Getting out with a baby more trouble than it's worth

[luv2rn4fun]

C is 10 1/2 weeks and a fussy mess.  He literally hates all things except the baby carrier but fights that too.  I still get out because I need to for my sanity.  Just yesterday I had to take my mom to a procedure at the hospital.  We had to leave my house at 12:30 for a 1 pm checkin/2 pm appointment.  She has to be fasted for the procedure so we always eat at Panera afterwards.  It's definitely a PITA and causes a ton of anxiety (plus I tend to pack the whole house...stroller, diaper bag, nursing pillow, baby carrier).  But you know what, he did pretty good...cried all the way there, nursed while I waited for my mom to be taken back, took him for a walk outside in the baby carrier, she was done so I got the car and we went to Panera where he nursed again, and then cried all the way home in the car.

It does get better with practice too.  We went to my cousin's soccer game this weekend and he was surprisingly good and had fun (he liked all the people and stimulation).  He fell asleep on the way there, slept in the carrier/stroller for another 30 minutes, hung out with family, ate, feel asleep on the car ride home.

We struggle with the same thing though.  It's so hard to get out with him.  In fact, we want to go see my dad and step mom (who live 1.5-2 hrs away) for a weekend...in theory it sounds nice because DH and I will get out for a date and DH can go paddleboarding while my dad/me/C go for a run both days.  But, it's almost a guarantee that he'll cry most of the way there and back and he also eats every 2 hours.  So, it's definitely a lot to take on and sounds very exhausting, especially to me because I'm the one he's attached at the boob too (and do all the MOTN stuff).

[ewall]

It's a lot of work getting out the door and often doesn't seem worth it. But it rarely backfires on me and he usually rewards me with a long nap in his bucket seat. Sometimes he cries, but it's become less stressful as I've gotten used to it. I can now tune him out if he's melting down in the back seat. The other day the courtesy clerk at the grocery was super concerned because DS was crying and I was all "it's NBD, he's fine." What I'm going to do about it? I have to get the groceries home so baby will have to wait.

[ny96]

When J was that age I often took him to a nearby outdoor mall that had a nursing room and changing station. It made it so much easier going to a place I knew well and one which offered me this space to deal with a fussy baby if needed. I realize that not every area has this, if you don't I would start with someplace where you know you'll be comfortable and you know your surroundings well.

[sent]

At 3 months, I had to time our outings according to her feeding time and my pump times. I felt the same way you did, the whole day revolved around preparing for that 1 outing. The good thing was she used to sleep a lot more then. But I didn't go out that much. I thought it would be easier to go out as she got older but it didn't. She stopped napping so I started going crazy.  DD has all the fancy strollers and carriers and nothing made it easy to just be out and about with her.

These days DD stays home and doesn't go out for errands with us anymore as of early January, 13 months. It helped her finally get on a routine with 2 naps (!!!) and stick with it. It took me a long time to accept that she just wasn't cut out to be my Target buddy like other kids.  Occasionally I will stroll out with her to the mall next door for about 30 minutes, but that's it. She only goes out to drive to Grandma's house at the beginning of the week during nap #1 and back to her home during bedtime at the end of the week. On the weekends we only take her out if we have some event to attend.

[magpie]

DD was a difficult baby, but she was much happier when we were out and about and she could look at the world. As a result, I made it a point to leave the house with her regularly because we both had a better time when that happened. She also loved going for walks, so I did that constantly. As for going out to eat, we didn't go out at night with her (that would have been a disaster), but took to taking her out to breakfast on weekends at a very busy cafe that's really bustling and loud. Most of the time, the noise would soothe her to sleep, but if she did cry a little, no one even noticed. We still go to that cafe regularly now that she's a toddler. It's actually harder to go out with her to places where she has to sit still (restaurants and such) now than it was back then.

[kershnic]

I tried hard to time outings around their nursing. They mostly nursed every 3 hours, so I would nurse both of them, get us all bundled up and out, and then either plan to be at a place where I could nurse again (I've nursed in the Target snack bar many many times... sit down restaurants are also a good place. When they were a bit bigger I could nurse in the baby carrier, but not when they were as small as yours) at 3 hours from nursing start time, or if it's a really fast errand plan to be home again by that time.

[Deleted]

I had B in the summer so it was a little different but we lived in a cramped condo and DH worked from home so I left for at least an hour every day starting at about a week old just for my own sanity. He actually did better out in public. Still does. Practice makes perfect.

[leonard131]

Mar 5, 2015 9:10:54 GMT -5 @starry said:

I hated it with DD as she was a miserable pain in my ass. Around six months was fine but newborn... nope. I preferred to wallow in my misery alone.

I was the opposite - I couldn't stand being in the house with him crying and scream. I figured everyone should partake in my misery   Plus he had to be moving and that was so much easier to do while out of the house.  I bottle fed so didn't have to worry about nursing. 

