I thought that non-profit jobs offered more flexibility since the pay can be sub par. I guess not.
I would not take that job.
This could very well be the case here, but by virtue of the fact that I'd be further away and no longer able to, for example, use an extended lunch hour to attend my kid's spring concert at 10am on a Wednesday, there'd be less flexibility.
I personally would really consider and possibly take the meaningful job. I've found that working for an organization that I believe in and/or doing something that I feel matters is really important to me. It hurts my soul to show up at work every day and just do a job to get paid and not have any personal interest or care in the outcome of what I'm doing. Assuming I could get paid enough to meet my goals (which aren't that lofty, lol) I would absolutely take a job that was meaningful over staying at a job that I felt "meh" about and that I didn't feel was making an impact.
Yeah, this is what's got me. I guess that's sort of obvious.
It took me a really, really long time to finish my college degree (B.S. in Behavioral Science). I did it part time, off and on, when I could. When I could afford it, when my jobs allowed for it, when life allowed for it. I followed job opportunities as they came and, although I've no regrets and am proud of what I've accomplished, I've ended up in a field that's completely unrelated to what I'd been working towards all those years.
Which, you know, is okay. Believe me, I realize how lucky I am to have had the opportunities I've had.
I started taking courses towards a Masters in Non-Profit Administration, thinking I'd eventually find the right place to apply my business experience in a way that felt more meaningful. I actually just stopped last semester because I couldn't justify spending money on a path that I wasn't sure that I'd ever actually follow.
And now this opportunity has presented itself, and a big part of me just...really wants to do it.
I don't do anything that cuts my pay, increases my hours, and makes it impossible to get to my kids when they need something.
How old are your kids, is retirement funding/college funding going ok, is dh's job secure and on the upswing?
Ugh, I know. I KNOW.
Kids are 6 and 9. I'm amicably divorced and share 50/50 custody. So, two weekdays/nights a week and every other weekend. Family helps with aftercare. Savings could always be better, but I'm in a good place.
Ex and I actually work for the same company currently, so he will retain the advantage of proximity that I'd hypothetically be giving up.
I mean, how long is the commute? On days when you have the kids, do they wake up and fall asleep in your house, or do they wake up at XH's and come to your house that night? I wonder if the new job would let you flex your schedule, so on days when the kids are waking up at XH's you go in super early and leave early to be home for the kids at night, and then go in later the following day since your kids are home/stay later into the night because your kids are at XH's.
That doesn't help with mid day programs, but maybe you could use vacation time or have the ability to work from home on those days (which I assume are a few times a year, not weekly, right?). So you could work at home before the program and then work at home after the program, and still attend.
IDK. I used to work at a non-profit, granted it was large and corporate like, but there was a lot of flexibility. Lots of people who worked there lived 45 minutes or more away, and would work from home when they had stuff going on that they couldn't miss. Unless you KNOW there is no flexibility and they won't work with you on it at all, I'd still pursue it. I might feel differently if you had your kids 100% of the time, but I think there could be ways to work with your kids' schedule so that you miss very little.
MY quality of life and that of my family comes first. We have a new position open at work, step up/higher pay etc. New boss surprised when those of us most eligible didn't apply. I don't need that stress, that time commitment. You get to a point where you realize what is right for you and a more time-consuming, more stressful job is NOT it for me.
Post by EmilieMadison on Mar 3, 2015 17:46:51 GMT -5
Would the new job Matter with a capital M matter to your family, who would be negatively affected by this change? I just have a hard time believing that you would really be happier doing work that "matters" at the expense of your money, your time, and your family.
It sounds like you feel inadequate and want to fill that with your work. And sometimes that's fine. But I wouldn't put my need to fill a void above my family, who could benefit from some of your desire to do something that "matters".
Kids are 6 and 9. I'm amicably divorced and share 50/50 custody. So, two weekdays/nights a week and every other weekend. Family helps with aftercare. Savings could always be better, but I'm in a good place.
