NCEPR - Extended family pictures and tattoos

[AJL]

I have two tattoos. One is not visible unless I wear short sleeves. The other is visible under anything shorter than 3/4 length sleeve. They are both non-offensive and I love them both. I chose them on purpose and I don't like hiding them.

My MIL HATES tattoos. She won't even look at my arms if they're exposed. She's kind of stupid about the whole thing. I don't throw in her face but I don't hide them either.

In a couple of weeks all of my MIL's kids with spouses and grand-kids will be in DFW and she wants a large family portrait done.  Much of the clothing I wear is usually 3/4 length sleeved.  I don't know what the weather will be, but I prefer being able to take pictures wearing something I feel comfortable in and feel good wearing.  There is a strong chance my tattoo will show, even if it's just a little bit.  

SIL asked if I would cover it up if MIL asked me to.  Ehh... I don't want to. It's something I like. It's a part of me, AND I'm paying for a third of the cost of the photos. But I also don't want to spend three days dealing with passive aggressive BS. 

What would you do?

[2curlydogs]

Do I like my MIL or not?

Eh. Know what? If she doesn't like it she can have her photographer photoshop them out of her copies.

[meshaliuknits]

if the outfit I had chosen showed them, I wouldn't change or anything. Particularly since long sleeves is the only way that's gonna happen. They can arrange me so it doesn't appear in the picture.

[onomatopoeia]

I wouldn't show them for the sole purpose of sticking it to MIL, but that doesn't sounds like that's your plan. If the outfit I wanted to wear showed them though, well, too bad so sad MIL.

If I really liked MIL (like I do), and this was just a quirk of hers, I'd consider hiding them just to keep the peace/be nice.

[josieposy]

They're part of you. Wear what makes you feel like you.

[Michelle]

So I voted that I would cover it. But if I had an outfit I felt good in, comfortable in, went with my family's color scheme, and my tattoo showed, I'd just ask to be positioned so it isn't at the forefront of the portrait.

I respect that tattoos are not for everyone and can be distracting for old fashioned folks. And I'd rather keep the peace with the family matriarch and pick my battles on that issue.

[Deleted]

She can pay for photoshopping if she wants to pretend you have no tattoos in photos she pays for.

[redwino]

I would cover it up for the picture because I wouldn't want to deal with my MIL being passive-aggressive. This isn't a battle I would personally choose to fight. I don't think you'd be wrong if you showed it.

[AJL]

Mar 5, 2015 16:59:01 GMT -5 onomatopoeia said:

I wouldn't show them for the sole purpose of sticking it to MIL, but that doesn't sounds like that's your plan. If the outfit I wanted to wear showed them though, well, too bad so sad MIL.

If I really liked MIL (like I do), and this was just a quirk of hers, I'd consider hiding them just to keep the peace/be nice.

I do like her and I'm not sticking it to her, for sure. I will say that she has said some things like "Tattoos are so stupid. I thought you were smarter than that" and "I can't believe my son lets you do that."

Uh... first of all, I'm a smart woman. No question there. If anything lowered my IQ, it was having children. lol!

Second, my husband has declared that he "loves!" my tattoos. He thinks they are a perfect part of me. And I don't need anybody to let me do anything. I'm 37 years old, FFS! 

[penguingrrl]

I guess it depends on your MIL and your relationship with her. My MIL would never ask something like that, but if she did I would accommodate it. We have a good relationship and she genuinely doesn't ask much of me, so I'm usually willing to do something the rare times she asks.

[josieposy]

I would have lost it at DH "lets you do that."

I'm an adult TYVM.

[aurora]

I voted no, but I certainly wouldn't object to being positioned such that my tattoos weren't front and center in the picture. I suppose also that if there were two outfits I felt equally happy about and one covered the tattoos completely, I might pick that one, but really only if they were otherwise equally appealing to me.

[downtoearth]

I'd leave uncovered if your cute picture outfit showed them. But if SIL or MIL said anything, I'd just let them know that I'm sure the photog could photoshop them out in their copies.

[msmerymac]

This is sort of a BEC scenario. Don't choose something sleeveless just to spite her. Don't wear something long-sleeved just to be nice. If most of your clothes are 3/4 sleeves, it seems like you have something 3/4 sleeved that you like and is photo-appropriate, so I'd go with that. But if your backup outfit is 1/2 or short sleeve, whatever.

Can the photographer airbrush MIL's copy?

ETA: Depending on the photo and positioning, it's possible that they won't even show. Like if your arm is facing towards the back or something. 

[4speedy]

You mentioned that she wants the photo but you are paying for part of it. Are you paying because it's a gift from the kids to MIL? If so, I would cover them up. It would make a sucky gift if you purposely gave her something that you know might bother her.

[Alyssa]

I would rock the tattoos, that's who you are, if she can't accept that...tough shit.

[greeneggs]

I'd cover it up since it's so important to her. I get wanting to be yourself but if you generally like your MIL using a family portrait to get passive aggressive about your tattoos is bitchy for no good reason. It's not something that's going to be difficult with your current wardrobe and I really can't see any reason why 3/4 sleeves would not be seasonally appropriate and comfortable in Dallas in March.

[gpw]

you know, I'm on the "they're part of you! Rock out!" but, honestly, I'd probably cover them for a family photo if it means a lot to your MIL or if it meant keeping the peace. OR, I'd take one without them showing and then another one that showed them in all their glory. Your MIL doesn't need both pics.

[StrawberryBlondie]

My mil is pretty much BEC to me so I'd purposely pick an outfit that showed them.

[thejackpot]

I would pick an outfit that I think I look amazing in and wear it for the pictures. If mine showed I wouldn't cover but I would not pick an outfit just to show it. Fashion before tattoo concerns.

[AJL]

Mar 5, 2015 19:33:42 GMT -5 4speedy said:

You mentioned that she wants the photo but you are paying for part of it. Are you paying because it's a gift from the kids to MIL? If so, I would cover them up. It would make a sucky gift if you purposely gave her something that you know might bother her.

Each couple (3) and MIL are splitting the cost. So the pictures aren't a gift from us to her.

[shauni27]

Your mil sounds annoying about it, but despite that, I think I would cover them up just to keep the peace and make it as easy as possible. If you go in with it covered, she will be so happy and it is just the easiest thing.

However, reading the comments makes me second guess myself, I think you should wear what you want and if she wants stuff photo-shopped she can pay for that on her pictures, or arrange to have you standing so your tattoo is not showing, you know?

[miniroller]

Ok. So upon first reading, I'll admit I was a bit more sympathetic to MIL So I gave it some time to think, & now I'm completely on your side! My shift came in realizing how dumb I was being in thinking you should 'hide' them because- They're Not Going Anywhere! Duh, they're part of who you are, so wanting to hide them does give a bit of an air of shame. Which sucks, & I honestly don't know that MIL has thought about it in those terms. I'm wondering if you or your H could (gently) approach her with this explanation..? That it does seem that she's trying to hide a permanent part of who you are, because of shameful disapproval, hence the hurt feelings. (Obvs worded a tiny bit softer)

Good luck, OP! I hope you guys solve this, & you're able to smile w/ beautiful pride in that family photo!!

[ECB]

My take- wear something that you feel good in. If that puts you in a 3/4 sleeve anyhow, then it's not an issue. But if that puts you in something shorter, then talk to the photographer about trying to position you so that it's as hidden as possible. And yes - I would think it could be photoshopped out of HER copies if it's really that much of a problem for her.

I absolutely wouldn't wear something that *I* don't feel totally awesome in just to appease her. These are your pictures too and YOU need to enjoy looking at them too and feel that you looked your best.

[tacokick]

If you are paying and they aren't even a gift for her anyway then why cover them up?

[pinkdutchtulips]

my tat wouldn't be visible in any pics but it's my SISTER whose tat is visible in practically every fam photo even though she's been told MULTIPLE times to cover.it.up ! (its a rose on her boob, easy enough to cover up alas she doesn't and its the first thing that EVERYONE sees when they see the photos)

all three of us girls are tatted and 2 of us are smart enough to keep them covered for the sake of pictures. the 3rd no so much and it annoys the crap outta us.

[greeneggs]

I'd be feeling far less charitable about this if covering up was going to be more difficult than it it. These are small tattoos that can covered easily and must likely often are in your day to day life. I wouldn't be feeling this way if you to go buy a special outfit, had to wear long sleeves in July, or were being asked to keep them covered for hours on end at a wedding of other kind of formal party where clothes to do so can be hard to find. If the weather does end up do freakishly hot that you can't wear something that you feel good in that keeps them covered then I would just suggest that you pose on such a way that would minimize the amount showing while still looking natural.

[kirra]

I would wear an outfit I felt good in.

If the tattoos show, I'd consider posing in where they wouldn't show. That would depend on how much I like my MIL.

[wawa]

Mar 6, 2015 12:50:36 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

my tat wouldn't be visible in any pics but it's my SISTER whose tat is visible in practically every fam photo even though she's been told MULTIPLE times to cover.it.up ! (its a rose on her boob, easy enough to cover up alas she doesn't and its the first thing that EVERYONE sees when they see the photos)

all three of us girls are tatted and 2 of us are smart enough to keep them covered for the sake of pictures. the 3rd no so much and it annoys the crap outta us.

So is the issue the tattoo or the fact that your sister has her boobs hanging out in a picture?

Also I realized reading this that I really do have an automatic fuck you response to anybody that suggests that a permanent part of my body is ruining their photo. might as well tell me to keep my mouth closed when I smile so my crooked teeth dont show.