s/o of Doriswe's friend post. Opposite sex friends.

[bullygirl979]

A good friend of mine moved a few months back and she is struggling. She hasn't made a lot of friends and she is feeling depressed. We were chatting this morning and I was encouraging her to get out and try and meet new people. She texts me back and says "I'm going to meet up with Mike (a male friend) for dinner. I don't care if [insert her fiancee's name] gets mad!" I asked why he would be mad and she replies that he probably won't feel comfortable with her having dinner with another dude. I said "if he trusts you, it shouldn't matter."

Of course, this got me thinking. Looking back in my relationships, we've always had friends of the opposite sex. At times, I was uncomfortable but I think that had more to do with the fact that I didn't entirely trust my SO. I trust P completely and I wouldn't think twice if he did this. And he wouldn't think twice about me doing it either.

So....what's your stance on friends of the opposite sex? Does your current or past SO care if you hang out solo? Did you or do you care if they did the same?

[cuddlyevil]

I didn’t care if stbx did the solo thing. But we all know that he didn't feel the same about male friends or coworkers.

If you trust the person, then it shouldn't be an issue. But if you have an issue with it, then it probably has more to do with you than your partner.

[tiramisu]

I've always had guy friends, so it's been something that I'd want anyone to be comfortable with. A lot of them dropped off the longer I was with xh, but I still have some good ones. He never had a problem with me being one on one with them. I didn't have a problem with him being one on one with female friends except for the two who were clearly interested but to which he was oblivious. The second of those was a symptom of a larger problem but I don't generalize that beyond the one situation.

[partiallysunny]

Neither of us cares about opposite sex friends.

It's all about trust.

[ECB]

Dh and I are fine w/ opposite sex friends.

Big picture, I do agree that most of this has to do with trust. But I will add my own anecdote. On the side of the FRIEND, I feel very strongly that they need to be a "friend of the marriage". Doesn't mean they have to be friends with the spouse, necessarily, but they need to respect the spouse and the marital relationship.

My specific experience - we have a friend, "jen", who is really more DHs friend than mine. They met in law school (when DH and I were already together). A couple years later, I noticed that whenever she'd call, she'd leave messages for DH. As in only to him, only mentioning him. She would invite HIM to do stuff, etc.

This bothered me. Now- she had met her DH in law school, we all moved up to the DC area (unrelated to each other - where we're from, where she wanted to be for her career), we all got married. Then she got divorced. It was after her divorce that I noticed this stuff happening.

I eventually said something to DH. It wasn't about not trusting him or thinking he would cheat. On HIS end, he was like "Hey, let's go do __ w/ Jen.". HE always included me. It just bothered me that she basically seemed to be ignoring my existence.

Somewhere along the way, I noticed this changed and she started calling US and asking US to do stuff. It's still really DH who contacts her and they are the ones who make the plans for us to get together, and this is all fine. If it weren't for DH, she and I really wouldn't be friends. I like her on many levels, we just aren't close.

BUT the basic acknowledgement of me and my existence was necessary, TBH. She can be friends with him, and they will occasionally get together for lunch w/o me. I'm totally fine with this. BUT, again, she needs to respect me and that I exist. Trying to commandeer DH to be her buddy at my exclusion? Not o.k.

[mags]

If he had an issue with it i would have never married him!
I couldnt care less.

[gault]

Nah, haven't before in previous relationships and unless it was a jealous ex or something I wouldn't have a problem now. Ginger has met some of my male friends and nbd at all.

[starrieskies]

I am one of 2 women who work for my company. I'm surrounded by guys all day long. They're my second family. Xh had an issue with it but he tolerated it because he knew it would take an act of God to get me to leave here. I couldn't see myself in another relationship where friends of the opposite sex is an issue.