I believe you. Everyone has been burnt before, though, so please try not to take it personally.
There are crazy people in this online world, and unfortunately sincere people can be mistaken for them. Please, please don't think it's a reflection on you - it's a reflection on the jerks who've manipulated people in the past.
I'm so sorry. I know there is nothing I could say to make that hurt less, I wish there was. I've never said much in response to your posts because I was usually at loss for words. I can't begin to even imagine how you feel. I understand if you don't want to stick around, but if you ever need to talk you can pm me.
I'm so sorry you found that. If you find any sort of peace, support, or comfort here, I hope you continue to post. There are so many of us rooting for you from behind our keyboards.
I'm sorry I think that any time someone comes in here with a dramatic (I don't mean that to seem insensitive) story, people are automatically more suspicious. We didn't really get a chance to know you before your tragedy, so that is all that a lot of people know about you. I'm sorry that it hurt your feelings, but know that there are a lot of us still here to listen if you need it.
(((nailbiter))) It'll be okay. Just let it pass. Remember that lots of people had your back in that thread, too, and the ones that were questioning are just looking for the truth, they mean no harm.
It really is a protective group here. This is a really good thing, too. People tried to protect, you, too. (heart)
Don't let all that dissuade you from having this place as a community to help with your grieving and support. Everyone is quick to jump to conclusions because of what Mofongo and others mentioned. Most of us know you're real, so stick around.
I have repeatedly said that I'm in weekly therapy, and am trying to find a support group. There is nothing local for younger widows. I talk about it a lot here because who am I going to talk to besides my therapist? My husband is dead. He is the one I would I would have talked to.
I'm defensive now. Not apologizing.
I'm not sure it needs to be a group specific to young widows, grief is grief.
You'd be surprised. We had an older lady come to our child loss group. She lost her son when he was 60. She tried to go to another grief group but it was filled with people who had lost their spouses. They couldn't relate. Plus they said something to the effect of, "Well at least he went quick instead of lingering with cancer." (he fell through ice while fishing) WTF?! People are just very... weird and insensitive.
I believe you. Everyone has been burnt before, though, so please try not to take it personally.
There are crazy people in this online world, and unfortunately sincere people can be mistaken for them. Please, please don't think it's a reflection on you - it's a reflection on the jerks who've manipulated people in the past.
All of this.
I hate that we live in a world where someone would make up ridiculous tragedies just for their own entertainment, but that's our unfortunate reality. It makes it harder for people to believe anyone or anything and even harder for people truly living through that hell to get the support they may need online without at least one person speculating.
I didn't read the posts in question, but I think I speak for many (probably most) when I say unfortunately, I believe your story. I wish it wasn't true, though. I'm sorry that you were hurt even more by reading the speculating by others.
I hope that you are able to find the help & support you need right now.
I have repeatedly said that I'm in weekly therapy, and am trying to find a support group. There is nothing local for younger widows. I talk about it a lot here because who am I going to talk to besides my therapist? My husband is dead. He is the one I would I would have talked to.
I'm defensive now. Not apologizing.
I'm not sure it needs to be a group specific to young widows, grief is grief.Â
I can understand given the op's story why a younger widows group would be desired. If I lost my dh at a young age it would be tough to listen to people who had their lives together and then one died. I would be screaming inside at least you had the 30, 40 etc. years together that we should have had
I cannot imagine how reading that must have felt. I'm sorry you've been dealt such a shitty hand. If it means being 'burned' by a catfish every so often I'd rather offer a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen to because for someone already in the throws of grief to see that would hurt 10 thousand times worse than I would feel for offering words of encouragement to a fake.
I think some people look for drama unnecessarily here sometimes and I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of it.
I have repeatedly said that I'm in weekly therapy, and am trying to find a support group. There is nothing local for younger widows. I talk about it a lot here because who am I going to talk to besides my therapist? My husband is dead. He is the one I would I would have talked to.
I'm defensive now. Not apologizing.
I'm not sure it needs to be a group specific to young widows, grief is grief.
After my brother died, I struggled with this. I know my whole family did. I had a friend who was killed by a drunk driver when she was 19. My brother died when he was 29. My mom is good friends with her mom; I am SURE my friend's mom would have given anything to see her daughter for another 10 years. But grief IS grief. People are not going to be less sad if their spouse dies later in life because they don't have any comparison.
I remember I posted here once, maybe within a year of my brother's death, that I didn't feel much empathy for those whose grandparents died, because that was the natural order of things. God, how horribly shitty of me. I regret putting that out there.
I would encourage you to find a support group even if it doesn't match up with your experience. What everyone has in common is they have lost loved ones, they are grieving and struggling.
Post by messykitchen on Mar 26, 2015 23:25:01 GMT -5
((hugs)) I believe you, and I am sure that's the more popular opinion.
Not for the same reason, but it took me quite a few therapy groups to find one that helped me, and it wasn't where I expected to feel comfortable either.
Are there meet-up groups for young widows? I have no idea how meet-up works.
I cannot imagine how reading that must have felt. I'm sorry you've been dealt such a shitty hand. If it means being 'burned' by a catfish every so often I'd rather offer a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen to because for someone already in the throws of grief to see that would hurt 10 thousand times worse than I would feel for offering words of encouragement to a fake.
