WDMLT?

[underwaterrhymes]

Apr 19, 2015 13:17:35 GMT -5 marina007 said:

Apr 19, 2015 12:28:32 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

LOL.

Want a medal?

Not at all. I'm seriously not trying to be holier than thou, i am just surprised that no one else thinks it is early to take off voluntarily for ten days when the baby is less than six weeks.

I have no qualms whatsoever with anyone taking vacations with/without their kids when on mat leave or not.

I just think it's a long time for both parents to be away when the baby is that young. I think many people would find it difficult.

But that's not what this thread is about. OP didn't ask, "would you do this?" She asked what we thought about someone else doing it.

I haven't spent a night away from my toddler and he's two. And I'm pregnant with our second and having a hell of a time. So to me ten days away sounds like fucking heaven even though I might not actually put it into practice.

I think it's awesome she did this. And you know what? She probably cried when she left and had a hard time the first 24 hours but now she is sitting on a beach drinking a frothy beverage and her toes are painted and she is getting some much deserved relaxation time with her husband and I am jealous!

[chickenlittle]

Oh, FFS. I would give a fucking kidney to have a night alone without kids right now, while I'm currently on unpaid maternity leave mind you. Ten days on a tropical island sans kids? Sign me the fuck up.

Seriously, between my labors and deliveries, I chalked up 79 vag stitches, PPD/PPA, a postpartum hemmorhage, a failed epidural, and a shitload of extra spider veins, cellulite, and sagging. You bet your ass I'd pack my bags for vacation if the opportunity presented itself. I mean, I love my kids ferociously, but this is a no brainer. Hell, I'd even leave my husband at home.

[marina007]

Apr 19, 2015 13:25:57 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

Apr 19, 2015 13:17:35 GMT -5 marina007 said:

Not at all. I'm seriously not trying to be holier than thou, i am just surprised that no one else thinks it is early to take off voluntarily for ten days when the baby is less than six weeks.

I have no qualms whatsoever with anyone taking vacations with/without their kids when on mat leave or not.

I just think it's a long time for both parents to be away when the baby is that young. I think many people would find it difficult.

But that's not what this thread is about. OP didn't ask, "would you do this?" She asked what we thought about someone else doing it.

I haven't spent a night away from my toddler and he's two. And I'm pregnant with our second and having a hell of a time. So to me ten days away sounds like fucking heaven even though I might not actually put it into practice.

I think it's awesome she did this. And you know what? She probably cried when she left and had a hard time the first 24 hours but now she is sitting on a beach drinking a frothy beverage and her toes are painted and she is getting some much deserved relaxation time with her husband and I am jealous!

Sorry for being off topic then . I was just throwing in my thoughts on the situation - ie no issue with them going on vacation during mat leave but i found it to be a long time that early in baby's life.

But again, as was mentioned above - different strokes, different folks.

[sapphireblue]

Apr 19, 2015 13:22:31 GMT -5 marina007 said:

I would find it much less questionable if the vacation was shorter and/or baby was older than six weeks old.

I am not a parent yet, I'll be one if all goes well in August. So I am not sure that my information/understanding is correct.

But isn't it better in a way to go away when the baby is that young (if you can, I don't have anyone I could leave him with for an overnight) because the baby really won't be conscious of the fact that you are gone? As long as his/her needs are met in terms of nourishment, clothing, etc. it's good?

Later on the baby/child will be aware of the parents being gone and miss them and cry and wonder where they are, etc. So if that is correct, in some ways this is a good time to go.

ETA: To clarify, any time, at any age, that parents can go away and get a break from their kid is great and nothing I would judge. I was more thinking of the caregivers watching the kid and thinking there might be certain ages where they would deal with a lot of drama and difficulty because the child is missing his or her parents so much.

[cherryvalance]

"Hey, everyone, come see what an awesome mom I am."

