I need hair pets. Early pregnancy is hard.

[Susie]

This mental transition from athlete to pregnant person is not going so smoothly for me.

This morning while going over our weekend to do list, I mentioned that I wanted to go shopping to pick up a couple maternity things.  I'm 10 weeks pregnant, and creeping out of my regular sized pants.  Still more bloat than belly, but it's definitely showing up at my waistline.  I'm doing ok with my "fat pants" for now (although it isn't comfortable), but I figure I may not have another shopping opportunity between now and 13 weeks because of travel, and by then I'm pretty sure my regular pants are going to be an ugly scene.

So Calvin turns around and tells me that yes, I'm a little heavier than usual, but it's not baby weight - it's "not going for long runs and rides" weight.  While it's true that I did not drop winter weight this spring like the past couple years, talk about gut punch.  

No, I haven't been going on long runs and rides.  Because instead of picking up a training plan in February, I picked up sticks to pee on and got two lines.  Then I had a couple crazy months at work, and billed insane hours - more than usual - even while trying to power through 1st tri exhaustion and nausea.  I didn't exactly have much left at the end of the day for long rides to burn off my winter weight.  Hell, I wasn't able to eat enough calories for long workouts to be smart.

If we need to quantify things, my winter weight was around 135. I raced at 130 last year, which was what I weighed when we got married 8 years ago. I'm like 137-138 right now.  So fluffy, yes, and sensitive about it, yes, but... really?  I thought I was doing ok.  

I am pretty sure his comments are the sort that he didn't think about how it'd sound, but at the same time, what I am hearing is that he thinks I look like I've let my body go.  Already.  With 30 weeks to go.

I have to actively (and constantly) work for my race weight; it's lower than my body's set point (which is around 135 at my current age).  It's not a fair comparison when I'm pregnant.  But it feels like that's the standard he's comparing me to.  It's hard enough that I ran a 5k last week and was barely under 10 min/mile (I ran a HM at <8:50 6 months ago!), but this too?

Please help me remember that what my body is doing is normal and healthy.  I'm struggling a lot with not feeling like "me."

[Wines Not Whines]

Pregnancy is hard, both mentally and physically. As an athlete, it's really hard to embrace the changes in your body, including weight gain. Your body changes are normal, and your feelings are normal. And it's not cool for your husband to make any comments that aren't complimentary!

[2doxies]

The first tri was the hardest for me during both of my pregnancies. You feel lethargic, nauseous, exhausted and look fluffy but not yet obviously pregnant. If you're an athlete, it can also be a mind f*ck - you are not in control of your body. Go out this weekend, but some fabulous maternity jeans (I kind of want to wear maternity jeans all the time) and try not to worry about it for now. You'll need to get new clothes at several points as your belly starts to stick out; try to enjoy it and have fun with finding new outfits to put together.

[hannahb]

Awww hugs. It's hard. Really hard. It's hard after too when your body doesn't look like it used to and may never. BUT you have this adorable, snuggly, little person that you will love more than you could ever imagine. Hang in there. For what it's worth, I had a hard time initially. You just look fat, ya know? It got easier surprisingly when I had a true baby bump. So people knew I was in fact pregnant and just not eating junk.

[gt7301b]

Yeah, Calvin was wrong on this one. You didn't go on long runs and rides cause you have been focusing on growing a baby. If I was thinking clearly, which I probably wouldn't be doing in your shoes, I would sit down and tell my husband how his comments made me feel. I'm sure Calvin didn't mean it to come across like it did, he seems to usually be pretty sensitive to that kind of thing.

If I was pressed for time I'd just order a bunch of maternity clothes online and return what didn't work.

[Susie]

Thank you guys, I really needed some positive words.  It bothered me even more that Calvin basically thought I looked lazy - even more so than that he might think I look fat.  Lazy is the one thing I really don't identify with, and it hurt(s).

Apr 25, 2015 10:22:01 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

((Susie))
And if I'm not mistaken you've taken more than one 10+ mile hikes since your BFP, no? Thats amazing! 

Yes, I did.  I hiked around 75 miles in March, with the longest one over 20 miles when I was 6-7 weeks.  I have done almost nothing in April though.  Morning sickness hit me hard right after we finished our hiking season!

