s/o your upset toddler

[Deleted]

What do you do when they are upset, especially over "little" things?

Do you always give in? Do you let them tantrum? Do you punish them? I'm sure it's case by case dependent.

What if they wanted to do something themselves? Do you undo it and let them?

What if you picked the wrong thing or opened the wrong thing? Do you get another one?


I sometimes "give in" but I'm always torn. I mean for the do it herself stuff I figure it's good she learns to do more herself and gain independence but she's so sloooow. Other times, like if I got the wrong cup, I just get the one she wants because who cares, it's a cup- she can pick but then am I "rewarding" her behavior?

Most of the time I give in because I just want her to stop!


Oh a big one for us is that she only wants me! Especially if Ian tried to punish her, she starts screaming for me and doesn't listen to him and goes crazy. Sometimes I take over but Ian doesn't want me to because "she needs to learn to listen to him" which is true I know but omg! I could calm her and still "punish" her for whatever she did so much faster than him. It's so hard!

I definitely feel like I am ruining my kid, so tell me how you handle different situations!

[alicia45]

Well, it is very situation dependent.

Some mornings she changes her mind on what she wants to wear, so I let her change the outfit and I re-dress her. I model the words to use, without the whine, to show her how to get something without crying about it.

If it's because she's changed her mind throughout the day, I just model how she should ask for what she wants.

If she's protesting nap or something that's non-negotiable, I calmly explain that this is what we're doing, why we're doing it and continue on. If she keeps crying, I just state again that this is what we're doing and why.

I'm a big proponent for "choices" and giving her two that I don't care about the outcome. But sometimes it's Mommy's turn for the choice. She's getting better about accepting that. Giving her choices has help me a lot because it gives her the control to pick. Red dress or pink? Cereal or banana? Bath now or after dinner?

[fusion]

If she tantrums over something then she can go sit in her chair in her room until she can calm down. Her bad behavior escalates SO quickly if we just give in to her every whim. I do try to avoid it by giving her choices and letting her do things herself, but if she chooses something and then changes her mind, or if she's crying over something ridiculous (like this morning she had a fit because my husband brought the baby downstairs instead of leaving him upstairs with her), then she can sit in her chair. It's more for her to get her emotions out and regroup than as a punishment.

[Deleted]

Feb 28, 2015 12:27:51 GMT -5 alicia45 said:

I'm a big proponent for "choices" and giving her two that I don't care about the outcome. But sometimes it's Mommy's turn for the choice. She's getting better about accepting that. Giving her choices has help me a lot because it gives her the control to pick. Red dress or pink? Cereal or banana? Bath now or after dinner?

Yeah we try choices but it doesn't always work
Red or blue?
Green!!
That's not a choice, choice is red or blue?
Green is a choice! I want green!

haha but it works sometimes

[Deleted]

Feb 28, 2015 12:33:57 GMT -5 fusion said:

If she tantrums over something then she can go sit in her chair in her room until she can calm down. Her bad behavior escalates SO quickly if we just give in to her every whim. I do try to avoid it by giving her choices and letting her do things herself, but if she chooses something and then changes her mind, or if she's crying over something ridiculous (like this morning she had a fit because my husband brought the baby downstairs instead of leaving him upstairs with her), then she can sit in her chair. It's more for her to get her emotions out and regroup than as a punishment.

I did recently give her a "crying chair" and explained that if she feels like she needs to cry she can go sit in the chair until she feels better and it works sometimes too.

lol about the baby, D does that too, "rhys is tired, go put him to bed now..."

[jfh]

K I s really good about calming down and asking nicely. If it's something that I can reasonably give him (different cup, do it himself, different shirt, etc) I'll just say, I'm not going to respond to whining, but maybe I can accommodate if you ask nicely.

If it's something that I feel would be unreasonable (eg make a new sandwich so I can cut it into a different shape), I'll just say I'm sorry, I can't fix it, and I explain why (the sandwich is already cut, I'd have to throw this one away and it would be wasteful) and I tell him how to avoid the situation in the future (tell me ahead of time what shape you want, and I may or may not be able to accommodate).

I don't like the idea of holding a firm line just for the sake of being strict, but I do require that he find a pleasant way to ask for what he wants.

