Need help re toddler and dog

[disappointedkittens]

I have a walking 1 year old boy and a Pyr/Lab/Collie mix who is 6.  I am at a point where I don't know what to do and am worried that things are getting unsafe.
Basically he(toddler) is always walking in circles and sometimes that involves him chasing her (the dog).  Like sometimes in his circle walking she starts going ahead of him in the circle, and I think it upsets her.  Generally if I can her to walk out of his path he keeps on going she is no longer being followed.  Also we have moved our coffee table so there is just a large carpet there and I think she is starting to claim it as hers and seem annoyed when he is on it.  I have noticed some tense body language.  He is becoming more interested in the dog as well and has started trying to hug her and lay his face on her.  I am really worried about a bite situation.   
I SAH so we are always all together.  Our basic rules are that they are gated apart whenever there is food involved for either of them, and we don't allow her on the furniture.  We go out a few times a day and if we haven't gone out much I usually try and go downstairs without the dog to give her a break to nap.  
Up until the baby was mobile the dog had free access to the basement and spent most of her days down there.  However since we put a gate up at the stairs she refuses to go down, or if she does she just barks and cries nonstop until I let her back up.  The same goes with gating her in the kitchen.  She just stands at the gate barking and crying until I let her back in.  In the kitchen she has a bed that she likes as well as food and water, and in the basement she has a bed and water, so I don't think she sees either as a punishment, just that she wants access to us.  I usually try to send her through gates with a treat as well to make it a positive thing but I don't think it's helping.  I have been separating them a lot lately because I feel like he is upsetting her, but she's upset gated out as well.  I am at a loss.

Any advice, books recs, whatever else would be appreciated  

[hermione]

We had to hire a behaviorist to help with some of the things you are describing. It helped a lot with our dog getting upset about being separated from us.

As it stands, we keep the kid and the dog separated almost all of the time. My daughter is far too interested in the dog and the dog is far too nervous about her attention. They are together only when their interaction can be the sole focus of my or my husband's attention.

Before anyone gets on my case about how mean this is to the dog - he has half of the house to roam, complete with a (human) bed, dog bed, and overstuffed chair. I go visit him all the time to play, pet, love. Sometimes when I open the gate for him to come see us, he chooses to stay put. He is spoiled and loved.

[cst2cst]

I think physical separation is only good if you can't supervise. Newly mobile, unpredictable kids are terrifying to dogs. What I couldn't tell from your post is what you are doing to teach your son how to treat the dog. Instead of correcting or moving the dog, I would correct your son. "We don't chase Sparky" and move him. Or "we don't grab Rex" and remove him.

My girl dog started reacting when my DD was at this stage. We would intervene every time to give her a safe space and make sure DD was being gentle. Now is the time to teach your son that he can't touch the dog in a way that makes it uncomfortable and to teach your dog that you will keep it safe. Once my DD could understand and learn gentle and appropriate touching, my dog calmed down.

[disappointedkittens]

Apr 1, 2015 14:29:27 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

I don't think separating the dog from everyone is a good long-term solution. 

Has she ever snapped at him or given a reason to make you think she may bite him?

Not only is it likely to eventually cause anxiety (dogs are social, they need to feel part of the pack) but I think it has the potentail for the dog to see that baby as a reason for her being confined which can definitely lead to aggression or issues interacting down the road.

I think a combo of gating when you can't be with them and also starting to try to re-direct/teach your son to not grab onto the dog would be what I would try. Obviously that will take a while with the kid, but both my SILs have dogs and had done that starting around 1 year old without any incidents. 

She hasn't snapped at him but her body language just makes me feel like she will.  We do agility classes and she is very snappy and aggressive with certain dogs and I kind of get the same feeling sometimes when she is looking at him.

We have worked extensively with him so far with only soft touches and he doesn't hit her/pull her hair but I am always within reach if he may be touching her.  I think it may be the walking that she doesn't like because they seemed to get along very well while he was crawling.  Now if he is even walking nearby I can see the way she is watching him she doesn't seem happy.  

I think she doesn't feel comfortable to lay down/relax when he is toddling around, but she is not going to stop wanting to nap during the day and he is not going to stop toddling around.  

[disappointedkittens]

Apr 1, 2015 14:43:30 GMT -5 cst2cst said:

I think physical separation is only good if you can't supervise. Newly mobile, unpredictable kids are terrifying to dogs. What I couldn't tell from your post is what you are doing to teach your son how to treat the dog. Instead of correcting or moving the dog, I would correct your son. "We don't chase Sparky" and move him. Or "we don't grab Rex" and remove him.

My girl dog started reacting when my DD was at this stage. We would intervene every time to give her a safe space and make sure DD was being gentle. Now is the time to teach your son that he can't touch the dog in a way that makes it uncomfortable and to teach your dog that you will keep it safe. Once my DD could understand and learn gentle and appropriate touching, my dog calmed down.

