Update after court

[achase123]

Xh wasn't there and his attorney was late. We couldn't try to reach an agreement without him there so we set it for a pre trial hearing on 3/20 and if we don't agree to something before then we'll have trial that week

We both met with his attorney in the hallway. He said he's very concerned and saddened by what's happening with P. We told him more about the pattern of seeing xh and then regressing. He kept brining up supervised visits and asked if we'd be willing to agree to that. I don't think he has talked to xh that much.

I said I'd be willing to agree to visits supervised by a COUNSELOR for short periods of time during Ps spring break. Then he could stay with my family and see them, and see xh in tiny bits in a controlled environment. I would get a recommendation for a child's counselor over there from my old counselor.

Xh would have to pay for the visits which. Shouldn't be a problem since he's not paying Cs anyways and I'm paying $80/hr. for Ps counselor here.

If xh doesn't agree of course we'll go to a two hour hearing but it sounded like his attorney was going to try to get him to see that he should agree to supervised visitation.

[kanga1]

Just don't trust XH's attorney any farther than you can throw him....while going through my divorce XH's attorney called mine off the record and talked to her as he was very concerned about some stuff XH was doing to me and then at our temporary hearing in court his attorney threw me under the bus. So outside of court he may be concerned but in court could be a different story. Sorry to be a debbie downer.

[Deleted]

I agree with kanga1 honestly that is so unprofessional of an attorney that I would definitely be this is an ulterior motive for sure.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Mar 2, 2015 13:48:18 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Xh wasn't there and his attorney was late. We couldn't try to reach an agreement without him there so we set it for a pre trial hearing on 3/20 and if we don't agree to something before then we'll have trial that week

We both met with his attorney in the hallway. He said he's very concerned and saddened by what's happening with P. We told him more about the pattern of seeing xh and then regressing. He kept brining up supervised visits and asked if we'd be willing to agree to that. I don't think he has talked to xh that much.

I said I'd be willing to agree to visits supervised by a COUNSELOR for short periods of time during Ps spring break. Then he could stay with my family and see them, and see xh in tiny bits in a controlled environment. I would get a recommendation for a child's counselor over there from my old counselor.

Xh would have to pay for the visits which. Shouldn't be a problem since he's not paying Cs anyways and I'm paying $80/hr. for Ps counselor here.

If xh doesn't agree of course we'll go to a two hour hearing but it sounded like his attorney was going to try to get him to see that he should agree to supervised visitation.

I'll echo the others, I wouldn't trust any xh's atty any farther than I could toss him I would seriously question WHY he isn't advocating on behalf his client and why it appears that he's siding w/ you. I would be TERRIFIED of some horrible bait and switch last minute manipulative attempt to wrangle MORE custody.  master manipulators make you feel that they have your best interests at heart (like xh's atty siding w/ you ?!?) and use all that against you. I would STOP talking to his attorney have your's talk to his.

[achase123]

My attorney was there with us when we were talking. I'll let them communicate from here on out.

[abcdefu]

I don't understand why your ex-h is permitted to miss these court appearances?

[achase123]

Mar 2, 2015 14:27:58 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

I don't understand why your ex-h is permitted to miss these court appearances?

I'm not sure either....

[abcdefu]

Mar 2, 2015 14:29:21 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Mar 2, 2015 14:27:58 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

I don't understand why your ex-h is permitted to miss these court appearances?

I'm not sure either....

Maybe you could bring that up to your lawyer and if this goes to trial, you can request your ex-h reimburse your lawyer fees for the appearances your ex-h doesn't show up.

[jojoandleo]

Mar 2, 2015 14:27:58 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

I don't understand why your ex-h is permitted to miss these court appearances?

If you don't need testimony, typically only your attorney has to be present.  This does not seem like one of those cases, though, since they were attempting to negotiate.  He would have to be present for negotiations.  I do wonder if his attorney is a moron and told him he didn't have to come (incorrectly) since the attorney does not appear to be advocating for his client.  This whole thing seems fishy.

