My grandmother has alzheimers, and has for at least 7yrs but probably closer to 10 (her husband hid or dismissed it when he was alive). She is at the point now where conversation is no longer really possible -- my dad's example was that he asked if she would like some lunch and she said "I TOLD you I don't like the color blue!" I guess I'm trying to prepare myself as well as make some practical decisions, but I don't know what to expect. 1) I'm sure there's a range, but how long does she have left from this stage? I know how things happen, but not the timeframe. Months? Years?
2) Is seeing her at this stage upsetting for her? Like, if I take dh and ds to visit her, will she just be frustrated that she doesn't know us? She isn't close-by, so it's not like I can just stop by again another day and see how she is. I should've gone last summer, but I was wrapped up in my own bs with a newborn, and I'm kicking myself for it.
Post by karmasabiotch on Mar 4, 2015 9:41:51 GMT -5
It could be frustrating for her but it could also warm her heart even though her brain doesn't remember. It's a different process for everyone. You just have to have no expectations and be ready for everything. It's worse for you than her at this point. If she becomes agitated you can end the visit. She won't hang on to that feeling very long. It will stick with you.
I am speaking only from experience. I don't have any medical or scientific knowledge regarding this.
1. It was about a year from the point that my grandmother no longer had moments of lucidity until she passed.
2. My grandmother had a few moments where she got angry and upset, but most of the time she was pleasantly confused. She didn't know who I was, but she was always happy to see me and other visitors. She also thought she was on a cruise ship a lot of the time.
I'm so sorry you are going through this ((fasthands))
ETA: The one thing she did get frustrated and upset about was food. No one could convince her to eat for some reason. We sort of just let it go and when she did request foods, would give her whatever she wanted. But I think the lack of nutrition probably led to a quicker physical decline. Towards the end she would request Frosty's but only a couple times per week.
I can't give any facts, just what I've experienced.. my grandmother had years from that point. For the last few years of her life, she didn't even speak at all. She would look up at us, but that was about it.
Not alzheimers, but I know with my other grandmother... it doesn't seem like she gets upset that we're seeing her as she is (she's really declined over the last year - she's 93 and has good and bad days, but on her bad days she rarely moves and doesn't really know any of us), but she just gets upset generally that she can't remember things or do anything. But I still go and see her. Some days are awful, but it makes the 'good' days that much better. I'd hate for you to regret not going.
1. It's different for everyone. no way to predict based on what you're saying. That's why it's so horrible. The mind will go long before the body. It could be years....or it could be months.
2. Don't try to "make her" remember you. Introduce yourself and see where the conversation goes. You will probably just be spending time with her doing mundane things. Maybe looking at photos. Small talk. A walk to look at flowers. Paint her nails? Have no expectations and it will go better.
Also the one silver lining about my grandmother is that sometimes when I go to visit her, she forgets I'm there halfway through the visit. So I come in, say hi, and sit down next to the bed. People will talk for a while, and then she'll look up at me, her eyes will widen, and she'll say "Hey!! I didn't know YOU were coming!" and I get to do my greeting all over again and she gets excited TWICE to see me
My grandmother passed away a few years ago from Complications of Alzheimer's. She was in the last stage for well over a year. She couldn't talk, couldn't eat normally, and was basically asleep most of the time. It was VERY difficult to see her that way, but there were sparks of her old self in there somewhere. when she was told that I had my baby and she was now a great-grandmother, she smiled!
I can't say for sure if it was hard for her or not. I don't know how aware of everything they are toward the end. My grandmother didn't seem agitated and seemed to enjoy visits. I would just sit and talk with (at) her about my life and I know she would have been interested in it prior to her diagnosis.
My grandfather was unable to speak for years before he passed. It could still be a while. I think every case is different though.
I'm not sure if it's upsetting. I wouldn't think so, she's just having a nice visit with some nice people you know? Maybe some minor annoyance like when you know you've seen someone before but you just can't place it.
I agree with what others have posted: it's probably going to be nice, not upsetting, for her to have visitors, even if she doesn't know you. She may ask who you are (at the beginning, during, and at the end of the meeting), but if you are just matter of fact about reminding her, I don't think she'll get upset or frustrated.
