Were you sexually abused as a child? Possible Trigger!

[milosh]

Why the question?

[messykitchen]

I was.

Do you need any help?

[wildfloweragain]

Feb 27, 2015 18:48:46 GMT -5 @pnkbride said:

Feb 27, 2015 18:45:50 GMT -5 milosh said:

Why the question?

Actually, the questions earlier about our sex drive got me to thinking about it. My sexual hang-ups and was wondering how many others here were sexually abused. 

I think if you're looking into this correlation, any sexual assault would be something you might consider as a link, not just childhood.

[messykitchen]

Feb 27, 2015 18:50:49 GMT -5 @pnkbride said:

Feb 27, 2015 18:47:37 GMT -5 messykitchen said:

I was.

Do you need any help?

No. I am okay. As I just posted, the posts from earlier today got me to thinking about my issues. I have dealt with it, and my abuse was no where as severe as others I have talked to, but it still is always there.

I am sorry, so sorry,  that you were hurt. It makes NO DIFFERENCE how severe your abuse was, it happened to YOU and it counts. 

My abuse absolutely still affects my sexual life today, and I am almost 40. Like you, it is always with me. I don't think you can ever just deal with it and be over it. At least, not in my case.

Please feel free to PM me if you would like to. I think I know how you feel.

[katfco]

SS: Yes, but it was nowhere as severe as many people have to deal with, so I sometimes feel bad putting my experience under the same term as others'.

[meemz]

Yes, it was at a sleep over at my friend's house. Her dad was the one who woke me up. I was in the girl scout brownies age group then. I remember that because that is how I met her. Is it weird that I looked her up on facebook?? My soon to be sister in law is friends with her. I googled her dad and found out he has been arrested several times, but I never saw anything on sexual assault. I was so scared and frightened at what happened to but couldn't bring myself to tell my parents. I just called them the next morning and told them to come get me. So they knew something was up because I never wanted to leave my friends house. The police did get involved but they couldn't press charges because I just told them that my friends dad woke me up and I don't remember. I just repeated that over and over again. Ugh. Sorry. I know I am being really really vague about what happened and I know others went through way worse than what I experienced but it was awful. I remember thinking how he could act like nothing happened that night and just be normal. He offered me breakfast that morning.

[aussiecrush]

Hugs to those ticking the yes box and sharing their stories here. My abuse has created issues with my sex drive at times.

[meemz]

Feb 27, 2015 18:50:49 GMT -5 @pnkbride said:

Feb 27, 2015 18:47:37 GMT -5 messykitchen said:

I was.

Do you need any help?

No. I am okay. As I just posted, the posts from earlier today got me to thinking about my issues. I have dealt with it, and my abuse was no where as severe as others I have talked to, but it still is always there.

I am so very sorry you went through what you did. 

[atlas]

I was not. But my heart sank when I saw how many yes votes there were. ((((((Hugs)))))) to all those who have experienced any sexual abuse.

[SJ]

I was raped in college, and I do think there are (mostly subtle and subconscious) effects on my current sex life.

I know it's not the same as being a child, but I share this in case I can ever help someone else who may want to talk through things. Everyone processes and heals so differently.

[katfco]

Feb 27, 2015 19:10:11 GMT -5 atlas said:

I was not. But my heart sank when I saw how many yes votes there were. ((((((Hugs)))))) to all those who have experienced any sexual abuse.

Until I went to college, I only had one friend who hadn't experienced some sort of sexual trauma. Granted, I had few friends, but most of the people I knew growing up experienced either sexual abuse or some other form of abuse or neglect. And then when I went to college, a significant number confessed to me they'd experienced some form of sexual assault in the past. It's truly horrifying how many people have to suffer these abuses. 

[foodiemom]

Yes.

I have multiple different situations, starting very young when my sister forced me to go into a closet to let her best friends troubled older brother 'play' with me. They said if I did it they would let me hang out with them. It happened more than once though I am not sure how many times or how long it went on. I was probably 5-8 years old when it started, I don't rememeber exact ages as I have blocked out a lot of my childhood. Most recent I was date raped in college about 20 years ago, but a few things happened in between those.

It absolutely affected me sexually, and in my relationships unfortunately. I finally did a ton of therapy a few years ago and it has helped tremendously, but it is always there.

[chickadee77]

Not severely and not regularly, but I had an aunt that was... inappropriate with me, as a kid. (I voted SS, so this is my explanation.) I don't consider myself an abuse survivor, or really think about it much at all, other than to never be in contact with her. I actually saw her last year for the first time in about twenty years, and don't care if I never see her again. I avoid phone calls, etc. And, quite honestly, I feel awful for her five daughters and multitude of grandkids.

Also, quite honestly, I wonder if she even realizes she was inappropriate. My sister has stories of more physical discipline (being denied food and locked in a small room as a 3/4 year old because she was crying for her mommy) so she clearly is off, anyhow. Not that that is an excuse.

[kaybee85]

I was by a 12 year old neighbor girl who had been abused. :/ can't even be mad at her. I was 5/6?

When my parents found out, they put me in counseling immediately. I'm guessing this has a lot to do with the fact that it hasn't really affected me long-term.

[wannabe]

I have thought about this before. My sex drive is so sporadic, but I don't really think the two issues are connected. I think I'm just old and crotchety

[compassrose]

Yes, from age 5-10. I still occasionally have flashbacks. I have a hard time remembering chunks of my childhood, and it had definitely had a legacy in my relationships. I was sexually active much earlier than most of my friends.

[deanlicker78]

Yes, by my father. So was my older sister.