[m1and1m]

I'm sorry, guys (well, people) sometimes open their mouth without realizing exactly what they are saying. My DH did something similar in early PG when he said I should aspire to be like soandso's wife who continued to work out 2+ hours a day through her PG and hardly even looked PG. I was so hurt, angry, and offended, not the least because she also had lupus and some other issues where her Dr told her she needed to cut back for her and her baby's health but she didn't want to.
He tried to backtrack, but the damage was done.

There's just only so much you can do, and right now your body is already doing it! Early PG might looks chubby or lazy from the outside, but it's not. I think it can be even worse if you are fit and active, because when the bloat hits you look, well, bloated! And it's weird and not your norm. I mean, in my "normal" state belly bloat it's pretty obvious. Right now, I've gained 25# freaking pounds from being sidelined by a serious injury and belly bloat would blend right in, kwim? So I think you are probably seeing it more just because you are fit in the first place. But he needs to keep his mouth shut if he sees it, because even though I'm sure it doesn't bother him that doesn't mean it's not gonna bother you to hear it come out of his mouth. I think there's more chance of people commenting because of PG than just regular weight gain, because "your body is supposed to change, it's normal" but that doesn't mean it's not a struggle to watch it change and hear others say something about it. More so when you are very in tune with your body because you train for something and are used to looking a certain way as a result.

[sadlebred]

Tell Calvin to go carry about a growing person inside of him. He owes you an apology. Sorry.

[Deleted]

Pregnancy is tough, mentally and physically. You're suddenly 100% responsible for the life of another human being! Tell Calvin you need sensitivity and support.

And for the record, not one person on here thinks you're lazy, and neither does Calvin. He's just not as connected to the pregnancy as you are right now, it's not tangible to him.

[ebeth]

The transition is not going smoothly for me either. When I got pregnant I was up probably 10# from my normal weight (stopped marathon training, AI vacation, then holidays) a bit much but I was ready to crack down post holidays. Then I got pregnant

I will say that the one thing that has surprised me about pregnancy and working out is how much can change week to week. Just last weekend I stopped mid run to cry because it was so hard and I was so slow and fat and my stupid shorts didnt fit, etc. but then today it was easier and fun again. This isn't the first time I've had set backs and rebounds like that. Go easy on yourself (easier said than done I know) and try again tomorrow or next week.

I do think you need to tell your H, if you haven't already, that he hurt your feelings and that this is hard for you and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT YOUR MOUTH RE YOUR PREGNANT WIFE'S EATING/EXERCISE/WEIGHT GAIN.

Finally, I agree with gt re: pants. Just order an assload online, see what fits, return the rest. Maternity selection sucks in the store anyway. Gap is running a sale now and has free returns and maternity.

[thom]

Well, if it matters I think you are a complete rockstar. You've put in some crazy impressive hiking days, and you work a very full and demanding job.

I think Sessalee is right that Calvin just isn't as connected to the pregnancy yet and wasn't thinking. That comment would hit me very, very hard.

During a non-confrontational and low key time I would talk him about thinking before he blurts out comments on your body. ESPECIALLY DURING PREGNANCY. I don't think this needs to turn into a fight or more hurt feelings, but if you can talk about it low key sometime that should help.

[jene]

Pregnancy is hard, especially when you come off of training cycles.

Also, maternity pants are glorious. I wish I would have worn them sooner than what I did

[cinco]

It is hard! Sorry Calvin stuck his foot in his mouth, b/c really dude? I gained in my first trimester every time and even though I didn't have a bump it was most definitely baby weight. Things need to expand and get ready, not to mention some of us need to eat lots so we aren't getting sick. I've been so impressed with all the hiking you are still doing!

It is frustrating, but I have no doubts you'll be back at it quickly post baby if that is what you want. It is hard to remember that in the moment though, so it is okay to be grumpy about it. I think many of us have been through similar feelings during pregnancy.

[taratru]

I'm gonna need Calvin to take a dose of shutthefuckup.

[chw57]

Ditto Tara. Even before the real bump shows up, the bloat can be pretty out of control. It has NOTHING to do with your exercise and everything to do with the fact that you are growing a human. I know it's hard but you are a badass.