You just need to find your comfort.  If not taking her out right now works for you and you are losing your sanity then wait to you feel comfortable.  Like everyone says, it gets easier with time and the more  you do it.

[aspentosh]

Yeah, it's hard. I didn't do it much, for the reasons you listed, and I regret it. I really should have gotten out more and done it for my sanity. Just because you go out doesn't mean you can't come back home or go back to your car if you need a break to feed the baby and don't feel comfortable NIP.

Just try and make an effort to get out of the house 1x a week and it gets easier. Hugs.

[anna7602]

I get cabin fever, so the hassle is worth the change of scenery for me. DS is more chill than DD was, but even with colicky DD, I put her in the Ergo and went out into the world with her. Baby wearing tended to keep the public meltdowns at bay. She hated the stroller until she could sit up.

[scribellesam]

Practice makes perfect for sure. I go crazy staying home but I also didn't have particularly fussy babies so it made the decision simpler. It does take some getting used to, especially how much longer it takes to get going and do anything.

[mcfelix]

I am not a homebody so I just couldn't stay home. I went to the mall a lot. If DS got fussy I'd head over to Nordstrom and hang out in the nursing room.

I also met friends for lunch. I needed to get out! I also took long walks outside (but DS was born in July, so the weather was cooperative).

Good luck! You can do it!

[rosebud]

Mar 5, 2015 8:50:18 GMT -5 Brie said:

At his age, what's the worst that can happen? He cries? Then you take him out and the outing is over. I've found that people tend to be pretty sympathetic in public.

Odds are good he'll be just fine. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

Too true...

[carolinagirl831]

Dd was better behaved out and about and slept more too, all the action wore her out!
It gets easier, hang in there

[frlcb]

Mar 5, 2015 10:23:10 GMT -5 sent said:

These days DD stays home and doesn't go out for errands with us anymore as of early January, 13 months. It helped her finally get on a routine with 2 naps (!!!) and stick with it. It took me a long time to accept that she just wasn't cut out to be my Target buddy like other kids.  Occasionally I will stroll out with her to the mall next door for about 30 minutes, but that's it. She only goes out to drive to Grandma's house at the beginning of the week during nap #1 and back to her home during bedtime at the end of the week. On the weekends we only take her out if we have some event to attend.

Does your daughter live at grandma's house during the week? I feel like a moron because I can't figure out your schedule, and a bigger moron because it totally doesn't matter to me but I am nosey

[Deleted]

I have a 5 year old, 2 year old and 3 month old.

Taking the 3 month old out is the easiest.

I give him a good feed before we leave, get him cosy in the stroller, and he is good for two to three hours. The motion usually puts him into a deep sleep. He's not an easy baby but not terribly difficult. I bring the Ergo carrier in case he loses it and doesn't want the stroller.

FWIW, with my first I found it very stressful to go out. He screamed all the time and I was not comfortable with NIPing. Also, I was still adjusting to not having any unbooked alone time.

[jorja]

1. I have a really easy baby. She naps a lot in her car seat/stroller. I can see it being a lot harder with a fussier kid.
2. I nurse her pretty much wherever we are when she gets hungry. Before I was this comfortable NIP, I made sure to know where there was a place to nurse. We spent a lot of time at the mall...Nordstrom has an awesome Mother's Lounge. Even when I didn't use it, it helped to know it was there.
3. I HAVE to get out of my house for my own sanity. We go out pretty much every day.
4. I agree she does better when we get out. I think the stimulation does her good.
5. We have no schedule, other than eating about every 3 hours, so I don't have any worries about messing up her sleep.

[pugz]

I think it depends on the temperament of your baby. By 3 months my kid could go 3 hours between feedings and I wasn't breastfeeding anymore so I just brought bottles that I could shake up and feed her on the go as needed. She conked out in the carseat and I used the stroller where I could just click it in and then use that at Target, BBB, etc.

[loskadoodle]

Do you have a carrier? Mine used to pass out within minutes of being in the carrier. I used to leave right after a feeding. Let him sleep in the carrier and do what I needed to do then feed in the car before I drove home.

[linz]

In eat every 3 hours but I just plan trips around nap time. So if they eat at 11 I leave the house around 12/1230 and am home at 2 feeding. I usually know that morning if I'm gonna leave. Mine sleep in car seats so I never have an issue. Evenings we don't leave.

[indifferentstars]

I felt the same (and still do, even with a 2 year old, ha) but in general I'm happy to stay home so it's no big deal to me. As a young infant, if we were going out, I would feed him right before we left, even if he'd recently nursed. I wanted him topped up so he could go as long as possible without getting hungry. I would even change his diaper before nursing because it would be easier to me to change him while out than to nurse him. So, fresh diaper ->nurse -> right into the car seat and go. I figured out the locations of good facilities (nice nursing room at a mall, target dressing room) or where I'd be comfortable actually nursing in public and would plan our longer outings accordingly so we'd be at one of the desirable locations when I anticipated his next feeding. Otherwise I did a lot of nursing in my car depending on where we were, but everyone's comfort level varies for NIP. We also did a lot of babywearing in the Ergo and he'd just conk out when he got tired.