I think some people look for drama unnecessarily here sometimes and I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of it.
I'm just a lurker who is just starting to post, but I'm in Holly's camp. I've lurked enough to know that there have been some catfishes, and I'm sure there have been more that I don't know of, but I try to give a benefit of doubt when it comes to losses. I'd rather overreact and give support then underreact and say that someone's feelings are not valid/true. And I fully admit that it's probably because I'm new and I'm OK with that, while there are some regulars who have seen god knows how many catfishes.
@nailbiter101, those of us posting in this thread are supporting you, for sure. Others are, too. Don't let some doubts based on ML history bring you down. Please post more, in your own threads and in others'.
I am seriously crying over this. I'm so sorry my life is so tragic that y'all think it has to be fake.
I'm so sorry. I hope you continue posting here, but perhaps as an addition, have you looked for a young widows board online? You are succeeding just by getting through each day - do what you need to do to get there. And if we can help you find resources online please don't hesitate to ask. We tend to be very good at that.
I agree with others that you can get a lot of support and value out of a group that isn't necessarily directly in line with what you experienced. I know it's not the same as your situation, but I went to a support group for people in the process of separation/divorce. All of the other people in the group were much older than me and divorcing for very different reasons. But I gained so much from that group. Even though we had suffered in different ways, we supported each other and we were all able to see our own situation from different perspectives.
Now, I'm planning to join a group to improve assertiveness and empowerment for victims of DV. I think most of the women will have been victims of physical abuse as opposed to verbal/emotional abuse, but I think even the tangential connection will be helpful.
Continue to post here if it helps you, but there is so much value in face-to-face support groups. I would encourage you join any and all that are available.
That's not it. Unfortunately, tragedy is not uncommon (there are plenty examples from this board). What pinged people was that you only post about your loss. That has been a common thread in some past catfish/trolls.
I personally never got the impression you were lying, but this is a community and people tend to trust posters they "know" from frequent chatting, sharing, etc.
I agree with Pixy that you should join other threads and chat a bit--get to know other people here. This can be a great source of support for you but you're going to have to jump in a bit.
This is great advice, start talking in other posts about other things. There is always something interesting going on around here to engage in!
I am sure your grief is all consuming right now, so that is what is on your mind to post about. While it may be hard at first, participating in other threads might help you get out of your head for a few minutes. You are going through so much, don't let a message board add to your pain. Use it to get advice and support, as well as a distraction.
nailbiter I know exactly how you feel. I've experienced the same thing over 7 years ago. It was heartbreaking and it took a long time to come to terms with it. The women here were my rock the very day of my live-changing tragedy. And the days and years that followed. And they remain so to this day. Like the PP's said, we've been burned in the past--burned bad. We're only human. Can you blame us for wondering?
And keep looking for some face-to-face therapy. It's out there for you.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Post by JayhawkGirl on Mar 27, 2015 0:44:12 GMT -5
You know I'm rooting for you. A friend of mine was also widowed young, when her son was a toddler. I just looked through her FB likes. A few you might find other young widows online - or help finding an online and/or IRL support:
Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation One fit widow Widowed Village (Widville) Wise Widowed Parents
I don't know anything about these groups, but I do respect her. OFW also counts a college sorority sister as a member, though she and I lost touch after school.
I don't list these to try to push you away from here. We are here for you, for random chat when you need a distraction and support when you need it to face the day without your husband.
Don't give up finding the knowledgeable support you need. Let us be part of your team, and trust is when we encourage you to also KEEP LOOKING for the day to day, IRL support you and your kids need. Don't give up.
Post by themoneytree on Mar 27, 2015 2:47:49 GMT -5
This is an example of why I would rather be naive and get catfished than say something to hurt someone who is already in so much pain.
I can't remember who it was that felt the need to post their suspicions, but I hope they apologize to you and frankly they should be exploring why they felt the need to say something in the first place.
I don't know what to say to make you feel better, I can't imagine how terrible you must feel. Huge hugs from us here.
I'm so sorry you had to read that. I think you have gotten a lot of support here though. Don't let a few people scare you away if you want to be here. The ladies here are awesome.
I'm sorry @nailbiter101, people here are suspicious and mostly for good reason, I really hope you don't take it personally.
I don't have any doubt that your story and your pain are both very real, and I feel like anyone who was remotely bothered or concerned could have either not read your posts or done a little bit of digging and they'd know pretty quickly you are aren't catfish.
I'm so sorry please know that there are a lot of people here thinking about you and praying for you. x
ETA: I remember there was a nestie who lost her husband in a car accident when her youngest was a baby. They had 2 kids and she was in her 20s. Your story reminded me of her situation, she used to have a blog, I'll do some more digging and see if I can track it down for you. ETA 2: I found it: day-three.blogspot.com She hasn't posted in a while and she's in a much different place now as the accident happened almost 4 years ago but if you read from the beginning you might at least feel like what's happening for you is normal and the pain doesn't just go away overnight, but also that there is hope for the future.
I agree that some people might have been suspicious because we don't "know" you. We just know your tragedy, and like someone else mentioned, that's a catfish hallmark.
I was one of those people, and I'm truly sorry; I felt like an asshole for even speculating. Anything else I can try to explain is irrelevant - just know I have meant it and continue to mean it when I say am so very sorry for your loss.