Do you mind if strangers call you "sweetheart"? CLICKY POLL

[AJL]

A recent dust-up on a radio show that was popular in my town (they've moved their show to Nashville) is being discussed on my local board. The precipitant behavior was that a country singer called the female managing producer of a radio show "sweetheart."  The producer felt demeaned by his word choice and his tone and took offense to him calling her the term of endearment.

The context of the comment was that he wanted her to tell the on-air morning show host that he wanted to come on the show and said, "Go tell him I'm here. Thanks, sweetheart."


If you're on the app -

Yes, regardless of sex/age of the speaker.
No, regardless of the sex/age of the speaker.
Yes, but only if it's a man (any age.)
Yes, but only if it's a woman (any age.)
I'm a special snowflake and will explain in the thread.

[LoveTrains]

In that context its absolutely condescending and demeaning.

[pretzel]

I have a friend who calls everyone sweetie, it's like a reflex and NBD. I don't mind if it's once, or something, but the checkout teen at Aldi's calls me sweetheart every 10 seconds and it drives me insane.

In the story above, it's condescending.

[Nonny]

If I don't know you, you don't get to give me a nickname. It's not cute/sweet/endearing in my eye, it's annoying/unprofessional/inappropriate.

In the case described above, a simple "thank you" would have sufficed.

[ChillyMcFreeze]

It bothers me regardless of age or sex. And in the south, it's constant. It grates on me something fierce.

[omgzombies]

It doesn't bother me personally, as long as the person isn't making a request of me. So in this particular instance of "Go tell him I'm here. Thanks sweetheart." I'd be pretty pissed off. It feels dismissive and rude. If it's just a greeting, or from someone who is asking how they can help, I probably wouldn't give it a second thought. For example a waiter or waitress saying "hey sweetheart, what can I get for you?" wouldn't bother me.

Now you call me "doll" and you better be prepared for me to lose my shit. I am not your fucking doll.

[Deleted]

Yes I definitely mind. I also don't like being called an abbreviated version of my first name by people I'm not on a familiar basis with.

But funny story is I call my son "sweets" all the time and sometimes I will call DH that too. The other day I accidentally called my therapist "sweets." Luckily he didn't make me talk about what it meant.

[emilyj]

I hate it. My husband gets to call me sweetheart. That's it.

Like ChillyMcFreeze said, it's pretty constant in the south. Along with "Honey." That grates on my nerves SO BAD.

Is there a male version of any of this? Women don't go around saying to guys "Thanks, sweetie" when we need to thank them, right?

[Deleted]

Mar 2, 2015 13:24:33 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

It doesn't bother me unless it's said with derision. Otherwise, I don't care.

Ditto.

[omgzombies]

Mar 2, 2015 13:27:12 GMT -5 emilyj said:

I hate it. My husband gets to call me sweetheart. That's it.

Like ChillyMcFreeze said, it's pretty constant in the south. Along with "Honey." That grates on my nerves SO BAD.

Is there a male version of any of this? Women don't go around saying to guys "Thanks, sweetie" when we need to thank them, right?

I've heard women call men "sweetheart" "hun"/"honey" and "dear".  Mostly in small towns and the South.

[bugandbibs]

Mar 2, 2015 13:27:12 GMT -5 emilyj said:

I hate it. My husband gets to call me sweetheart. That's it.

Like ChillyMcFreeze said, it's pretty constant in the south. Along with "Honey." That grates on my nerves SO BAD.

Is there a male version of any of this? Women don't go around saying to guys "Thanks, sweetie" when we need to thank them, right?

This is where I confess that I sometimes say "thanks, hon" to people. More often with males because I learned a long time ago it was beneficial towards getting my way.

I would never do it in a work environment though.

[NitaX]

Mar 2, 2015 13:22:45 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

When it comes from a stranger, I think it always sounds condescending. I'm in the northeast; I bet there's some element of regionalism involved here.

There is. We're notorious for it in the South. "Thanks Hon/Sweetie or Be a Dear Heart" I remember when I was 19 and in my first college job, a guy would do this to me all.the.time. It drove me bonkers until I realized he didn't mean it to be sexist and it didn't matter who it was, he'd say it. Now, I don't really think about it because it just happens to be one of those Southern things that we do like Bless Your Heart. 

[cattledogkisses]

It depends on the context for me.

