Female company pres: "sorry to all the mothers I worked with

[thejackpot]

I appreciate her change of heart but I can't stand that you have to experience something to have understanding of it. Yes, you can make a company to support mothers but there are still going to be a variety of experiences that are foreign to you that you should respect and value. Her old self just leaves such a bad taste in my mouth.

[onomatopoeia]

Well, this is depressing. I'm glad she realized the error of her ways (and is putting her money where her mouth is), but it's too bad it took actually having a kid of her own to think oh gee, maybe I was wrong to judge, label, and flat out legally discriminate against working moms. She sounds horrible, and she should be embarrassed.

I'm always surprised when women say "Lean In" basically said to learn to get along in a man's world.  That is so far removed from the message I took from that book.

[laurenpetro]

fuck her. i am so goddamned sick of people not getting it until they've been put in a shitty situation. that's great that you've seen the light but you're still an asshole.

i respect people who respect others' situations without having to actually be in them to begin with.

[downtoearth]

To a small extent, very small, b/c I am not big potatoes, I sort of get this (and I think Sheryl Sandberg would somewhat also b/c she wrote a book about women making lean-out choices vs. lean-in choices). As a career youngin' I thought this a little when I saw the president of our company making decisions out of her minivan while driving kids to school. I didn't say anything and tried to just keep working hard, but time always brings perspective.

I think the big misconception is that working late and making work your life = the best commitment and passion for your work. It's pretty easy to think that early in your career that working a ton is the only way to show commitment, but that changes over your career also.

[Deleted]

SO basically, what I'm hearing is that antivaxxers need their babies to catch whooping cough, men need to live lives as women, white folks need to be black for a week, and anyone who makes more than the median income needs to spend a few months on 18k/yr before they stop being self involved dicks.

[bowies]

I look forward to her apology to the olds in 2045.

[LoveTrains]

Mar 3, 2015 12:24:25 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

And, um, I can't work hard and do good work and meet deadlines because I'm not a mom? I would say more but I can't. So I'll just post this and move on. 

That is how I felt reading this, as a CF woman. I think her ideas about flexibility are well stated - but they are applicable to EVERYONE, not just mothers. 

[omgzombies]

Well at least I can now kick DH in the nuts whenever I want. Obviously it's ok because I don't know what it's like, I've never had to deal with what that feels like. If I ever decide to transition to male, I'll just be sure to apologize.

[ttt]

Can we please, please stop making things about "moms vs non-moms" and start talking about workers as humans in general?? Moms need flexibility and understanding. So do dads. So do men and women who are caring for an elderly relative or disabled spouse. So do men and women with their own serious health problems.

Some moms are amazing employees, some are shitty employees. Saying "moms are xyz" is not helpful or useful.

[jeaniebueller]

[penguingrrl]

God she's an intolerable asshole.

[heyjude]

This woman sounds insufferable, before kids and after them. And yay she can just up and leave her profession to start a new job about creating flexible jobs for other moms. How nice. Maybe if she hadn't been such an asshole to the other moms there would be no need for her new venture project.

[earlgreyhot]

Mar 3, 2015 11:56:38 GMT -5 thejackpot said:

I appreciate her change of heart but I can't stand that you have to experience something to have understanding of it. Yes, you can make a company to support mothers but there are still going to be a variety of experiences that are foreign to you that you should respect and value. Her old self just leaves such a bad taste in my mouth.

QFT.

I really have a hard time with people who lack basic empathy. (eta...ESPECIALLY people who are in a position of power.)

[Velar Fricative]

Mar 3, 2015 12:21:32 GMT -5 @helenabonhamcarter said:

SO basically, what I'm hearing is that antivaxxers need their babies to catch whooping cough, men need to live lives as women, white folks need to be black for a week, and anyone who makes more than the median income needs to spend a few months on 18k/yr before they stop being self involved dicks.

That was my first thought. Men can be parents too but we all know society's expectation of them in the workplace is different compared to women. Sooooo we wait for men to become mothers to see great change in society?

