Maternity Bridesmaid Dress Annoyance

[preppy]

My husbands sister is getting married in August and I am in the wedding. It's about 4 weeks before I am due and I am really not excited but it is what it is.

She and her friends are deciding between designers for dresses, she wants us all in the same designer and fabric but pick our styles and gave us the choice of three designers. Two have maternity options and one does not. We are all emailing about it and I write back to everyone that I would greatly prefer to count out the one without maternity since I think I will be well beyond altering a larger dress at that point. They are all leaning towards this one brand because the styles are $20 cheaper. It's $20 ppl and I won't fit into anything!!! Ugh. I will give them all $20 if they help me out here. Am I being a pain?

[Susie]

I'm right there with you. I will be 34 weeks at my brother's wedding in October. There is a maternity dress in that fabric/designer (Alfred Angelo), but my FSIL really really wants us all in identical dresses. So I'm going to have to order a couple sizes up and pray. Stuffing a 34 week belly into a non-maternity dress is definitely not my idea of a good time, but it is what it is.

You may be able to do it or may not, depending on the style.  This is the dress I'm going to be trying it with:

...at least it doesn't have a straight natural waist, KWIM?  We will be taking it up at the empire-ish waistline instead of the hem to give me extra room in the belly, and worst case scenario, we use the extra material to add a hidden side panel along a seam.

www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/Bridesmaids/7289L/?pg=1

[Kit]

You're not being a pain. I think it's weird that they won't accommodate you in this case. $20 isn't a huge, huge deal.

[preppy]

Apr 17, 2015 7:34:50 GMT -5 daisyfay25 said:

No, you're going to be 36 weeks pregnant? You need a maternity dress. I'm 34 weeks right now and wearing non maternity clothes have become a thing of the past, lol.

Right?! I don't think any of them have kids so they prob don't realize how big I will be at that point. Can I back out now? I didn't really want to be in this wedding to begin with but felt obligated.

[Muddled]

I am cringing at the alteration bill you will have for a non maternity dress.

[preppy]

Apr 17, 2015 7:37:21 GMT -5 Kit said:

You're not being a pain. I think it's weird that they won't accommodate you in this case. $20 isn't a huge, huge deal.

It's not as if it's a $100 difference.

I wrote back and said that at 36 weeks altering will be impossible and asked that we keep that in mind. TBD on the responses.

[Kit]

Apr 17, 2015 7:42:02 GMT -5 preppy said:

Apr 17, 2015 7:37:21 GMT -5 Kit said:

You're not being a pain. I think it's weird that they won't accommodate you in this case. $20 isn't a huge, huge deal.

It's not as if it's a $100 difference.

I wrote back and said that at 36 weeks altering will be impossible and asked that we keep that in mind. TBD on the responses.

Report back when they respond! When they're pregnant they will understand. :-)

[achi]

You are not being a pain, at all. It's twenty flippin dollars, not $200.

[dearprudence]

How many bridesmaids are there? Spotting them the $20 difference is probably cheaper than alterations. And might shame them into seeing the light.

[preppy]

Apr 17, 2015 8:36:38 GMT -5 dearprudence said:

How many bridesmaids are there? Spotting them the $20 difference is probably cheaper than alterations. And might shame them into seeing the light.

Only 4 including me so it would be way cheaper than drastic alterations.

One girl responded that's she's fine with the designers that have maternity if that will be easier for me! Let's get the others on board!

[Susie]

Apr 17, 2015 7:41:08 GMT -5 Muddled said:

I am cringing at the alteration bill you will have for a non maternity dress.

I am hoping my aunt will do it.  She used to do wedding dresses professionally, and did mine back when I got married.  She has done wedding-day-of final alterations for some of my cousins before when they were pregnant bridesmaids.

Otherwise yes, it would probably cost more than the dress.

[dojo]

I'm assuming the other BMs are childless. They are being total ignorant Bs.

[Kit]

Apr 17, 2015 8:40:24 GMT -5 preppy said:

Apr 17, 2015 8:36:38 GMT -5 dearprudence said:

How many bridesmaids are there? Spotting them the $20 difference is probably cheaper than alterations. And might shame them into seeing the light.

Only 4 including me so it would be way cheaper than drastic alterations.

One girl responded that's she's fine with the designers that have maternity if that will be easier for me! Let's get the others on board!