[tuck]

Case by case.

I'll quit singing if she yells at me.
I'll unbuckle her chest clip and let her do it if I forget and do it for her.
I will not take my hands off the cart if she doesn't want me to push it (Firmly, "No, Sadie. Mommy has to have her hands on the cart to push it. You just have to deal with that.)
I will not get out of my spot on the couch, and Holden doesn't have to give up her space if Sadie insists.

[jfh]

Feb 28, 2015 14:21:52 GMT -5 tuck said:

Case by case.

I'll quit singing if she yells at me.
I'll unbuckle her chest clip and let her do it if I forget and do it for her.
I will not take my hands off the cart if she doesn't want me to push it (Firmly, "No, Sadie. Mommy has to have her hands on the cart to push it. You just have to deal with that.)
I will not get out of my spot on the couch, and Holden doesn't have to give up her space if Sadie insists.

The spot on the couch thing is often an issue here. We have a very large sectional and K often thinks that the entire thing should be a racetrack. I used to move for him until I realized that it's the ENTIRE couch he wants, lol. He tries to get me to sit on his toddler couch. Stinker.

[sandj82110]

It's very case by case. I give in sometimes because I can't handle the whining and then I'm pissed at myself because I shouldn't have fought whatever the issue was to begin with If I wasnf willing to follow through.

I try to give him choices all the time but damn this kid is stubborn and if he wants something else he's going to fight for it.

me: Daniel would you prefer to have xx or yy?
Daniel: nothing! I want zzz.
Me: well unfortunately we can't do/have that now so your choices are xx or yy.
Daniel: those are NOT my choices I want zzz.
Rinse and repeat all day long.

[DesertMoon]

I ignore tantrums. I say I'm ready to listen when you can act like a big boy. So I don't acknowledge him until he stops screaming and kicking.

[mumegs]

If it's something I can do easily like get a different dress (this is our fight now she wants to pick all her clothes) or a cup or something I will do it but I make her ask nicely first.
The other day I flushed the toilet for her and she flipped out, I was like sorry there is nothing I can do about that you had your chance. In that case I just ignore her, tell her it's nothing to get upset about. I can usually distract her pretty easily too.
I babysit for my 4 yr old niece a lot and she is in this HUGE tantrum phase over everything. It's always something dumb like I took her iPad charger to give to her brother when hers was already charged. I always just ignore her bc trying to talk to her makes it worse. I guess it's different for every kid.

[jsillyfun]

May is usually decently open to reasoning/redirection so if she sobs I tend to just give in bc I know it's really really important to her. But obviously some things are non negotiable. I've found it works best if I hug her and tell her that I love her so much and I'm not mad but we just can't do xyz.

[carawestt]

It's situation dependent here but I do give in sometimes because I'm weak lol. Which is probably why he acts so much. But a lot of the time, he decides to throw HUGE tantrums when Calvin is asleep, so I either give in or Calvin wakes up prematurely.

If Calvin is awake, I will just let him throw the tantrum and tell him we can talk once he calms down. I do give choices but sometimes he won't even let me talk.

[vthokie]

I do a lot of "I'm sorry. I know you're upset you can't have ____, but mommy said no. So why don't we _____"
She still whines about it, but I try hard not to give in. It's definitely a case by case basis though

[mscatra]

I find it works really to just walk away, ignore the whine, and get calmly busy with something else when they say "I want Z!" after you've given the choices X or Y. Like, she'll say Z and I'll reiterate her the choices are X or Y. If she says Z again, I walk away. Usually quite quickly she'll stop whining and choose X or Y. This one works especially well with food.

[dojo]

This is an average day for us:

"Can I watch Bubble Guppies"

"Not right now, maybe after dinner if you eat your dinner."

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" (Cue legitimate tears an incoherent scream-cry-demands).

I usually give him a hug and say "Are you disappointed because you can't watch Bubble Guppies right now?" - I offer to let him "take a minute" to go calm down. That works sometimes. Other times I just have to say, "I've said no. That's it. You can either play with your toys or colour but you're not staying here and crying."

I almost never give in when he's crying unless I realize I'm being completely unreasonable.