[achase123]

Idk ladies; I'm not sure what else we could've done other than state our case and go from there. Whether or not they are trying to be under handed really doesn't matter. We still have our position and are sticking to what we want.

Xh forgot there was even court today. I think he's out of it. He FaceTimed P at 6;45 and told him he was driving to town to pay bills :/

My guess is there just hasn't been very much communication between him and his attorney.

[1confused1]

I'm surprised the court isn't ordering you back to mediation to discuss visitation. That's what happened to us before they ordered supervised visitation.

[achase123]

Mar 2, 2015 14:45:31 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I'm surprised the court isn't ordering you back to mediation to discuss visitation. That's what happened to us before they ordered supervised visitation.

We already have a mediation date but it isn't until June. There are visits scheduled before then so this needs to be addressed before we can get into mediation because of the severity of it. This is just for the temporary orders.

[abcdefu]

Mar 2, 2015 14:37:33 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Mar 2, 2015 14:27:58 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

I don't understand why your ex-h is permitted to miss these court appearances?

If you don't need testimony, typically only your attorney has to be present.  This does not seem like one of those cases, though, since they were attempting to negotiate.  He would have to be present for negotiations.  I do wonder if his attorney is a moron and told him he didn't have to come (incorrectly) since the attorney does not appear to be advocating for his client.  This whole thing seems fishy.

Exactly! In my state mediations are mandatory appearances for litigants. I don't think it's fair that achase has to pay attorney fees and miss time at work. Then her ex doesn't show up and the whole thingsis a waste of time and money to accomplish nothing.

[jojoandleo]

Mar 2, 2015 15:01:28 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

Mar 2, 2015 14:37:33 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

If you don't need testimony, typically only your attorney has to be present.  This does not seem like one of those cases, though, since they were attempting to negotiate.  He would have to be present for negotiations.  I do wonder if his attorney is a moron and told him he didn't have to come (incorrectly) since the attorney does not appear to be advocating for his client.  This whole thing seems fishy.

Exactly! In my state mediations are mandatory appearances for litigants. I don't think it's fair that achase has to pay attorney fees and miss time at work. Then her ex doesn't show up and the whole thingsis a waste of time and money to accomplish nothing.

I keep forgetting you work in this field.  LOL.  SORRY!  I'm the worst!  But, yeah.  I don't do ANY family law, but I would talk to my attorney about if sanctions are possible if he misses another court date?  achase123

_and I don't mean YOU sound fishy, Achase, I mean your ex and his attorney do.

[achase123]

Mar 2, 2015 15:04:35 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Mar 2, 2015 15:01:28 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

Exactly! In my state mediations are mandatory appearances for litigants. I don't think it's fair that achase has to pay attorney fees and miss time at work. Then her ex doesn't show up and the whole thingsis a waste of time and money to accomplish nothing.

I keep forgetting you work in this field.  LOL.  SORRY!  I'm the worst!  But, yeah.  I don't do ANY family law, but I would talk to my attorney about if sanctions are possible if he misses another court date?  achase123

_and I don't mean YOU sound fishy, Achase, I mean your ex and his attorney do.

That's a great point to bring up!

No I didn't think anyone was implying that I sound fishy, more just at a loss because if xh and his attorney are trying to do something all we can do is arm ourselves with what we know, as best we can. They haven't even filed anything with the court in response to the latest allegations.

[abcdefu]

Mar 2, 2015 15:04:35 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Mar 2, 2015 15:01:28 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

Exactly! In my state mediations are mandatory appearances for litigants. I don't think it's fair that achase has to pay attorney fees and miss time at work. Then her ex doesn't show up and the whole thingsis a waste of time and money to accomplish nothing.

I keep forgetting you work in this field.  LOL.  SORRY!  I'm the worst!  But, yeah.  I don't do ANY family law, but I would talk to my attorney about if sanctions are possible if he misses another court date?  achase123

_and I don't mean YOU sound fishy, Achase, I mean your ex and his attorney do.

LOL! No worries! If I ever go to law school, I want to practice family law. I'm cray-cray I know!

