How long do you wait

[verycontrary247]

Before asking someone you've been seeing pretty regularly on a casual basis uncomfortable questions?

I hate having these conversations and generally avoid them, but it also drives me kind if crazy speculating what their answers would be.

[Queen Mamadala]

It depended on the nature of the questions. Are they relationship or personal questions?

[mel]

I hate having uncomfortable conversations but if the responses were to be deal-breaker for me then I'd rather know sooner than later. I guess I just don't want to waste my time and would rather move on if necessary. Or stop driving myself batty speculating and get the uncomfortable part out of the way so that things could progress.

[bl]

What type of questions? I am a really open communicator and don't have a lot of boundaries, so I tend to just ask and if it makes them uncomfortable then they are probably not right for me.

[achase123]

Mar 28, 2015 6:21:29 GMT -5 bl said:

What type of questions? I am a really open communicator and don't have a lot of boundaries, so I tend to just ask and if it makes them uncomfortable then they are probably not right for me.

This. I tend to gage it but I also don't like to hold back of something is on my mind.

[verycontrary247]

Mar 27, 2015 23:55:13 GMT -5 Queen Mamadala said:

It depended on the nature of the questions. Are they relationship or personal questions?

Kinda both.

[Deleted]

Depends on the question, can you give an example?
Do you mean questions like why did you get divorced? Or are you planning on having children?

[jigsy]

I waited 6 months. My emotions are also broken, lol.

[verycontrary247]

Mar 28, 2015 10:27:24 GMT -5 @bk said:

Depends on the question, can you give an example?
Do you mean questions like why did you get divorced? Or are you planning on having children?

P loves kids, already has children that are a little older (9 and 11) from a previous marriage, and had a vasectomy years back (while he was still married). It's important to me to eventually have a child of my own, so I guess the question is "are you open to possibility of having a reverse vasectomy/another kid?"

I feel super weird asking that while we aren't dating on a serious basis. But I don't want to date him on a serious basis without knowing this.

[bl]

I don't know if im normal or not lol, but I would definitely ask. I've already asked the guy I've been dating for 2 weeks if he wants more kids. He already has 1 and I truly don't know if I will ever want one of my own, so it's an important thing to get out there. I don't ask it of fwb but I like this guy so to me it's valid.

[Deleted]

I'd ask him because why waste your time.
In my experience though most guys are not interested in kids if they've had a vasectomy, but it doesn't hurt to ask

[Deleted]

Honestly, that's  probably something I'd ask right away. I've always asked guys early on if they'd like to have kid(s) in the future. Because I would like a child and didnt want to end up in a serious relationship with someone who absolutely did not want kids.  I'm pretty sure I asked J during our emails or texts before we even met. Maybe that's crazy, but I felt it was important to know. 
ETA auto correct stinks

[Queen Mamadala]

Serious issues like children/politics/religion/roles within the partnership, etc., were things I brought very early on, like within the first conversation or two, but their profile and answers to questions often gave me a really good idea where they stood on such issues.

I'm very transparent, and preferred the same, because I did not want to waste anyone's time if there were incompatibilities.

[Queen Mamadala]

Mar 28, 2015 12:49:43 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

Honestly,my hats probably something I'd ask right away. I've always asked guys early on if they'd like to have kid(s) in the future. Because I would like a child and didnt want to end up in a serious relationship with someone who absolutely did not want kids.  I'm pretty sure I asked J during our emails or texts before we even met. Maybe that's crazy, but I felt it was important to know. 

I asked DH during our first phone conversation, which was the day after I sent the first message, if he was open to having kids of his own. I did come across this question and his answer in the survey (OKC), but wanted to ask to make sure. He stated in his answer that he's always wanted kids, but that it wasn't a must. It said "undecided" in his profile. I knew deep down that I wanted another child, and I brought it up the day we started talking. 

[Deleted]

Mar 28, 2015 15:02:18 GMT -5 Queen Mamadala said:

Mar 28, 2015 12:49:43 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

Honestly,my hats probably something I'd ask right away. I've always asked guys early on if they'd like to have kid(s) in the future. Because I would like a child and didnt want to end up in a serious relationship with someone who absolutely did not want kids.  I'm pretty sure I asked J during our emails or texts before we even met. Maybe that's crazy, but I felt it was important to know. 

I asked DH during our first phone conversation, which was the day after I sent the first message, if he was open to having kids of his own. I did come across this question and his answer in the survey (OKC), but wanted to ask to make sure. He stated in his answer that he's always wanted kids, but that it wasn't a must. It said "undecided" in his profile. I knew deep down that I wanted another child, and I brought it up the day we started talking. 

I'm totally with you.  J and I met online and his said "undecided" in his profile as well so that's why I asked immediately and his answer was like your DH. i would not have wanted to get involved seriously with someone who absolutely would not want kids. 

[winecat]

I'd ask sooner rather than later too. I think it's better to know on the big issues. I hope it goes well.

[glitzyglow]

Ask it. No one reason to spend time with someone dancing around the heavier issues just to delay the inevitable answers...of which may not even be bad! Give yourself a reason to go forward with him or without him with known knowledge of what the answers are.

[verycontrary247]

Mar 28, 2015 21:34:57 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

That's not a question you want to ask later when you've caught feelings. Rip the bandage off.

But how do I bring it up now without it being even more awkward?

[LoveBug]

I agree with the others to ask now. The guy I'm dating disclosed really early on that he had a vasectomy. We had a good conversation about our desires to have more children and options to do so. It was nice to have all of that out on the table early on.

[GilliC]

I'm definitely in the ask early. It's hard to end a relationship with someone you really like when there's a dealbreaker. Easier to do it before the feelings get to deep if possible.

[Deleted]

verycontrary247, did you speak with him?

[verycontrary247]

Mar 30, 2015 6:04:30 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

verycontrary247, did you speak with him?

Yes. While the answer I got was the one I was expecting, my feelings are still pretty hurt.

[winecat]

Mar 30, 2015 9:05:39 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

Mar 30, 2015 6:04:30 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

verycontrary247, did you speak with him?

Yes. While the answer I got was the one I was expecting, my feelings are still pretty hurt.

I'm so sorry.    Big hugs...

[Deleted]

Mar 30, 2015 9:05:39 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

Mar 30, 2015 6:04:30 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

verycontrary247, did you speak with him?

Yes. While the answer I got was the one I was expecting, my feelings are still pretty hurt.

I'm really sorry. The only advice I can offer is to stick to your wishes and make the best choice for you.  Hugs