[marina007]

Apr 19, 2015 13:48:32 GMT -5 Que? said:

Apr 19, 2015 13:22:52 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Different strokes different folks.
Maybe she has PPD and needs to be away from the baby.
Maybe her H is about to be OOT for a while, maybe this is a trip her H win and it's now or never and so on.
There are a number of reasons she might choose to take this trip now and not later.

Maybe her marriage is in the toilet and this is the last ditch effort to save it. Not that I know anything about that.

I get it, I have no idea of the circumstances surrounding why they made their decision. I'm seriously not trying to mom-shame, or whatever. Nor am I in any way trying to make myself out to be a better/worse mom than anyone else. I just still think it's early to go on a voluntary vacation for 10 days when baby is 6 weeks. Both for the parents and the baby.

I can see how one could be of the opinion that it's easier for everyone w a long vacation when the baby is very very young bc the baby is less aware, but in my and many others I've spoken to's experience, at six weeks, you're still figuring stuff out with the baby - regardless of the fact that you're home w the baby or not (ie going back to work is a much less "big deal" than being 100% away for 10 days).

[isabel]

So, at what age is not judge-worthy to leave my baby overnight with my MIL so I can sleep for more than 2 hours in a row? He's a week and a half...

Yeesh. The fact that anyone could judge a new mom for basically any choice she makes is ridiculous. I would love some down time with my H.

[nursewife]

I don't understand why you seem to think she is cheating the system, or who you think this needs to be reported to. H and I took a week vacation when I was on mat leave. It was great to get away and have a chance to actually talk and hang out with H.

[EmilieMadison]

Apr 19, 2015 14:12:37 GMT -5 Que? said:

Apr 19, 2015 14:09:56 GMT -5 isabel said:

So, at what age is not judge-worthy to leave my baby overnight with my MIL so I can sleep for more than 2 hours in a row? He's a week and a half...

Yeesh. The fact that anyone could judge a new mom for basically any choice she makes is ridiculous. I would love some down time with my H.

It never ends. My kid just spent two weeks at my Mom's, and people were all 'aren't you bored?' And 'what are you even doing with yourself?' And 'I would feel guilty'. Bitches, please. It was absolute bliss, every second of it.

Who the fuck gets bored without their kid, or can't figure out what do with themselves? Does not compute.

[Raggedeannie]

The real travesty here is, zomg is that baby being formula fed while she is gone?!?!

[marina007]

Apr 19, 2015 14:09:56 GMT -5 isabel said:

So, at what age is not judge-worthy to leave my baby overnight with my MIL so I can sleep for more than 2 hours in a row? He's a week and a half...

Yeesh. The fact that anyone could judge a new mom for basically any choice she makes is ridiculous. I would love some down time with my H.

Whenever!!

One overnight <> 10 days in a different country! People have night nannies, people go away

This is not about taking a day or two to recover, get some sleep etc, having a break by your kids visiting their grandparents or a babysitter or daycare.

My reaction was specifically to a period of 10 days with both parents in a different country before the baby is six weeks.

[youhadmycuriosity]

My confession to add to this thread is that I think that deep down, 50% of the reason I don't want to have kids is that people will suddenly judge everything I do.

And to answer the question, I would think, "This lady just gave birth to a CHILD. She may have PPD, she may need some time to bond his her husband (who is family too) before delving into working motherhood which, from all I see even though I haven't experienced myself is tough on marriages as we don't have great work life balance as it is, or maybe she just wanted to have a fucking margarita on the beach knowing she has an 18 year commitment and may not get the chance to do so alone without guilt for almost 2 decades.

[Deleted]

Apr 19, 2015 10:39:14 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Apr 19, 2015 10:36:49 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

That is disability insurance not FMLA.

No

I've used this twice.

It's family leave insurance

You make a claim based on "bonding with a newborn"

It's specifically called a "bonding claim"

Fmla is a federal law.  It's not insurance.  It's not paid.  Companies can have whatever else they want but it's still not fmla.  There aren't difference versions of FMLA.