[jojoandleo]

Mar 2, 2015 15:22:48 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

Mar 2, 2015 15:04:35 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

I keep forgetting you work in this field.  LOL.  SORRY!  I'm the worst!  But, yeah.  I don't do ANY family law, but I would talk to my attorney about if sanctions are possible if he misses another court date?  achase123

_and I don't mean YOU sound fishy, Achase, I mean your ex and his attorney do.

LOL! No worries! If I ever go to law school, I want to practice family law. I'm cray-cray I know!

I am-jured family law. I would actually love to practice it, but here, there aren't family law FIRMS, it's solo practitioners.

[achase123]

I had a call from a friend on facebook who is a bartender and a single mom. She lives close to xh. one of her friends told her about a friend of a friend who has been messing around with xh. Apparently he was blowing up her phone all last weekend trying to get her to come do meth and molly with him. Special.

Guess we will demand the hair follicle test now. I really wonder if I'm bring too lenient saying supervised visitation could be ok. He's such a piece of shit.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Mar 2, 2015 22:59:53 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I had a call from a friend on facebook who is a bartender and a single mom. She lives close to xh. one of her friends told her about a friend of a friend who has been messing around with xh. Apparently he was blowing up her phone all last weekend trying to get her to come do meth and molly with him. Special.

Guess we will demand the hair follicle test now. I really wonder if I'm bring too lenient saying supervised visitation could be ok. He's such a piece of shit.

given your situation (bc it mirrors mine) ABSOLUTELY zero visitation.

i was able to substantially document xh's drug abuse and the judge who granted the RO w/ custody order attached gave me full legal and physical custody of dd w ZERO visitation to him.

i'm asking that the same custody order be continued in the divorce petition.

[achase123]

Mar 2, 2015 23:10:24 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Mar 2, 2015 22:59:53 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I had a call from a friend on facebook who is a bartender and a single mom. She lives close to xh. one of her friends told her about a friend of a friend who has been messing around with xh. Apparently he was blowing up her phone all last weekend trying to get her to come do meth and molly with him. Special.

Guess we will demand the hair follicle test now. I really wonder if I'm bring too lenient saying supervised visitation could be ok. He's such a piece of shit.

given your situation (bc it mirrors mine) ABSOLUTELY zero visitation.

i was able to substantially document xh's drug abuse and the judge who granted the RO w/ custody order attached gave me full legal and physical custody of dd w ZERO visitation to him.

i'm asking that the same custody order be continued in the divorce petition.

My problem is i don't have anything concrete. I wish hed just hey arrested already. Word is he owes a huge dealer big money. It would be great if something would come of that.

[achase123]

Mar 3, 2015 10:22:39 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

I'd absolutely demand a follicle test. And I wouldn't let him go to whatever clinic he chooses; can the court specify a testing facility?

Well I think we can request that in our negotiations. We'll see what he says.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Mar 3, 2015 12:51:33 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Mar 3, 2015 10:22:39 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

I'd absolutely demand a follicle test. And I wouldn't let him go to whatever clinic he chooses; can the court specify a testing facility?

Well I think we can request that in our negotiations. We'll see what he says.

no, this isn't the time to go - we'll suggest a place and see if he wants to go there. now's the time to take off the gloves and play hard ball. either he gets the test at X place or its an admission that he is indeed using and visitation is revoked, immediately.

the subject of parents using drugs hits a super raw nerve w/ me. 

[achase123]

Mar 3, 2015 13:30:08 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Mar 3, 2015 12:51:33 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Well I think we can request that in our negotiations. We'll see what he says.

no, this isn't the time to go - we'll suggest a place and see if he wants to go there. now's the time to take off the gloves and play hard ball. either he gets the test at X place or its an admission that he is indeed using and visitation is revoked, immediately.

the subject of parents using drugs hits a super raw nerve w/ me. 

I just got a response back from my friend who works in drug testing for a reputable place here. Our position that well propose to his attorney is supervised visitation upon submission of a clean hair follicle test. If they don't agree with it then we'll go to hearing.