I'd encourage you to go if you want to, but please don't feel bad or guilty if you can't. And PLEASE drop the guilt over being wrapped up in your newborn - that's what being a mom to a newborn is all about! Your grandmother would surely understand that, having been a mom to a newborn at least once herself.
Also PP had a great idea - bring pictures. Even if she remembers you, she may not remember details. Bring wedding pictures, baby pictures, etc. That will be really nice for her to look at.
I can unfortuantly speak from experience. I was the caregiver for my grandmother for her last 2 years. I brought her to live with me after my grandfather died. He too hid it as much as he could for several years, his last 7 months he couldn't take care of her and they were both in a nursing home. He begged me to take her home after he was gone, they lived 5 hours away and I spent those 7 months driving back and forth every week. I kept her in my home for the first 8 months, then it got to dangerous, I couldn't sleep because I had to listen for her and things she could get into. She was in the state that she could talk, but didn't usually know who people were. She usually knew me somehow. She got to the point where in her final few months she would not eat and started getting lots of complications.
She was fortuante to able to have the means that I could put her in a memory care center, small and enclosed so that she could roam around and not worry that she could get out. She had wonderful care, and I was able to go everyday but give over the stress. It was so hard to see her like that. Its impossible to say how long your grandmother has, but for us it was about 2 years after she got to the point your describing.
My grandmother loved visits, and sometimes she could actually tell stories about things that happened a long time ago, but not within the last 50 years. This disease is crazy. She would look at a picture album I took her for hours, and she also liked us to walk with her in the halls. Like somebody said above, halfway through the visit she would sometimes greet us all over again. But, she loved company, so go if you can and just be prepared that she may not know you.
Post by schitzengiggles on Mar 4, 2015 10:18:16 GMT -5
As many have said, there's really no time frame. It presents and progresses differently for everyone. I worked in an assisted living facility for Alzheimer's patients and could tell a dozen different stories with a dozen different timelines. One person might have a year after the point your describing. Others lived many years at the most advanced stages (like where they no longer remember how to eat, how to go to the bathroom, etc).
It's such a terrible disease, I'm sorry. Keep visiting, don't try to force memories and always remember to not take things personally. Just be there :-)
So what happened in the case of my grandmother (and this is relatively common from what I understand), is that when she got to this stage, her body didn't function as well. She ended up developing pneumonia, likely from being unable to swallow food properly. And her heart just gave out trying to fight the pneumonia. It was very sudden and related to, but not directly caused by, the Alzheimers. A year or so prior to that, she had fallen and broken her hip, and that was really the beginning of the end for her. She never fully recovered physically and she was unable to do the tasks on her own that had given her some sense of routine and normalcy.
It's so hard to know what will happen, but I guess my advice would be to be prepared for anything. We weren't expecting her death to be sudden and it was difficult. I'm sorry you're going through this.
First of all, I'm really sorry your grandmother suffers from this horrible disease.
The timeline, as others have mentioned, varies from person to person. From my own experience, my dad lasted four years in an Alzheimer's unit. This was after he was totally incapable of living independently with his wife.
WRT visits: Go as often as you can. Realizing there is a distance involved. If you catch her on a "bad" day, you can always leave. My dad was always happy to have company. He knew me right up to the night before he died. He always called me by name, so I was lucky. The frustrating thing is when you turn the corner after visiting, your grandmother will forget you were even there. So why bother??? As sad as the visits sometimes made me, I visited Dad because I knew I was there.
1. It's different for everyone. no way to predict based on what you're saying. That's why it's so horrible. The mind will go long before the body. It could be years....or it could be months.
2. Don't try to "make her" remember you. Introduce yourself and see where the conversation goes. You will probably just be spending time with her doing mundane things. Maybe looking at photos. Small talk. A walk to look at flowers. Paint her nails? Have no expectations and it will go better.
I definitely wouldn't try to make her remember me, but that's good advice. I guess I imagine someone trying to place a visitor, even if they didn't say anything, yeno? But I'm trying to imagine something that is beyond comprehension from the outside.
First of all, I'm really sorry your grandmother suffers from this horrible disease.
The timeline, as others have mentioned, varies from person to person. From my own experience, my dad lasted four years in an Alzheimer's unit. This was after he was totally incapable of living independently with his wife.