[Deleted]

Apr 19, 2015 12:38:48 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

You keep saying you would never report her. Who exactly would you report her to anyway? The Maternity Leave police?

Ethics hotline

[CurlyQ284]

What if she only gets a tiny amount of vacation time and this is legit the only way she can go on a 10 day vacation to a beach?

Also, is this on top of short term disability or instead of? Like does this lady get an additional 6 weeks STD?
ETA not for extra judging information. Just so I can see how jealous I can be of new jersey people.

[pantsparty]

Clearly, what we need is Bonding Compliance Officers. Only approved bonding activities are to take place when one is on maternity leave!

One of my best friends just had a baby and I saw on Facebook she and her husband had a night out together while her MIL watched the baby. I will be contacting the BCO about her FIRST.

[underwaterrhymes]

Apr 19, 2015 14:36:52 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

Clearly, what we need is Bonding Compliance Officers. Only approved bonding activities are to take place when one is on maternity leave!

One of my best friends just had a baby and I saw on Facebook she and her husband had a night out together while her MIL watched the baby. I will be contacting the BCO about her FIRST.

You really need to be crowned official acronym creator of ML.

[pantsparty]

Apr 19, 2015 14:40:08 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

Apr 19, 2015 14:36:52 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

Clearly, what we need is Bonding Compliance Officers. Only approved bonding activities are to take place when one is on maternity leave!

One of my best friends just had a baby and I saw on Facebook she and her husband had a night out together while her MIL watched the baby. I will be contacting the BCO about her FIRST.

You really need to be crowned official acronym creator of ML.

[EmilieMadison]

Apr 19, 2015 14:21:02 GMT -5 youhadmycuriosity said:

My confession to add to this thread is that I think that deep down, 50% of the reason I don't want to have kids is that people will suddenly judge everything I do.

And to answer the question, I would think, "This lady just gave birth to a CHILD. She may have PPD, she may need some time to bond his her husband (who is family too) before delving into working motherhood which, from all I see even though I haven't experienced myself is tough on marriages as we don't have great work life balance as it is, or maybe she just wanted to have a fucking margarita on the beach knowing she has an 18 year commitment and may not get the chance to do so alone without guilt for almost 2 decades.

People judge everything, including not having kids. There's no safe place!

[hopecounts]

Apr 19, 2015 14:34:30 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

What if she only gets a tiny amount of vacation time and this is legit the only way she can go on a 10 day vacation to a beach?

This is another point due to our pitiful sick leave policy most parents have no vacation time the first year or two of having a child.
they typically use up their leave for doctor's visits and illnesses.
this may be her only opportunity to take a vacation for a while and she smartly decided to do so.

[Kit]

Apr 19, 2015 12:37:38 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

FUCK, now I really want a tropical vacation.

No vacations for people with babies!

[CurlyQ284]

Apr 19, 2015 14:43:56 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Apr 19, 2015 14:34:30 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

What if she only gets a tiny amount of vacation time and this is legit the only way she can go on a 10 day vacation to a beach?

This is another point due to our pitiful sick leave policy most parents have no vacation time the first year or two of having a child.
they typically use up their leave for doctor's visits and illnesses.
this may be her only opportunity to take a vacation for a while and she smartly decided to do so.

I saved my vacation time and I'm glad I did because after my pitiful 6 weeks mat leave DS got RSV three times in his first two months of daycare.

[honeychai]

Here in NJ there IS something called family leave INSURANCE.

You qualify if

A) you have a newly adopted child or newborn that you would like to bond with (their wording- not mine)

Or

B) to care for a severely ill family member

It is six weeks of paid time off

I'm not judging her for going on vacation without her kids, I'm questioning the validity of the claim.

To qualify for the first form of leave insurance you have to submit a lengthy application proving the time will be used to "bond" with the baby.

