@ Napping at daycare

[jordancatalano4ever]

I need advice. My 4.5 year old has been getting notes home lately about talking during nap time. We've had about three discussions. Wednesday we got another note and I was done. I proceeded to tell her that she would go to bed immediately after dinner and there would be no playtime or tv. My husband immediately undermined me the moment she started shedding her little manipulative tears and told me I was being mean and that's she's just a baby and a good girl. Yeah. I don't even want to get into what ensued following that. Needless to say I told her the punishment would be the same the next time and this was the last chance. Well lo and behold we get a note today that not only did she talk but she continued after being redirected.
Needless to say I'm pissed. However this is the first time she's ever pulled any shit at school so I'm not sure what level of rage is appropriate for a four year old.

Punishment sound good? Andplusalso. How can I beat this. Is it a developmental thing? Fuck.

Edited to remove seizure inducing gif.

[karinothing]

Hmm. I think this is something the teachers should be working with you on. What do they do to encourage kids to keep quiet. For our school, the kids that don't nap have a "nap basket" full of books or toys from home that they can play with during nap. They aren't allowed to leave their cot and they have to be quiet, but I think the nap basket helps?

[origami]

I agree you need more info from the teachers about what exactly is required of her, and what other options are available besides napping/laying down quietly. If they are expecting too much of her, that would get a different response than if they were asking her to play silently but she kept talking. My kids are 4.5 and normally don't nap so if they're doing like my kids' old school and making them lay down for an hour then your problem is with the school IMO.

[jordancatalano4ever]

Alright. So I've tempered my feelings of rage. She's still going to bed tonight with no tv time because that's her favorite. I will follow up with her teachers for more information. I know nap time is two hours and up until recently she would sleep most of that time. She doesn't nap at home anymore so that may be a contributing factor. My feelings are probably heightened simply because I'm a teacher and I have strong feelings of "not my child". Lord help me.

[redheadbaker]

Personally, I wouldn't send her to bed with no TV. At that age, consequences need to immediately follow the infraction. They won't connect earlier misbehavior to the later punishment.

[escrow]

My dd is also 4.5 and sometimes naps at school, sometimes not. But the kids are given the option to do a quiet activity during this time. Honestly I'm surprised she naps at all, she never does when she's home.

[BAMFMrsB]

Feb 27, 2015 20:05:02 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Hmm. I think this is something the teachers should be working with you on. What do they do to encourage kids to keep quiet. For our school, the kids that don't nap have a "nap basket" full of books or toys from home that they can play with during nap. They aren't allowed to leave their cot and they have to be quiet, but I think the nap basket helps?

DS' DC has a similar policy. You don't want to nap? Fine. You must sit on your cot and play QUIETLY while your friends rest. No talking or interacting with your friends. DS is now completely capable of reading a book or playing with a toy on his cot until the lights are turned back on.

[nsl]

We've got a deal with our daycare that DS 2 gets a book at naptime so he stays occupied if he can't sleep during naptime. I'm a big fan of kids having quiet time in the middle of an active day, but "quiet" doesn't need to mean "asleep" seeing as how he no longer naps at home.

[origami]

Feb 27, 2015 20:33:52 GMT -5 jordancatalano4ever said:

Alright. So I've tempered my feelings of rage. She's still going to bed tonight with no tv time because that's her favorite. I will follow up with her teachers for more information. I know nap time is two hours and up until recently she would sleep most of that time. She doesn't nap at home anymore so that may be a contributing factor. My feelings are probably heightened simply because I'm a teacher and I have strong feelings of "not my child". Lord help me.

totally get that. My mom was a teacher. But there is a 0% chance (most days) that my kids would lay down at school for 2 hours. (I wouldn't even want them to because then they wouldn't fall asleep again until 9pm or later.) I would expect my kids to play quietly and not talk/disturb the nappers, however. If they don't allow quiet play, it seems like a reasonable request to make to the daycare since napping at 4.5 is a toss-up for most kids.

[EloiseWeenie]

My 3 year old sneaks off to our playroom to quietly play during nap time, so I have a really hard time imagining a 4.5 year old being forced to nap without a quiet play option.

