Ours are 2.5 years apart but I would try as much as possible to foster independence with J. Making sure she knows how do do little things solo like taking off and putting on her coat and shoes, washing her hands, walking wherever you go instead of being carried will be really helpful.
Post by rootbeerfloat on Mar 27, 2015 15:18:28 GMT -5
Mine are 2y10m. I think we told him when I started to show? I don't think he really got it, though, until she was born.
Does she like both parents equally? If she prefers you, I would work on getting her used to doing things with dad.
I would PT if she seems ready, but in some ways a child in diapers is easier than an almost-PT'd kid who needs a lot of reminding and may have accidents. DS was mostly trained, though.
Post by imimahoney on Mar 27, 2015 15:23:29 GMT -5
My kids are 2.10.5 years apart. We started reading books with a big brother type story line in the summer right after I found out I was pg. We officially told him I was pg after my a/s. By that time he understood about babies since he's goes to dc with a few infants. As I got bigger he really understood that there was a baby in my belly.
Post by shamrockshake on Mar 27, 2015 15:24:47 GMT -5
my oldest two are 3 years 3 months apart. We didn't tell DD1 until we wanted everyone to know because she would have told immediately, so 12-13 weeks. She grasped it right away and was excited. She was already PT and off the paci by then, we made a big deal over her big girl bed and her getting to help with the baby, helping change the baby and feed her etc. She was very focused on helping and being the big kid
Post by imimahoney on Mar 27, 2015 15:24:57 GMT -5
Oh and we moved to a bed around december but that coincided nicely with us moving to a new house. We still have pt because he isn't really ready. I hoping to start closer to his birthday in April.
Mine are 6 weeks shy of 3 years apart. We told DD1 right away which probably wasn't the best plan but whatever. She didn't really get it anyway. Once I started to really show (around 20w) we would look up the baby's development on an iPhone app and tell her what was going on with her baby sister that week--she is the size of a banana, she is growing eyelashes, she is getting chunkier, etc. We got this book and read it a lot:
We PT'd and moved her to her big girl room/bed at the same time because it was Christmas break, we had the time off, and I was finally out of the first trimester hellhole and had some energy. Normally I would caution that that is too many transitions at once, and for a lot of kids it might be, but DD1 handled it well. She was 2y5m at the time and everything went off without any issues.
She was naturally dressing herself and beginning to take care of many of her personal needs by the time DD2 came along. We did not really focus on anything specifically other than PTing.
We bought a bunch of matching outfits in NB/0-3 and 3T and she was PUMPED to dress the same as her baby sister.
We showed her lots of pics of herself as a baby and talked about how babies cry a lot and nurse a lot and how Mommy won't be able to play with you as much, or might need to take care of the baby's needs first because babies can't wait to eat or be changed but big girls can.
We talked a lot about ways she could help out with the baby and roleplayed situations like her bringing me a diaper or a burp cloth or a fresh onesie. We practiced gentle touching with a baby doll. I pointed out babies to her in public and spent a good amount of time with one of my BFFs whose second is about 9 months older than DD2 (so he was pretty small throughout my pregnancy).
If she wanted to act like a baby or do babyish things like drink from a bottle, we didn't encourage that but we didn't say no either. We let her roleplay acting like a baby if that is what she wanted to do. We were neutral about it and it passed. This was more of an issue after DD2 was born though and DD1 was experimenting with ways to get attention/dealing with seeing DD2 get a ton of attention. She wasn't jealous, but there were a lot of emotions for her to process so we helped with that as best we could without shaming her for having negative feelings toward her sister or about not being a baby anymore.
Post by Queen Mamadala on Mar 27, 2015 15:30:14 GMT -5
Dd2 and ds2 are three years apart. I don't remember what I did to prep both girls. They were somewhat aware, though more so dd1 since she was 5 when I had ds2. However, for both girls it wasn't exactly new or an adjustment (expecting a new sibling) since they had gone through it before when I was pregnant with ds1.
They both adjusted really well. No issues there. He and dd2 argue the most. They can be close at times, but also really, really annoy each other.
Post by moopoint17 on Mar 27, 2015 15:30:38 GMT -5
Mine are 2yr9mo apart. I told him when we first found out. I'm not sure he understood anything we were telling him about being a big brother and having a baby around until he actually saw the baby at the hospital. He seemed indifferent while I was pregnant but it was love at first sight at the hospital. For the most part, it still is like that. Unless DS2 tries to take one of DS1's toys. Then it's an all out war!