Ex and I actually work for the same company currently, so he will retain the advantage of proximity that I'd hypothetically be giving up.
I mean, how long is the commute? On days when you have the kids, do they wake up and fall asleep in your house, or do they wake up at XH's and come to your house that night? I wonder if the new job would let you flex your schedule, so on days when the kids are waking up at XH's you go in super early and leave early to be home for the kids at night, and then go in later the following day since your kids are home/stay later into the night because your kids are at XH's.
That doesn't help with mid day programs, but maybe you could use vacation time or have the ability to work from home on those days (which I assume are a few times a year, not weekly, right?). So you could work at home before the program and then work at home after the program, and still attend.
IDK. I used to work at a non-profit, granted it was large and corporate like, but there was a lot of flexibility. Lots of people who worked there lived 45 minutes or more away, and would work from home when they had stuff going on that they couldn't miss. Unless you KNOW there is no flexibility and they won't work with you on it at all, I'd still pursue it. I might feel differently if you had your kids 100% of the time, but I think there could be ways to work with your kids' schedule so that you miss very little.
The commute would be about an hour each way. 45 minutes if I drove, which is an option. So not insane, but significantly greater than what I have to do now. On the days I have the kids, they wake up with me, I take them to their father and grandmother's house (ex-MIL lives with ex and provides our before and after care) to catch their school buses, and then I pick them up there after work and take them home.
There's a lot of x-factors right now, and I do intend to pursue this at least until I get those figured out. Like, I honestly don't know that taking this job would result in a serious decrease in quality of life. At this time I only know a general salary range, and the median is less than I what I make now but wouldn't be a painful cut to make. Like another poster said, there may be some schedule flexibility. Their standard work week (hours-wise) could be shorter. I might need to do less "at-home" work than I do now. I'll have those (important) details soon enough. I just know I have a good, super-convenient situation right now, and even pondering changing that scares me.
Unfortunately, looking into my crystal ball, I can absolutely see you saying the exact same thing in 1-2 years, OP. Sorry wtfaulkner, glad you're able to lol about it, even if you're simultaneously banging your head in the wall
Would the new job Matter with a capital M matter to your family, who would be negatively affected by this change?
I may delete this part, so PDQ, but the new opportunity directly involves ***. So, yeah. I do think it matters to my kids, too.
I get what you're saying, though, and I promise that even the most noble of causes won't persuade me to hurt my kids. If this opportunity does turn out to involve too much of a sacrifice, there are other ways for me to contribute.
Would the new job Matter with a capital M matter to your family, who would be negatively affected by this change?
I get what you're saying, though, and I promise that even the most noble of causes won't persuade me to hurt my kids. If this opportunity does turn out to involve too much of a sacrifice, there are other ways for me to contribute.
I completely understand the desire, even the NEED, to feel like you're making a difference in something so important and vital. I feel the same about some things. But YOU matter to your kids. Even if your kids can and will understand what you could do to further this cause, will they truly appreciate it if it came at the expense of their time with you? If it was me, I wouldn't choose to make less money, or have less time with my kids to do it. Having a flexible job that pays well can afford you the opportunity to make a difference without those sacrifices.
I work for a non-profit with a great mission. And I'd trade my job for your job
Trust me, when you WORK somewhere, the daily grind doesn't always let you feel like it MATTERS that much. At least not as much as less pay and bigger commute.
I usually just lurk here but for me this would me a no brainer -no. I work a job where I don't make money but I have a lot of flexibility. Plus my husband makes good money. What you are proposing sounds awful.
Well, I personally think you're insane, but I also care very little about job fulfillment and am currently looking to change careers because I want better work/life balance. I don't even care if I have to take a pay cut if it means more time with my family. So, basically I'm the opposite of you.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
What is that commercial - "having a baby changes everything", lol.
