Did you attend? DH's is next week and we both decided that I was not going to go (as in I don't want to go and he doesn't want me to go). Today he was talking to someone in his department about the logistics and she mentioned that spouses do attend a lot. So now we're a completely different impasse - i.e. I will go if he wants, he tells me if I want to go, I can. I will be on campus somewhere (school is 90 miles away, so we're driving over together).
Has anyone attended their spouse's defense? Or have a spouse attend theirs? This thing has been a very, very, very long and stressful process - so I want to be supportive, but I don't want to make him more nervous or intrude.
ETA: And did the doctoral students get their own ceremony? DH is in the liberal arts college and his graduation is with the 1000s of other undergrads and graduate students. I'm irrationally annoyed b/c my (relatively large) undergrad university has a separate hooding ceremony for all PhD students (as well as the larger ceremony), and that's what I thought I would be attending.
My husband came to mine. I had, like, 50 people at mine (everyone from my labs, friends from other labs, assorted relatives) Hell, a nestie came to mine (shoutout to OBG).
It should be up to him, though. Just ask him.
Also, the graduation ceremony will not be the same as the defense. The defense is totally different and unless specifically planned it to coincide it likely will not be associated with the graduation ceremony.
I'm still writing my dissertation but I am 99.9% sure I don't want my husband at my defense. It's a nerve-wracking process and while I'd like him to pick me up and take me drinking afterwards, I don't want him in the actual room while I defend my research. The ideas makes me antsy.
H helped me set up the coffee/refreshments for my MS defense, then left to sit in his office for the actual defense because I wouldn't let him stay haha. Then I ran to him when I finished and passed
I attended H's and he will attend mine. My kids will probably come, too. Our parents may also want to attend--they did for H. Commencement IS huge- I'd rather have everyone see me defend, when I'm the star.
We get so few opportunities to TRULY attention whore ourselves as we get older. Might as well take advantage. Plus, people who come usually bring presents and/or cake.
I didn't want my husband to attend mine and I won't attend his. Nobody else besides my committee attended mine, so it would have been weird to have him there. Plus, if I crashed and burned, I didn't want him to have to sit through it (I didn't, lol).
At my school, PhDs and other doctorates graduated separately from masters and undergrads. It was short and sweet!
My husband came to mine. I had, like, 50 people at mine (everyone from my labs, friends from other labs, assorted relatives) Hell, a nestie came to mine (shoutout to OBG).
It should be up to him, though. Just ask him.
Also, the graduation ceremony will not be the same as the defense. The defense is totally different and unless specifically planned it to coincide it likely will not be associated with the graduation ceremony.
He's not giving me an answer!
The defense and graduation are months apart, but I just found out about the ceremony details right after I posted - and like I said, I'm annoyed. I think it's a big deal and should have it's own ceremony!
I didn't want DH at mine, but, while they were technically open to the public, no one ever attended defenses for my department. We also didn't have a separate graduation ceremony, so I just didn't attend. As a faculty member, sitting through graduations is my most dreaded task.
My H didn't want me to attend-he gets really nervous. Also it was in CT and someone needed to be home with the kiddo in MA.
He went to UConn do it was a gigantic ceremony-they did all the Master's and Doctoral degrees at a ceremony separate from the undergrad (thank goodness!).
DH came to mine, as well as my mom and MIL. It wasn't unusual for spouse to go to a defense in my program, although I made them all promise not to ask questions.
My commencement was all the grad students from the university, so it was fairly big, but only the MFA and Doctorates were hooded. We had a terrible commencement speaker. His speech was pretty much why his program was harder than everyone else's.
Eta: I was a little uncomfortable with the idea of them being there at first, but they wanted to come and it ended up being nice to have them to celebrate with afterwards. None of my lab mates could come because they were in a different state by then, so it was nice to have some people there afterwards.
I attended H's and he will attend mine. My kids will probably come, too. Our parents may also want to attend--they did for H. Commencement IS huge- I'd rather have everyone see me defend, when I'm the star.
We get so few opportunities to TRULY attention whore ourselves as we get older. Might as well take advantage. Plus, people who come usually bring presents and/or cake.
And booze.
Mine had me drinking Makers Mark, tequila, champagne, beer and wine all before 11am.
With everyone so proud of me
my PI made me a personalized champagne flute with PhD after my name, that was used then.
It's so funny how institutional cultures are so different. In my department, it was expected that the student defending would provide food for the committee (I made muffins, a fruit plate, and coffee). Nobody brought anything for me, including my advisor. I went to lunch afterward with my husband and a couple of friends. It was a great day, but no one really made a big fuss over me.
We get so few opportunities to TRULY attention whore ourselves as we get older. Might as well take advantage. Plus, people who come usually bring presents and/or cake.
And booze.
Mine had me drinking Makers Mark, tequila, champagne, beer and wine all before 11am.
With everyone so proud of me
my PI made me a personalized champagne flute with PhD after my name, that was used then.
You know I remember you posting drunk afterwards, lol. I remember thinking that eventually it would be my turn ;-)
Post by compassrose on Mar 4, 2015 20:14:32 GMT -5
In every department I've been in (science), spouses attend the public talk and then everyone but the candidate and committee leaves for the questioning. Hell, my parents flew in from Ohio for mine. Usually, someone hosts a party that night to celebrate (whether advisor, friends, or family has varied).