Someone told me to refer to the baby as "DS1's baby". So I would ask DS1 if he wanted to help bathe his baby or if he could pick out PJs for his baby. I don't know if this helped, but it didn't hurt.
I wouldn't stress about PTing before the baby comes. I tried and fail miserably before DS2 was born. Then I tried after while I was still on ML and failed too. He finally got it around 3.5yrs without much prodding from us (well, during the day at least). Change 2 sets of diapers sucks but at least it's contained and I didn't have to spend too much time cleaning up after accidents.
And nothing prepares you for epic pre-schooler meltdowns + screaming, colicky baby. Those were the worst when they would double team me. Luckily H is really helpful, so maybe try to prepare him now too!
Post by turtlegirl on Mar 27, 2015 15:33:38 GMT -5
DS2 and this baby will be 3y1m apart. We just told the kids at 16 weeks when we found out the gender. It was nice to tell them "little sister" and her name.
We are working on potty training now, but more for preschool in the fall rather than baby related. I actually liked having 2 in diapers with DS1 and DS2, but they were only 20 months apart.
He's already in a twin bed and sharing a room with his older brother, so we haven't really done much to "prep" them yet besides just telling them.
Post by DarcyLongfellow on Mar 27, 2015 15:47:44 GMT -5
Mine are just shy of 4 years apart, but I'd definitely work on independence like Brie suggested. I taught DD1 to get her own water (I'd take the top off the sippy, then she'd use the water dispenser on the fridge) and snacks (from a basket at the bottom of the pantry). See if you can get her to go potty independently, but that'll probably be hard at barely 3.
Two great pieces of advice I got --
Make a huge deal about how J is the NEW BIG SISTER. Talk it up constantly -- to her, to people who visit the new baby, to randoms in the grocery store who stop to coo over the baby. Give her SUPER SPECIAL big sister jobs -- Abigail's included picking out which diaper for diaper changes and washing the baby's feet at bath time.
Second, when both kids are crying or just need something, tend to the older one first when you can. Because she'll remember you tending to her needs first but the baby won't. Also, make a point of telling the baby (so J can hear) that it's big sister's turn because you already did x for the baby.
Mine were 7 weeks short of being three years apart. PPs have great suggestions about how to get ready.
DS was my 'helper' and did things like pass diapers and blankets etc. He would "read" to DD or replace her paci if it fell out.
I made sure that he had a gift from his baby sister waiting at the hospital when he came to meet her for the first time, and it was a big kid toy, special because babies couldn't use it.
He was also with us at the u/s, where he got to see the baby, even if he didn't really understand what was happening. He was allowed to pick her middle name (we had veto power, of course), and he just felt like a big deal overall.
I also felt it was important for him to know that he was getting a sister, so he could get used to the idea. A friend of mine is dealing with her almost 3 YO DD who does not want a baby brother, and feels that all boy babies should go in the garbage can... (yes, friend is having a boy. Thankfully they have time to work on the garbage thing - lol)
My kids are three years apart. We told DS1 when I was like 16 weeks. We started reading books about babies and siblings. He didn't "get" it until the baby had arrived. He would pat my belly but only because it made me happy, not because he really cared about the baby, If that makes sense. I worked on him learning to play alone in the months leading up to the baby's arrival.
My only advice is to lower expectations about how much the older kid will adore the baby right away. I see lots of posts about siblings loving the new arrival on here and Facebook, and when DS1 didn't want to hold the baby and said we should send him back (and meant it) I felt like a total loser. We have no sweet photos of DS1 holding his brother. They love each other now, a year in, but it was a hard transition. I wish I had been better prepared and known that it's normal.
Following. We'll be 3.2 years apart. J knows and talks about becoming a big brother constantly. We potty trained last summer when we started ttcing, and we're going to work on separation and independence this summer via camp and hiring a nanny.
DS and DD are 3 years and 2 weeks apart. We told DS about DD at my NT scan, since I wasn't feeling well. I don't think he "got it" until my belly got large. We focused on him being a great big brother and helping us with DD. That he was a big boy and little DD needed his help.