[Susie]

Thank you guys, I just read through everything you all said a couple times through to reinforce the points. It is really helpful to hear from women who can relate -- because right now I agree, Calvin really can't.

This morning he was commenting giddily about the fact that my boobs are bigger. The irony wasn't lost on me that shortly after that he was telling me that my general size was "sloth-weight" to paraphrase rather than baby weight. Yeah ok buddy. Those boobs are just filled with air from my bike pump, right? Not even to speak of the rest of the changes. Disconnect, party of 1.

Hopefully when the bump shows up in earnest it'll be a little more real for him.

[skwcm80]

I hope Calvin realizes how hurtful what he said was, and promptly apologizes. Pregnancy is such a mindfuck, and it affects everyone differently. Even my two pregnancies were almost complete opposites. You are an absolute rock star!

[G22]

Going from athlete to pregnancy is absolutely no easy trade. I didn't get the ok to get back into running, and given everything we went through to just get pregnant, I'm listening to the OB. But its hard to go from the mentality of running all the time to just walking now. I feel, lost athletically. Walking doesn't cut it for me, though hiking would if the weather ever shaped up. Starting from scratch after the baby is here will suck.

Also, the bloat struggle is real. Mine went down around week 11. Well, really its just stayed consistent daily vs varying by time of day. I gave in and got maternity clothes this weekend. No shame in that game. They are more comfortable than normal clothes anyways

Also, guys don't get it. My H jokingly said something about gaining weight the other day, (which I haven't gained yet, it just looks like it thanks to the bloat), and I kindly warned him he should avoid saying that to me in the future, lest he want to be in the doghouse and catch me on a bad day next time.

[emilyinchile]

You are normal, healthy and awesome. Calvin has a death wish. I feel like he needs a children's book style guide entitled "every mommy's body changes" because he clearly is just not thinking right now. I hope he wises up soon and starts being a bit more conscious of his comments.

[ktzmoh]

I'm sorry he stuck his foot in his mouth, but you are right- pregnancy is so hard. My first trimesters were horrible , the weight gain and miserable symptoms are hard when you are not obviously pregnant and people just think you are letting yourself go to shit. Plus the hormones kick in big time and I get super emotional. Rest assured all this is temporary and soon you'll have your body back to yourself and have a gorgeous baby too!

[jeaniebueller]

Oh I hear you. I hope your husband realizes how insensitive his comment was. You arty gotten a lot of great advice, but again, remember you are growing a baby. Try not to focus on the athlete that you used to be, there'll be plenty of time in the future to regain your fitness and athleticism. Your body is beautiful pregnant. Just embrace the extra curves, as hard as it may be.

[foundmylazybum]

When in the year were you 130 and then when were you 135? Because it sounds like you have gained about what? 3 pounds? Hardly a "sloth" or even "fluffy," especially for someone who is growing a human.

I mean I get it, you and your husband work out a lot and that's part of your lifestyle. This is a big change.
I will say it again. This is going to be a big change. Quite frankly your husband sounds kind of clueless and like he hasn't adjusted his expectations of what you *should* be doing and how you *should* be looking.

He probably needs to take a little bit of ownership on exactly how pregnancy works, otherwise he might keep on saying boneheaded things like this.


ETA: Also, I've never been pregnant, but I'm seriously gritting my teeth in irritation that he said 'It's not pregnancy weight, it's not doing long run weight."

How in the hell did he parse out the difference between baby weight and not working out weight? Because according to what you said--In the past 10 weeks you have been BOTH, not working out AND pregnant. Does he know exactly how much your body is going through just making the little cellular pod that will be a baby and how that affects you? Does he know exactly how much weight was bloat from whatever your body is doing from baby making vs. not working out?

I doubt it. I call major bullshit and so should you.

[starlily]

Calvin needs to shove it. And perhaps get a crash course in sensitivity training.

Sorry for the bluntness, but pregnancy bloat, fatigue, and food aversions are real, and are often worst during first tri. You don't sound like you've been lazy at all. It actually sounds like you're still kicking a lot of butt!

Giving up control of your body during pregnancy is a hard mental adjustment to make, but sometimes your body is just going to do what it wants to do. Trust your gut and do whatever makes you feel good, whether it's a workout or laying on the couch.

