F*ck. (suicide mentioned) and ramblings

[FrozenSunshine]

I've started this post 3 times today and deleted. I'm heartbroken.

H and I lost one of our dearest friends, Matt,  today. He committed suicide, they found him today.

H is OOT and had to call and tell me. He didn't want me to find out via Facebook or anything.

Matt was our biggest fan early on. A lot of people questioned what we were doing and me leaving my ex and Matt stood by us and relished in the fact he was part of it from day 1 and what it turned out to be.  He was the life of the party. Would give you the shirt off his back; would let complete strangers he met crash at his house in a time of need.

H has known the family for over 20 years and me for 15. 

Our longstanding joke was that I could use the 40-acres he had for all the random animals I wanted as long as I paid for them We had agreed on black and white cows, llamas, breeding St. Bernard's and I was allowed to have a Giant (you know because you can buy them and hold them hostage..)

I haven't seen him in a few years but never thought the last time I did, would be the last. He was splitting his time between AK and Houston for work and our schedules just never matched up.

He's part of the biggest, close knit family I've ever seen. He called us last May to tell us his cousin, John (who was suppose to be the best man at our wedding but couldn't leave Ireland at the time) was really ill and hiding it from everyone. Everyone was watching out for John so much and the thought of him leaving behind his wife and 3 young kids, that I think Matt fell through the cracks. 

This is going to be the hardest trip home ever. I'm beyond numb. The idea I'll never get the giant bear hug and a kiss on the cheek and him whispering some sweet nothing (a silly joke) to not tell H in my ear will forever be remembered  and missing. 

[Deleted]

FrozenSunshine, I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you a giant hug right now.

We're all here for you.

[ilovebed]

He sounded like an amazing person. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[mkate710]

I am so, so sorry to hear this frozen. We are here if you need to talk. Big hugs.

[mrslefty]

A very close friend of mine committed suicide years ago. It is an incredibly difficult thing to come to terms with. I am so sorry and if you ever need to talk I am here.

[spa]

Frozen that's so rough lots of hugs & vibes coming your way

I so sorry

[monsterz]

Giant hugs to you and your H. It is never easy to lose a friend.

[madDawg228]

I am so sorry FrozenSunshine.  (hug) (hug2)

[dana86]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Many big hugs to you and your H

[Deleted]

We're here for you if you need a place to vent all the various emotions (anger, grief, whatever). Giant hugs! I am so, so sorry

[fiddles]

I have no words except I'm so sorry for your loss.

Big hugs.

[theoriginalbean]

I'm so, so sorry for your loss

[georgeharrison]

I read your post first thing this morning, but just haven't been able to reply, because I have NO idea what to say. I hate it for you.

(hug)  FrozenSunshine  (hug2)

[BlondeSpiders]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I guess yesterday was just a bad day. I heard this morning that a close friend of a friend also committed suicide yesterday. I'd met him a few times but didn't really know him. It's really shaken me up today.

[alias]

I'm so sorry.

[InBetweenDays]

I am so, so sorry. Big hugs.

[larzhope]

I'm so sorry for your loss. hugs to you and your H

[FrozenSunshine]

(heart) Thanks ladies. It's been a tough day. I'm waiting on final arrangement information so I can book tickets home. 

[tacocat]

I'm so sorry frozen. That is so hard, I will be thinking of you.

Hugs

[picksthemusic]

I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. I'll be thinking of you.