We ditched the paci, which he was only holding (not actively using) in bed when we switched to the toddler bed. We did that at 2y10m I think. The transition went very well. We had hoped to PT before DD got here. He did really well for awhile but them got pneumonia and completely regressed a few weeks before DD was born. We're going to settle in with DD and try again.
Oh and I don't know what your care plan for J is when you go into labor but closer to the end of my pregnancy we started talking to him about that so he would know that one day he may wake up and we wouldn't be there, etc.
Oh yes we did this too. About a month before my due date, we talked with DS a lot about how he would be staying with Grammy while I was in the hospital, that he wouldn't see us for a few days. We did A LOT OF PREP to make Grammy's house toddler safe. It was a big project!
We are 3.5 yrs apart and someone on here mentioned breaking out all the baby shit way before hand like bouncers,rock n play etc just have it out so the older one can mess around with it so when the baby comes its not some new toy. We did NOT take that advice and my kid just wanted to fuck with the swing and the rock n play which drove me bat shit for awhile.
Some people talk about the first not giving a shit about the 2nd but mine was SO into the baby. When DS1 came to the hospital to see us I figured he would run right to me but no he was like WHERE IS THAT BABY?! I HAVE TO HOLD HIM and went straight for the bassinet. I'm waiting for the day I walk into the living room and he is dragging the kid around.
We waited till 20 weeks bc DS1 is super inquisitive and I didn't feel like answering the question of "is the baby coming tomorrow" for 9 months.
DS3 is 3 years and 5 days younger than DS2 and 5 years and 16 days younger than DS1. We told them both after our "big" u/s so we could tell them they were going to have a brother. Even then, 20 weeks was a long time for them to wait. They thought nothing of my m/s or growing belly before then, and they were obsessed with snuggling with my belly.
Kids are so oblivious to that kind of stuff. Tell J when you are ready, but he won't really get it until the baby shows up.
Post by formerlyllizzyb on Mar 27, 2015 21:47:17 GMT -5
Mine are 2 yrs, 9 months apart. I'm only 3 months in but I LOVE this gap! DS is enamored with his little sister, but mature enough to (mostly) understand her limitations. He gives her a pacifier, entertains her during tummy time, and wants to hold her constantly.
We didn't break the news any special way. We'd had a few friends in the later stages of pregnancy and we just told him that mommy had a baby growing in he tummy and the baby would come live with us after a long time of growing inside mommy. He got it ore and more over the months. We took him to the anatomy scan and he actually seemed to comprehend it.
I love how simple two year olds' worlds are. He just accepted the news and went about his business.
I never forget him running into my hospital room with my parents, saying "Did Nora come out? Me see Nors! Me hold Nora!"
My oldest was 6 weeks away from turning 3 when my second was born.
Technically she told me I was pregnant (has a bit of a psychic streak). But once we'd confirmed we told her right away and then had her tell everyone else (very verbal). I don't know how much she understood, but she seemed to understand pretty well.
We never used pacis so didn't have to get rid of that and she was potty trained well before I was pregnant again (22 months) so that wasn't an issue either.
We did move her to a bed when I was a couple of months pregnant because we moved to a new house. That was good to get out of the way because it was a rough transition (not at first, but a few months later). I would definitely enjoy your time with her, but I would Also really focus on consistent discipline. Three year olds Can be tough, mostly because they are testing the limits so much. I wish we had spent more time on consistent discipline before the baby came so I didn't have to figure that out along with everything else.
My kids are 8 weeks shy of 3 years apart. I had lots of great plans to have DS1 out of his crib and fully potty trained before the new baby came.
Jokes on me! DS1 was perfectly content in his crib and trying to get him to sleep in a bed was a disaster. I gave up and put him back in his crib where he slept just fine. I figured that I didn't want to screw up my good sleeper before I brought a newborn home. So I bought another crib. Fail #1
Regarding potty training, I heard too many stories of kids regressing once a new baby arrives. I was absolutely uninterested in going through that twice, so I did not attempt until after DS2 was born. Plus he showed zero interest. So I had 2 in diapers, and DS1 wasn't potty trained until 3 years 4 months. Fail #2
So don't beat yourself up if you don't get everything done before the baby arrives. To be honest my laziness paid off since DS1 continued to be a good sleeper in his crib and he potty trained relatively easily.