I'm probably not one to give advice, because my 5 year old gets in trouble every day at school for excessive talking

[heyjude]

This is a daycare specific rule. That is, if she talks during nap at home she's probably not going to get into trouble right? The rule is in place at daycare so that the other kids have quiet. But I bet this is not a home rule. Thus I probably wouldn't punish her at home. This is something the daycare has to figure out. There is also no logical consequence to the punishment. Talk during nap....some five hours later she can't watch TV? No wonder it didn't work. Plus it's double punishment for whatever consequence the daycare laid on her too (e.g perhaps a stern talking to). But there's no reason why you can't talk to her about good nap time behavior. "When you rest, you like it quiet; so do the other kids. That's why we need to keep quiet during nap." And work with the daycare on what they do with the non mappers, that they surely must have.

[heyjude]

Also I don't think you should have any level of rage whatsoever at your daughter over this. This is so small potatoes. But you should raise an eyebrow at the daycare for constantly sending notes home regarding an issue that really they need to address.

Finally, there is usually a Daniel Tiger song to go along with every toddler problem possible. Look for one of those.

[jordancatalano4ever]

Well this is the first time she's received a consequence at home for a school issue. And we have never punished her for not napping. My concern is that she does not follow through after being redirected. That's a bigger deal to me. It may not be fair to take tv away at home but it's out now and I'm not gonna waffle. I don't want to set that precedent.

[frlcb]

I can't imagine my kids laying quietly (they would not nap at 4.5) for more than about 10 minutes without any sort of activity to do. Talk to the dc and find out how long she has to lie there and what they give her to do if she doesn't sleep.

[marshmallowhands]

My DD is 4.5years old as well. The daycare has a white board in the room where they write down who napped and who rested that day. I'd say the two sides are usually equal so it's likely she's just a kid who doesn't need a nap.

I also don't understand why the daycare keeps sending home notes. I can see mentioning to you that they've been working with her on being quiet during rest time but it really should be something they handle.

[heyjude]

Feb 27, 2015 21:09:15 GMT -5 jordancatalano4ever said:

Well this is the first time she's received a consequence at home for a school issue. And we have never punished her for not napping. My concern is that she does not follow through after being redirected. That's a bigger deal to me. It may not be fair to take tv away at home but it's out now and I'm not gonna waffle. I don't want to set that precedent.

Okay but don't be surprised if you keep having the same problem with nap. She's 4. The connection is too tenuous.

My DD had a brief spell of being too loud at the breakfast table. The preschool taught her that when she is loud and goofy at the breakfast table she bothers the other kids who are trying to eat quietly. A few such conversations and she had excellent breakfast table manners. If instad I told "act up at the breakfast table and no TV 8 hours later!" We'd probably be fighting the same battle to this day.

[tacosforlife]

IANAP, but I was a very strong willed child who stopped napping at age 3.* How do I know this? Because I recall lying on the mat in silent protest every damn day. TWO HOURS? As an adult, I'd have a difficult time being quiet for two hours if I weren't asleep. I can't imagine a 4-year-old doing that. So I definitely think they need to offer a non-nap activity for kids who don't nap.

*WHYYYYYYYY DID I NOT NAP? I want all that sleep back in my life!

[josieposy]

Yeah ours has kids read quietly while the others nap. It just sounds like something needs to be worked out with the teacher(s).

[erbear]

They need to try something else. DD2 doesn't nap anymore (she's 4) and hasn't for about a year. She has to lie down for about 20-30 minutes but she's allowed to read or play quietly. If she's not quiet, she doesn't get the privilege - they talked it up like it's a big deal and she always does it.

It's a lot to ask a 4.5 year old to be quiet or to nap. Most kids that age don't nap anymore. They need a different arrangement.

[beeks]

There is a 0% chance that my daughter, almost 4.5 herself, would stay still, be quiet or nap for two hours. No way. Naps ended around 3.5 for us. I think the day care is being ridiculous here, and I can understand your frustration with her not going along with the redirection, but what are they doing for redirection, do you know?

[origami]

I'm pretty sure my kids' school does 30 min of nap/quiet play. Maybe 40. So while I expect my kids to follow the rules and play silently, I can't say for sure they'd be capable of doing that for 2 hours. That's a long time if you're not asleep.