If there are people NOT on board with this, then they suck. Like, for real. And I will tell them so, if you want. LOL

[miamigirl]

Ugh. I don't think you're being difficult at all. I hope they understand.

[emoflamingo]

If the consensus doesn't go that way and the bride doesn't veto it all, then I would have no shame in backing out. I would just tell the bride that you want to be there for her on her special day, but you can't afford to double the cost of the dress to include alterations on a non-maternity gown and so close to your due date anyways, you probably should just attend as a special guest. Maybe you can offer to do a reading or something so you're still included?

[aprilsails]

Ugh. I so feel your pain. My BFF is getting married when I am 36.5 weeks and I am MOH. BFF has had a rough year and is an extreme traditionalist when it comes to wedding styles, meaning we all have to match. She hates the non-matchy look. Oh - it also has to be knee length, include lace to match her dress, yadda yadda.

We found a style from David's Bridal that I can alter pretty easily since it has a lace top and a chiffon skirt, however David's Bridal will not sell extra fabric (at least not in Canada). So I went online and found the same colour dress in chiffon, full length, size 28 or something for $50. I now have yards of fabric to play with. I sew my own clothes occasionally so I'm ok doing the alterations myself, but there's still a pretty decent chance that I'm going to look like a hot mess, and certainly nothing like the other bridesmaids.

I'm also hosting the bachelorette party at my house the Friday before the wedding (Sunday). The phrase 'I really love my friend' is becoming a sort of mantra as I keep on getting roped into more and more stupidity.

[Susie]

Apr 17, 2015 10:37:52 GMT -5 aprilsails said:

Ugh. I so feel your pain. My BFF is getting married when I am 36.5 weeks and I am MOH. BFF has had a rough year and is an extreme traditionalist when it comes to wedding styles, meaning we all have to match. She hates the non-matchy look.  

My FSIL said the same thing.  I was sitting there thinking... honey my shape ain't gonna match no matter what dress I'm wearing.  Oh well.  We can vent here about it.

[aprilsails]

Apr 17, 2015 10:41:44 GMT -5 Susie said:

Apr 17, 2015 10:37:52 GMT -5 aprilsails said:

Ugh. I so feel your pain. My BFF is getting married when I am 36.5 weeks and I am MOH. BFF has had a rough year and is an extreme traditionalist when it comes to wedding styles, meaning we all have to match. She hates the non-matchy look.  

My FSIL said the same thing.  I was sitting there thinking... honey my shape ain't gonna match no matter what dress I'm wearing.  Oh well.  We can vent here about it.

Yes - we should set up a bridesmaid support group.  Two of the girls in this wedding party are size 0 or 2. I ordered my dress that I will be butchering in a 16. There is no matching here.

[noodleoo]

Apr 17, 2015 10:09:53 GMT -5 emoflamingo said:

If the consensus doesn't go that way and the bride doesn't veto it all, then I would have no shame in backing out. I would just tell the bride that you want to be there for her on her special day, but you can't afford to double the cost of the dress to include alterations on a non-maternity gown and so close to your due date anyways, you probably should just attend as a special guest. Maybe you can offer to do a reading or something so you're still included?

I agree with this.  

preppy:  If they won't accomodate you, I'd back out.  I'm 36 weeks pg now and my belly is huge and goes all the way up to my breasts.  Unless it is an empire waist, altering a non-maternity dress will be next to impossible.  And if they are that selfish about the dress, forget shoes and everything else.  My feet are so swollen, the only shoes I can wear are sneakers completely unlaced (I look *awesome* at work!).  Forget about heels or any of that stuff.  I get winding walking up one flight of stairs.  My balance is terrible and I'm so tired.  Honestly, I'd probably back and out and just do a reading or something.  I can't imagine dealing with being in a wedding at this point!

[lindsaymg]

That sucks. My recommendation is to say "ladies, I understand there is a small price difference. I would be happy to chip in $xx ($20 ish a person) in champagne/snacks/ something for getting ready on the day of if we can choose a brand with a maternity option to make up for it!".

[midwest07]

I would try to get out of it if you can at this point honestly.

I am only 15 weeks but needed to find a cocktail dress recently. The problem wasn't the waist so much, but my bust, and I needed something with stretch because nothing would zip up. You will need a maternity dress at 36 weeks, as I assume part of being maternity is that it will have stretch rather than be completely fitted with no give, whether for your belly, bust, etc.

