Single black female BA seeks educated husband: Race, assorta

[ttt]

This is only related to part of this and doesn't touch on the race issue, but interestingly enough, marrying down tends to be a lot better for a high-achieving woman's career. Marrying an equal generally means that the woman's career will take a backseat.

hbr.org/2014/12/rethink-what-you-know-about-high-achieving-women

[iammalcolmx]

I think we all have different definitions of what " Worthy of you " means. I have no issue with what the Princeton Alum said just as I don't really care about peoples personal standards when finding someone they believe is acceptable. Married/long term relationships are about compromise so we should all strive to establish our standards early on.
Every-time we have one of these conversations blame seems to be pointed at Black women for not wanting to "marry down"* or " date outside of their race". Both notions make me feel some type of way.


*Working in manufacturing has opened my eyes to pretty damn good Blue Collar jobs performed by some pretty amazing people. We have plenty of people here who make a nice chunk of change working these jobs, not to mention being brilliant individuals.

[pt716]

Apr 21, 2015 7:49:20 GMT -5 ttt said:

This is only related to part of this and doesn't touch on the race issue, but interestingly enough, marrying down tends to be a lot better for a high-achieving woman's career. Marrying an equal generally means that the woman's career will take a backseat.

hbr.org/2014/12/rethink-what-you-know-about-high-achieving-women

I see this with academics a lot. Negotiating two careers is only made harder when both people are highly specialized or looking for academic jobs. By nessecity someone's career often has to take a backseat at any given time.

[ESF]

Anecdote alert!

A good friend of mine, an African American woman and lawyer, is engaged to a white blue collar guy. I could not believe the comments people make to her about his job. We all have asshole family who say asshole things, but she gets comments from random people in her office about it!

Shit like, "is it hard making more money than him?" Or "so you have a law degree and he didn't go to college? What's that like?" WHO ASKS QUESTIONS LIKE THAT?

It's partly driven by classism, but I wonder to what extent it is racial. I can't imagine if her fiancé was black, they'd ask her these kinds of questions. There's assumptions both that black men don't have prestigious jobs, and that blue collar white men are racist rednecks.

People suck.

[ESF]

Apr 21, 2015 10:32:44 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

Apr 21, 2015 9:23:50 GMT -5 ESF said:

Anecdote alert!

A good friend of mine, an African American woman and lawyer, is engaged to a white blue collar guy. I could not believe the comments people make to her about his job. We all have asshole family who say asshole things, but she gets comments from random people in her office about it!

Shit like, "is it hard making more money than him?" Or "so you have a law degree and he didn't go to college? What's that like?" WHO ASKS QUESTIONS LIKE THAT?

It's partly driven by classism, but I wonder to what extent it is racial. I can't imagine if her fiancé was black, they'd ask her these kinds of questions. There's assumptions both that black men don't have prestigious jobs, and that blue collar white men are racist rednecks.

People suck.

I don't know that random people from work would ask but I bet her family, friends etc. would ask those questions.

Random people from work ask her those questions. Or casual acquaintances.

[ESF]

Apr 21, 2015 10:52:16 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

Apr 21, 2015 10:47:40 GMT -5 ESF said:

Random people from work ask her those questions. Or casual acquaintances.

I understood what you wrote, I was commenting on what I highlighted in bold in your post: I can't imagine if her fiancé was black, they'd ask her these kinds of questions.

Whoops, sorry! I was on my phone when I first read it.  I hate how bolded parts don't show up on the app.

[NitaX]

Apr 21, 2015 10:52:16 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

Apr 21, 2015 10:47:40 GMT -5 ESF said:

Random people from work ask her those questions. Or casual acquaintances.

I understood what you wrote, I was commenting on what I highlighted in bold in your post: I can't imagine if her fiancé was black, they'd ask her these kinds of questions.

Trust, they'd still ask. I had an acquaintance make a similar statement about a guy I dated. The guy was a blue collar worker with no college degree - he had a really great job though - but still my acquaintance was like you're a professional and can do better. Not those exact words, but that was how he put it. Which, over time I did realize that we were from two distinctly different worlds based on professions. When folks asked him what he did - he took offense like a black guy couldn't have a job. I was like ummm - NO - they ask because it's networking. You find out what someone does and if that might be a benefit to you. 

Even when I met my H - his friend asked him if he were ok with me making more money than he did. My H was like "It doesn't matter because it benefits us both." And FWIW - My H and I both hold Master's Degrees. He was finishing his coursework when we met.