It may not ever get truly easier as far as logistics go, but the scales may start balancing a bit more as you become more comfortable

[Shreddingbetty]

I think it is kid dependent too. I was out and about with DD the day I got home from the hospital. She never napped more than 30 minutes so if she fell asleep I would just drive around and nursed her when're she got hungry. And going to restaurants was actually pretty easy. She would chill int he car seat and from 3 months on she would sit in the bumbo and we took that with us when eating out. We are still on the go a lot of the time. F course she was a May baby so summers ar euro ably a little easier too since you just throw on a onsie and don't have to bundle them up.

[sillygoosegirl]

I find being at home alone with the baby all day pretty much unbearable, so I had to learn how to go out with her right away when DH went back to work. My first trip out took about 29 hours to work up to, and that was just walking 1/2 mile with the baby in a param to a store where I could buy some nursing tops. My second trip by myself took almost a week to put together, and that was a 20 minute drive to see a woman who could show me how to use my baby carriers. After that, things started getting a lot easier.

She's mostly been easier to deal with out of the house than in it. Actually, a lot easier. I wish I knew why so I could make being at home not suck so much... It's like she hates our house.

That said, we haven't gone anywhere further away than a 35 minute car ride to the airport to pick up out of town guests. DH is terrified to even make the 3 hour drive to visit my sister.

[redheadk]

DD was a colicky, reflux mess so going out with her was an experience. It was most definitely not as easy as sticking her on the boob. She never nursed well when there was a lot going on around her so I'd end up nursing her in the car just to get her to actually nurse. If she started crying, I had to leave because there was no consoling her in an unfamiliar, stimulating environment.

It got so much better around 3.5 months or so. What often worked was to let her nap in the car, nurse in the car when she woke up, then put her in the baby K'Tan and shop like that. I could walk around Target for a good hour with nary a peep from her at that point. It was fantastic! Target is pretty quiet during the day and I think she could see better at that point so she'd just quietly observe the whole time. It took some planning to coordinate but the car was so nice and quiet and then she was quiet in Target so it was blissful.

Another option is to find something to do geared towards babies. We took a music class starting at 2 months just because it was the one thing I could find. It ended up being fabulous and I'm really glad we did it. It was much less stressful to me if she cried or needed to nurse there and it was low-key so not too stressful for her. It also gave us some positive, fun interaction which we very much needed.

Good luck!

[sent]

Mar 5, 2015 16:21:36 GMT -5 frlcb said:

Mar 5, 2015 10:23:10 GMT -5 sent said:

These days DD stays home and doesn't go out for errands with us anymore as of early January, 13 months. It helped her finally get on a routine with 2 naps (!!!) and stick with it. It took me a long time to accept that she just wasn't cut out to be my Target buddy like other kids.  Occasionally I will stroll out with her to the mall next door for about 30 minutes, but that's it. She only goes out to drive to Grandma's house at the beginning of the week during nap #1 and back to her home during bedtime at the end of the week. On the weekends we only take her out if we have some event to attend.

Does your daughter live at grandma's house during the week? I feel like a moron because I can't figure out your schedule, and a bigger moron because it totally doesn't matter to me but I am nosey

Both of us live there during the week. The ideal schedule is arrive Monday morning, depart Thursday night but recently with the bad weather and me being really bogged down at work, we leave on Friday during one of her naps instead.  I tried sending her to daycare near my work for a month when grandma was on vacation.  It was a huge failure.  She was really sick and so miserable and my husband would get stuck in bad traffic on the bus and wouldn't always make the 6 pm pickup.  I work consistently past 6:30 so arranging for late care was also very stressful.  Grandma was the best solution to all of my work woes.  The only sucky part is it makes my commute 40 minutes to the office instead of 20 but it's just what I have to do.     

[persa]

Man, this thread makes me realize how good I had it when I just had one baby (DD). We were out all the time. She wasn't much of a nap stroller but she liked to get out and about. And like PP, I was nursing so I'd just stop somewhere for a boob break.

Now getting out with twins, who are BF and supplemented and also this weather we're having in TX (compared to the winter of my maternity leave with DD)... I feel like I'm in confinement.

[galaxy8227]

Both my kids loved being in their stroller so I would take them to Target or the grocery store if it was cold or walk to my local store on a nice day. It was more for my sanity of needing to get out of the house and interact with other people. I did it more with DS since he was a fall baby. DD was born on NYE and it was a cold winter so we stayed in more which I hated.

It does get easier the more you do it.