[terpsfan]

I notice my 4.5 yo gets more "not listening" reports when he is tired so that means early bedtimes.

IIwould also be more annoyed at DH disagreeing with me in front of the kids. We sort of have an unwritten "if you feel that strongly about it I'll let you go with it" (obviously with preset we don't spank,etc)..

[Dumbledork]

I'm just here to recommend mini etch a sketches for her to play with on her cot. IME, it keeps non-sleeper kids quieter than any other activity.

Our pre-k kids have to stay on their bed for 1.5 hours, quietly. They either get bored with a book within a few seconds and want to talk, or so excited about it they want to talk.

The Etch a Sketches keep their whole focus for ages and they really only want to talk if there's something wrong with it, or they want to show you this really awesome set of 50 boxes they just made. Then they shake and are completely quiet and focused again.

Those mini slider puzzles are really good too for about a week. Then they get frustrated and want to throw it at the wall.

[Deleted]

Some kids do cry to be manipulative, especially if they have fathers who step in talking 'bout how she's just a baby. I would want to junk punch him.

But I think your daycare is being unreasonable expecting a 4.5 year old to just lay there and be quiet. They're pretty old for a nap at that age though I know that many in the same class are often younger and still need their naps. If I were in your shoes, I would tell her she's in trouble for talking during nap BUT I would talk to the daycare and find out if they have a way she can be occupied during that time.

When I kept that age though, I would make the not sleeping ones lay there quietly for about fifteen minutes and let the tired ones drop off first before I'd give them their book or quiet toy. Otherwise, they all tried to tell me they weren't tired and didn't need no stinking naps.

[greeneggs]

I'd ask if there is anything they do for children who don't nap to keep them quiet and occupied during that time. DS is 3.5 and if he naps more than twice a week I'm a lucky lady but I'll pay for it at bedtime. His preschool requires a 2 hour nap but if he or other children in the class are not going to take a nap they call in a teacher's aide or someone from the administrative office to sit with the non-nappers in a corner to keep them mostly quiet while the others sleep. I'm glad that his school is so nice and he's a big charmer because I'm pretty sure anywhere else would have booted us by now.

[polarbearfans]

I used to get in trouble at nap time. I was never a napper, and I could not lay still as long as they wanted. My dad worked it so I could go into another room (with an adult) to play or read. I never could nap as a child and still cannot nap as an adult. Naps make me cranky and tired.

Is there anyway she can read or play with a quiet toy? Not every child can lay still knowing so many people are nearby with nothing to distract them.

[af1212]

This is a daycare issue. It is not developmentally appropriate to ask a 4 year old to be still and quiet for 2 hours. The ideal situation would be that there is a room for nappers and non-nappers. I would find out what activities they provide for the non-nappers and ask that your daughter be put with that group.

That being said, I would also be furious with my H if he undermined me in front of the kids. Furious!

[teflepi]

Feb 27, 2015 20:33:52 GMT -5 jordancatalano4ever said:

Alright. So I've tempered my feelings of rage. She's still going to bed tonight with no tv time because that's her favorite. I will follow up with her teachers for more information. I know nap time is two hours and up until recently she would sleep most of that time. She doesn't nap at home anymore so that may be a contributing factor. My feelings are probably heightened simply because I'm a teacher and I have strong feelings of "not my child". Lord help me.

2 hours at 4 is a long time.  I don't know the laws where you are, but in MD, it is just an hour.  She likely doesn't need it and maybe they can work with her to find another activity during that time.  Maybe a classroom helper with the aide(s), quiet drawing time, etc.

[macmars45]

When I worked in childcare all kids had to lay quietly for half an hour. If they weren't asleep by then they were given books, puzzles, small toys, coloring books/crayons etc to have quiet time. Also if you have a cd player/headphones that you could send from home. Many a kid was kept quiet with books on cd sent from home/checked out from the library. Especially if the book on cd came with the physical book so they could follow along.

[ringstrue]

I honestly don't understand why you are punishing her. And I don't know why they care so much about nap time for 4.5 year olds. And why is this maddening to you? It seems like so not a big deal.

They can send her into another room to play if she's not sleepy. I can't imagine shes the only kid who isn't sleeping.