Thank you for your post.  We do work a lot on gentle touching, not touching her when she is sleeping/on her bed.  As far as the chasing I have trouble because often he's just walking around our table and she gets up and gets into the loop with him, so he's not chasing her per say (he continues his loop with or without her) but she feels she is being chased.  I do make sure he doesn't outright chase her or grab at her.

I mostly feel like I don't know how to make her feel safe.  The advice we got from pre baby was to give her a place to go where the baby can't get at her, but I don't know how to do that without using gates/a kennel.  I will be sure to continue working with gentle and safe touch when he approaches.  I am happy to hear that that worked in your situation.  I thought that allowing her a place to be "away" from the baby would help but it seems to be doing the opposite.

[disappointedkittens]

Apr 1, 2015 15:01:16 GMT -5 TR said:

Apr 1, 2015 14:59:25 GMT -5 disappointedkittens said:

I mostly feel like I don't know how to make her feel safe.  The advice we got from pre baby was to give her a place to go where the baby can't get at her, but I don't know how to do that without using gates/a kennel.

Does she have a crate? If not, you could get her one, make it comfortable, and just leave it open so she could go in there if she wants, but she's not locked in.

We do have one which we leave open and I leave treats in it occasionally.  She doesn't like to actually go in it though.
I think you are right with your previous post though, that I am nervous and she is picking up on it.  I will work on being more positive towards her while he is on the floor until she adjusts.

[hermione]

Both behaviorists we worked with disagreed with the advice in this post. Separating them is the correct solution if you think there is any chance the dog may snap/bite.

This doesn't mean the dog is isolated 24 hours a day at all. My dog still gets the same amount of exercise, gets played with, etc. However, his interaction with my daughter is very, very limited. The dog has made it very clear in his demeanor that he does not like when my daughter touches his feet. My 2 year old continuously tries to touch his feet regardless of the number of times we redirect her. And believe me, we do this a lot (and continue to do so). Hoping our redirection magically clicks with a toddler seems like a dangerous game to play.

Hopefully, as our daughter gets older, they'll be able to interact more. If not, we'll continue to keep them both safe by keeping them apart.

[hopecounts]

Kids becoming mobile on 2 legs freaks dogs out almost universally.
The circle thing sounds a bit like she is trying to 'head him off'/'herd' him probably the circle thing bothers her so she tries to get in front to control it. When she does it give her the come and then the sit commands when she is sitting and calm give her a treat/reward. Repeat as necessary, she needs you to make it clear the directing him isn't her job.

the getting territorial over the new space is also not surprising. When you get that vibe call her over and make her do something (sit/lay/shake) and then reward basically redirect her to something appropriate.

Make sure she is getting enough exercise/walks and access to a quiet space but only force it when necessary (i.e. like when food is involved)

[Deleted]

We set limits for our toddler vs for the dog.

The dog's bed is off limits, that's where puppy sleeps and isn't for people. It took a lot of repeating and removing but now DD sits next to the bed (vs on it right next to the dog) so the dog has space.

We keep all gates open when DD isn't here or sleeping so the dog has the full house if she wants, although she does choose to be with us even when the kid is up.

We let them interact and only interrupt if DD is getting too enthusiastic and the dog seems bothered. But the two of them do enjoy running back and forth together. DD has been knocked over a few times but we just laugh it off let that game continue. Our dog has always been a fan of chase games though.

We also do things to establish DD is above the dog in our pack. DD helps feed her, give her treats and we're working on DD giving the sit command before she puts on the dog's collar. When we leave the house the dog leaves after DD. On stairs DD has started giving the dog the "go down" command which we have done since puppyhood to avoid being herded down the stairs and tripping. It might really help your dog too for you to confirm the pack order now that you have a new member. Some of this may be uncertainty.

And there's nothing wrong with teaching your son not to follow the dog or walk next to the dog or whatever you feel would help the dog feel more comfortable. DD "walks" our dog - we take two leashes and follow. We maintain control but both of them see her with a leash and leading.

[thecatinthehat]

I think PPs gave you great advice already. One of our dogs is amazing and so patient with my son, the other however is nervous around him once he started crawling, holding and throwing toys. Dog was mostly scared about getting hit by a toy, or my son lying on her (she loves pets but any more than that and she becomes uncomfortable). My son is almost 2 now and the other dog slowly just got used to having him around. She still is a little uncomfortable with some toys or "hugs" which we teach my son never to do with her but poor kid is a huge hugger! We still closely supervise them. But it is a lot less tense than even 12-14 months ago. The dog is now comfortable enough to lie down next to my son while he is playing, when before once he sees him with toy, she goes off and hide.

ETA: Like others said, it will just take time for the dog to get used to. You will get there eventually. The early mobile stages are definitely the worst for me I was so anxious and that did not help