Come in if your DH travels at least once a month

[lexus]

Dh got an unsolicited job offer today... From his brother. Bil is a self-employed contractor. Dh would be working for him on software things that BIL isn't trained to do. The pay would be almost double what he makes now, right off the bat with the potential to grow. The catch is that he would need to travel every two to three weeks for four days at a time.

I work full-time and I'm not willing to give it up. So going from never traveling for work to traveling at least once a month would be a huge life-style shift. We would need a nanny when we have number three for sure, and when he is gone we would need to pay someone to take dd to daycare.

My gut reaction is no way. Am I being selfish?

[lissaholly]

DH travels weekly if he is on a project. I would ballpark about 40 weeks of traveling per year, out Sunday night/Monday morning back Thursday/Friday night.

I am a SAHM and I always say that I couldn't have a real job with his traveling. I joke that I a am a single mom with a bankroll during the week. You could obviously manage with the help of a nanny, but I think it would be hard when he gets home, because you both would be looking for a little support from the other to rest after your tiring week. I also think that you need routines to get through both the traveling and being home alone with the kids and there is always a bit of adjustment when our routines get messed up, for example, if H is home during the week, it takes a few days to get a new rhythm going because I have a rhythm for the week that doesn't include him. KWIM?

It's a lot to consider for you, AND him. Traveling is hard on a parent with young kids. They cry and ask you why you have to go, they tell you they miss you. Plus sometimes the travel is at the worst time.

We are always looking for H to get out, he was in the field when we met. I do not know if he would have entered it as a family man.

[andrewsgal]

Honestly double the paycheck would pay for the extra help you need. Traveling once a month for 3-4 days is nothing. If he wants it he shot or take it.

[lexus]

Feb 28, 2015 9:41:57 GMT -5 andrewsgal said:

Honestly double the paycheck would pay for the extra help you need. Traveling once a month for 3-4 days is nothing. If he wants it he shot or take it.

Yeah. He just had this grand vision of how much easier the money would make our lives since we could pay off debt faster. I'm not even pregnant yet so until the potential third one is born most of the extra pay would be able to pay things off. It makes me nervous because he would be a self- employed consultant. Bil and his family are huge Dave Ramsey fans so I'm positive they have the savings to cushion themselves. We don't have that. I just like how secure his current job is.

[lala]

Feb 28, 2015 9:41:57 GMT -5 andrewsgal said:

Honestly double the paycheck would pay for the extra help you need. Traveling once a month for 3-4 days is nothing. If he wants it he shot or take it.

This is where I am. If DH was doubling his pay w/ less than week of travel a month, I'd take it. But, I am not working, so I know that makes a difference. But, you would be able to pay for some extra services to make life easier. 

That said - would he be contracted, too? How will this affect taxes? Is the double the pay AFTER taxes? Before? What about health insurance? Do you already carry it? Is this job as secure? Working for family could bring other challenges. 

[Kcthepouchh8r]

Feb 28, 2015 9:50:00 GMT -5 lexus said:

Feb 28, 2015 9:41:57 GMT -5 andrewsgal said:

Honestly double the paycheck would pay for the extra help you need. Traveling once a month for 3-4 days is nothing. If he wants it he shot or take it.

Yeah. He just had this grand vision of how much easier the money would make our lives since we could pay off debt faster. I'm not even pregnant yet so until the potential third one is born most of the extra pay would be able to pay things off. It makes me nervous because he would be a self- employed consultant. Bil and his family are huge Dave Ramsey fans so I'm positive they have the savings to cushion themselves. We don't have that. I just like how secure his current job is.

Without significant savings I think the self employed route is very dangerous. I wouldn't risk it with young kids at home.

[andrewsgal]

Feb 28, 2015 9:50:00 GMT -5 lexus said:

Feb 28, 2015 9:41:57 GMT -5 andrewsgal said:

Honestly double the paycheck would pay for the extra help you need. Traveling once a month for 3-4 days is nothing. If he wants it he shot or take it.

Yeah. He just had this grand vision of how much easier the money would make our lives since we could pay off debt faster. I'm not even pregnant yet so until the potential third one is born most of the extra pay would be able to pay things off. It makes me nervous because he would be a self- employed consultant. Bil and his family are huge Dave Ramsey fans so I'm positive they have the savings to cushion themselves. We don't have that. I just like how secure his current job is.

Ahhh that does throw a wrench in it. DH has talked of going contract when I go back to work but even with a cushion that scares me.

A few years ago DH was recruited to go to a different smaller start up company the money was better and we seriously considered it. My overly cautious husband chose to stay with his company. I was kind of questioning it at the time but now all those guys are back at his original company. They lasted a year.

I think considering job security is a really good point. Could you guys both sit down with the BIL and see what kind of if any security this job offers?

The traveling will be okay. It's the job security I would be worried about.

[lexus]

Before taxes, which we would have to pay ourselves monthly. I carry the family in my healthcare.

Bil lives in Nebraska and we live in CA. He has lived there for 13 years. Our relationship with them used to be strained but is immensely better now that they realize we are grown ups and can make our own decisions. The offer itself is a testament to how he acknowledges his baby brother is a smart man with valuable skills.

The rest of the month DH would work from home. The office is a mess but doable. But looking ahead, he would be working from home while potential kid three and a nanny were here.

I'm just trying to think of everything so we can make an informed decision. Bil said three of the four nights a week he is gone, he doesn't talk to the kids since he works too late and they have a time difference. So dh would be gone and unavailable.

[andrewsgal]

I think it's absolutely wise to get all the facts.