[Kit]

I feel like she shouldn't even have to offer to pay the extra $20 per person! I mean, they should understand that a non-maternity dress just will not work for her right now and have a little bit of sympathy. The bride should actually step in here and make sure that a line with maternity options is chosen.

I am unnecessarily worked up over this. lol

[preppy]

THEY AGREED TO THE BRAND THAT HAS MATERNITY.

I am so happy. I am going tomorrow to get fitted.

[pippa]

I'm happy for you that they agreed! I was in my SIL's wedding at 35 weeks and it was a nightmare. I had to buy a empire waist non-maternity dress in a giant size and get it altered.

Your process should be so much easier!

[Susie]

Apr 17, 2015 14:24:42 GMT -5 pippa said:

I'm happy for you that they agreed! I was in my SIL's wedding at 35 weeks and it was a nightmare. I had to buy a empire waist non-maternity dress in a giant size and get it altered.

Your process should be so much easier!

How many sizes up did you go?  You can see from my pp's that that's basically where I'm going to be  I'm short-waisted (actually short all over), and small chested, so I'm hesitant to go TOO many sizes up. I know the proportions are going to be all wrong.  I already feel hideously ugly just thinking about it.

My biggest worry is that in order for the empire-ish waist to sit above my bump, the neckline will go all the way up to my clavicle.  

[achi]

I'm so glad they came to their senses!

[pippa]

Apr 17, 2015 14:44:34 GMT -5 Susie said:

Apr 17, 2015 14:24:42 GMT -5 pippa said:

I'm happy for you that they agreed! I was in my SIL's wedding at 35 weeks and it was a nightmare. I had to buy a empire waist non-maternity dress in a giant size and get it altered.

Your process should be so much easier!

How many sizes up did you go?  You can see from my pp's that that's basically where I'm going to be  I'm short-waisted (actually short all over), and small chested, so I'm hesitant to go TOO many sizes up. I know the proportions are going to be all wrong.  I already feel hideously ugly just thinking about it.

My biggest worry is that in order for the empire-ish waist to sit above my bump, the neckline will go all the way up to my clavicle.  

I went up about 4 or 5 sizes if I remember correctly.  This was the dress: www.billlevkoff.com/style/bridesmaid-dress/586.  It fit my giant stomach well, but the fabric in the chest was a problem.  I could have sized down 1-2 sizes I think.  We used my measurements and then guessed.  The neckline wasn't high, it just had a lot of fabric.  I would not go up that many sizes.  You can always order extra fabric and have a good seamstress add a panel. 

[Deleted]

Apr 17, 2015 13:10:57 GMT -5 Kit said:

I feel like she shouldn't even have to offer to pay the extra $20 per person! I mean, they should understand that a non-maternity dress just will not work for her right now and have a little bit of sympathy. The bride should actually step in here and make sure that a line with maternity options is chosen.

I am unnecessarily worked up over this. lol

This is where I am, too.

[aprilsails]

Apr 17, 2015 16:02:41 GMT -5 pippa said:

Apr 17, 2015 14:44:34 GMT -5 Susie said:

How many sizes up did you go?  You can see from my pp's that that's basically where I'm going to be  I'm short-waisted (actually short all over), and small chested, so I'm hesitant to go TOO many sizes up. I know the proportions are going to be all wrong.  I already feel hideously ugly just thinking about it.

My biggest worry is that in order for the empire-ish waist to sit above my bump, the neckline will go all the way up to my clavicle.  

I went up about 4 or 5 sizes if I remember correctly.  This was the dress: www.billlevkoff.com/style/bridesmaid-dress/586.  It fit my giant stomach well, but the fabric in the chest was a problem.  I could have sized down 1-2 sizes I think.  We used my measurements and then guessed.  The neckline wasn't high, it just had a lot of fabric.  I would not go up that many sizes.  You can always order extra fabric and have a good seamstress add a panel. 

Since I have fabric from another skirt to attach to the dress at the empire waist, I only sized up 2 sizes, but we did that measurement 1 week ago when I was already at 20 weeks (my size hadn't changed from normal).

I'm hoping my boobs don't grow explosively at the end, and I'm figuring that having to resew the skirt is easier than having to resize the bodice.  

This sucks.

[wanderingenough]

Glad they came to their senses! Weddings bring out the worst in people. Suddenly everyone is lacking common sense.