Let's chat about moms and daughters. How is your

[sequins]

relationship with your mom? How is your relationship with your daughter? How did it evolve over time ? How old are all of you? Tell me about it. Positive or negative.

ETA : If you want to talk about the relationship between your mom and  your daughter, that'd be great too!

[5thofjuly]

I'm 35 (no kids) and my mom will be 60 this year. We have a fantastic relationship, thankfully. I was hard to love around 14-15, but she's been one of my best friends since just after college. Her mom, however, is a manipulative, narcissistic asshole to this day. Thank goodness my mom got none of her mother's worst traits.

[cereal K]

I'm 33. My mom and I have a great relationship. I mean, she makes me crazy sometimes, but it's likely because we're similar. We fought like crazy when I was in high school, but our relationship improved when I went away to college and got better as I moved out and on with life. She's always pushed me to be the best version of myself and has been a cheerleader and a pusher toward better things.

My daughter and I are close. It's hard to tell to what degree, since she's four, but she always wants to be around me and like me. So I try to be the best role model I can be, since I feel like my mom did that for me.

[Deleted]

I am 29 and my mom is 63. Our relationship is friendly now. As a kid/teenager it was not good at all; fighting/butting heads constantly. We still have our moments when we don't get along but 95% of the time we do. I don't have a daughter (or any kids).

[venice2007]

Before my mom died we were insanely close. Supportive, loving, non judgy, best friends etc. it developed when I was very young and our relationship grew stronger as I grew up. She was close to my sister too but not nearly the same. We both just kinda got each other on a deep level. Even when we did fight, which was crazy rare, we always handled it respectfully. It was weird how great we got along. Actually other people mentioned it was weird lol
When she died I was 33 she was 69

[nsl]

I'm 34 and my mom is 67. We're not super close, but we've also lived ~1,000 miles apart for the last 12 years, most of which she's spent still parenting my (very millennial) sister. We love each other dearly, we enjoy one another's company when we're together, and we talk on the phone/Skype at least once a week. I don't share all of my feelings or worries with her, though, and she shares virtually nothing meaningful with me. A typical conversation between us focuses half on the weather, and half on how my boys are doing.

I have no daughters.

[RoxMonster]

I have a strong relationship with my mom; we are really close. I'm 29 and she is 57. Like any relationship, we have our disagreements, and there are some things we will never see eye-to-eye on. But besides my H, she is the one person I can count on for anything. We talk almost daily.

I have no kids.

[Sloane]

I'm 36, my mom is 65 this year and we are pretty close now. Definitely had some times as a teenager/early 20s that we weren't, but looking back she was always consistent and there for me. She's terrible at showing feelings, which means I'm also not great at it, something I hope to rectify with S (2.5).

S and I are close, because she's 2.5, but I hope we stay that way. She's an easy kid to love and I see a lot of myself in her. I get her in a way that I don't get my son yet.

[revolution]

I'm 39. My relationship with my mom is strained. We were bff's until she left my dad when I was in my late 20's and she told me she wanted to leave him when I was a little kid but stayed for financial reasons. There's more to it after that, like she refused counseling, went on to be a pastor and doesn't practice what she preaches, literally.

My DD is 7. We have a decent relationship. It is getting better now that my DS is 3 and more independent and she and I can do things again together.

[balletofangels]

I'm 35. My mom is 61 and my absolute best friend, but there are certain friend lines we don't cross. Like we never talk about sex. My teen years were rough, but I'm so thankful for her.

My kid is 4 going on 16 and I suspect the teen years may be rough because she's very strong willed, but I can only hope to have a relationship like I do with my mom.

My grandma died when my mom was 32 and it breaks my heart to think she lost her mom at such a young age. It didn't really hit me as how awful it must have been until I hit that age.

[konapoppy]

I am 30 and my mom is 65. We are fairly close - text, call or email a few times a week. I see her one to two times a month. We just went on vacation a month ago and it went really well. Our previous trips to Paris (16th bday) and road trip (at 20) did not go well lol. We have definitely gotten closer over the years.

[sequins]

My mom (54 now) was my closest friend growing up. We moved a lot, like every two years. So it was difficult to form bff style relationships with girls my age and so I always turned to her. She was and is a great mom. But more best friend-y than parent-y. Since moving to the US and not seeing her for three years (I know. I feel terrible about it), I feel like I have changed a lot. I'm so different now and while my mom's always been open minded and progressive, we don't think the exact same way anymore. She'll be here in two weeks for a few months, so I think we are going to have an awesome time reconnecting and getting back to each other's wavelength. I'm also excited for her to be a grandmom. Both my grandmoms died when I was a kid, so I have never seen that relationship. I think it will be awesome.

Because my mom is so close to me, I never knew where her dreams ended and where mine began. Pleasing her and seeking her approval is an automatic thing for me. Weirdly though, I feel that she also seeks my approval for her decisions. Since I got older, I'm a lot smarter with people (compared to her, lol). She turns to me for all her problems with my dad, with my brother, with other family. Sometimes I do feel the burden of thinking about problems that are far ahead of my years.

