Not sure why I'm posting about this. I posted a while back that Dad was in a rough place, had never been there for me growing up, etc, and was asking for money/a place to stay after his wife threw him out. My whole life I wished for a Dad and made up stories about how awesome he was.
He asked me to "use" my CC to order something with which to impress his girlfriend's son (my words). He claimed the kid was dying, which I don't believe. Long story short, I said he could order this thing with my credit card if he came to where I work (an hour drive) and handed me the cash. He drove her, complained about having borrowed $50 for gas, then told me he'd pay me when it came in. Against my better judgement (and because of his manipulation) I ordered said item and eventually met him too exchange. He harassed me the whole week, because I was too busy to meet him exactly when it came in and wouldn't let him just come to my house to get it. He was mean, and I decided I was done, and reminded myself that I owe nothing to this man who has done very little for me aside from once throwing a birthday party and giving me small amounts of money about a half dozen times in my 35 years.
This was the final straw. I basically shoved this item at him, gave him his exact change ($3.00, lol) and told him I didn't need him or his money when he insisted I keep the change. He started to yell and I told him he could not speak to me that way, got in my car and left. That was three weeks ago. I haven't heard from him since, and it's such a relief. But, yeah, I don't have a dad anymore, not that I ever really did.
(Hugs) I know that was such a tough thing to do. Hopefully you will find that it was the right thing for you to do and you will feel better without him popping in and out of your life.
Sorry your dad turned out to be this way. REMEMBER we cannot choose our family. WE can however, choose our friends. Surround yourself with people who will respect you and lift you up, not drag you down.
Thanks guys. I knew you'd understand more than my IRK friends, who say various forms of "but he's your DAD!!!" as if that excuses his horrible behavior and complete lack of parental instinct.
((hugs)) I just cut my dad out of my life this week too. It's been a long time coming, but it still really hurts. You're mourning a loss, let yourself mourn. ETA: I don't mean to sat it wasn't deserved. because it was and you did what's best for you. And that is incredibly strong of you. Message me if you want to talk.
Post by MixedBerryJam on Apr 24, 2015 9:05:43 GMT -5
It sounds like things have been deteriorating for a while. I'm sorry. I'm not sure if it's helpful to say it doesn't have to be forever, but it doesn't. But it DOES have to be long enough for your guys to build something healthy between you, if that's going to happen. You're doing what's best for you, which is the most important thing here. Many hugs.
Thanks guys. I knew you'd understand more than my IRK friends, who say various forms of "but he's your DAD!!!" as if that excuses his horrible behavior and complete lack of parental instinct.
((hugs))
I hate it when people excuse behavior because "family." Newp! Family should treat you better not worse than acquaintances.
I'm proud of you for being so strong. You deserve much better! I hope you can surround yourself with people who value you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
It sounds like you did what you needed to do for yourself. Even so, I'm very sorry that you had to do it. I hope the feelings of relief continue and that you can take the time you need to heal.
Oh, hulley, i'm so sorry. I had a falling out with my parents at one point and I also made the hard decision to cut off communication with them. I realized that every interaction with them was causing me more pain than anything else. Every phone call would end in a fight and me crying. They were trying to emotionally blackmail me and they used to threaten to cut me out of their life. After a really bad fight, I just made a decision that it wasn't worth talking to them anymore.
Anyway, wihtout getting into it too much, it was hard but it was the right decision. I finally felt free and was able to realize that they can't manipulate me and that I could live and be hapy without their approval. We did eventually make up (after I think 2 years?) but without the break, I dont' think it would have ever happened.
I know it hurts, but it sounds like you are making the right decision. Stay strong and realize it is okay to choose to put yourself first. Your happiness is more important and if your dad is only causing you pain, it it okay to cut him out.