This year has been so much more demanding of DH's time, and he is traveling way more than ever before...maybe this is my UO, but I need alone time more than I need couple time when he gets home. I mean, we need the couple time, and we have definitely recommitted to date nights and tech free nights, but I would take a night alone over a night alone with my hubby at the end of a long string of traveling a working late. That sounds terrible, but if I am touched out and cranky, I am not going to be good company.
I agree. Honestly a lot of our trip is sitting side by side lost in a good book.
Yes! Sitting poolside with the sound of the ocean in the distance, reading my kindle, and a kind waiter that brings delicious food and drinks is exactly what DH and I will be doing in 7 months. Yes, we will miss the kids and being away for a week, but we need this, not only as a couple, but for us as individuals. While doing date nights at home are nice and so is spending time together after the kids go to bed, I am the type of person who needs to remove myself from the normal. I need to get away and recharge and Maui is a great place to do that. We take trips with the kids too, but we need to be us as well. DD1 will be in school most of the time and DD2 gets one on one time with Grandma. A sleepover at my IL's is their dream.
We have baby #2 arriving this summer and it never occurred to me to tell DH not to get his season tickets this year. The guy loves football and just because we are having more kids shouldn't mean he has to be home every moment he's not at work.
And I think Jelly would be perfectly fine saying to her DH that he should choose one. Either the car hobby or season tix as discussed but that with a new baby, doing both is asking too much.
Post by amynumbers on Feb 26, 2015 13:47:30 GMT -5
I've never told DH no he can't do something (I mean unless he is asking me about a specific date and we are double booked or something).
That being said, he's always dialed back when we have newborns, and you shouldn't need to spell that shit out. Especially with kid #2.
So basically, he's never put me in the position. That being said, eight football games ins't an imposition provided he is present and ahands on the rest of the time. But then, if he is also talking about a hobby, maybe he isn't?
So basically, I'd be fine with my husband doing this, but yours as described maybe not so much. I realize that sounds bitchy, sorry.
This is the moment...I need to break out into a dance. Right b/c telling someone their a drama queen and to unclench....yeah you clearly can say whatever you want but I'm supposed to be like thanks for the comment.
And I think Jelly would be perfectly fine saying to her DH that he should choose one. Either the car hobby or season tix as discussed but that with a new baby, doing both is asking too much.
This is different. She made it sound like he can't do anything because poor her has to take care of the baby.
I've never told DH no he can't do something (I mean unless he is asking me about a specific date and we are double booked or something).
That being said, he's always dialed back when we have newborns, and you shouldn't need to spell that shit out. Especially with kid #2.
So basically, he's never put me in the position. That being said, eight football games ins't an imposition provided he is present and ahands on the rest of the time. But then, if he is also talking about a hobby, maybe he isn't?
So basically, I'd be fine with my husband doing this, but yours as described maybe not so much. I realize that sounds bitchy, sorry.
You don't sound bitchy at all just honest. I wonder if he's getting nervous about having a newborn too and that's where this new mention of the hobby came from?
Yes, he is present and hands on all the time when he's not traveling. I think it's overwhelming me to think the travel will come back in the fall, we'll have two kids, he'll go to football games, and start fixing up cars. I just have to remind myself if the man has always been a great dad/husband before, it's not like now he's going to ditch his family to start going to football games and focus on hobies 24/7. He'll maintain a balance of it all. I just need him to tell me this...but when it comes across in snippets like hey I think i'll get the season tickets...next day oh i'm going to start fixing up cars again too and showing them....it's like wait a second.
I think you are well within your rights to bring this up. I agree about the snippets -- plus the travel that adds up to a shitton of time when you are trying to manage a newborn and another kid.
I tell my husband no all the fucking time. As an adult you don't just get to do whatever you fucking want. If he says, can I go do XX and I think he's been too busy with work, not spending enough time with the kids and/or me, damn skippy I'm going to say no. Of course, he's an adult so I'm not in charge of him, so he can still do it, but if he is asking my opinion I will give the answer.