With my daughter, I'm not sure I want to continue the trend of being BFFs. I want to be close to her but I also want to be a parent. I want her to learn to make friends and be close to people who are not family. Since she will mostly be an only child, I feel that it's very important for her to learn . I have no idea how that would work though.

[cinderbella]

My mom and I get along and are surface friends if that makes sense. She's not my BFF or the person I tell everything to - not even close - but we get along 90% of the time. She put me through lot of shit when I was 15-22ish and it clearly drove a wedge between us that I have a hard time forgetting. There are other women in my life that I became very close to during those years and I consider them as much of a mom as my own. This makes for some uncomfortable conversations or Facebook encounters but I've stopped giving a fuck.

I hope every day that the relationship I have with my daughters is different. I'm not expecting to be BFF with them from now until the end of time, but I refuse to make the same mistakes that my mom did. You know, like gambling away every penny she had and asking her 19 year old daughter to take 1k off her first credit card otherwise her dad was going to divorce her. Or doing the same thing three years later but asking for the money off of our home equity line of credit. Yeah, not happening.

Well that turned in to a gigantic vent. Can you tell my. I'm has been bugging me a lot lately!?! Ha ha ha

[dianecourt]

I'm 42 and my mom is 70. She's my best friend. We don't really fight, except for limited family matters. When I was a teen, I was annoying, but not enough for it to matter at this point.

We are local, and I see her at least 1x per week. She doesn't come close to living with me though!
 
Edit: seeing your update - she definitely had a parenting boundary until I was like 25. 

If you are close, can you talk to her about it?  I know it is so easier said than done.  I just so hope these next few months go as easily as possible for you!

[orangeblossom]

My mother is deceased, but we had a great relationship. We talked daily. She was always encouraging, but at the same time, didn't really get into my business and let me do my own thing. My sisters also had a good relationship with her.

We loved to shop together and eat out a lot. It was a favorite past time for us. I miss her a lot.

[pixy0stix]

I do not talk to my mother. She did not come to the hospital to say goodbye to her granddaughter. She did not come the one fucking time in my whole entire life that I needed her. When I told her, point blank, why I was mad at her. She heard me for all of a day. Then twisted it in her head that I was jealous of my sisters. What. the. fuck. So... she's out of my life for good.

[slcjess]

I am 27 and my mom is 57, she is one of my best friends. It was rough when I was a teenager, she got divorced and it was really hard in her. She's always been very needy, can't be alone type, but I love her and do my very best to be there for her, because she has never not been there when I needed her. She is just the best. I have 2 sisters, 31 and 35 next week, both have great relationships with her, and she bends over backwards for them.
I have no kids, my sister has 3 girls, but they are pretty little I think she will be like my mom as far as being friends with her girls and doing everything she can for them.

[morecowbell]

My mom had me later in life after my siblings, so I think she sees me as her last chance baby. We are very close but we can clash on things that are generational more than others my age and their mothers, I think. I am 32 and she is 74.

My sister and she don't have as great of a relationship, but I think that is a function of my sister's personality, she tends to hang onto old comments, slights, etc. whereas I tend to let Mom's comments roll off my back.

I do believe my mom to be my best friend I only have a son so can't comment on the daughter aspect specifically, but having DS has made me much more aware of the many sacrifices my parents had to make.

[pooh8402]

My mom is one of my BFFs, along with my sisters. All of us are super tight. I just spent all day with my mom and middle sister and it was wonderful.

My mom and I have been close my whole life, but I love the relationship I've developed with her as an adult. We're very much equals, asking each other for advice and opinions all the time.

I'm 30, oldest of 3 girls. Mom is 52, oldest of 3 as well (had one brother and one sister).

[eddy]

I love my mom. She is fantastic and crazy lol. She is my best friend as lame as that sounds.

my mom is 54. I am 33. My sis is 30. 

I don't have daughters. Wah wasah

[morecowbell]

Mar 28, 2015 21:02:00 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

I do not talk to my mother. She did not come to the hospital to say goodbye to her granddaughter. She did not come the one fucking time in my whole entire life that I needed her. When I told her, point blank, why I was mad at her. She heard me for all of a day. Then twisted it in her head that I was jealous of my sisters. What. the. fuck. So... she's out of my life for good.

I am so sorry pixy, that must have been horrible for you. 

[Deleted]

I'm 29 and my mom and I have a good relationship with bumps. I feel like she doesn't give me enough credit/confidence in my parenting/decision skills. Then if I do 'do the right' thing, well that's because 'she raise me that way'. Because she is like that I so keep her at a distance and I don't share everything with her.

We also had a rocky relationship when I was a teenager. This is now something that we don't talk about because I get mad and she gets upset. I don't beleive she always made the best decisions, but she has her own story of how things happened.

She is also very judgy of everything and everyone. Nobody is as good as her. This bothers me espescially during visits.

This post sounds like I'm cutting her up. I do love her but like I said there are some things that I can't let go of and are better left unsaid.

[rosiebear]

I'm 48, mom is 87. Our relationship is not great. It's hard for me to get past the guilt of "oh, she's just a little old lady now, so get over it," but dammit, I don't want to, and I don't feel obligated to. Maybe I should, I don't know.

