I only have two kids, but I breastfed three babies.
Wait, what?
Yep, I breastfed my two babies and then another baby who wasn’t mine.
In all fairness, I actually pumped for the one who wasn’t mine, but still ... that baby drank my breast milk.
Are you cringing yet?
I don’t blame you if you are, because for awhile ... even I cringed when handing over those bags of my frozen milk.
That “someone else’s baby” was actually my best friend’s baby, a boy only 10 days older than my own son. Unable to pump (and too financially strapped to afford formula), my friend found herself in a desperate situation. She didn’t qualify for any state-assisted food programs and was upset that her son was going to miss out on all the benefits of breast milk that formula simply cannot supplement.
I, on the other hand, was a stay-at-home mom whose milk-laden breasts had engorged to three times their normal size because I was (apparently) a milk-making master. One day, as we were talking about her lactation issues, I made the off-hand comment that I felt like a friggin’ cow.
Without warning, she started to tear up at the thought of what her own son would miss out on.
In an effort to cheer her up, I jokingly said,"Well hell, I'll feed him."
As the words left my mouth, my heart suddenly softened and I followed it up with a more sincere, "I will feed him."
I will feed him.
Immediately after I made my offer, alarm bells rang in my head.
What the hell did I just agree to?
My brain started churning as I mulled the idea over in my head, and although it seemed a little creepy and slightly invasive, I couldn’t actually think of one good reason not to help my friend (aside from my own socially-stigmatized misgivings).
"Would you even want me to?" I asked her.
"Yes, I would," she answered back, slowly at first and then echoing it a second time to confirm not only to me, but also to herself.
So despite the fact that I was a little unsettled about the whole idea, I pushed forward. After getting a clean bill of health from my doctor (and the approval of her pediatrician), off we went: me pumping and freezing, her thawing and feeding.
I was feeding someone else’s baby with my own breast milk.
Oh, people sure had a lot to say about it. Even though I didn't go around advertising the situation, our social circle of new moms talked about everything from diapers to circumsicion. Naturally, the topic of milk donation came up one day and I told them about my friend.
The room went silent.
Eventually, someone broke the silence with, "Oh, uh, wow, I didn't know people did that."
"That's disgusting," said another mother, more forcefully. Her voice so clearly portrayed her strong and unwavering feelings on the subject that I didn't even respond; nobody wants a brawl during playgroup.
The tension in the air was so thick that if one of our babies had dared cry in that moment, a window might have shattered.
I don't fault them for their knee jerk reaction — I was also initially a bit skeeved out at the whole idea. But the more I thought about it (and trust me, I had plenty of time while pumping for two babies), the more I became aware of all the other ways we use our bodies to provide for other people. • Blood drives are so acceptable that we often host them in workplaces and schools. • We praise bone marrow donors when they allow someone to suck the marrow directly from their bones and inject it into another person. • Women sell their eggs, men sell their sperm, and we create actual human beings out of said donations! • Hell, we even take organs out of people who die and put them into people who are still alive and no one seems to call that "disgusting."
But if you tell someone that you donate your breast milk, they recoil in horror.
That doesn’t make any sense to me.
We had wet nurses long before we had Red Cross blood drives, sperm banks, and casual sex, so why is it so socially stigmatized to feed a baby something that nature always intended it to have?
It's because of boobs, isn't it? This country (and society in general) has a really hard time grasping the fact that breasts are used for more than just sex, which is made painfully evident by all the public breastfeeding debates.
Who needs real milk when you can have formula without all the boobs!?
I don’t know about you, but if I ever need a blood transfusion, I want real blood. The kind that has everything in it that I need, not a more socially acceptable fake version of it.
So breast milk donation?
Yes, I think I’m more than cool with it. Aren't you?
I liked her article, she makes really good points about it not being acceptable compared to other medical donations. I can't imagine being a saHm, nursing and also pumping for another lo. Whew, that's half of your day!
I agree that breastmilk donation has a weird stigma and it shouldn't in light of all the other fluids and organs we donate between humans.
but I think her point would be better received had she not bashed formula so heavily.
Did she bash formula? Didn't she just say that milk has benefits formula doesn't (true) and suggested that most people don't think about donating or milk sharing or wet nursing with formula being available? Is that bashing?
Oh, she compared it to blood banks and socially acceptable fake versions. I don't know, I mean I still dont' think that is overly bashing. But I get your argument.
I think SHE thinks this is weirder than I think it is. lol
Ok, that's what I thought. Like - is it really that big of a deal? Are people really that disgusted that she donated milk? The baby wasn't actually breastfeeding from her anyway.
And agree with heygrey that she went too far about the formula.
Post by teatimefor2 on Mar 26, 2015 13:56:34 GMT -5
I would do this in a heartbeat. Heck a few weeks ago my BFF watched my sons, including my nursing son. Afterwards, we joked since he does not take the bottle well, she should have just nursed him. I think we were only half joking...
If I could help a baby with my milk, I would in a heartbeat.
karinothing, it was the end where she said she wanted real blood not some socially acceptable fake kind that was over the line for me. it was really unnecessary in an otherwise alright article.
I don't know how many babies I breastfed if we're counting milk donation. She just phrased it very oddly. Milk donation is fairly accepted, while actually nursing another's baby is not.
I'd do this if I could. I know my mother nursed her bff's son that was about a month older than me while she was babysitting him a few times.
