I was asked to pull together a family reunion this summer.
I have two options
A. Host at my cousin's house. He asked me to consider it. He has the room and all possible "funstuff'. He is a recovering alcoholic so booze would be wierd but he said he can deal.
B. Host at a rental house with tons of space but everyone pitches in for cost of rental and food. About $150 a family for the weekend. Including booze.
My partying family wants to rent the house so it won't be awkward. My cousin doesn't feel supported
I would do the rental and pass it off to cousin as less clean up and concern for damage. Why on earth does he want to host that many people for a weekend anyway?
Post by underwaterrhymes on Apr 1, 2015 19:59:10 GMT -5
Actually, I can understand why your cousin might want to host. He feels comfortable in his house. He knows he can manage his sobriety there. Plus, if he's hosting he can stay busy, cooking, cleaning, etc.
In unfamiliar surroundings he may feel less certain, especially if he's a guest and doesn't have something else to occupy his thoughts.
Anecdotal note: That is how our family reunions work, and it's always been so nice for each family unit to have their own space with their own responsibility. I know some families are closer, but this works best for ours.
Rent the space. Avoiding the wear & tear on his plumbing alone will be worth it.
He has tried to host parties before. No one comes because AA. He thought if I suggested it maybe it would happen. I have gotten a lot of pushback and feel bad for him.
Rent the space. Avoiding the wear & tear on his plumbing alone will be worth it.
He has tried to host parties before. No one comes because AA. He thought if I suggested it maybe it would happen. I have gotten a lot of pushback and feel bad for him.
Can he start hosting a smaller thing, though? Would you go to his place for a smaller party? It sounds like it would mean a lot to him.
Rent the space. Avoiding the wear & tear on his plumbing alone will be worth it.
He has tried to host parties before. No one comes because AA. He thought if I suggested it maybe it would happen. I have gotten a lot of pushback and feel bad for him.
That even further solidifies my vote. Have it at his house.
Rent the space. Avoiding the wear & tear on his plumbing alone will be worth it.
He has tried to host parties before. No one comes because AA. He thought if I suggested it maybe it would happen. I have gotten a lot of pushback and feel bad for him.
That's a really tough situation to be in. My brother has recently reached the six month mark of sobriety so my opinion is obviously biased and I may get my first flaming for this, but it doesn't seem like the that part of the family is very supportive and can screw off. It's difficult because you would expect/hope family to be supportive and give up alcohol for one gathering at his house and have a good time, but at the same time I can see why people would feel annoyed. Alcohol was a big part of our family gatherings, especially holidays, and I remember getting worried and pissed off trying to figure out if my grandma and aunt would be "ok" with no alcohol at the first holiday after my brother completed treatment at Hazelden - I was ready, and had told DH and my parents, to show them the door and tell them to fuck off if they bitched about not having alcohol for the holiday. I was pleasantly surprised that it never became an issue.
How many people are you talking about? And how far into his sobriety is he? Has he been around a lot of these family members sober? How did it go? Also, I wonder too what kind of drunk was he (as in was he a functioning alcoholic or would he have full on rowdy drunk, bring everyone down around him, episodes, or a little of both?) How did his past behavior affect your family?
And to be clear - he's ok with there being alcohol at the reunion if it's at his house?
I'm just trying to get a better sense of the overall story.