I don't get this and might be offended

[dojo]

Is she the avoidant type? maybe she meant to respond to you but then put it off and then too much time had passed and then you're in that uncomfortable space where you should probably text back but it feels awkward now.

[Moe]

Move on.

It's ok, it happens.  She owes you nothing, you owe her nothing.  

It sucks to be not wanted, I get that.  But it's better to stop dwelling on it and enjoy the friendships that you do have.  In fact, you can still find happiness in the fact that during some time of your life, you did enjoy her friendship.  And now it's seemingly over, so let it go.

[Deleted]

This happened with one of my college roommates. We drifted apart a bit while we lived together (she smoked a lot of pot, I hung out a lot with my restaurant friends, we were just into different stuff). We mostly got along and I thought we were friends, but once we moved out of our apartment she never answered my calls again. Not once. It was crazy and really upsetting. I saw her at graduation and we spoke in a friendly way there, and we're FB friends and occasionally she likes my posts (ha). But I never have figured out WTF happened, and it's been like 11 years. I don't lose sleep over it at this point or anything, but it still makes me sad when I think about it.

I can't imagine just never returning calls again from someone who was a good friend. It's so weird to me. I've had friendships drift apart or end for various reasons, but it's SO weird to just lose someone for no apparent reason.

[usuallylurking]

Mar 26, 2015 21:07:58 GMT -5 @smace said:

Mar 26, 2015 21:03:18 GMT -5 @booby said:

I was having deja vu too. Lol

Anyway - i'm sorry. I would be so hurt. I get it if you are having a hard time coming to terms with this, I would react similarly.

Some people can dust off and move on, but personally, I would prob ddwell for years about this. I'm definitely not one to take advice from, but instead, I'm the one you cry with. Lol. Chin up girlfriend.

I still think about the friendship I referenced above. It makes me think that I'm weird for doing so (so reading that you'd likely do it too makes me feel less weird, lol). I don't really 'dwell' but I think about it and  ish I had a reason that all of a sudden she decided she hated me and no longer considered me a friend. It's really changed how I view friendship. sucks. sigh.

I still think about my friendship that ended this way. Sometimes I allow myself to dwell. It definitely still bugs me, particularly due to having no closure. We were absolute bff's starting at age 10, and then (almost) 4 years ago she just dropped all forms of communication and interaction with me. I've attempted reaching out, but now just dwell and move on. Blargh.

[Moe]

Mar 26, 2015 21:25:42 GMT -5 @stpete said:

I think part of my thing is that I am wholly incapable of doing this. It's not even a good thing for me. Db was a db for ages and I couldn't cut him out. Nothing a friend has done at this point in life would get me to being able to freeze them out with no explination. There should really be a happy medium between the two ways of being.

No, there really shouldn't.  Because your happy medium might be another's extreme.

It's hurting you, I know that.  But stop focusing on what your ex friend has done or should do, and focus on what you can do to resolve/find peace with this.

[Deleted]

It most def has to be about the other friend and falling out. She chose sides.

[pantsparty]

I'm sorry. I would be hurt.

It would bother me if a friend wouldn't respond - especially if I thought I had possibly done something that could be resolved.

You said you and her other friend had a falling out. I wonder if that has something to do with it. I mean, I wouldn't cut out a friend based on someone else's word, but it's weird she's not even responding.

[underwaterrhymes]

This would hurt my feelings, too. You've done what you can to reach out. I hope she reaches out in return, but I also hope you're able to make peace with it if she doesn't. Ultimately, it's her loss.

[pantsparty]

Mar 26, 2015 21:03:18 GMT -5 @booby said:

I would prob ddwell for years about this. 

I'm still dwelling about my sixth-grade best friend who stopped talking to me. WHY, ANGELA?

[pantsparty]

Mar 26, 2015 22:07:44 GMT -5 @stpete said:

Mar 26, 2015 21:54:44 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

I'm sorry. I would be hurt.