Post by chatterbox on Feb 26, 2015 14:36:55 GMT -5
I don't think it's about telling your (general you) husband no. My husband would probably laugh if I tried to and I would be pissed if he told me no. I think it's more about communicating your feelings so that resentment doesn't build up over time. I'm sure if her husband knew how she was feeling, he would probably come to the decision on his own and be fine with it.
For me, it would depend on how much he is home during the week and how much he travels. My husband works late during the week and travels a lot. The weekends are all we have together, so 8 games would be way too much time apart for us. He's had to put his hobbies on the back burner and so have I, but it's not a sacrifice we mind making.
I don't think anyone is saying don't be honest with your spouse when discussing plans. Just that you don't tell them no and that's that. I've totally laughed in my h's face when he asks about a specific event; but in general we both get to do our things without issue. But, like the traveling without kids thing; he has regular but flexible hours where he's home every day by dinner; no travel or weekends. That makes a difference.
Sorry I wasn't trying to make it sound that way. I think I'm the only one who said it, calling myself a bitch for being fine saying no all the time when apparently no one else does. But Kate lol
Just making sure. We're good at putting words in mouths here.
When I was in college we saw a group of people in animal costumes in our dorm....we later heard security escorted them off campus...they were wanting to film a porno....I did not know there was a name for that....maybe "Furries of the Big 10"?!
I'm envisioning a porn version of those ESPN commercials where the mascots and athletes are hanging around the offices.
I think you are well within your rights to bring this up. I agree about the snippets -- plus the travel that adds up to a shitton of time when you are trying to manage a newborn and another kid.
And if he's anything like my H, he creates all these big plans and doesn't realize how time consuming it is. I try to, politely, let him know how much time that is and he gets the hint.
OP, I think you are letting the unknown get the best of you. Having 2 kids is hard but you will manage. Hopefully your H will continue to be helpful.
Your husband and mine need to hang and we need to give them a curfew. At least then I could be social while watching crazy kiddos. Seriously, mine thinks he's working, biking/skiing, training for a TRIATHALON, programing computers and then wonders why I have issues when he says he has no down time. ffs, pick something and do it then chill out.
Oh I disagree. There are a lot of people in this country that are just like her.
I don't doubt that there are. I just don't think that's who SHE was. I always got the sense that she was playing a part and got a kick out of the attention.
I haven't read past page two of the UO, so forgive me if this has been brought up...but I was a hardcore lurker on the other place when she was around and I always got a weird vibe from her posts. In my head she was not a real person. It seemed like she always started a thread with some innocuous question. I had this image of her compiling all this info on spreadsheets.
I need to know what the hobby is. We've had shared tickets to baseball the last 7 or 8 years. That's more like a dozen games without me and some more with me. There were some tough days with newborns but overall not a big deal. We're actually not getting a full pack this year and I'm kind of sad.
I think sometimes it's okay to say, "this really isn't going to work," but it definitely needs to be within a bigger conversation since it's already been encouraged.
That's where I'm not sure. I think I encouraged it, so I think he should get to do it plus it's not like I can be like nope you can't do it and he'll just say yes ma'am. We'd have to discuss it and he'd have to agree.
The hobby is fixing cars then showing them out of town often (usually about an hour from us so not too bad).
I am confused bc I thought from your first post about this that the hobby someone went hand-in-hand with the season tickets, and if he got the tickets he would automatically start the hobby. Why can't you just let him get the tickets but ask him to wait another year or so for the car thing?
I don't think 8 games is that big of a deal. Realistically, even if he doesn't get the tickets he will still be glued to the TV when the are on and more or less useless anyway.
Oh, going to a football game is a way, way more intense commitment than watching on TV.
TV is three hours where even of you are watching it you can still manage to keep a toddler or preschooler alive. Going to the game -- you are out of commission all day.
I would be more irritated that my husband even wanted to do these two things when a newborn was coming. To me it seems wither your husband isn't very caring or not very smart,