[Deleted]

Mar 3, 2015 13:22:06 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

That was my first thought. Men can be parents too but we all know society's expectation of them in the workplace is different compared to women. Sooooo we wait for men to become mothers to see great change in society?

I do think that there are some things that will not change in the workplace and in culture in general until we do get men to be more active parents and more active partners. We are getting there I think but as long as moms are usually the ones who pick up sick children from school, take kids to their well child visits, handle school enrollment, parent teacher conferences, etc, the stigma will be slow to lift.

[Deleted]

Mar 3, 2015 13:30:29 GMT -5 deej said:

Mar 3, 2015 13:27:55 GMT -5 @helenabonhamcarter said:

I do think that there are some things that will not change in the workplace and in culture in general until we do get men to be more active parents and more active partners. We are getting there I think but as long as moms are usually the ones who pick up sick children from school, take kids to their well child visits, handle school enrollment, parent teacher conferences, etc, the stigma will be slow to lift.

I agree, but as long as women are underpaid compared to men, I think moms will often continue to handle these things because their contribution to the family budget is less.

Well then it's a catch-22, isn't it?

[heliocentric]

Mar 3, 2015 12:41:01 GMT -5 ttt said:

Can we please, please stop making things about "moms vs non-moms" and start talk about workers as humans in general?? Moms need flexibility and understanding. So do dads. So do men and women who are caring for an elderly relative or disabled spouse. So do men and women with their own serious health problems.

Some moms are amazing employees, some are shitty employees. Saying "moms are xyz" is not helpful or useful.

I totally agree. I have never witnessed a woman become a parent and suddenly change into a new person. If she was hardworking & dedicated before kids she is probably hardworking & dedicated after. The pre-kid slackers are most likely slackers after having kids. (Same with dads.) Having kids might feel life changing to the parent, but it usually doesn't change people in a way that's obvious to others.

[StrawberryBlondie]

I can't believe it took her having a kid to realize that scheduling last minute meetings for late in the day would cause problems for people, regardless of parental status.

[ttt]

Mar 3, 2015 14:07:38 GMT -5 StrawberryBlondie said:

I can't believe it took her having a kid to realize that scheduling last minute meetings for late in the day would cause problems for people, regardless of parental status.

Seriously. 

News flash: it wasn't just the moms who hated you for scheduling 4:30 pm meetings. 

[MrsAxilla]

Mar 3, 2015 13:27:55 GMT -5 @helenabonhamcarter said:

Mar 3, 2015 13:22:06 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

That was my first thought. Men can be parents too but we all know society's expectation of them in the workplace is different compared to women. Sooooo we wait for men to become mothers to see great change in society?

I do think that there are some things that will not change in the workplace and in culture in general until we do get men to be more active parents and more active partners. We are getting there I think but as long as moms are usually the ones who pick up sick children from school, take kids to their well child visits, handle school enrollment, parent teacher conferences, etc, the stigma will be slow to lift.

You know, I've been very impressed with DH's agency with all this gender/parent stuff.  They are very accommodating when DH needs time off for family - whether it's "important" (like an illness) or not (like he promised to watch the kids while I go to yoga).  That attitude is common for all employees.  In fact, the three best in the division are DH (obviously - lol), a mother of 2 yr old twins, and a mother of two who works PT to be at home after school.  Of course, the PT mom is passed over for opportunities that require more hours, but that seems to be her choice.  I know they've tried to get her back full time for years.  The other mom and DH are both great, but they have very different strengths.  They both have an equal shot at promotions, and in fact, she probably has the edge because the Feds are actively trying to cultivate women.  

[NitaX]

Mar 3, 2015 14:09:57 GMT -5 ttt said:

Mar 3, 2015 14:07:38 GMT -5 StrawberryBlondie said:

I can't believe it took her having a kid to realize that scheduling last minute meetings for late in the day would cause problems for people, regardless of parental status.

Seriously. 

News flash: it wasn't just the moms who hated you for scheduling 4:30 pm meetings. 