I don't ever sleep naked, it makes me uncomfortable. I don't like when H spontaneously grabs me.

It makes me sad/angry how many abuse victims feel they need to include that their abuse wasn't as bad as others so maybe it shouldn't even be called abuse. No. It doesn't matter where on the scale your abuse lies. It happened to you, it affected you. We shouldn't have to apologize for feeling abused because it wasn't as bad as it possibly could be.

[MeMyselfandI]

I was 7. My babysitter's brother used me to "practice" so he would be good for girls his age. He was about 15/16. He never had sex with me, but he worked on other skills. For a very long time I thought I needed to have sex just to get guys to pay attention to me. Even now, in my 30's, I still remind myself that I have more to offer a man then just sex. And I love sex...and I sometimes for guilty for that.

[jlt19]

I was not, but mt nephew was by his cousin (on my BILs side). The way it was handled aka "swept under the rug" has ruined my relationship with my sister.

I'm so very sorry that so many of you have had to go through any sort of abuse

[katfco]

Feb 27, 2015 19:55:45 GMT -5 deanlicker78 said:

It makes me sad/angry how many abuse victims feel they need to include that their abuse wasn't as bad as others so maybe it shouldn't even be called abuse. No. It doesn't matter where on the scale your abuse lies. It happened to you, it affected you. We shouldn't have to apologize for feeling abused because it wasn't as bad as it possibly could be.

It took a long time for me to even accept that it was abuse.

PDQ

It was my grandfather, and we lived with them. After school, he would come over to "say hi," and hug and kiss me (not in a grandfatherly way). It never went beyond that, which is why I had such a hard time acknowledging it as abuse. When we were taught about it, it was always referred to as people touching us inappropriately. Because my experience didn't fit the description we'd been taught, I tried to convince myself that he was just showing affection and thought there was something wrong with me for not liking it. I became very adept at sneaking into the house so he didn't hear me. The worst times were when he would come to the stairs and call for me. I could never explain why, but I was terrified to let him come up and get me. I couldn't explain why, but I knew that would be a bad thing for  him to come into my room. 

[deanlicker78]

I'm sorry you went through that. I didn't even tell my sister I was abused until I was 16 years old because she was older than I was and her abuse was worse and lasted longer than mine did. I felt embarrassed to tell her because mine wasn't as bad. I even apologized to her for saying anything.

When my SIL came out and finally told my brother that she'd caught my dad peeping in at her through a bathroom window while she was using the restroom, she apologized to my sister and I because what had happened to her wasn't as bad as what we'd gone through.

[game blouses]

I'm so sorry to all the yes votes too

My first time was not consensual (I was drunk, I said no several times, it happened anyway) and I had never really thought of it as rape until after DS #1 was born. The first time DH and I had sex afterward, it hurt and it triggered the memory for me.

It affects me when I don't want to have sex and DH does, not because I think he'll make me (he would never), but because I remember how it felt to say no and be ignored.

I've never told DH. I have no idea how I would and no real desire to.




The

[sugarbear]

I was.
I was ten, it was my 17-year old cousin, and I remember it like it was yesterday. I still see him occasionally at family events. He has three daughters.

Because he told his parents what he'd done the next morning, he never got in trouble. My dad knows it happened, but we never spoke about it after that day.

eta: I also was raped in my early 20s. He was a friend, and we were drunk. We made out, I passed out, and woke up to him inside me (sorry to be graphic). I told him to stop, and he didn't. It took me years to realize that I was raped.

[gault]

It was at 19 and my first time having sex when it happened, so yeah. And ended up marrying the guy, whereupon more sexual abuse occurred.

It is great that there is a "safe" area like this to talk about these sorts of traumatic events. One of the best things about this place.

[zaneyzoo]

I'm so sorry and so sad for Those who have had to endure this.

I had an experience in high school that was pretty fucked up. Honestly I push it out of my head

[dreamcrisp1]

Yeah, I was 17. It was after prom. Still affects me but my boyfriend is great about helping me through any and everything. It was also my first time.

[sandyapples]

Thank you for everyone who was brave enough to share your stories here.

[groovybuttons]

I was by 2 different people. Like others have said, mine wasn't as severe either but it's still something that has had an effect on my entire life and relationships. I was very young. Most of it is blocked from my memory but I want to say I was around kindergarten age. Maybe a bit older. So help me God if anyone ever touches my daughter inappropriately...

[TrickyBob]

Yes. And it is the biggest hang up in my marriage, I don't view sex like a normal person should.

[Deleted]

(PDQ I've never aactually told anyone these two stories)

I answered SS because I don't know what it was. I was complacent and didn't do anything to stop it because...well, I don't really know. My cousin is about 5 years older than me and every time we were over at my grandpa's house, we'd sneak into the basement and he said he wanted to 'teach me how to kiss'. It never went farther than that. Except one time when we were having a sleepover and he woke me up to tell me I should put my mouth around his penis and suck. I thought he'd pee in my mouth (I was obviously not educated about sex at this age) so I refused. To this day, we have never spoken a word about it to each other and I see him a few times a year. For years I thought it was just innocent kid play, but the last few years I've been realizing it was more than that. I feel like since it has been so long, I shouldn't tell my mom for fear of rocking the family boat.

I don't think about it much, so I don't know if it plays a role in my sex life now. The boyfriend who would only have sex with me anally is another story. I was dumb and young and figured I'd do it because if I didn't he'd leave me and I was so lonely. He also made me have sex in really public places and do things I wasn't comfortable with. I never said anything and went along with it, so I feel like it doesn't count as sexual abuse.