seething (long) eta - drafted letter pg 2

[DotAndBuzz]

N came home with red marker all over her face.  It happened on the bus ride to school.  The girl in front of her was turned around, hanging over the bus seat, drawing on her face.  With a pointed object, near her eyes, on a bouncing fucking bus.  We've had issues w/ this girl before.  She was a main reason that N decided she didn't like school last year, and did the whole "do this stupid shit or I won't be your friend anymore" b.s.  Which N (being a people please with the inability to speak up for herself and tell this kid to go fly a kite), did, because for some reason she thinks she has to do whatever this girl tells her to.  That's on N, and something we're working on.

I asked that N not be in Girl's class this year.  Kindy teacher backed me up on that decision.  There were issues AGAIN this year because they were assigned to sit together on the bus (they live down the street from us.  yay).  I tried to let it ride, thinking new year, kids change, etc.  Nope.  N started crying about the bus.  Girl was taking her hat, throwing it around the bus, smashing N up against the window.  Every day.

Spoke to the bus driver, because, um, HELLO.  Shit shouldn't be flying around the bus.  His solution was to move N behind this girl.  Not ideal, because Girl wasn't disciplined at all, but at least they were separated. But apparently that doesn't matter, as Girl will just hang over the seat to continue to mess w/ my kid.

Now.  I know N should have spoken up.  She says she told Girl to stop, but who knows how forceful that was.  She could have been giggling and complicit in the whole mess.  But regardless, I'm pist.  N knows it.

What's my next step here?  I feel like I should give the bus driver one more chance, but then again, he's obviously oblivious to/gives no fucks about what goes on.  Do I call the girl's mother?  Make an appointment w/ the principal to address the problem the driver doesn't seem to want to?  I'm not thinking clearly because of the blind fucking rage of seeing red marker all over my kid's face, knowing a pointed object was bouncing around near her eyes, and the adult in charge seemed to be all tra la la, whatevs!

[DotAndBuzz]

oh, H told me another kid had marker on his face today too (he was in for volunteering). Kid2 doesn't sit w/ Girl, so Girl was God knows where on the bus ride - apparently all over, and not in her seat. H said to Kid2 - "oh, I see Girl drew on you too!" Kid was like "yeah, how did you know?"

[bugandbibs]

I would take a picture of her face and make an appointment to meet with the principal. I would also call transportation and speak to the bus driver's supervisor about making arrangements to keep the girls separated. Perhaps N can sit in the front row?

[cleo29]

This is tough. I think I would call the school to see what the usual protocol is and then see if they think a meeting with the mom is also in order. This girl sounds like a bully. I am sorry for H's sake, that sounds terrible. Also, what did her teachers think when N got to school?

[trafficgirl]

My kids aren't old enough for bus rides yet, but the likelihood that a serious eye injury could have happened makes me want to be all BURN IT DOWN.

That is not helpful, and I would go with some (or all) of what other people suggested.

[DotAndBuzz]

Mar 30, 2015 15:58:08 GMT -5 bugandbibs said:

I would take a picture of her face and make an appointment to meet with the principal. I would also call transportation and speak to the bus driver's supervisor about making arrangements to keep the girls separated. Perhaps N can sit in the front row?

Well, she ran upstairs and scrubbed it off when we got home because she was upset.  So now her face is all red and raw.  There's one faint mark left on her cheek, and some on her hands, and I have a pic of those, but it's too late for pictures of the other stuff.

[DotAndBuzz]

Mar 30, 2015 16:00:26 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

This is tough. I think I would call the school to see what the usual protocol is and then see if they think a meeting with the mom is also in order. This girl sounds like a bully. I am sorry for H's sake, that sounds terrible. Also, what did her teachers think when N got to school?

This girl is absolutely a bully. 

I don't know what her teacher thought.  H was there, but N said her teacher didn't say anything about it.  I could probably email her with a heads up though.  She wasn't in the school last year and doesn't know the history between N and this girl.

[Deleted]

Mar 30, 2015 16:03:32 GMT -5 DotAndBuzz said:

Mar 30, 2015 15:58:08 GMT -5 bugandbibs said:

I would take a picture of her face and make an appointment to meet with the principal. I would also call transportation and speak to the bus driver's supervisor about making arrangements to keep the girls separated. Perhaps N can sit in the front row?