It wasn't until I became a parent that I truly realized what a shitty parent she was. I have a huge family (8 kids) and there varying levels of fallout among us. She was simply not suited to raise so many kids and it's a shame she tried to. She was actively abusive to some of us, neglectful to all of us. I was not abused; in fact, I was a favored one, in sharp contrast to my next closest sister. It was much much worse for her, of course, but that messed me up in its own way.

More than anything, I need for my daughter to know that I love her unconditionally, that she has worth and importance, and that she is her own person.

[snipsnsnails]

I'm 34, my mom is 63 and my daughter is 2. I have a great relationship with my mom. We're polar opposites on a lot of things, but she will always support me and love me, of that I have no doubt whatsoever. We talk a few times a week. She lives 1000 miles away. One of the things I admire most about her is she is one of the most self-assured, confident people I've ever met. Always has been. I think modeling that has been one of the greatest gifts I've ever received. And I can already see it growing in my headstrong, beautiful Charlie Girl.

My mom is great with her. My DD is sort of notorious for side eyeing almost everyone she meets for very little reason, but she's always adored my mom. They click already.

[ElizabethBennet]

I'm 29 and my mom is 54. We have a good relationship now, but we still have our issues and it took a long time to get to the place we are now. We still fight and no one can hurt my feelings like she can, but at the end of the day I know that I can rely on her. We just butt heads on a lot of things. However, she is an AMAZING grandmother. She and D have an awesome relationship and they just adore each other.

D is only 4 so right now things are good, lol. I hope we have a good relationship as she grows up, obviously. I do worry about the teen years though, so far our personalities are VERY similar which I know will cause conflict, but I don't think any parent/child gets through the teen years without some heartache.

[sewf]

My mom and I are close. I am an only child to a single mom. She is 54, I am 30. We are both very introspective, opinionated, but peacekeepers. There are some things we don't talk about, simply because she is religious, whereas I am agnostic, and she is more conservative where I am very liberal. She loves me more than anything, though, and would do anything for me. She actually lives with us part time because she watches DS four days a week, and it is easier for her just to stay than commute.

[youbetcha]

My mom died several years ago. I was 29 and she was 53. We were very close. I always regret that my last conversation with her was a fast one on the phone in Target about baby humidifiers.

DD is 4. My mom would love her so much! She got to see DS, but he was only a few weeks when she passed. I hope my relationship with both kids can be like mine with my mom, but I often wish I could have her advice and reassurance.

[fuckyourcouch]

My mom and I are very close.
My dad was always the more nurturing one so those roles were sort of reversed. He took care of me when I was sick, etc.
When I was a teenager, we were sort of volatile, because we are both stubborn, and if you don't properly justify to me why you want me to do something, I won't do it. And she wouldn't justify anything. So we fought a lot. But we were still close.
We've also always been very open, she's very supportive, etc.
I think my parents did a really good job overall so I can't complain.
Sometimes she drives me absolutely crazy but it's never anything serious.

[pantsparty]

I would say we have a good relationship. Not super close. We are quite different and I am sure in many ways my mom wonders how we can possibly be related, LOL. I make the effort to avoid certain topics in order to keep things civil and happy.

I know how much she loves me and how much she and my dad make an effort to make not only me, but my husband, feel loved and valued. They're really good people and I feel lucky to have them as my parents.

[CloudBee]

I'm about to turn 32. My mom is 65. We don't have much of a relationship.

I grew up in a very abusive home. Emotionally (both parents, neglect), physically (dad), and sexually (mom).

If I had a daughter, her relationship with my mom would be VERY superficial. I have a 2 year old son and we only visit to make basic memories. In October we drove nearly 5 hrs to see my parents for a 24 hr period of time because I basically just wanted pictures of them together in a pumpkin patch. The visit to the patch was all of 10 minutes. I'm not trying to paint a pretty picture for my son, but he isn't the one with the negative past. I don't want to cut my parents out 100%, so what interaction my son has with them will be positive and memorable for HIM. That's important to me. If he can't have a true history with them as the years go on, I want him to at least have a handful of photos showing him that he did share some nice experiences / memories with them.

My mom never calls me. Never has. It's so rare. But that's the least of it. I try not to hate, but I do have such negative feelings toward her. I'm working on these in therapy. My therapist has actually be instrumental in encouraging me to put even more distance between myself and my parents.

I always wanted a supportive mom. I know she loves me. But her actions don't show that. She beat me to the ground with her words, and was never "there". And anything she says that's positive now is either fake, manic, or said to try and lure me back in. I want nothing to do with her. So much of who she is makes me cringe and feel dirty / uncomfortable. She's also a convicted felon because she stole narcotics from her workplace. Drug addict and felon. Passing her on the street you would never guess.

I'm working hard to form and foster relationships with other women in my life right now. It helps. Some of that void I've had is filling. But nothing will rewrite my past. As a kid, I fantasized what it would have been like to live with my God parents, distant relatives, or other happy families I viewed from the outside. And even to this day, I often look back and imagine how amazing it would have been to grow up with even semi-normal parents. I wish I could give my childhood self a hug, and write off my parents.