H Doesn't want to pay child support

[wampuscat]

Mar 1, 2015 22:00:01 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

Mar 1, 2015 21:51:07 GMT -5 wesleycrusher4ever said:

Nope, it doesn't matter.

I don't understand, how can you request child support when they are still legally married?

Google tells me you can file a petition with the court to get a support order, even if you haven't filed for divorce or separation.  I'm guessing it depends on your state though

[1confused1]

Mar 1, 2015 22:06:45 GMT -5 wampuscat said:

Mar 1, 2015 22:00:01 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I don't understand, how can you request child support when they are still legally married?

Google tells me you can file a petition with the court to get a support order, even if you haven't filed for divorce or separation.  I'm guessing it depends on your state though

Ahh, Google failed me when I tried to find it.

[Deleted]

So he doesn't mind paying her expenses but he just doesn't want to give the money to you to do so? Lol
What is it about men that they think we're spending their paltry amount of child support on hookers, blow and getting our nails done.

[greencrayon]

Mar 1, 2015 22:35:52 GMT -5 @bk said:

So he doesn't mind paying her expenses but he just doesn't want to give the money to you to do so? Lol
What is it about men that they think we're spending their paltry amount of child support on hookers, blow and getting our nails done.

Amen. 

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

I know you're busy but seriously, attorney needs to be priority one. Because I guarantee you, you'll definitely be too busy for all of the extra litigation down the road when one of you starts backtracking on what you verbally agreed to. Get it in writing now, nail it down in writing.

[stephreloaded]

Getting an attorney should be your priority. Crazy busy is not excuse and you might end up getting screwed.

[prettyinpearls]

Of course he’s hung up on CS, they always are. Stop making excuses (because that’s exactly what you’re doing) and find yourself a lawyer. They have the legal experience to guide you through this process. Do not negotiate or settle on a dollar amount for child support out of court. I repeat, DO NOT SETTLE OUTSIDE OF COURT.

Child support isn’t an option for him, period.

[acr]

Once you have an attorney, you'll free up some time for yourself because all that crap can be handled by the attorney. As my therapist told me, you'll never feel as warmly towards this person as you do right now, so your STBX may be more generous with what he's agreeing to now, but time, people, emotions, etc are bound to change his mind and you may get screwed if you don't have some legal protections in place pronto.

[tiffany81]

Not to pile on, but get an attorney. You need to start getting signatures on documents while he's agreeable. He may change his mind. Let him agree to custody, visitation, etc. Child support can be forced upon him if he doesn't agree.

And like someone else mentioned, you can agree to split expenses in whatever manner you want. But don't do yourself a disservice and make it more difficult. He has legal and moral obligations to your child.

[jojoandleo]

Mar 1, 2015 21:49:45 GMT -5 wesleycrusher4ever said:

Mar 1, 2015 21:48:03 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

Reading fail. They haven't negotiated it yet. 

Did you have a comprehension failure? Because I clearly didn't. No negotiation is needed. Child support enforcement does that for them.

In my state, child support enforcement does not negotiate or approve CS. They just ENFORCE the support agreement in place. They do not CREATE an agreement. Maybe it is different in your state. 

I would suggest finding a lawyer. If you are not making any money, you may try legal aid, or calling a nearby law school (They typically have clinics) and the Bar Association.

[1confused1]

Mar 2, 2015 14:35:22 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Mar 1, 2015 21:49:45 GMT -5 wesleycrusher4ever said:

Did you have a comprehension failure? Because I clearly didn't. No negotiation is needed. Child support enforcement does that for them.

In my state, child support enforcement does not negotiate or approve CS. They just ENFORCE the support agreement in place. They do not CREATE an agreement. Maybe it is different in your state. 

Same here and that's why I was confused.  The organization to collect CS only does it if there is an order in place for them to enforce.

[redshoejune]

Don't agree to this, it would be a nightmare

[Deleted]

The title alone has me cackling with all the LOLs. If not on mobile, I would insert all the gifs.

[wesleycrusher4ever]

Mar 2, 2015 18:09:16 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Mar 1, 2015 21:49:45 GMT -5 wesleycrusher4ever said:

Did you have a comprehension failure? Because I clearly didn't. No negotiation is needed. Child support enforcement does that for them.

No need to be nasty, sounds like you don't actually know what you're talking about. 

I'm a clinical social worker, who prior to my current job worked at the department of social services with various families (married, legally separated, single, etc) that needed to get child support. Some had a private agreement and others went completely thought child support enforcement and never talked to the other parent at all. As I said, this is how it is in NC and may be different in other states, but I do know what I am talking about. Simply trying to provide another option that may be one in the OPs state.

[wesleycrusher4ever]

Mar 2, 2015 19:14:08 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Mar 2, 2015 19:12:44 GMT -5 wesleycrusher4ever said:

I'm a clinical social worker, who prior to my current job worked at the department of social services with various families (married, legally separated, single, etc) that needed to get child support. Some had a private agreement and others went completely thought child support enforcement and never talked to the other parent at all. As I said, this is how it is in NC and may be different in other states, but I do know what I am talking about. Simply trying to provide another option that may be one in the OPs state.