I did something similar - was an attorney at a big firm and gave it all up to work an incredible political campaign - worse money, terrible hours, but as exhilarating a job as someone like me can have. But that was before I had kids. In the years since having kids I have sat across some incredible candidates asking me to work for them, but I just can't. I have 3 kids under 5 - a little younger than yours. I'd love to work on a presidential campaign in the future, but know it will probably never be the right time for something like that.
In your situation, I would be very sure what the time commitment would be - it is sometimes less than you would imagine. Unless the job is full of young folks without kids, I'd imagine that the top executives at least have found a way to make it work - maybe they "seem" busier that they are.
The new opportunity has very few of these "pros". It would involve a (manageable) pay cut, a long commute by public transit, and remarkably decreased flexibility and paid time off.
And yet.
It's for a nationally recognized non-profit. It's a job that would Matter, with a capital M. It has great potential to give me the exciting, interesting career that I would be so, so proud of. I WANT to be talked into this job, guys. I need someone to advocate for my soul, haha.
Lifestyle sacrifices are sometimes worth it, right? And not just for the money?
The two bolded lines, imo, just don't match up. Making a decent salary at a job I like, not spending hours commuting, and having the flexibility and opportunity to spend time with my kids - those are all good for my soul. A job that Matters? That too, but not at the expense of those other things.
I think this potential job sounds exciting and interesting, but the shine wears off on exciting and interesting pretty fast. I really do understand the desire to pursue the opportunity, though. Any chance you could negotiate a higher salary, work from home capability, more PTO, etc?
I work in non profit, have for 10 years. I love it, but it's a job. Yes, it matters, but I don't walk around with puppies and rainbows following me. At the end of the day, the same grind is happening at my job than my husband's corporate job. I would not take a pay cut and a longer commute for a possibly misconceived passion.
Also, FWIW, "nationally recognized" non profits may not be all they are cracked up to be. I have worked for two of them, and hated both with the fire of a thousand suns. They treated their employees and donors horribly and didn't care how hard they worked people. I have had much better experiences at smaller organizations, in addition to the flexibility.
I think we have to let go of feeling so defined by our jobs.
I admit I've struggled with this. On the other hand, I don't want to be primarily defined by my children. I feel 99.5% okay saying those words, even though they may be flame worthy. I see a chance here to utilize talents I will never utilize with my current employer. I can't say enough how much I want that.
Post by everythingsshinyap on Mar 4, 2015 11:51:26 GMT -5
And hey! Thanks all for the discussion. I have a lot of respect for the viewpoints and experience on this board and am glad I reached out, even if you all peed on my parade ;-)
I don't want to come off as being defensive, so I hesitated to respond to this the way I wanted to. But, what's the point of being here if I'm just going to nod my head in passive agreement?
So, I'll just ask...where are the working moms on this board who DO work for personal fulfillment? I know you are here! I've lurked for a really long time. Is it just that you've all been fortunate enough to find work that makes you feel good about yourself AND fits seamlessly into your families' lifestyles?
The suggestions to stay put and/or carefully consider what I could be giving up DO make sense to me. I showed up here with those conflicted feelings. I don't know. I swear I'm not looking for permission to take this job. I'll make that decision on my own when I have more information and, like, an offer. But I am curious whether anyone here ever feels that maybe they could meet some of their kids' needs better if they didn't do X, but they do X anyway because of...reasons. Maybe reasons others see as being selfish, even?
I just think you're able to find this fulfillment without taking on a job that has very little other benefit and makes you have less money and less time with your children. Like others said, I would keep my comfortable job where I am near my children and use my extra money and time to volunteer. And take my children to do the volunteering with me so that they can see how important it is.
I don't want to come off as being defensive, so I hesitated to respond to this the way I wanted to. But, what's the point of being here if I'm just going to nod my head in passive agreement?
So, I'll just ask...where are the working moms on this board who DO work for personal fulfillment? I know you are here! I've lurked for a really long time. Is it just that you've all been fortunate enough to find work that makes you feel good about yourself AND fits seamlessly into your families' lifestyles?