My BFF offered to give me some of her frozen milk when the girls were just a few days old. She had a ton of frozen milk and was still pumping and nursing her daughter and I was concerned about keeping up with the girls. I never needed it but I appreciated the offer!
Post by turtlegirl on Mar 26, 2015 14:04:18 GMT -5
Good for her. I don't see anything wrong with what she did. I did find the fact that she but "breastfed" in the title a little annoying, seems like click bait to me.
Post by Ashley&Scott on Mar 26, 2015 14:04:51 GMT -5
I don't think milk donation is weird, but I donated many times when I was pumping. I lost track of how much I donated, I know it was over 2,000 oz. M reverse cycled & never really liked the bottle so I had plenty & wasn't about to let it go to waste.
Post by kangaroo11 on Mar 26, 2015 14:08:20 GMT -5
I donated some milk because DD wouldnt drink it, but I don't think "breastfed" those kids. She didn't breastfeed her friend's child- she gave him her breast milk and he drank it from a bottle.
Post by bananapancakes on Mar 26, 2015 14:08:32 GMT -5
I think she's overly dramatic. Milk donation isn't really weird or stigmatized or even that uncommon, at least in my area/social circle. I don't like how at the beginning she makes it seem like she's a wet nurse. Clearly just trying to get attention. I offered my frozen milk to a friend when it became clear that L was a bottle refuser but I'm pretty sure I had excess lipase so it ended up in the garbage. I would've much preferred to give it to someone but it was too late.
Post by karinothing on Mar 26, 2015 14:09:18 GMT -5
Okay I really don't mean to be rude here, but why is calling formula fake breast milk bad? I mean it is isn't it? The FDA defines it as
"a food which purports to be or is represented for special dietary use solely as a food for infants by reason of its simulation of human milk or its suitability as a complete or partial substitute for human milk".[1]
Which basically says it is simulation (fake?) for human milk. Is it just becuase fake seems mean or harsh?
I mentioned BM donation to my female coworkers and they were shocked and said that was disgusting.
I do think that the opinion of moms on this board, many of whom breastfed and have pumped, is not the opinion of society at large.
I talked about donating milk a little, because I think it's an important thing for very sick babies. I do think the knee jerk reaction of people is "gross".
Post by gibbinator on Mar 26, 2015 14:16:03 GMT -5
Her comparisons with blood donations etc is interesting. I never really considered that similarity, and admit I get kind of uncomfortable handing breast milk over to Mil when she babysits, simply because the stuff came from my breasts. If she needed to have my personal bone marrow injected into her I'd feel like a hero for being a match.
I agree that the article could do without the formula bashing.
Okay I really don't mean to be rude here, but why is calling formula fake breast milk bad? I mean it is isn't it? The FDA defines it as
"a food which purports to be or is represented for special dietary use solely as a food for infants by reason of its simulation of human milk or its suitability as a complete or partial substitute for human milk".[1]
Which basically says it is simulation (fake?) for human milk. Is it just becuase fake seems mean or harsh?
Yes, fake has a negative connotation. Here's Merriam Webster's definition.
Definition of FAKE one that is not what it purports to be: as a : a worthless imitation passed off as genuine b : impostor, charlatan
I expect to see little digs like these in such opinion pieces.
Okay I really don't mean to be rude here, but why is calling formula fake breast milk bad? I mean it is isn't it? The FDA defines it as
"a food which purports to be or is represented for special dietary use solely as a food for infants by reason of its simulation of human milk or its suitability as a complete or partial substitute for human milk".[1]
Which basically says it is simulation (fake?) for human milk. Is it just becuase fake seems mean or harsh?
Fake is harsh.
The way the author worded it made sure that she meant it that way, too.
Okay I really don't mean to be rude here, but why is calling formula fake breast milk bad? I mean it is isn't it? The FDA defines it as
"a food which purports to be or is represented for special dietary use solely as a food for infants by reason of its simulation of human milk or its suitability as a complete or partial substitute for human milk".[1]
Which basically says it is simulation (fake?) for human milk. Is it just becuase fake seems mean or harsh?
I think artificial would be a better descriptor than fake.
Nope, I've seen equal uproar about "artificial baby milk". We are not to use "fake", "artificial", or "simulated". Just "formula", and no descriptors or alternate words.
I was a very sick preemie. I am not sure how old I was, but my dad's sister was babysitting me. I refused the bottle, and she got really worried(frail, sickly Faith). She called her SIL and I breastfed from her. It totally grossed me out as a teen. I would be uncomfortable with DS breastfeeding from someone else.
Her title irks me, because that baby was bottle fed, not breastfed by her.
Milk donation is not a weird thing. If DS was not MSPI, I may have looked into it, as I had a low supply from day 1.
Fake was meant to be a negative remark, which bothers me as well.
Okay I really don't mean to be rude here, but why is calling formula fake breast milk bad? I mean it is isn't it? The FDA defines it as
"a food which purports to be or is represented for special dietary use solely as a food for infants by reason of its simulation of human milk or its suitability as a complete or partial substitute for human milk".[1]
Which basically says it is simulation (fake?) for human milk. Is it just becuase fake seems mean or harsh?
I think artificial would be a better descriptor than fake.
Nope, I've seen equal uproar about "artificial baby milk". We are not to use "fake", "artificial", or "simulated". Just "formula", and no descriptors or alternate words.