I have a 4:30pm meeting scheduled for Friday. The person who told me that they weren't coming to the meeting was a guy. LOL "I'm not coming to a meeting at 4:30 on a Friday! Hell no." DIRECT QUOTE PEOPLE.

[downtoearth]

Someone scheduled a 4pm meeting and I replied, No with "My work hours are from 8:30 to 3:15pm. I can't make it."

[Deleted]

Mar 3, 2015 14:48:50 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

Someone scheduled a 4pm meeting and I replied, No with "My work hours are from 8:30 to 3:15pm. I can't make it."

I work 7:50 to 4:20. If some asshole scheduled something at 4:30, I'd reply with "How about 8?".

But I don't work with assholes. They mostly avoid first thing, last thing, and coffee break meetings.

[downtoearth]

Mar 3, 2015 15:44:42 GMT -5 @lcap said:

Why so female centered? Nine if this applies to working dads?

We got into that on page one - it's because we/our society still sticks women with the lion-share of the family duties - including taking care of elderly parents and young kids or just even meeting the appliance guy.  It was somewhat of a unity-horse that it sucks that it still falls to women to advance to advance the "flexible workplace" agenda, but might just be how it is for awhile longer.

 

[thebulldog]

Mar 3, 2015 12:41:01 GMT -5 ttt said:

Can we please, please stop making things about "moms vs non-moms" and start talking about workers as humans in general?? Moms need flexibility and understanding. So do dads. So do men and women who are caring for an elderly relative or disabled spouse. So do men and women with their own serious health problems.

Some moms are amazing employees, some are shitty employees. Saying "moms are xyz" is not helpful or useful.

I want this on a tshirt.

Sent from my SM-G900P using proboards

[Deleted]

Mar 3, 2015 16:01:51 GMT -5 @lcap said:

Mar 3, 2015 15:56:21 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

We got into that on page one - it's because we/our society still sticks women with the lion-share of the family duties - including taking care of elderly parents and young kids or just even meeting the appliance guy.  It was somewhat of a unity-horse that it sucks that it still falls to women to advance to advance the "flexible workplace" agenda, but might just be how it is for awhile longer.

 

Maybe but a lot of families are trying to solve the problem on their own by having the dads do more with the home/kids than the mom. Pretty sure none of those guys are going to be happy about 4:30 meetings.

The Nest calls bullshit on that.

[Deleted]

My old boss would schedule meetings at 6pm on Fridays. Most of us worked from 930-530.

Flexibility is one of the things I value most about my new job. And I love that it's for everyone in the department, not just people with kids. As long as your work is getting done, my boss doesn't care if you cut out an hour early because of snow (like I did today) or need to run an errand.

[Deleted]

Mar 3, 2015 17:26:11 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

Mar 3, 2015 17:18:28 GMT -5 @ameliapond said:

My old boss would schedule meetings at 6pm on Fridays. Most of us worked from 930-530.

Flexibility is one of the things I value most about my new job. And I love that it's for everyone in the department, not just people with kids. As long as your work is getting done, my boss doesn't care if you cut out an hour early because of snow (like I did today) or need to run an errand.

This made me laugh out loud literally. I'm still chuckling. 

We'd all go to the bar after and bitch about her for a few hours.

[downtoearth]

Mar 3, 2015 17:26:11 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

Mar 3, 2015 17:18:28 GMT -5 @ameliapond said:

My old boss would schedule meetings at 6pm on Fridays. Most of us worked from 930-530.

Flexibility is one of the things I value most about my new job. And I love that it's for everyone in the department, not just people with kids. As long as your work is getting done, my boss doesn't care if you cut out an hour early because of snow (like I did today) or need to run an errand.

This made me laugh out loud literally. I'm still chuckling. 

Yeah I was laughing at this too. If I got a meeting request for 6 PM on a Friday likely it would be for our "east conference room" which means the brewery.

[dexteroni]

Mar 3, 2015 12:16:47 GMT -5 deej said:

I liked a lot of what she had to say, but it really got off track when it went from "I made mistakes with how I treated women" to "If you want something done, ask a mom!"

This. She's still an asshole who thinks her way is the only way.