I'm selfishly starting this thread because we're coming up on the anniversary of losing V and I'm having a difficult time with it. Last year on the 11th was my 20 week scan. Everything looked great, we found out we were having a girl, she was just in a weird position and they couldn't get a good look at her heart. 4 days and a second appointment later everything changed, followed by the stress of an amnio and waiting on results that took 3 weeks, a life-changing decision, a traumatic labour.
I'm not sure what I'm finding harder, the fact that she's been gone so long or the fact that I thought I'd be properly pregnant by now and I'm not. If I'm terribly honest, I'd say it's probably the latter. I loved my baby, but I'm now terrified that she was our only shot at having a (bio) child. It doesn't make me regret our decision, but the thought does make me very sad.
This is our hail mary cycle before our RPL appointment on the 24th, and the anniversary of our loss in May. I'm trying to hope and mentally prepare myself for a rough month at the same time.
How is everyone doing? US/CAN Mother's Day is coming up so I'm giving everyone huge ((hugs)).
Lots of hugs coming your way! Loss and due date anniversaries are always the hardest.
This month has been hard for me. I would have been far enough a long to know what we were having. Also, our Disney trip is coming up in a couple weeks and it's kind of highlighting the fact that shouldn't have been able to ride much of the rides. I was making our fastpasses last week and I almost broke down because I realized that I could ride the more thrilling rides. It seems stupid, but I was looking forward to being pregnant at Disney and was planning on buying a baby set of Mickey ears and having them embordiered with our baby's name.
((loira)) I can't imagine the pain and emotions you must be going through now.
((ouokie)) I did the same when we were planning our Disney trip. We had booked it as a way to distract ourselves since we would be leaving a few days past what would have been my EDD. Then I had foolishly hoped that by the time April came around I'd be pregnant again. That hasn't happened.
We also had to cancel our trip because of a family emergency.
Edited out details of family emergency. Thank you for all your kind words.
Huge hugs, loira. I cannot imagine the pain you're going through, but I'm thinking of you and sending you strength.
ouokie, hugs to you too. That's not a silly thing at all - I absolutely did the same thing with my losses. We went to Kauai last month, and I kept thinking how I should have had an adorable little 2nd tri belly (from my second loss), and instead I was boozing it up.
raangoli, lots of good thoughts to you! That is really rough. Sending you strength and good thoughts to get through that all.
Love of my life baby boy born 11/11. One and done not by choice; 3 years of TTC yielded 4 MMC and 2 CPs, through 4 IUIs and 2 IVFs. Focusing on making the world a better place instead...and running.
And yes, a check in is good! I'm trying to stay distracted at work, but getting super down on the whole TTTC and loss process. I feel like I'm the only one doing work to make it happen, but then MH went and got his bloodwork. Fingers crossed that it's back in time for us to be able to do an IUI this cycle. With his morph numbers, we really need the wash to help.
Love of my life baby boy born 11/11. One and done not by choice; 3 years of TTC yielded 4 MMC and 2 CPs, through 4 IUIs and 2 IVFs. Focusing on making the world a better place instead...and running.
((ouokie)) I hope things improve when you get there and can have more fun in the moment. It's so hard when you envisioned a trip or event being a certain way.
((raangoli)) You and your family are in my thoughts during this difficult time.
Love of my life baby boy born 11/11. One and done not by choice; 3 years of TTC yielded 4 MMC and 2 CPs, through 4 IUIs and 2 IVFs. Focusing on making the world a better place instead...and running.
Post by HoneySpider on Apr 7, 2015 11:34:39 GMT -5
My brother and SIL are having trouble conceiving #2 (been a little over a year with one m/c) and while I'm trying to be supportive of them because I know it sucks, I'm also getting really annoyed that they are starting to compare their situation to ours. No, you AREN'T going through the same thing. You have a child, who you conceived on the first cycle. You haven't been trying for 3+ years and been told your only option is IVF. I feel bad getting annoyed because I assume they are opening up to us because they figure we would "get it" and we do, but it's still not the same. I feel like we don't even get to have our "IVF moment" now without them being all "look at us having trouble too!" Let me have something ok!