[tacosforlife]

Mar 2, 2015 13:22:45 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

When it comes from a stranger, I think it always sounds condescending. I'm in the northeast; I bet there's some element of regionalism involved here.

There is, but I still hate it.

I worked lots of retail and food service jobs in Texas and was constantly called "sweetheart" and "honey." I HATED it.

AJL, what singer?

[josieposy]

I used to get this crap all the time when I worked at the garden center.

"Hi Sweetheart. Is there a guy I can talk to about lawnmowers?"

I always responded with "Yeah, but I trained him."

[Skyesthelimit1212]

I'll call my friends Sweetie, or sweetness, but never a stranger and certainly not with people I work with. H used to call waitresses Hun. I nipped that in the bud. LOL

[Deleted]

In theory I hate it but I live in the South and I don't want to be pissed off full time so in practice, whatever, man.

[Deleted]

FWIW, in the south, it doesn't matter what you say. It's aaaaaaaaaaaallllll about how you say it.

You can say bless his heart and really do mean you feel so bad for that little old man who comes into the CB all the time because his wife died and this is the only sort of cooked meal he gets all week. "Mr Larry left me a $10 tip, bless his heart."

Or you can mean you want to scratch that ratchet ass bitch's eyeballs right out of her head because every time she comes into to work, heifer always has some issue. Her boyfriend broke up with her, her cat died, she has a paper due, and I'm tired of her shit, bless her heart.

Same thing with sweetie, honey, sweetheart, etc.

[shauni27]

Never ever ok with me. Husband and family can call me sweetheart, close friends as well. That's it. No nicknames if you don't know me.

[laurenpetro]

Work setting? Never ever ever.

Maybe outside? Probably not. I give a pass to anyone who fought in WWII but beyond that I doubt it.

[hopecounts]

Live in the South so very common.
It depends 100% on context and situation.
The little old man at the bakery? a mild eye roll but NBD he's old and it's the South not worth my energy.
In general yes it irritates me though.

[Deleted]

It depends on the context and tone to me. I've been called "sweetie", "hun" and even "doll" and not minded it. I've also been called "ma'am" and had it come off as disrespectful.

The words don't bother me. The intention behind calling me any of them does.

[pandorica]

It bothers me coming from men, but not as much if they're much older.

[charminglife]

It bothers me in any professional context. If an old lady asks me to grab something off the shelf at a store and calls me sweetheart - I've got no issues with that.

[ECB]

The situation you described- yes, it would annoy me. But this is very much an "it depends" thing, for many of the reasons already listed.

But- I will say that AT WORK, it would probably piss me off no matter what!

[onomatopoeia]

Mar 2, 2015 14:08:18 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

Never ever ok with me. Husband and family can call me sweetheart, close friends as well. That's it. No nicknames if you don't know me.

I'm here.  Whether or not I actually call attention to it depends on the context/intent/tone.

My boss (older female) calls me sweetheart and hon, and sometimes even kiddo.  I HATE it, even though I generally like and respect her and we get along well.   I think it's so unprofessional.

[somersault72]

I do it at work allllll the time. I never mean it condescendingly, I promise. 2 of the OBs I work with do it all the time and I think they've rubbed off on me. FTR, they're both female, one is in her mid 30s, the other is in her early 40s. Conversely, as long as the tone comes from a good place I don't mind when people say it to me.

[BlondeSpiders]

Mar 2, 2015 14:22:52 GMT -5 charminglife said:

 If an old lady asks me to grab something off the shelf at a store and calls me sweetheart - I've got no issues with that.

This is the only circumstance under which I would not Go.Off.

I didn't want to abuse the spirit of the special snowflake option, but I wish one of the choices had been "FUCK YEAH I mind."

Working in retail is tricky, especially in the kind of retail I work. Occasionally I get men calling me sweetheart, honey, etc and it absolutely infuriates me. I know, though that if I say something, that customer will walk. I tend not to say anything, buut when they invade my space or touch, I am not shy about pointedly backing away.

<cries in a corner> I need my bubble. I need my bubble.

[Deleted]

It doesn't bother me much unless the person is being condescending or creepy about it.

[Deleted]

Now I'll never be a southerner but I think I need to clarify because that person who condescendingly called you sweetheart? They were gonna call you that even if they weren't being an asshole. It's not the word itself that denotes it. So just be pissed they're being condescending, not the terminology.

Outside of the south though, all bets are off.