Yeah, me too. Regardless of your line of work/knowledge there is no need to be nasty.

[

I received a snarky comment and responded back in a snarky way.

[tevagirl]

I went to my county's child support office and they were able to help establish an order. I still had to have a hearing because xh wants to pay less than the county recommended based on a potiential move to a lower cost of living state. I am waiting for the judge to write an order based on the testimony we each gave at the hearing. In MN the judge has 30 days to do the final order.

[1confused1]

Mar 2, 2015 19:12:44 GMT -5 wesleycrusher4ever said:

Mar 2, 2015 18:09:16 GMT -5 mofongo said:

No need to be nasty, sounds like you don't actually know what you're talking about. 

I'm a clinical social worker, who prior to my current job worked at the department of social services with various families (married, legally separated, single, etc) that needed to get child support. Some had a private agreement and others went completely thought child support enforcement and never talked to the other parent at all. As I said, this is how it is in NC and may be different in other states, but I do know what I am talking about. Simply trying to provide another option that may be one in the OPs state.

That's all well and good, but you came out guns blazing.  Maybe tone it down a notch.

[cookiemdough]

As someone who gave this a try, don't do it. It is a nightmare. The reason they want this option is because they know it would be cheaper and as a result they will make it hell every time you ask for reimbursement.

[DirtySouth]

All child support enforcement offices, regardless of the state, can help establish an initial child support order. It is called enforcement because they enforce child support laws (including initial establishment of CS), and not because all they do is enforce existing orders. The offices are federally funded, hence the uniformity in the services provided. www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/css

To the OP, this doesn't mean you should go through child support enforcement. Like most government agencies, they are overworked and underfunded, so it can take a very long time to get a child support order in place. It's much, much more efficient to use an attorney (which you need, anyway, to address the hundreds of other issues in the divorce case).

You need to hire an attorney asap. Like others said, with no support order in place and with wanting to move, hiring an attorney is not something you want to put off.

[greencrayon]

I promise I'm not trying to procrastinate. I just have a lot to do!

I am writing two first author papers. I'm writing my thesis. I'm defending my PhD on April 14. I have a 1 year old. I'm trying to pack up my house and put it on the market. I'm trying to buy a new house. Ahhhhhh. When I type it out it looks like so much!!

[dreamcrisp1]

While those are all important, absolutely none are as important as finding an attorney.

The house can wait. You cns take a break from writing papers. Just get a lawyer. You need one.

[polarbearfans]

This is more important than all of that. You need to get this done for your child. Make the time.

[DirtySouth]

Mar 3, 2015 21:56:57 GMT -5 greencrayon said:

I promise I'm not trying to procrastinate. I just have a lot to do!

I am writing two first author papers. I'm writing my thesis. I'm defending my PhD on April 14. I have a 1 year old. I'm trying to pack up my house and put it on the market. I'm trying to buy a new house. Ahhhhhh. When I type it out it looks like so much!!

I'm a divorce attorney.  Trust me when I say that the drama that can be caused because you don't have a temporary order in place can throw a huge wrench into every one of these things.  Right now, your husband has as much right to the child as you.  Say he picks her up from daycare on April 13th and refuses to give her back.  That's going to mess up your PhD defense a heck of a lot more than taking a few hours now to hire a lawyer and deal with this stuff.  This is worth postponing one or two of the things above to deal with this first.  Even selling the house can get super messy if you haven't first hired a lawyer.  Say you put the house on the market and get an offer.  He could file for divorce right before you are supposed to close and file a lis pendens and prevent the sale.  Putting this off can lead to some gigantic messes in the future.

[CurlyQ284]

Yeah no. Your post caught my eye because the cosleeping poll was xp on ML. Definitely do not agree to that! I'm a SM, and I know their food/clothes etc is less than the amount of DHs support but it also helps their mom put a roof over their heads. Since I'm not a regular, I don't know your background. Are you going for 50/50 custody or will you have primary and he gets every other weekend?

[1confused1]

Mar 3, 2015 21:56:57 GMT -5 greencrayon said:

I promise I'm not trying to procrastinate. I just have a lot to do!

I am writing two first author papers. I'm writing my thesis. I'm defending my PhD on April 14. I have a 1 year old. I'm trying to pack up my house and put it on the market. I'm trying to buy a new house. Ahhhhhh. When I type it out it looks like so much!!

Seriously?  We're all busy.  

We're all telling you to get an attorney because WE HAVE BEEN THERE AND KNOW HOW IT GOES.

All I can say is that in a few weeks you are going to be coming back here crying because your STBX threw a wrench in your plans to move with your kid and now your life is turned upside down.  Get off GBCN and spend 30 minutes searching for an attorney, a lot of them even offer a free consultation.