Well, she ran upstairs and scrubbed it off when we got home because she was upset.  So now her face is all red and raw.  There's one faint mark left on her cheek, and some on her hands, and I have a pic of those, but it's too late for pictures of the other stuff.

Oh man. I wish you had photographic proof, but I am so mad for you and sad for N right now because fuck that kid. I agree with what bugandbibs stated above. I am having a hard time thinking of anything rational to say here.

[Deleted]

Yes, call the child's mother first, and let the mother know you'll also be calling the school. I'm sure the mother knows her kid is a dick. As a courtesy though, I'd call the mother first as a heads up.

But then, yes, follow up with the school.

[zaneyzoo]

I would still take a picture of what you can. Explain to N that you aren't upset with her, per se, but want to protect her.

I would go through the school, since it's happening on their time, bus included. Going through the Mom may make things worse.

Absolutely get the bus driver's supervisor involved too as well as the principal.

ETA - not only does there seem to be a bully issue, but there is also a safety issue on the bus.

I feel bad for your daughter

[bugandbibs]

Mar 30, 2015 16:03:32 GMT -5 DotAndBuzz said:

Mar 30, 2015 15:58:08 GMT -5 bugandbibs said:

I would take a picture of her face and make an appointment to meet with the principal. I would also call transportation and speak to the bus driver's supervisor about making arrangements to keep the girls separated. Perhaps N can sit in the front row?

Well, she ran upstairs and scrubbed it off when we got home because she was upset.  So now her face is all red and raw.  There's one faint mark left on her cheek, and some on her hands, and I have a pic of those, but it's too late for pictures of the other stuff.

That's too bad, but I would still proceed to contact the school and transportation.  I work in a ESD and I interact with school staff all day long- they should be able to move N to the front of the bus.  I doubt the other girl would get out of her seat to be right by the bus driver.  In my area, they would probably suspend the other girl from the bus temporarily and she could loose privileges for the year if other incidents occurred or if she did something more serious.

I'm sorry N was so upset- that's heartbreaking.

[05heel]

I'd probably kick that little girl's ass. And the ass of her mother. Don't be like me. That's my only advice.

[bugandbibs]

Oh, and I wouldn't contact the other kid's mom at all. (Unless you are friends, and then maybe.) It's the school's job to police this since it's happening when they are responsible for your daughter.

[aprilsails]

I can't get over the fact that the school left her with marker over her face all day! WTF?

I'm not a parent as of yet so I don't have constructive advice on what to do. I'm sorry N is dealing with this. You too.

[DotAndBuzz]

Mar 30, 2015 16:09:32 GMT -5 tillie said:

Did your DH see her at school?

yes, he was there to volunteer this morning and saw N.  He hadn't told me yet since we were both busy today, and only briefly crossed paths until after pick-up at the bus stop.

I'll be drafting an email to the principal tonight.  I know Girl's mom know she's a trouble maker, and I feel for her (a little), but at the same time...it's a safety issue. 

[mcsangel2]

Mar 30, 2015 16:14:19 GMT -5 aprilsails said:

I can't get over the fact that the school left her with marker over her face all day! WTF?

This! Also WTF?

[DotAndBuzz]

Mar 30, 2015 16:17:42 GMT -5 tillie said:

Mar 30, 2015 16:15:39 GMT -5 DotAndBuzz said:

yes, he was there to volunteer this morning and saw N.  He hadn't told me yet since we were both busy today, and only briefly crossed paths until after pick-up at the bus stop.

I'll be drafting an email to the principal tonight.  I know Girl's mom know she's a trouble maker, and I feel for her (a little), but at the same time...it's a safety issue. 

I just feel bad that he left the marker on her face all day.  Couldn't he have helped her wash it off?  

probably.  But he was there to do a thing with 60 first grade kids, not just in her class.  And there have been times where she drew on her own face at home.  He should have said something right then, but he will absolutely NEVER make waves, and is generally of the opinion that if something should be done, the people in charge will take care of it.

I, however, am of a very different opinion, and am about to light shit on fire.

[formerlyak]

I'd go to the school for sure.

A pp suggested they move N to the front of the bus. I'd actually suggest that bully kid be moved to the front of the bus. N shouldn't have to change her seat because other kid can't mind the rules.

[Redpoppy]

DS has been punched 3 times on the bus. The first time he needed ice and told the principal it was an accident. I asked him why and he said the kid kept saying sorry between punches (this was Kindergarten). The principal deals with all bus issues and relays punishment to the bus driver. We don't deal with the bus driver. Punishments are usually the kid has to sit alone and may be excluded from sitting with anyone again.

