Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Aug 10, 2012 9:46:58 GMT -5
You've all given so much fantastic advice and support and I cannot thank you enough. To the women who offered PM, I may take you up on it. I think I'm just starting to realize how it has affected my relationship with my son and that it's genuinely something that I'm struggling with. I thought if I put on a happy face and brushed things under the rug, I'd be able to deal. You know, the whole fake it till you make it thing. But as much as I'm trying to fake it, I'm not quite making it. I live in fear of taking him anywhere, even the grocery store. Some days I leave him at day care as long as possible so that I can try to get other errands run without him freaking out on me. Everyone's candor has been so helpful. You have no idea. I have to work on letting go of the guilt and this is one of the things that is really weighing me down. The prospect of even knowing where to start to get help was overwhelming to me. Thank you all for breaking it down for me. This board is truly amazing.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
So, I have been seeing a therapist and finally opened up about my fears about parenting, and there are many. For those who don't know my story, Babycakes is almost 3.5. He has a speech delay and may or may not have Asperger's. He will be evaluated in a few months. But there are so many days where I feel like I'm just barely surviving. I think I've shut myself off from him emotionally some because he is such a difficult child. To be honest, he just isn't who I thought I would have, you know? I married a lawyer with an IQ so high his parents wouldn't tell him what it was because they were afraid it would screw him up. I am a relatively intelligent person. We never dreamed we would have a kid who was delayed. It's a challenge. I don't know if these issues played a role in the divorce but they certainly didn't help. So, now I'm tasked with finding a support group and I'm having trouble even knowing where to start. Does anyone have any suggestions for where to start looking? GBCN doesn't have a board for SN parents, but I trust you ladies more anyway. I may end up deleting. I am absolutely worried about being judged for what I've written, but I also have some reservations about just having these raw feelings out in the open for anyone to read. Can anyone offer some assistance?
Absolutely NO flames here. Just a whole lot of hugs!!
My son will be 5 in October, and while ASD doesn't seem likely for him, ADHD and possibly Bipolar do. Right now the diagnosis is SPD, but his OT thinks more and more that what he has is more in line with ADHD, and his unpredictable off-the-wall tantrums seem a bit out even for that. His father is both ADHD and Bipolar, so I know how that might look for him long term and it scares me half to death. I also have a seemingly normal daughter who I can't forget about.
You are most definitely not alone. I don't post much (mostly because I don't have time with all of the doctor's appointments and phone calls for my son and husband, and then a full time job on top of that), but I will always pop in to offer virtual hugs to a fellow mom with a lot on her plate!
But as much as I'm trying to fake it, I'm not quite making it. I live in fear of taking him anywhere, even the grocery store. Some days I leave him at day care as long as possible so that I can try to get other errands run without him freaking out on me.
I do that, too. And take long lunches at work to get things done without the children.
As for fearing for your relationship, at some point he will understand how much you do for him and realize that even though his behavior is frustrating at times you do all of the running around and different things to work with him because you love him. Remind him that you love him as often as you can. He will believe you. One thing I try to do is remind him that even when I'm angry at him and his behavior is not acceptable, I love him.
No other advice but I just wanted to give you hugs. (((hugs))) You know you are not going to be judged. Parenting is hard work and throw in illness, special needs, and everything else life can throw at you, anyone is bound to feel overwhelmed. It looks like we've got enough people here who can coach you through all of this. Hang in there Lyss. (((hugs)))
Post by GailGoldie on Aug 10, 2012 14:04:47 GMT -5
(((HUGS))). It's NOT easy. My nephew has Asperger's syndrome - he was going through all the testing many years ago before much was known about ASD's. he's about to turn 21 and doing great... b/c he got early intervention from 3yo+.
I always told my sister she should go to a support group- but she never did. I don't know where to point you but am sure someone else does/did.
get some help - talk with others who understand- it will help you a lot.
Since I'm still catching up today, here's a delayed hug:
I won't fault you ever for how you feel; I can only imagine how difficult it must be to adapt and accept what's occurring. But here's hoping you can find some assistance to at least know you're in company, and there are solutions for you to find a new "real."
ETA: I also wanted to say... you and your husband are very smart. And maybe one huge benefit of that is going to reflect in the life of your child and how you can use those smarts to find the best solutions and care for him, and you as his parents, to have the best life and family experience possible. He's so very lucky to have you.