That man is married. And has a family at his address.
Mmmmmhmmmmm. This part made that clear as day:
On our first few dates, he represented it as temporary, something he would be fixing very soon. So far, no change (and I've since learned that things have been that way for a few years, making it doubtful that he was ever planning for it to be fixed "soon"--he just wasn't expecting to get serious with someone at that exact time, so the need to fix it came up unexpectedly) .
And girl please. Didn't know he would meet someone to be in a serious relationship? Are you even hearing the words coming out of your mouth? Every other girl he's chatted up has heard that line, too.
I usually think ultimatums are ridiculous, but not in this case. Nip that shit in the bud.
Even if he lived with his parents and wasn't quite ready for her to meet them, he could at least tell her where he lives and maybe she could even pick him up or something.
What options are there other than him being married? Homeless? Cooking meth in the basement? Cat hoarder?
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
Yes, me too. The line about "we're old enough that he should have those things worked out by now" made me think this was the case.
I dunno, if that was the case and he had TOLD her he was living with his parents, he wouldn't be so cagey with the address. Unless they're also hoarders or something.
Yes that's my thought...having been through that with not one, but two different guys. But replace "parents" with just mothers. And let's just say neither of them were on their way to establishing their own address any time soon. Red flag! Even though they say "she is barely ever home" or "I'm saving money for a house" etc. But I still saw both of their homes so not being told the address is MAJOR red flag.
Yes, me too. The line about "we're old enough that he should have those things worked out by now" made me think this was the case.
Yeah my guess is he told her he lives with his parents hence this line, but really he's married which is why he isn't sharing the adderess. If he told her he lives with his parents why would he be cagey about the address if that's all that's going on?
An ultimatum isn't going to help you, my friend. Because you need to kick him in the balls and then to the curb, whether he changes his situation or not.
Minor change and you have what I was thinking.
If this dude ain't married he has his mother's mummified body in the attic telling him to kill.
That was my first thought, because of this going on for "several years" and wanting to change the situation "soon," but to not even tell her his address?
My middle SIL lived with her parents for like 6 years before she got married. (Prior to that she lived on her own for quite a while after college, actually.) I think her now-husband was living with his parents right before they got married too. And they are in their 30s. It's not uncommon, and as long as you have a healthy adult relationship with your parents, it shouldn't be a problem.
Come to think of it, SIL2 just moved back with my in-laws and has also lived there on and off in her adult life. Huh. My in-laws are probably pretty glad my husband and I own our own house right about now. Lesser chance of us moving in with them.
Also, does this woman not know how to google? I get that it's not "telling her" his address if she finds it through electronic means, but hell, at least she'd know if he's married or not. Or is, like, a registered sex offender.
Post by litebright on Apr 24, 2015 22:41:12 GMT -5
And it also sounds like her friends are all telling her that he's married, but she has a case of head-in-the-sand.
"My confidants unanimously think I'm being reasonable, and worry there might be more sinister factors at work on his end, but I'm seeking a really, really objective view."