[Susie]

Apr 25, 2015 18:17:55 GMT -5 foundmylazybum said:

When in the year were you 130 and then when were you 135? Because it sounds like you have gained about what? 3 pounds? Hardly a "sloth" or even "fluffy," especially for someone who is growing a human.

I mean I get it, you and your husband work out a lot and that's part of your lifestyle. This is a big change.
I will say it again. This is going to be a big change. Quite frankly your husband sounds kind of clueless and like he hasn't adjusted his expectations of what you *should* be doing and how you *should* be looking.

I was around 130 most of last summer through both of my HIMs, then gradually rose to 133-134 in the fall, 135 or so on vacation in January (all of which is pretty typical for me), got pregnant in February, and am 137-138 now.  So I agree, I feel like I've "gained" like 2-3 lbs.

The kicker for me is that, if we forget for a sec that I am pregnant, my BMI at this weight would be around 25.1.  His is currently around 26.3.  BMI certainly has its limitations, but I think in this case it's a pretty fair metric to cite.  Those in glass houses, and all that.

[Susie]

Apr 25, 2015 13:35:15 GMT -5 G22 said:

I didn't get the ok to get back into running, and given everything we went through to just get pregnant, I'm listening to the OB. But its hard to go from the mentality of running all the time to just walking now. I feel, lost athletically. Walking doesn't cut it for me, though hiking would if the weather ever shaped up. Starting from scratch after the baby is here will suck.

How do they decide whether to clear you to run or not?  Just curious.  That is so frustrating.  I agree re: walking, although I am trying to change my mind on the topic.  Somehow taking a dog on the walk feels like it legitimizes the pace for me

[kams]

watching your body change, particularly before bloat turn into bump, is not easy for ANYONE.

Your times will change, your abilities will be different, and it has nothing to do with your athletic ability. They will also all return, and likely improve. You are not being lazy. Just getting out there at all is a big deal.

Big hugs. I feel like I was writing this post about 9 months ago.

[runblondie26]

What a clueless, hurtful thing to say. Don't take it to heart Susie.

Sounds like you are taking good care of yourself. 2-3 lbs of weight is nothing especially when you're trying to make it day to day with food aversions, fatigue, and everything else that comes along with building a baby.

[clseale]

I obviously have no personal anecdotes to share, and everyone has basically covered everything. Still, I wanted to offer hugs. You're awesome & Calvin is suffering from a spectacular case of jackass syndrome. It really is mind blowing how supremely stupid men can be about these things.

Knowing how I am when I am hormonal, I likely would have 1) Bitten his friggin head off, or 2) Promptly burst into tears. Never mind the fact that you are growing what is sure to be one kickass little human, I think you're a damn rockstar for not setting him aflame.

I'm sorry. Boys are stupid.

[venice2007]

Lots of hugs! You're doing great! Don't let him get you down! Xo

[G22]

Apr 25, 2015 18:54:10 GMT -5 Susie said:

Apr 25, 2015 13:35:15 GMT -5 G22 said:

I didn't get the ok to get back into running, and given everything we went through to just get pregnant, I'm listening to the OB. But its hard to go from the mentality of running all the time to just walking now. I feel, lost athletically. Walking doesn't cut it for me, though hiking would if the weather ever shaped up. Starting from scratch after the baby is here will suck.

How do they decide whether to clear you to run or not?  Just curious.  That is so frustrating.  I agree re: walking, although I am trying to change my mind on the topic.  Somehow taking a dog on the walk feels like it legitimizes the pace for me

Well I had to give up running in Feb during my IVF cycle. And then when I found out I was pregnant, it was a precaution for awhile to not run per my RE. When I asked at my 12 week appt, it had been 3 months of not running. My OB advised not starting back up after all that time.

I'm strangely ok with it. I mean I miss it and feel a little lost exercise-wise not running, but the IF brain is still strongly ingrained in me. I know that if I went against my OBs advice, and God forbid something happened with the pregnancy, I know I'd question if I did something. Even if it wasn't related at all to running. So, it's really not a huge deal to give it up for the rest of the year for me. I'll continue to walk my dogs, who have one pace and it's borderline speed walking. It will be better than nothing for now.

I'll just be the resident H&F cheerleader for now