Dude, throat punch to them, HoneySpider! Not cool. I opened up to a few friends about our losses, and several of them said things like, "I went through the SAME thing!" and then described something that was very different, and OH! they got pregnant the next cycle anyway. STFU.
Love of my life baby boy born 11/11. One and done not by choice; 3 years of TTC yielded 4 MMC and 2 CPs, through 4 IUIs and 2 IVFs. Focusing on making the world a better place instead...and running.
Thank you, ladies. I just need to get that out of my system. I am so thankful I can come here and vent.
HoneySpider - I am sorry. It is absolutely not the same situation. It's OK to for them to be able to empathize, but it should absolutely not be compared. I think I live closer to them, want me to deliver that throat punch from Mushe? (hug2)
Dude, throat punch to them, HoneySpider! Not cool. I opened up to a few friends about our losses, and several of them said things like, "I went through the SAME thing!" and then described something that was very different, and OH! they got pregnant the next cycle anyway. STFU.
UGH!!
Obviously everyone is going to feel down about their situation and I'm not saying they shouldn't, but the comparison stuff is garbage.
Thank you, ladies. I just need to get that out of my system. I am so thankful I can come here and vent.
HoneySpider - I am sorry. It is absolutely not the same situation. It's OK to for them to be able to empathize, but it should absolutely not be compared. I think I live closer to them, want me to deliver that throat punch from Mushe? (hug2)
LOL. If they don't drop it I might take you up on that
Mushe best of luck this cycle! I hope you can do the iui.
HoneySpider how frustrating. It's not the same and shouldn't be compared. Hopefully they can understand rather than take attention from you.
I've had a tough few days. BFN Friday night when I thought we had a really good chance this cycle. I left work early and got all excited thinking of a way to surprise DH with a positive. Then it was negative and I sobbed. We ate sushi and had wine at home and DH picked up a sinful chocolate cake so that helped, but I just feel so defeated. Made an appt. to talk with OB this Friday and I'm a mix of emotions on that. Then a surprise announcement from a friend I didn't even know was trying. So now 3 good friends due within 6 months.
I ended up making an appointment with a therapist I saw a few years ago and I'm hoping that will help me be able to cope a little better. I'm tired of feeling so emotionally volatile and isolated. Hugs to everyone.
Hugs, belle55! I hope it helps to talk to the therapist. I know it's helpful to vent online, but sometimes real life is just so much bigger that even that doesn't help.
Love of my life baby boy born 11/11. One and done not by choice; 3 years of TTC yielded 4 MMC and 2 CPs, through 4 IUIs and 2 IVFs. Focusing on making the world a better place instead...and running.
loira I can't imagine how difficult that must have been and now having the anniversary. I am sorry you are going through such a rough time right now with the anniversary.
ouokie I hate when I start comparing where I should have been. I had lost track until I saw a post about someone having an anatomy scan that was close to my due date and it brought back emotions.
loira, so many hugs. Hope this is successful. ouokie, I am sorry. I hope you can find a way to enjoy Disney. If any place can cheer you up, it is Disney, right? raangoli, hugs over here too. Hang in there, and don’t worry about the work stuff. Mushe I will think good thoughts for the blood work and IUI. It sucks to miss a cycle. Also, I feel like I follow you around this here place HoneySpider, just a big fat UGH. I know I sometimes try to relate to people and it can come across badly – I am hoping that it is just their attempt to acknowledge your struggle rather than emphasize theirs. belle55, I hope the appointment goes well (both OB and therapist).
I am waiting for my blood work to see if I am ovulating (we both think I am not). Then starting clomid next cycle. I truly hope I don’t turn in to a crazy lady on it. The timing of everything is already stressing me out. I really hope that it works.
