@ and grandparents - normal or not?

[af1212]

When visiting the grandparents, the grandmother likes to bring the 5 year old granddaughter into the bedroom to - surprise! wake up the sleeping grandfather in the mornings. He does not wear a shirt to bed and not sure what is going on for bottoms since he is under the covers. He is genuinely asleep and the grandmother wants the granddaughter to shake him and be loud until he wakes up.

One of the parents thinks this is totally okay. Just fun grandparent type of stuff.

The other parent thinks it is not okay. Rude to go into someone's bedroom and wake them before they are ready, and also weird to be seeing/touching the grandfather before he is dressed.

What does MM think?

[sjh722]

I think a lot of men sleep without shirts on. I don't think it's a huge deal.

[sunshineandpinot]

As long as grandfather doesn't mind I don't think it's a big deal at all.

Signed, mom of 2 girls

[sillygoosegirl]

Doesn't seem weird or inappropriate to me. If grandfather and granddaughter are okay with it, I would be too. If one of them seemed uncomfortable with it for any reason, I'd put a stop to it.

[SJ]

Normal-ish in my family. My parents bring DD in their bed or lay down with her etc.

That being said, listen to your gut. IMO if either parent or the child is uncomfortable, they get veto power and it should be addressed.

[peachdragon]

Not weird.

[irishbride2]

Not weird. Waking people up is one of my kids favorite things.

[h]

Totally fine as long as grandpa thinks it is fun and wants it to continue. It isn't rude if he is on board, and seeing a male family member without a shirt on wouldn't concern me at all.

Is there some other history of inappropriate behavior that is causing the parent to question this? If there is more to the story, I reserve the right to change my answer.

[ECB]

As described, this wouldn't bother me.

[lime]

I'd personally murder someone that thought it was "fun" to wake me up early.

It sounds like grandpa is ok with it, so I think the situation is fine.

[barefootcontessa]

I am the outlier because I think it is odd.

[shamrockshake]

The waking up for no reason is the only thing I think is weird. We'd send my kids in to wake my dad if need be and he only sleeps in boxers (covered by blankets of course)

[steph96]

I don't think it is weird to touch the grandfather before he is dressed. I assume if your family went to the beach or lake, you wouldn't think it was weird for her dad or grandfather to have no shirts on and still play games with your daughter.

My nieces/nephews love waking people up. It's cute. I'm sure once they hit age 6ish, it will stop being so cute and start being annoying.

[treedimensional]

It's is weird to me.

[asoctoberfalls]

Not weird. I'm really surprised that anyone would find it weird.

[thatgirl2478]

Eh, it's NBD to me unless it upsets the person being seen half naked / asleep.  Then I find it rude. 

We are not a family that gets worked up over nudity in the proper context.  So, nude in the bathroom/bedroom because you're getting showered/bathed/dressed?  NBD - we don't even think twice about it.  Nude in the living room because it's sexy time (no, that actually doesn't happen in our house because we don't have curtains in the LR yet)?  Nope, not the time for the kids to be around.  Nude at the Dr's office?  Depends - DD1 was with me for all my exams with DD2, if there was an 'under the belt' exam, I had her stand by my head and hold my hand to 'help me be brave'.  If it was just a normal ultrasound or belly measure, she saw whatever.

[zarapipe]

Nbd

[cinco]

It would not be weird if it were my dad, but weird if it were DH's b/c of family history and stuff. So I guess it depends. For a normal grandparent relationship I'd vote not weird.

[spankswife]

Weird.

My mom is super conservative so now I am by default.

[cjeanette]

Not weird.

[af1212]

Thanks for weighing in.

It is me who wishes she (my mother in law) wouldn't do it and my husband is on the fence about how to feel about it but doesn't want to ask her to stop.

To answer a few questions -

The grandfather doesn't seem to be too happy when he is woken up but hard to tell since I'm not in the room with them. Overall he is a pretty uninvolved grandfather so he doesn't play silly games or things like that in general. He rarely interacts with the kids when we are here beyond eating at the table with us for meals.

We only come here once a year, so I wouldn't make a big deal about it but I don't really like it

And to be clear I am not really concerned about my kids being around shirtless people in general, and especially if family. I was just thinking that I might feel uncomfortable if someone that I'm not all that close with woke me up by shaking me and stuff and I wasn't fully dressed.

And I find lots of things that my inlaws do weird and a little creepy so that is for sure clouding my judgement.

[irishbride2]

Well its different if grandfather doesn't like it. Then its flat out rude and I would not let my kids do it.

[ECB]

Clouding your judgment or giving you a clearer perspective than us! With that additional info, I can better understand your hesitancy.

But that being said - grandma taking her in and if it does bother grandpa, that's between them, really. Maybe grandma is trying to get him more interested and thinks this is cute. Or it's what she did as a kid so thinks it's normal.

As this is once a year and it sounds like your there (in the house), I would let it go.

[july]

I think it is weird.

[soxin2]

I think it's weird, but my triggers have triggers when it comes to this stuff. Also, I trust no one, because other, related, triggers.


But as described, it sounds obnoxious, not trigger-y weird.

[sixtwelve]

My grandma used to gave my sister and I wake up our grandpa for breakfast. I think it us ok.

[isabel]

I find it a little odd. The shirtless thing doesn't bother me, but I just think it's a weird thing to do.

[dexteroni]

Given your update, I think it's weird, and I would ask her not to do it. There's something unsavory about putting a small child in a relatively intimate and potentially upsetting (if he awakes angrily or even grumpily) situation with a grandparent who she barely knows and doesn't seem to care to be involved with her.

And I think this is one of those situations where if one parents isn't ok with it, it's a no. Just because your DH doesn't want to ask his mom to stop is not a reason to let them continue doing something you're not comfortable with, even if it's once a year. Go with your gut, and if your DH continues to refuse to put a stop to it, you do it. All you have to say is "Actually, MIL, I'd rather you didn't do that anymore. Thanks." And then get DD involved in an activity.

[Emerald1486]

From the OP, no it isn't weird. My mom does the same thing with DS if my dad is home when I drop him off in the morning. But, my dad is a very involved grandparent and he enjoys getting to see his "buddy" so often.
Based on the update, I would say something and stop it.

[imojoebunny]

I remember waking one of my grandparents (The other I would not dare). It was fun. We stayed with them a lot, for a week or two at a time. I would go in and stand next to the bed and wait for them to wake up. My grandfather had a glass eye (it didn't close), so I would always think he slept with one eye open. If they didn't wake up quickly, I would shake my grandfather. He was always pleasant and glad to have us around.