The conversation at work started because someone said "can't wait to see pics on Facebook", and coworker was all "nah, gotta keep this trip on the dl, because I'm using family leave time".

[Deleted]

Apr 19, 2015 14:49:39 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Here in NJ there IS something called family leave INSURANCE.

You qualify if

A) you have a newly adopted child or newborn that you would like to bond with (their wording- not mine)

Or

B) to care for a severely ill family member

It is six weeks of paid time off

I'm not judging her for going on vacation without her kids, I'm questioning the validity of the claim.

To qualify for the first form of leave insurance you have to submit a lengthy application proving the time will be used to "bond" with the baby.

The conversation at work started because someone said "can't wait to see pics on Facebook", and coworker was all "nah, gotta keep this trip on the dl, because I'm using family leave time".

Unless you work for the insurance company and its your job to review and approve claims, it's none of your concern.

[hopecounts]

Apr 19, 2015 14:49:39 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Here in NJ there IS something called family leave INSURANCE.

You qualify if

A) you have a newly adopted child or newborn that you would like to bond with (their wording- not mine)

Or

B) to care for a severely ill family member

It is six weeks of paid time off

I'm not judging her for going on vacation without her kids, I'm questioning the validity of the claim.

To qualify for the first form of leave insurance you have to submit a lengthy application proving the time will be used to "bond" with the baby.

The conversation at work started because someone said "can't wait to see pics on Facebook", and coworker was all "nah, gotta keep this trip on the dl, because I'm using family leave time".

You are way too literal on this. I repeat for what the 3rd time that this is legal phrasing to allow adoptive parents to be included under the coverage.
It do not think it actually requires that you be with the kid 24/7. 

[honeychai]

Apr 19, 2015 14:51:16 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Apr 19, 2015 14:49:39 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Here in NJ there IS something called family leave INSURANCE.

You qualify if

A) you have a newly adopted child or newborn that you would like to bond with (their wording- not mine)

Or

B) to care for a severely ill family member

It is six weeks of paid time off

I'm not judging her for going on vacation without her kids, I'm questioning the validity of the claim.

To qualify for the first form of leave insurance you have to submit a lengthy application proving the time will be used to "bond" with the baby.

The conversation at work started because someone said "can't wait to see pics on Facebook", and coworker was all "nah, gotta keep this trip on the dl, because I'm using family leave time".

The VALIDITY OF THE CLAIM? She had a baby. She's entitled to the leave. Wtf wtf wtf.

It's legit called a "bonding claim"

[underwaterrhymes]

Apr 19, 2015 14:49:39 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Here in NJ there IS something called family leave INSURANCE.

You qualify if

A) you have a newly adopted child or newborn that you would like to bond with (their wording- not mine)

Or

B) to care for a severely ill family member

It is six weeks of paid time off

I'm not judging her for going on vacation without her kids, I'm questioning the validity of the claim.

To qualify for the first form of leave insurance you have to submit a lengthy application proving the time will be used to "bond" with the baby.

The conversation at work started because someone said "can't wait to see pics on Facebook", and coworker was all "nah, gotta keep this trip on the dl, because I'm using family leave time".

There is nothing on the site that requires you to prove you are spending 24/7 with the baby. They want proof of birth, parenthood, adoption, etc.

Bonding is happening even if you're not with the baby 24/7.

[underwaterrhymes]

Apr 19, 2015 14:55:39 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Apr 19, 2015 14:51:16 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

The VALIDITY OF THE CLAIM? She had a baby. She's entitled to the leave. Wtf wtf wtf.

It's legit called a "bonding claim"

Are you really this thick headed? Jesus.

[mcmel]

Just go ahead and fucking report her and let us know how that goes. Jesus Christ.

[Deleted]

Apr 19, 2015 14:57:35 GMT -5 mcmel said:

Just go ahead and fucking report her and let us know how that goes.

Call 9-1-1 and CPS