Honestly while DH is OOT a lot of times he is overseas so the time difference makes talking difficult. The travel really won't be that bad.

[jag01]

I would be really nervous about working with family. If things don't work out, there could be a lot of hurt feelings. The job security would worry me as well. Is there any way that DH could do some contracting on the side just to get the feel for it?

[chatterbox]

I agree with the previous posts and would be more worried about the job security than the traveling. Four days per month is no big deal. Also, have you looked into the cost of a nanny in your area? It's probably more expensive than you think and the difference in his salary might all go to paying for the nanny, which would defeat the purpose. Is he unhappy in his current position? That would be a factor for me too.

My husband travels weekly and it's tough now that we have a baby. He's actually considering finding another job where he doesn't travel, but it would mean a huge pay cut.

[jnksmom]

I agree with others that job security and working for/with family, especially family we had issues with before would be more of a concern than the traveling.
H typically travels once for a week every 4-6 weeks. It's not too bad for that week. He is working on a major project and his job has changed slightly and he has been gone every week Sun-Fri for 6 months and that has been tough. I miss the days when it was once a month or so.
ETA: we don't talk to H much when he is gone for work because he works such long hours when he is gone. He tries to talk to the kids every other day but sometimes I inly talk to him a few minutes a day. For one week a month that is no big deal.

[gennyu]

Feb 28, 2015 10:06:48 GMT -5 jag01 said:

I would be really nervous about working with family. If things don't work out, there could be a lot of hurt feelings. The job security would worry me as well. Is there any way that DH could do some contracting on the side just to get the feel for it?

ITA that I would be concerned about working with family. That could definitely turn out to be amazing or awful.

[lovebeingmama]

My H began traveling about a year and a half ago. It started as international trips every couple months. The trips were 10-14 days long. Now his trips aren't as long, but they are more frequent. He travels about once a month for 5-7 days.

In my experience, the anticipation of the travel is worse than the actual time he is gone. I make sure we have things planned, which makes it easier. I also may be the odd one out, but I find his traveling much easier to handle now than I did when I was a SAHM. As a SAHM, it was daunting to think that it was just me with the kids 24/7 for weeks at a time. It's actually a big reason why I went back to work. I find it much easier while I am working because it gives me a "break" and i come home in the evening ready to face the kids again. It is hard on the kids, but mine are pretty used to it now. They sometimes get upset when he leaves, but we have our routines when he is gone, and they rarely even ask about him when he travels. We talk to H on the phone or through FaceTime but since his travel is international, the phone calls with the kids are rare because of the time difference.

A traveling spouse isn't ideal, but it is doable. And perhaps this is my FFSC, but I've started to actually enjoy some of the evenings I have to myself when he travels.

[andrewsgal]

Feb 28, 2015 13:54:54 GMT -5 lovebeingmama said:

My H began traveling about a year and a half ago. It started as international trips every couple months. The trips were 10-14 days long. Now his trips aren't as long, but they are more frequent. He travels about once a month for 5-7 days.

In my experience, the anticipation of the travel is worse than the actual time he is gone. I make sure we have things planned, which makes it easier. I also may be the odd one out, but I find his traveling much easier to handle now than I did when I was a SAHM. As a SAHM, it was daunting to think that it was just me with the kids 24/7 for weeks at a time. It's actually a big reason why I went back to work. I find it much easier while I am working because it gives me a "break" and i come home in the evening ready to face the kids again. It is hard on the kids, but mine are pretty used to it now. They sometimes get upset when he leaves, but we have our routines when he is gone, and they rarely even ask about him when he travels. We talk to H on the phone or through FaceTime but since his travel is international, the phone calls with the kids are rare because of the time difference.

A traveling spouse isn't ideal, but it is doable. And perhaps this is my FFSC, but I've started to actually enjoy some of the evenings I have to myself when he travels.

ITA it is actually one of the reasons I am so ready to go back too.

[dizzycooks]

Re the nanny and drop off person, I would look into different daycare situations now. My dh doesn't travel right now, but the daycare we are at is open 6:15am-6:30pm. While I am not a fan of the girls being there all that time, it defintely makes it possible for me to do both pick up and drop off for less than a nanny (barely), but it removes the needs to for a drop off person to take your kids to school right now. Perhaps you could sign up at a center like that and just do a drop in rate? How much notice do you have of the travel dates? I'd do it and hire a housekeeper so you are able to take care of the kids and work and not worry about the house. Then when dh is home he can help with the kids and spend time with you not getting the house cleaned up. I'd also start familiarizing yourself with crockpot meals and freezer cooking. Honestly, sometimes I think my nights would be easier w/o dh...That's a confession.

[andrewsgal]

Feb 28, 2015 16:15:03 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

Re the nanny and drop off person, I would look into different daycare situations now. My dh doesn't travel right now, but the daycare we are at is open 6:15am-6:30pm. While I am not a fan of the girls being there all that time, it defintely makes it possible for me to do both pick up and drop off for less than a nanny (barely), but it removes the needs to for a drop off person to take your kids to school right now. Perhaps you could sign up at a center like that and just do a drop in rate? How much notice do you have of the travel dates? I'd do it and hire a housekeeper so you are able to take care of the kids and work and not worry about the house. Then when dh is home he can help with the kids and spend time with you not getting the house cleaned up. I'd also start familiarizing yourself with crockpot meals and freezer cooking. Honestly, sometimes I think my nights would be easier w/o dh...That's a confession.

I will join your confession. I like when DH goes on mini trips of 4-5 days it's not too long and gives me time alone after the kids are in bed.