Well I broke things off

[Deleted]

I wasn't feeling it. I thought it might be because I was scared, but he's actually so overwhelming. Tonight's date wasn't that good and the make out was really boring. I just wanted him to go home so I could be alone. Then after he left he sent a long text about how much he "loved holding me in his arms" and on and on about how much he liked me.

No. This was too much. I'm feeling smothered and overwhelmed. He asked me via text how I was feeling and I told him I thought he was really fun but I'm no longer feeling the chemistry.

Uggg I've pinpointed why I don't date. I cannot handle letting people down. Rationally I know it's not a huge deal and I'm not like the end all to be all. But I'm sitting here feeling so horrible and awful that I might have hurt him. This happens everytime I date. I can't go through this anymore.

[achase123]

Ugh I'm sorry! You did the thing right thing though.

[starburst604]

I think you did it exactly right. You could have just ghosted and left him wondering wtf happened, but you were direct and honest. He can't fault you for that. I get it though, I always HATED telling someone I wasn't interested, and I'm ashamed to admit I wasn't always as direct as you were. I usually just got quiet and hoped they got the hint.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry things didn't work out

[bl]

I am sorry things didn't work out, but I think you handled it amazingly. I know you don't want to let anyone down, but if you kept going with something you weren't feeling then you would both end up unhappy and if you just ghosted he would have no idea what happened. It is 100% okay to be honest and do what you need to do.

[peppermint]

i'll agree with mp and others above - you handled one of the most delicate situations in life with grace and directness. proud of you not only for that, but for knowing what you want and not continuing on with it, which would have been much easier.

hugs.

[abcdefu]

I'm sorry @pdx18! You did the right thing. Try not to feel bad about telling the truth. People get their feelings hurt and then they move on. If they can't handle that, then IMO, they shouldn't be dating. Good for you for recognizing it wasn't working for you and taking action!

[mcc]

Sorry it didn't work out but I'm glad you found someone you weren't anxious about and enjoyed some dates. Date for you and don't worry too much about hurt feelings. You can't control how you feel and you were nice about it. Hugs

[baa1981]

Awwww, sorry it didn't work out! Like everyone else has said - you did what was right for you and that's awesome. You've got to look out for you and your feelings first!

[onedayatatime]

Sorry it didn't work out - but definitely agree that you have to worry about your feelings first. You handled it nicely.

[calle28]

This is absolutely my least favorite part of dating, but it has to be done. I'm sorry you feel so bad, but it's okay. It was only 4 dates, he will be okay. Yeah, he might be sad for a day or 2 because you're awesome, but he will be okay!

You did nothing wrong. You didn't string him along, you didn't ghost him. You handled it well.

I'm sorry it didn't work out though.

[Deleted]

Thanks all! I'm not really sad it didn't work out. I can take a relationship or leave it. You're all right that getting hurt is just part of dating, but it feels so shitty to have to be the one letting another person down after they've gone on and on about how much they like you. I'll probably stop dating again because I just don't want to. I go in little spurts. I got my fix and I'll be good for another six months probably. Haha

[1confused1]

Good for you for making a decision rather than dragging it out.

[Wanderista]

I think you handled it well. It is good to be polite and considerate but you aren't responsible for others' feelings. When it comes to love, it's ok to want what you want. You gave him a chance and you aren't wasting his time. I would say that you should just see this as a positive experience. This guy wasn't right for the long-term but he was into you. The relaxed good feeling of looking forward to spending time with someone is a good thing to take away from it. That type of happy but stable feeling is a good thing to look for, you just want it with someone who feels right. It might take a little bit to realize that someone is right, there's also nothing wrong with realizing that someone is not.

[mommadukes]

aww that's a shame. to bad it didn't work out for you. did he respond at all to what you said?

[Deleted]

Mar 4, 2015 15:38:59 GMT -5 mommadukes said:

aww that's a shame. to bad it didn't work out for you. did he respond at all to what you said?

Honestly I blocked him on my iPhone. I knew that he would likely text me and make me feel really sad and I don't think there is any point in dragging out that conversation, so no real reason to respond. I guess that was a cowardly thing for me to do. 

[Deleted]

Mar 4, 2015 16:14:28 GMT -5 mp said:

Hmm, I don't think it's cowardly. I do worry that you throw your guard up so quick - I see glimpses of you really excited to be with someone and have a potential thing, and then you shut off so quickly like "I really didn't care anyway."

You know yourself best, and I'm only basing this off a few posts on the internet, lol. So I don't say this like it's truth. Just, a concerned friend.

STOP JUDGING me;)Here's what happens with me. It is very, very, very rare that I actually like and am truly attracted to someone. Sometimes I get into a place where I meet a nice guy and I'm like hey he's really nice. He's not who I usually would date and that's a good thing! I should see how this goes even if at first a few things are a bit of a turn-off to me (dumb things like the way he laughs or a mannerism). So I do. And then I'm pretty sure I convince myself I like them. Because everyone is like "omg he's so nice. This is what a relationship should be like. Enjoy it!" Except then I realize this is exactly not what I want. And once I do I'm totally turned-off there is no going back.

Last night literally my skin was crawling and I could not wait for him to get out of my place so I could be alone. It all just felt so so so wrong. And he did nothing wrong really. It just wasn't there for me. 

In this instance this guy was just TOO much. He would tell me like five times a day how much he liked me. He was closely moving into stage 5 zone. I need super confident guys. And this just wasn't working for me.

And I mean I care about his feelings, but honestly I really didn't care about the dating stuff. It was fun sure, but I don't feel any sort of let down now that it's not there. Honestly I feel a huge sense of relief.

I think it will just be hard for me to find someone and that's okay. I want a super confident guy who has maybe one or two evenings a week available and we go out, have amazing dinners and drinks and sex. We're exclusive but we don't see each other a ton. We text maybe a few times a day. He's super confident and has a powerful presence. Occasionally we got on a weekend away. That's not too much to ask right?

[spedrunner]

ive had dates like this!! The first two dates, I felt "woooooooooooooooow this guy is ahhhhhmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing"

date 3, FLOP, yuck, please never, ever, call me again  

Great practice for you! <3

[spedrunner]

and I have learned that it is better to be honest wiht someone right away and tell them you dont want to see them anymore because it will ONLY benefit YOU and them. Sure they will be psised, no one enjoys being rejected, BUT its the only way you will find your happiness

[winecat]

Oh bummer! I was excited for you because it seemed like there could be a fit. It's so much better to cut it off if you're not feeling it.

People bounce back from being hurt if the news is delivered honestly and respectfully. If they get ghosted, lied to, manipulated then that sucks and "hurts" far more than what you did.

FWIW, I don't think you're asking for too much. I want the same thing.

[glitzyglow]

It may have hurt to read, but bravo for telling him! The ghosting thing sucks, so at least he knows what happened and hopefully won't dwell on it.