Censoring teen music choice

[ledareansley]

I would not make this your hill to die on.

My parents censored everything. I don't know how they managed it, but I did not wile out despite their control of everything I watched or listened to. The only thing they did not censor was books. Liberals, you know? My dad would tell us that he would take the television out of the house if he caught us watching Full House so we didn't even try. I did not know what MTV was until I was in 10th grade. They were crazy as hell, but great people. I think it was their follow through. No idea.

Anyway, they trusted me absolutely in other areas so I think they just hated mainstream stuff on the radio and tv. My brother and I DIE when my mom is all, "did you see what happened on RHOA?" Bitch please. You wouldn't let us watch Urkel or Uncle Jesse?

Be careful trying to censor stuff now a days. They are so quick to find hypocrisy in parents even if it's not there!

[gault]

This is the age where music plays a big part on your sense of self. Most kids play music non-stop like this. I'd tell her to tone it down during study time, but as far as censorship and the amount of time she listens to it, there's not much you can do.

[ladystardust]

Apr 24, 2015 12:14:38 GMT -5 ledareansley said:

I would not make this your hill to die on.

My parents censored everything. I don't know how they managed it, but I did not wile out despite their control of everything I watched or listened to. The only thing they did not censor was books. Liberals, you know? My dad would tell us that he would take the television out of the house if he caught us watching Full House so we didn't even try. I did not know what MTV was until I was in 10th grade. They were crazy as hell, but great people. I think it was their follow through. No idea.

Anyway, they trusted me absolutely in other areas so I think they just hated mainstream stuff on the radio and tv. My brother and I DIE when my mom is all, "did you see what happened on RHOA?" Bitch please. You wouldn't let us watch Urkel or Uncle Jesse?

Be careful trying to censor stuff now a days. They are so quick to find hypocrisy in parents even if it's not there!

I can relate to this. In our house it was Saved By The Bell, You Can't Do That on Television, and Pete and Pete. Others too but those are the ones I think my mom was just in a bad mood when she banned them. For the most part we listened to her too, which is surprising.

OP you mention it's a new school with a tougher curriculum. I would just worry about taking away what her possible "escape" is right now with all she is adjusting to. Maybe get her some tutoring to help with studying but I would leave the music issue be as long as she knows to listen to explicit stuff privately.

[hopecounts]

Kids develop their own music choice around 13/14 (it's a normal phase of development)
I would only censor if she was using unacceptable language with you/at school/etc as long as she is being responsible with how she speaks I don't see at 13 it being a big deal.

If she is doing well on HW but not tests, it's more likely test anxiety/attentional issues/etc then the music.
If she has some low level attentional issues the music may actually be helping her focus (it's a sort of grounding to keep her mind from wandering) which may be why she can do well on HW but not tests.

[8675309]

Apr 24, 2015 11:08:51 GMT -5 FastHands said:

ANECDOTE! When I was in like the 3rd grade, I made a dance routine that I was going to do for the school talent show to Ain't Too Proud to Beg.

My parents never censored music. My mom did clutch her pearls when she read the lyrics booklet to my Usher CD, but my dad told her to simmer. I also listened to music pretty much every waking moment. I don't understand why it bothers you that she listens to music all the time? Is it just that she's constantly exposed to content you don't condone? Or actually listening to music in and of itself that bugs you? I wouldn't have done NEARLY as well in school if I didn't listen to music while doing homework/studying, and to this day I have to have music on if I'm going to focus (with some exceptions).

Same! My school talent show routine was in 4th grade and it was to Madonna's Like a Virgin. I had no clue what that meant but I loved the song!

Clearly my parents never worried about what I was listening to and I think I turned out ok. 

[1confused1]

My 6 year old sings about "whiskey in her water" and has no clue what it means. I listen to country music and she sings along with songs she knows.

I would just make sure both your kids know that the words they are hearing are not appropriate to repeat and leave it at that. If it becomes a problem, then take it away.

[lulu13]

I didn't realize I was evidently as strict as I am. At 13 years old I can totally get not wanting my kid to listen two some of the more explicit music. I'm not taking about Madonna stuff I'm talking more 2 Live Crew (sorry my references are super old but I'm 40). Thirteen is still pretty young IMO.

[dd1204]

Apr 24, 2015 12:57:43 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Kids develop their own music choice around 13/14 (it's a normal phase of development)
I would only censor if she was using unacceptable language with you/at school/etc as long as she is being responsible with how she speaks I don't see at 13 it being a big deal.

If she is doing well on HW but not tests, it's more likely test anxiety/attentional issues/etc then the music.
If she has some low level attentional issues the music may actually be helping her focus (it's a sort of grounding to keep her mind from wandering) which may be why she can do well on HW but not tests.

We're going to get her tested for ADD. She has a math tutor and he stated to me that she knows the material but he thinks she has a concentration problem. She actually tells me that her mind wonders a lot during testing and homework. She's probably using music to help with that.

[hopecounts]

Apr 24, 2015 13:09:49 GMT -5 dd1204 said:

Apr 24, 2015 12:57:43 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Kids develop their own music choice around 13/14 (it's a normal phase of development)
I would only censor if she was using unacceptable language with you/at school/etc as long as she is being responsible with how she speaks I don't see at 13 it being a big deal.

If she is doing well on HW but not tests, it's more likely test anxiety/attentional issues/etc then the music.
If she has some low level attentional issues the music may actually be helping her focus (it's a sort of grounding to keep her mind from wandering) which may be why she can do well on HW but not tests.

