Update to "Work Help" last week

[hulley]

I hate when people don't update, so here's what's happened so far: 

Link to previous post: I Need Work Help


I met with both my principal and my district-level boss earlier this week (I am home with a sick kiddo today). I had typed up talking points and was sure to be clear that I felt harassed and that these events had altered our working environment as she had not spoken directly to me in over a week, instead asking co-workers questions about things I am responsible for doing. I shared specific statements when asked, and we talked a lot about her tone of voice and the interaction that set this whole thing off. 

Honestly, I wasn't happy with their response. There was definitely an undertone of "let it go, move on from this". That was stated several times - that we needed to move on from this so that the environment didn't become a "quasi-hostile work environment". I told them I felt her actions had already caused our workplace to become toxic and that I'd attempted to resolve this on my own only to have it escalate. My principal is meeting with her today and shared with me that he is going to insist she give me "a genuine apology" so that I can move on. He did thank me for coming to him, and in the meeting it was discovered that she is in violation of several compliance-type issues. I just don't think anything will change as a result of my documenting these interactions and going through proper channels to report it. We are not union, so I feel like now I'm going to be exposed as a whistle-blower, get a half-assed apology (which will, no doubt, breed more resentment in her) and have to work like this for the rest of the school year. 

Thank you all for the words of advice. I am glad I let someone know what was going on, if only so that my replacement may not have to deal with such toxicity. But, I kinda wish I had just cancelled the meeting and "moved on from it". 

I'll update again if/when something comes of this meeting today. 

[noodleoo]

Wow, I'm sorry, that sucks. I had something similar happen to me a long time ago. I got yelled at by a salesman in a meeting. He was misunderstanding what we were talking about, so I tried to explain it to him by showing him on a printout and he slammed his fist down on the paper right in front of me. I was really scared and upset and I talked to my boss about it (who saw it happen) and he was like "oh that's just how he is". It was horrible.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

[Lilac]

I'm sorry the meeting didn't go well That really sucks. It amazes me how many supervisors 'look the other way' because it's easier for them to ignore bad behavior.

[dexteroni]

It really sucks that they aren't supporting you, and that they want you to basically tolerate this so that they don't have to do anything about it. That would make me lose a lot of confidence in and respect for my bosses.

I would make sure to tell them that the only way to move on from this is if her shitty behavior stops, and that it's up to her, not you. A fake apology is not going to accomplish anything, and if that's as far as they're willing to go, then forget it.

[hulley]

Mar 27, 2015 9:19:27 GMT -5 RockNVoll said:

I also wouldn't want them to force the apology from her.  Really, what is there to gain from that?  Well, they get to feel like they're doing something about it I guess :^)  Frankly, they're treating both of you like children--say you're sorry, co-irker! pat on the head for you, hulley!  Can you tell them to just keep your conversation confidential? 

Is there any written documentation of your complaint that can be filed somewhere?  It really sucks that you have to keep working with this person.

That's exactly how I feel about the apology - I'd rather no apology than a forced one. He even began that conversation by saying "when two kids have a disagreement, I make them apologize". Um, ok, but I'm not 8 years old?!? This is going to really push her over the edge. I've known her almost 3 years. She will fake the motions and then treat me even worse. She's very manipulative and I've seen her fake her way through other incidents. 

I was told that he will meet with her, and then check in with me, and if she isn't "playing nice" that we will meet together and go through mediation. And then told, again, that we need to move on from this. I get the impression that he REALLY wants this to just go away. 

Interestingly, past practice in my district is to move the person who voices any sort of grievance to another school, or let them go completely. 

[hulley]

Mar 27, 2015 9:29:26 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

Wow, I'm sorry, that sucks. I had something similar happen to me a long time ago. I got yelled at by a salesman in a meeting. He was misunderstanding what we were talking about, so I tried to explain it to him by showing him on a printout and he slammed his fist down on the paper right in front of me. I was really scared and upset and I talked to my boss about it (who saw it happen) and he was like "oh that's just how he is". It was horrible.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I guess people aren't capable of being adults sometimes. 

[dexteroni]

Mar 27, 2015 9:58:26 GMT -5 hulley said:

And then told, again, that we need to move on from this. I get the impression that he REALLY wants this to just go away. 

Interestingly, past practice in my district is to move the person who voices any sort of grievance to another school, or let them go completely. 

Ugh. That's so weak. Your principal sounds awful.

[rubytue]

You are right, a forced apology will only breed resentment and make it obvious you reported her. It's not going to help. Now if they talk to her and she genuinely realizes she needs to apologize, yes, then it's good. But I don't think that's the case her. I think she will just be pissed and it will be "I'm sorry you felt I was yelling at you."

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. While I don't think letting it go is the right response, what this has taught you is that you do not have support above to stop the bully. So you will have to learn ways protect yourself and shield yourself. Walking away. Asking her to come back and speak to you when she has calmed down, things like that might help? I don't know... That sucks.

[livinitup]

This is pretty much how it goes in my work place until I have enough documentation to terminate the toxic person. It usually takes a while. Keep documenting. You can't change toxic people but you can protect yourself, and yes, you have to fake being pleasant to be a professional.

[Deleted]

Shit, I am so sorry. Your boss sounds less than competent.

[hulley]

DH says I should just leave. We don't rely on my income since it's such a small percentage of our HHI. But, I am stubborn and don't want to. I don't think I should have to leave a job I otherwise mostly enjoy because of someone else's behavior.

On the bright side, I have something like 55 school days until the end of the year. I can do anything for 55 days.

[LoveTrains]

Mar 27, 2015 9:29:26 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

Wow, I'm sorry, that sucks. I had something similar happen to me a long time ago. I got yelled at by a salesman in a meeting. He was misunderstanding what we were talking about, so I tried to explain it to him by showing him on a printout and he slammed his fist down on the paper right in front of me. I was really scared and upset and I talked to my boss about it (who saw it happen) and he was like "oh that's just how he is". It was horrible.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

That is how my boss is all the time. Sadly, some people ARE just like that and you will make yourself crazy trying to get them to change, because its impossible and they don't necessarily realize how they are perceived. At least that is the conclusion I have come to. I'm not saying the behavior is acceptable - because its not - but you have to realize when you can't change it.