The suggestions to stay put and/or carefully consider what I could be giving up DO make sense to me. I showed up here with those conflicted feelings. I don't know. I swear I'm not looking for permission to take this job. I'll make that decision on my own when I have more information and, like, an offer. But I am curious whether anyone here ever feels that maybe they could meet some of their kids' needs better if they didn't do X, but they do X anyway because of...reasons. Maybe reasons others see as being selfish, even?
This is...less than helpful.
OP, I responded above. I'm a working parent who seeks (and fortunately gets) real fulfillment out of my job. Two years ago I accepted a promotion that increased my hours and my responsibilities. If I was making the decision based on what was logistically best for my family, I would have turned it down. But I wanted the promotion, I deserved it, and I took it. I have no regrets.
It doesn't fit "seamlessly" into my family lifestyle, but it fits, know what I mean? There are days/weeks where I could probably fit my family needs better but I need to prioritize my job, and days/weeks where I could be a better worker but need to prioritize my family. Fortunately, like you, I also still have decent flexibility, good PTO, and a great commute - this would be a different post if that wasn't the case. I don't even know what my point is, lol. I won't lie, sometimes I do think about where I could be in my career if I didn't have kids. I think I have a good balance overall now though.
I don't want to come off as being defensive, so I hesitated to respond to this the way I wanted to. But, what's the point of being here if I'm just going to nod my head in passive agreement?
So, I'll just ask...where are the working moms on this board who DO work for personal fulfillment? I know you are here! I've lurked for a really long time. Is it just that you've all been fortunate enough to find work that makes you feel good about yourself AND fits seamlessly into your families' lifestyles?
The suggestions to stay put and/or carefully consider what I could be giving up DO make sense to me. I showed up here with those conflicted feelings. I don't know. I swear I'm not looking for permission to take this job. I'll make that decision on my own when I have more information and, like, an offer. But I am curious whether anyone here ever feels that maybe they could meet some of their kids' needs better if they didn't do X, but they do X anyway because of...reasons. Maybe reasons others see as being selfish, even?
This is...less than helpful.
OP, I responded above. I'm a working parent who seeks (and fortunately gets) real fulfillment out of my job. Two years ago I accepted a promotion that increased my hours and my responsibilities. If I was making the decision based on what was logistically best for my family, I would have turned it down. But I wanted the promotion, I deserved it, and I took it. I have no regrets.
It doesn't fit "seamlessly" into my family lifestyle, but it fits, know what I mean? There are days/weeks where I could probably fit my family needs better but I need to prioritize my job, and days/weeks where I could be a better worker but need to prioritize my family. Fortunately, like you, I also still have decent flexibility, good PTO, and a great commute - this would be a different post if that wasn't the case. I don't even know what my point is, lol. I won't lie, sometimes I do think about where I could be in my career if I didn't have kids. I think I have a good balance overall now though.
Sorry for the untrimmed quote but I'm having a hard time with that on my phone.
I think that's kind of it, though--I'd like more balance. I guess usually when people say that it's for the opposite reason.
can you negotiate better benefits with the new opportunity? I wouldn't dismiss it entirely especially if this is something you're really passionate about.
can you negotiate better benefits with the new opportunity? I wouldn't dismiss it entirely especially if this is something you're really passionate about.
After I got divorced, I did exactly what you are describing. Internationally recognized non-profit; good pay, but with the commute and lack of benefits it was less in my pocket each month; longer commute; but it MATTERED! You know what? In the long run, being there for my kid mattered more. In fact, i was so stressed out by the long commute and lack of flexibility, that I ended up super sick in the ER one night (and my boss still wanted to know if I'd be in the office the next day). It was a nightmare and the best thing I ever did is cut my losses and get out. I lasted 10 months in that job and I can honestly say it was the worse all-around job experience ever.