Given that the loss was nearly a year ago, I think I might start being more open with people about it.
We've been taking a few months off since my latest (4th) early loss. I finally made an appt with an RE but it's a couple months wait, so the appt isn't until mid-May. Which is ok with me, because I wanted to take the time off anyway. I feel badly, because my problem seems to be the opposite than most who are having trouble--in that I seem to get pregnant easily, but lose every one of them. I've had a lot of testing done so far (RPL panel, thyroid, diabetes, ultrasounds--and they've all come back normal. I'm actually going to my regular PCP in a couple weeks to see about being tested for celiac. Other than that, we'll just see what the RE has to say in May.
Hugs to all of you! I hate that everyone is going through a rough time.
HoneySpider I am sorry the brother and SIL are being annoying. I agree with konapoppy that some people suck at empathizing with others. I hope your ivf works out in the next couple of months.
belle55 I hope your visits to your therapist go well. I was feeling optimistic about the timing of last cycle and then the bfn was such an emotional drain.
konapoppy I hope the clomid works for you and you don't go crazy on it.
rt2008 that seems so frustrating that you don't know why you are having repeated losses. I hope you get some answers with your upcoming doctor visits.
I'm in the middle of my first cycle TTCAL. I was doing well but over the past few days several people have asked me if I am pregnant (huge WTF to them) or have asked when we plan to have another and it has me down. I've noticed that I'm taking it out on DH so I'm trying to make a concious effort to avoid that. I just want to feel normal again.
My loss is relatively recent and it has been on my mind a lot the last couple of weeks. I shut my office door today to focus on work and ended up crying for a bit. I had some sad moments after the loss, but I don't think I ever properly grieved over it. My emotions got mixed up with hormone adjustments and stressful work situations. I wanted to TTC again soon and was looking forward to trying again. The bfn was more disappointing than I was expecting. I was slightly disappointed in my period before the loss, but this time I had several good crying sessions because of remembering the loss. I saw a post on another board about anatomy scans and I realized that it would have been coming up. It is getting warmer and the baby would have been due at the end of summer so I feel closer to it now. There are so many newborns recently on my FB. I miss my husband's names for it and him talking to it. Today, I looked up grieving after a loss in an online resource I have access to and read a study that mentioned that grief can be delayed, so I feel more okay with it.
Sometimes I worry about things that never happen. I worried about the pregnancy early on, before I had bleeding, did betas or got sick. It just didn't seem right. My husband tried to reassure me things would be okay. The betas were good but the ultrasound several weeks later showed it wasn't okay. I struggle with rationalizing my anxiety now, and that sucks. I worry everything is a symptom of a bigger issue.
Sometimes I worry about things that never happen. I worried about the pregnancy early on, before I had bleeding, did betas or got sick. It just didn't seem right. My husband tried to reassure me things would be okay. The betas were good but the ultrasound several weeks later showed it wasn't okay. I struggle with rationalizing my anxiety now, and that sucks. I worry everything is a symptom of a bigger issue.
I worried a lot with my pregnancy with V. First I worried that it would end up ectopic, then I worried for the NT scan. I never did announce on FB because I thought 'well, I might as well wait for the A/S'. I come from a family of worriers, where our motto is 'don't tell me worrying doesn't do any good - look at all those things I worried about that never even happened!'
I think most women worry at least a little throughout their pregnancies. We just happen to be the unlucky few who've had it justified.
Sometimes I worry about things that never happen. I worried about the pregnancy early on, before I had bleeding, did betas or got sick. It just didn't seem right. My husband tried to reassure me things would be okay. The betas were good but the ultrasound several weeks later showed it wasn't okay. I struggle with rationalizing my anxiety now, and that sucks. I worry everything is a symptom of a bigger issue.
This was me with my last pregnancy. I felt fine right at the beginning, but then I noticed my symptoms starting fading. It just didn't feel right. My DH and my mom kept trying to reassure me that this pregnancy just might be different than from my first, but I just knew.