It would bother me if a friend wouldn't respond - especially if I thought I had possibly done something that could be resolved.

You said you and her other friend had a falling out. I wonder if that has something to do with it. I mean, I wouldn't cut out a friend based on someone else's word, but it's weird she's not even responding.

No I had a falling out with the other friend (OF). Long story short I confided relationship stuff which OF discussed with my brother, who told my mother and two days later my mom was asking me about dating problems. OF acted like it was totally fine for her to do and with a string of other issues like OF not showing up for plans ended that friendship. I think laz nailed it and she chose sides. They were my only other divorced mom friends each with a kid that was friends with my kids. It sucks to lose both, but I stand by letting go of OF.

Well, OF sucks, and if your friend is taking her side, she kind of sucks, too.

[themoneytree]

I'm so sorry, I can totally understand why you are so hurt and I would be too.

The cutting off without a word is bullshit. I had my best friend do this to me when I went away to school as a teen. I thought of her as a sister and it was devastating for an embarrassing amount of time. I even dreamt about it for ages.

I honestly don't think people realize the heartbreak they cause when they do this. Closure is tough, but so much better. It's the radio silence that is awful.

I think just really concentrating on your other friendships is the way to go.

[ECB]

Yeah. If this all about her taking sides over something that has no impact in her and is a result of OF probably bad mouthing you - I question her character and ability to be a truly good friend. Esp after you've been a really good friend and SHOWN her your character.

[FishChicks]

I have come to believe that some people are just serial relationship-enders. I had a close friend for many years who randomly stopped speaking to me. She also stopped speaking with a mutual friend, who is the kindest person I know, and who would never have done anything to offend. When I think about what I learned of her life during our friendship, I recall her stories of all the "horrible" people in her life who let her down, or offended her, and whom she cut out. I realized there was a common thread in the end of all those friendships: her.

It sucks, but try not to feel bad. Some people just end friendships and that's on them, not you.

[sandytoes]

That's really childish of her not to respond to you. She's just avoiding an uncomfortable conversation for whatever reason. Maybe it's that she has picked sides with the other friend or that she's too "busy" and doesn't care enough to respond. Either way, it seems that you have a big heart and were a good friend. You did your part on reaching out. It would really upset me too. She sucks.

[speckledfrog]

I'm sorry it has ended this way. I had a friend in college freeze me out and it was so hurtful. I never got closure of any sort and it several years for me to be completely over it.

[Waffles]

I know it's hard to let go but I also know it would be the best approach if you can manage it.

I'm also the kind of person that dwells on things like that for years so I get you, I'm sorry

[OrangeBanana]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's happening to me right now too. I have a friend that lives down the road from me. It's difficult to adequately explain how intertwined our lives are. It's a small community and I see her all the time so I can't just call her up and call her out on all her bullshit. Oh but how I wish I could!

[pandorica]

I'm sorry, I would be hurt about the no response thing, when you're clearly trying

My BFF and I have been mutually avoiding each other for months. She did something that really hurt my feelings, and started the avoidance, and she never reached out (including not even a FB happy birthday or anything). Feels like we've hit the point of no return

[dexteroni]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I think it would really hurt, and I'm sure I would dwell and wonder for a long time too. I do agree that the other friend has probably trashed you to this friend. She's surely told her every bad thing you've ever told her and possibly even embellished them. Did you ever gossip to that friend about the one who is now ditching you? If so, then I guarantee you she knows about it.

I have to say, though - for all the people saying "oh that's awful, how could anyone do that" - whenever someone asks on here about how to end a friendship, that is exactly what most of us tell them to do, pull away and let the friendship die off. So it's probably a good idea before actually doing it to think about if we want to cause those feelings in another person. Maybe the answer is yes, lol, but it's something to at least consider, especially when it involves a close friend. It seems a lot kinder to have that one HELLA uncomfortable conversation and move on, although I doubt most people have the balls to do that. I don't know if I would, honestly.