We're going to get her tested for ADD. She has a math tutor and he stated to me that she knows the material but he thinks she has a concentration problem. She actually tells me that her mind wonders a lot during testing and homework. She's probably using music to help with that.

Can you talk to her teachers and see about implementing some behavior mods to help her?
There are some easy minor things that can be implemented while you are getting her tested if her teachers are willing that might help. 

[dd1204]

Apr 24, 2015 13:13:24 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Apr 24, 2015 13:09:49 GMT -5 dd1204 said:

We're going to get her tested for ADD. She has a math tutor and he stated to me that she knows the material but he thinks she has a concentration problem. She actually tells me that her mind wonders a lot during testing and homework. She's probably using music to help with that.

Can you talk to her teachers and see about implementing some behavior mods to help her?
There are some easy minor things that can be implemented while you are getting her tested if her teachers are willing that might help. 

I can. Like what can be modified? I've learn her teachers are not the best with ideas, they like to be told exactly what you want them to do. I've spoken to 2 of them about it and their response was they though she wasn't studying enough. My daughter is staying up to 10:30 sometimes later doing homework.

[hopecounts]

Apr 24, 2015 13:20:44 GMT -5 dd1204 said:

Apr 24, 2015 13:13:24 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Can you talk to her teachers and see about implementing some behavior mods to help her?
There are some easy minor things that can be implemented while you are getting her tested if her teachers are willing that might help. 

I can. Like what can be modified? I've learn her teachers are not the best with ideas, they like to be told exactly what you want them to do. I've spoken to 2 of them about it and their response was they though she wasn't studying enough. My daughter is staying up to 10:30 sometimes later doing homework.

Ask if you can have a Theraband put around her seat. This will give her a place to fidget her feet which can help her stay in focus the way music does by giving her a point of focus.

Do they have rules about what she uses to take notes?
If not buy her a pack of multi-color pens and have her change colors as she takes notes. This will help her visually break down the mass of notes into pieces so she can more easily attack studying it. And help keep her focused on what she's doing.
For math have her do each step in a separate color (problem in red, first step in blue, next step green, etc for example)
* codicile this depends on her personality if she is going to get too caught up in transferring colors to take notes then skip it.

For more ideas Google ADHD focus behavior mods.
Most of what I know is geared younger and wouldn't be a good fit for her age.

[winnied]

Apr 24, 2015 13:20:44 GMT -5 dd1204 said:

Apr 24, 2015 13:13:24 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Can you talk to her teachers and see about implementing some behavior mods to help her?
There are some easy minor things that can be implemented while you are getting her tested if her teachers are willing that might help. 

I can. Like what can be modified? I've learn her teachers are not the best with ideas, they like to be told exactly what you want them to do. I've spoken to 2 of them about it and their response was they though she wasn't studying enough. My daughter is staying up to 10:30 sometimes later doing homework.

My brother has severe ADD and one of the best modifications was more time for testing. Without a diagnosis, however, many educators are understandably reluctant. This would include coming to the classroom to finish the exam after school, or coming in early to start the exam, etc. A lot of trust has to be built there and your kid has to have a heck of a lot of integrity to not cheat the system by looking up answers in between testing. For my brother, it the choice was clear since he was able to grasp how serious this trust was.

[LeggsBenedict]

my parents didn't censor music and now I'm couth as fuck.

[RoxMonster]

My parents never censored my music and I thank them for that. Music was my release, my saving grace as a teenager and not all of it was PG, but I knew enough to not use that language myself in inappropriate situations. Make her wear headphones so younger sibling can't hear. I honestly wouldn't limit much more than that unless she starts using the language a lot herself.

And I totally agree that it helps a lot of people concentrate. If I'm working or grading, I always have Pandora on. I can't stand silence. Some of my HS students will only get papers typed when they have headphones on because it helps them tune out distraction. Now if it's obvious she's fiddling with her music most of the time and not actually working, that's one thing. Otherwise, what's the harm?

[dd1204]

Apr 24, 2015 14:28:02 GMT -5 hopecounts said:

Apr 24, 2015 13:20:44 GMT -5 dd1204 said:

I can. Like what can be modified? I've learn her teachers are not the best with ideas, they like to be told exactly what you want them to do. I've spoken to 2 of them about it and their response was they though she wasn't studying enough. My daughter is staying up to 10:30 sometimes later doing homework.

Ask if you can have a Theraband put around her seat. This will give her a place to fidget her feet which can help her stay in focus the way music does by giving her a point of focus.

Do they have rules about what she uses to take notes?
If not buy her a pack of multi-color pens and have her change colors as she takes notes. This will help her visually break down the mass of notes into pieces so she can more easily attack studying it. And help keep her focused on what she's doing.
For math have her do each step in a separate color (problem in red, first step in blue, next step green, etc for example)
* codicile this depends on her personality if she is going to get too caught up in transferring colors to take notes then skip it.

For more ideas Google ADHD focus behavior mods.
Most of what I know is geared younger and wouldn't be a good fit for her age.

Thank you.

[livinitup]

My grandmother censored my father from listening to the Beatles - then he got drafted and heard it all the time. My dad smashed a dust cover when I was blasting Madonna too loudly. I just bought another albumn.

This may just be typical teen stuff. Expect good behavior and grades, but don't micro manage the music. It doesn't really work anyway.