Post by nancybotwin on Mar 29, 2015 22:45:16 GMT -5
I have to have two professionally difficult conversations this week - both to parents in my school. One to a mother who is planning to come on a school trip but not follow the school's guidelines and another to a parent who has been badmouthing one of my directors all over town. They are not going to respond well, no matter how sensitively I approach the conversation. I am dreading this week.
Post by BunnyMacDougal on Mar 29, 2015 22:49:55 GMT -5
Here's my advice. Bring up the issue then let them talk. Just jot points to rebut when they're done. Let them finish. A lot of times, people fizzle themselves out - even the ones who come to the door steeped and ready to pound heads in. They run out of "ways to put it" and "shit to throw in AND ANOTHER THING". They're done and its quiet, and then you make your points, make your suggestions, and give them the bottom line. Empathetically.
I've had marginal success making people cheerfully take news they don't want. But this approach does get them in and out in the least amount of time and circles made around the same points. Don't volley. They could do it all day. Especially if "they mad".
Here's my advice. Bring up the issue then let them talk. Just jot points to rebut when they're done. Let them finish. A lot of times, people fizzle themselves out - even the ones who come to the door steeped and ready to pound heads in. They run out of "ways to put it" and "shit to throw in AND ANOTHER THING". They're done and its quiet, and then you make your points, make your suggestions, and give them the bottom line. Empathetically.
I've had marginal success making people cheerfully take news they don't want. But this approach does get them in and out in the least amount of time and circles made around the same points. Don't volley. They could do it all day. Especially if "they mad".
Thanks. This is generally my approach as well and I agree it works. I'm usually not afraid of confrontation but these two parents are so generally unpleasant....
I don't envy you, but I'm sure you have the knowledge & tools to do it successfully. I agree to ask them first about the situation & get their take on it before saying anything.
Keep in mind WHY the rules are as they stand. It has been determined (by others, not just you) that those rules/guidelines are what is best for the kids. It's not an attack on the parent, it's simply making sure rules are followed. If they don't like the rules & it's appropriate, provide them with an avenue they can pursue to see about changing them. For now, they stand. You cannot make exceptions because you have to draw the line somewhere.
Post by Captain Serious on Mar 30, 2015 1:26:36 GMT -5
I'm sorry you've been put in this position. Having unpleasant conversations is never fun. But I do have a question. I get why you have to have the first conversation. Parents on trips need to follow the school's rules. But why are you having the second conversation? Do you work at a private school? If not, I'm pretty sure the parent has the right to say whatever he/she wants about anyone working at the school without being called to task for doing so.
I'm sorry you've been put in this position. Having unpleasant conversations is never fun. But I do have a question. I get why you have to have the first conversation. Parents on trips need to follow the school's rules. But why are you having the second conversation? Do you work at a private school? If not, I'm pretty sure the parent has the right to say whatever he/she wants about anyone working at the school without being called to task for doing so.
I'm at a private school and we absolutely have that conversation. They have the right to shit on us but we have the right to talk about it and even not renew a contract if the family becomes toxic.
Post by cherryvalance on Mar 30, 2015 5:56:22 GMT -5
There is excellent advice here. The only thing I would add (which you probably already do anyway) is to say, "I hear your concerns." It's such a small sentence, but the sentiment goes a long way.
Having parent convos is so hard. I usually try to keep reminding them that we have a common denominator here -- we both want what's best for their kid. (Now, sometimes what they THINK is best and what we think is best is different, but that's why we're having this convo in the first place). We both have their kid's best interest at heart. In the field trip situation, you might even explain why the guidelines are in place (I am betting it has to do with student safety in large part). Then I agree with PPs to sit back, listen, tell them you understand where they are coming from and calmly respond to any of the points they made when they're done talking.
If they start escalating it by raising voice, yelling, etc., the best thing you can do is remain 100% calm, talk softly, slowly and don't let them escalate you too.
I'm kind of with Captain Serious- the way I see it, you have one conversation ahead.
I don't see where you have a responsibility to be the pitbull for the director all over town. Are the things she's saying truly slanderous or do they represent a strong held difference of opinion? IME, at both private and public schools, sometimes behavior is just a function of processing a situation that is challenging as the parent of a child who isn't thriving.
The field trip chaperone? How bad is what she plans to do and will it impact your charges? Is she planning to bring siblings, drive her child to the site because she doesn't like the bus? Have you shared why the guideline is in place? Not all civilians can appreciate "rules" unless they've been explained. Can you bring in another staff person? Maybe an administrator or fellow teacher? I find these sorts of situation go better when there's a witness and back-up for the teacher. It keeps things cordial.
I'm sorry you've been put in this position. Having unpleasant conversations is never fun. But I do have a question. I get why you have to have the first conversation. Parents on trips need to follow the school's rules. But why are you having the second conversation? Do you work at a private school? If not, I'm pretty sure the parent has the right to say whatever he/she wants about anyone working at the school without being called to task for doing so.
I'm at a private school and we absolutely have that conversation. They have the right to shit on us but we have the right to talk about it and even not renew a contract if the family becomes toxic.
Yes, I can see this at a private school, but not a public school. That's why I was asking.
I'm sorry you've been put in this position. Having unpleasant conversations is never fun. But I do have a question. I get why you have to have the first conversation. Parents on trips need to follow the school's rules. But why are you having the second conversation? Do you work at a private school? If not, I'm pretty sure the parent has the right to say whatever he/she wants about anyone working at the school without being called to task for doing so.
I'm at a private school and we absolutely have that conversation. They have the right to shit on us but we have the right to talk about it and even not renew a contract if the family becomes toxic.
Haven't your contracts been offered already?
I know at the two indie schools DS attended these went out in February and were due back soon after.
I'm at a private school and we absolutely have that conversation. They have the right to shit on us but we have the right to talk about it and even not renew a contract if the family becomes toxic.
Haven't your contracts been offered already?
I know at the two indie schools DS attended these went out in February and were due back soon after.