WRT visits: Go as often as you can. Realizing there is a distance involved. If you catch her on a "bad" day, you can always leave. My dad was always happy to have company. He knew me right up to the night before he died. He always called me by name, so I was lucky. The frustrating thing is when you turn the corner after visiting, your grandmother will forget you were even there. So why bother??? As sad as the visits sometimes made me, I visited Dad because I knew I was there.
This is part of my mulling. Not so much "why bother," but more that I was worried that it would upset her and do more harm than good, and the only benefit would be selfish. It sounds like that's not as big of a concern as I was thinking.
The other aspect was timing, which it sounds like I can't anticipate how much longer I have left. With the difficulty of travelling with a baby, and being constantly sick with what are minor bugs for me but could be much more serious for her, my gut says to wait a bit. But there's the lingering what-if and how-much-longer, yeno?
With my uncle I just smile and greet him with "Hi, Uncle Bob! Sure is cold out today, huh?" as I help load him into my car to take him and my aunt to lunch. Statements about the weather and things he can look around and notice right then are things to talk about and he likes that.
Sometimes I bring photo albums from family reunions. He can pore over those for a very long time. He just enjoys looking at them, and it makes me happy that his mind is temporarily occupied on something "new" for him. He does still recognize himself in the pictures.
My aunt will sometimes whisper to me "He might not want to give (the album) that back right away," but I just tell her not to worry and if he needs to hang onto it after I leave I will get it back another time. She appreciates that I don't try to get it back in case he needs more time looking at it, and she also is really glad I bring something for him to "do".
My uncle was a very successful engineer but he doesn't remember any of that kind of stuff anymore. I do ask him about some of his trademark life stories. I hear them every time I see him but I also love that because he enjoys telling stories from his childhood.
I would say just keep a light heart and show off that baby of yours!
Also, when people have these brain diseases they truly don't hide their emotions so if someone was getting upset about it you would know. I'm sure you won't upset your relative but it's kind of you to be thinking through all the different aspects of your visit. (heart)
I'm sorry. My grandmother had it for almost twelve years, and wasn't verbal for the last five. Everyone is so different, but it's very hard for loved ones all the same.
For my Gran she was unable to carry on a conversation for about 2 yrs. I basically acted normal and chatted any way she would pat my hand and smile so I assume she enjoyed the company and my chatter.
DH and his brother had to stop visiting because their grandma became terrified of strange men. And she didn't remember them.
Also if she misremembers or forgets something, just agree. DHs grandma got more upset when she realized she had forgotten a big event/thing and it just wasn't worth it to correct her. Even if she's remembering someone who has died as still alive. If she asks when say your grandfather will be there just say probably later.
I'm sorry for your grandmother and your family. The time of each stage of Alzheimer's varies with each person. Long ago, I worked in a nursing home for a year. One man with Alzheimer's was nice but didn't talk much. Over the next year, he stopped talking almost completely and experienced more frequent episodes of rage. Aside from those moments, which I think were triggered from him unable to communicate when an aide/nurse was taking care of him, he still liked company.
Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed. - G. K. Chesterton
I think it totally depends on the person. My grandmother was not a happy person, so in the end, it frustrated her to see people she didn't 'know'. I would visit her, but it was really for my grandfather's sake.
My grandfather, on the other hand, is a happy Alzheimer's patient. He doesn't know that he doesn't know things, so as long as we can handle hearing the same things 100 times, and being called 'that nice lady', visits with him are generally good.
I think it totally depends on the person. My grandmother was not a happy person, so in the end, it frustrated her to see people she didn't 'know'. I would visit her, but it was really for my grandfather's sake.
My grandfather, on the other hand, is a happy Alzheimer's patient. He doesn't know that he doesn't know things, so as long as we can handle hearing the same things 100 times, and being called 'that nice lady', visits with him are generally good.
My 93 year old grandmother... I cannot tell you how many times she's told me the same story or asked me the same question. I listen or answer her like she's never said it before in my life. My uncle can be a real twat about it ("Mom. You've already asked that 100 times.") but I don't understand why the fuck he reacts that way. Even if it doesn't make her feel bad and/or if it does, she forgets 3 minutes later.. it's still shitty.