[1confused1]

Mar 3, 2015 13:30:08 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Mar 3, 2015 12:51:33 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Well I think we can request that in our negotiations. We'll see what he says.

no, this isn't the time to go - we'll suggest a place and see if he wants to go there. now's the time to take off the gloves and play hard ball. either he gets the test at X place or its an admission that he is indeed using and visitation is revoked, immediately.

the subject of parents using drugs hits a super raw nerve w/ me. 

I know this is an issue close to you, but I also know from personal experience, it is incredibly difficult to get the court to require this if there isn't hard proof.  Going in saying "a friend from facebook has a friend of a friend who works in a bar near where xh lives says a friend's phone was blowing up" isn't going to hold a lot of water.

I know there is previous drug use, so hopefully that will help.  But I know achase's xh has had "clean" tests on the record.

[achase123]

Mar 3, 2015 14:02:36 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

Mar 3, 2015 13:30:08 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

no, this isn't the time to go - we'll suggest a place and see if he wants to go there. now's the time to take off the gloves and play hard ball. either he gets the test at X place or its an admission that he is indeed using and visitation is revoked, immediately.

the subject of parents using drugs hits a super raw nerve w/ me. 

I know this is an issue close to you, but I also know from personal experience, it is incredibly difficult to get the court to require this if there isn't hard proof.  Going in saying "a friend from facebook has a friend of a friend who works in a bar near where xh lives says a friend's phone was blowing up" isn't going to hold a lot of water.

I know there is previous drug use, so hopefully that will help.  But I know achase's xh has had "clean" tests on the record.

Right this IS the issue; the proof. However, everything against him with the neglect and Cps case is putting more power on my side to request things like this. We're trying to negotiate with his attorney outside of a hearing. It appears his attorney thinks it's best to avoid a hearing. So he may encourage xh to take a test to get supervised visits because if we go to hearing they may not allow ANY contact.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Mar 3, 2015 14:02:36 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

Mar 3, 2015 13:30:08 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

no, this isn't the time to go - we'll suggest a place and see if he wants to go there. now's the time to take off the gloves and play hard ball. either he gets the test at X place or its an admission that he is indeed using and visitation is revoked, immediately.

the subject of parents using drugs hits a super raw nerve w/ me. 

I know this is an issue close to you, but I also know from personal experience, it is incredibly difficult to get the court to require this if there isn't hard proof.  Going in saying "a friend from facebook has a friend of a friend who works in a bar near where xh lives says a friend's phone was blowing up" isn't going to hold a lot of water.

I know there is previous drug use, so hopefully that will help.  But I know achase's xh has had "clean" tests on the record.

To get anything absent hard proof is difficult and the 'friend of a friend of friend via FB' isn't going to hold any water, anywhere.  I was lucky that I had the hard proof that was required.  I always have to ask myself, when and if he ever becomes clean and stays that way ... am I going to let him see her and under what conditions ?!?

[achase123]

Mar 3, 2015 15:29:38 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Mar 3, 2015 14:02:36 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I know this is an issue close to you, but I also know from personal experience, it is incredibly difficult to get the court to require this if there isn't hard proof.  Going in saying "a friend from facebook has a friend of a friend who works in a bar near where xh lives says a friend's phone was blowing up" isn't going to hold a lot of water.

I know there is previous drug use, so hopefully that will help.  But I know achase's xh has had "clean" tests on the record.

To get anything absent hard proof is difficult and the 'friend of a friend of friend via FB' isn't going to hold any water, anywhere.  I was lucky that I had the hard proof that was required.  I always have to ask myself, when and if he ever becomes clean and stays that way ... am I going to let him see her and under what conditions ?!?

Yes obviously the rumor mill doesn't hold proof but it gives me reason to ask for the drug test (hair follicle).

This is one more thing to couple with everything else. I believe the return to drug use is at the root of all this. But without positive proof of drugs the fact still remains that Ps being abused under his care. Therefore we still try to get no contact or supervised visits. My point is maybe we could get him to refuse a test or test dirty