[DotAndBuzz]

Mar 30, 2015 16:22:56 GMT -5 formerlyak said:

I'd go to the school for sure.

A pp suggested they move N to the front of the bus. I'd actually suggest that bully kid be moved to the front of the bus. N shouldn't have to change her seat because other kid can't mind the rules.

This is where I'm at too, and will be my suggestion/request.

[cville]

Take that punk.ass.bitch OUT.

Okay, I shouldn't say that about a child. But DAMN. I'd go to the principal with or without pictures. And I'd be lighting up the teacher's email too like "hey, so MY KID HAD MARKER ALL OVER HER FACE ALL DAMN DAY, YA THINK YOU MIGHT WANT TO GIVE ME A HEADS UP?!?!? OR HELP HER WASH HER FACE?!!?!?"

[bittybomb]

Man, I'd be fucking pissed.

My kids do not take the bus, but something similar happened to my BFF and her then 5 year old kindergartener last year.  She spoke with the bus driver, the bus maiden (apparently required on the bus) and escalated to both the kindy teacher (all kids involved were in the same class) and the school principal.  It was eventually resolved and she was pleased with the resolution.  They separated the misbehaving child from the rest, a meeting was held with his parents, and they did not put him in BFF's son's 1st grade class this year.  Its a goddamned shame that all of those steps had to be taken, because really?

[LizLemler]

This makes me want to cry. I have nothing helpful to add, but don't think you'd be overreacting to take it to the principal.

[sparkythelawyer]

Mar 30, 2015 16:22:55 GMT -5 DotAndBuzz said:

Mar 30, 2015 16:17:42 GMT -5 tillie said:

I just feel bad that he left the marker on her face all day.  Couldn't he have helped her wash it off?  

probably.  But he was there to do a thing with 60 first grade kids, not just in her class.  And there have been times where she drew on her own face at home.  He should have said something right then, but he will absolutely NEVER make waves, and is generally of the opinion that if something should be done, the people in charge will take care of it.

I, however, am of a very different opinion, and am about to light shit on fire.

Dear Dr. Buzz:

The people?  In charge?  Of your kid?  Its you.  Even at school.  Wipe the marker off your kids face.

And WTF at the school for letting her sit like that all damn day.  What the hell is wrong with her teacher?

[LeggsBenedict]

can you hire some 3rd graders to beat the shit out of her?

[dojo]

I think I would address it with this girl's mom if I knew her contact info. Might be easier to go right to the source and if things don't improve or she's not receptive to hearing that her kid is a bit of a monster then move on to the school. I'd like to give the parents the opportunity to correct the behaviour before asking third parties to step in.

ETA:  I've had a moment to step back and I'm changing my answer.  I think you should go to the school.  Even though I think that parents are generally in the best position to teach and correct behaviour, my issue is more with the bus driver and the fact that he's not seeing these issues.  Granted, I understand that he has to drive the bus and his attention is ultimately going to be divided no matter how you slice it, I still think this is a safety issue and if that means your bus needs adult volunteers to monitor the kids, then so be it.  I think the school and the bus company need to be made aware that safety is a concern on their system and they need to correct it.

[jinkies]

I agree with others that your next step should be going through the principal.

I would absolutely be angry too, but I'm not sure this is the bus driver's issue to resolve. His number one responsibility is to safely drive the bus. If he's focusing on that, it would be easy to miss this girl throwing a hat or using a marker, especially if she's not in the front.

Getting her seat assigned at the front of the bus, and far from N, is a reasonable request, I would think.

[Deleted]

Oh.

Oh, no.

I am for sure going to be sent to jail at some point during my daughter's childhood.

All I can think of doing is marching onto that bus myself and marking up that other girl's face.

WITH A SHARPIE.

[definitelyO]

LIVID - I would be livid. I would raise hell with everyone involved. I am so so sorry for N and for you. what a horrible thing to happen and to have to go through all day of school like that. 

[cville]

Mar 30, 2015 16:40:51 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Oh.

Oh, no.

I am for sure going to be sent to jail at some point during my daughter's childhood.

All I can think of doing is marching onto that bus myself and marking up that other girl's face.

WITH A SHARPIE.

And not one of those lame-ass little ones either.  You draw on my kid's face: