually here.

IDK if my mom has done anything with my dress. It's been at her house since the wedding and I vaguely remember telling her I don't care if she needs/wants to dispose of it somehow. It hasn't really come up.

TBH, I felt a lot more sentimental about all this 2 years ago. Now? I don't really care about any of it. It's not painful to think about and I really have no interest in any of it. I may be glad years down the road to have pictures of that time in my life, but at the moment it's not on my mind at all. I'm sure you'll get there at some point, and that's probably when you can toss whatever you keep now.

[Deleted]

I would suggest for now just put it in a box out of sight and deal with it in like a year.

I had a small wedding so there wasn't a lot of stuff to deal with.
My wedding dress was in a closet that ended up getting infested with mold so when I opened the bag it was covered! I thought it was hysterical at the time but now I think it's kind of sad. I sold my engagement ring to a jewelry store. I kept the photo albums and video. Mostly for my son. I threw out all the letters and stuff although I missed a few that are now in my attic that I should get rid of.

[Deleted]

I didn't have much and was married less than a year.  I think my wedding dress is at my mom's house..I couldn't care less about it.  I threw out all pics except the ones with me and my family members.  My e-ring was my grandmother's stone reset so I will do something with it eventually because it has sentimental value.  My diamond wedding band is in the safe-it cost around $1k, so I probaby wouldn't get much for it.  

[Emerald1486]

I packed it all up and put it in a storage tub in the back of my under-stair storage. I have gone in it once since we separated over 3 years ago, and that was last year when a friend was curious about some things. I realized that seeing it after so long had no effect.

Definitely just pack it up and not deal with it for a year or two. Then decide what you want to do.

[1confused1]

I agree with boxing it up and dealing with it later.

My rings are in a safe deposit box. My dress is in a box in my garage. Pictures, albums, etc. are in my storage locker.

Talk about dramatic: one night, early in this process, my xh had my kids and wouldn't let me talk to them. I took a knife to our wedding pictures that had been hanging on the wall while blasting Carrie Underwood's Blown Away.

[jigsy]

The only thing I kept was pictures...mostly because I loved my wedding and they are great...and I've moved past anger and now I look at them as just another piece from my past. I've kept the digital versions for now, maybe later on I won't feel like i want them at all. I just looked so pretty, lol.

[redshoejune]

I still have all of mine and I think I will probably keep it. I have two little girls and I feel like I might want to share it with them when they are older.

[everyjuan]

Feb 22, 2015 13:30:46 GMT -5 Emerald1486 said:

I packed it all up and put it in a storage tub in the back of my under-stair storage. I have gone in it once since we separated over 3 years ago, and that was last year when a friend was curious about some things. I realized that seeing it after so long had no effect.

Definitely just pack it up and not deal with it for a year or two. Then decide what you want to do.

That's really great advice. I think this is what I'll do.

It will also cut down the time I'd spend sorting, which I'm down with. lol.

[everyjuan]

Feb 22, 2015 14:01:49 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I agree with boxing it up and dealing with it later.

My rings are in a safe deposit box. My dress is in a box in my garage. Pictures, albums, etc. are in my storage locker.

Talk about dramatic: one night, early in this process, my xh had my kids and wouldn't let me talk to them. I took a knife to our wedding pictures that had been hanging on the wall while blasting Carrie Underwood's Blown Away.

I hope you aren't offended that I laughed out loud. Not at you, but because I totally get how that would be therapeutic in a "moment."

[tiffany81]

((hugs))

I'm glad you are going to just store them for now. You'll eventually be in a place where looking at it won't hurt as much and you'll know what you want to do with it all.

I have almost everything packed up and I'm almost at the 1- year divorce mark. I haven't given it much thought to be honest. I'll eventually get to it and probably toss half and keep some for my son in case he wants to see it when he's older. I had my mom toss my bouquet since I knew I didn't want that. I couldn't bear to toss it so I was glad she did.

[1confused1]

Feb 22, 2015 19:07:18 GMT -5 everyjuan said:

Feb 22, 2015 14:01:49 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I agree with boxing it up and dealing with it later.

My rings are in a safe deposit box. My dress is in a box in my garage. Pictures, albums, etc. are in my storage locker.

Talk about dramatic: one night, early in this process, my xh had my kids and wouldn't let me talk to them. I took a knife to our wedding pictures that had been hanging on the wall while blasting Carrie Underwood's Blown Away.

I hope you aren't offended that I laughed out loud. Not at you, but because I totally get how that would be therapeutic in a "moment."

Not offended at all!  I think back to that night and think "what a psycho!" :-)

[WinterIsComing]

Feb 22, 2015 20:49:01 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

Not offended at all!  I think back to that night and think "what a psycho!" :-)

I have a similar night except mine involved burning a really expensive designer purse that XH gave me as a wedding gift in my driveway after a bottle of wine. In hindsight it was a totally psycho move but it definitely made me feel better at the time!

[mcc]

Feb 22, 2015 20:49:01 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

Feb 22, 2015 19:07:18 GMT -5 everyjuan said:

I hope you aren't offended that I laughed out loud. Not at you, but because I totally get how that would be therapeutic in a "moment."

Not offended at all!  I think back to that night and think "what a psycho!" :-)

I once flipped out at XH while in the car on Bluetooth that I legitimately thought I was going to blow the speaker, be taken into a hospital inpatient, or come out with my ears bleeding. My mom had a field day cutting up pictures into tiny pieces. We all have those moments.