wwyd ??

[pinkdutchtulips]

i fully admit to be a super breezy parent borderline free ranger but even this had me clutching my pearls ..

dd made a new friend in our complex and this friend is on a LONG leash .... longer than what i would let dd be on (she's allowed to play w/ friends w/in the complex w/ certain rules unsupervised). the friend of her's, no real rules (she thought it was odd that i wouldn't let dd play at her apt w/o meeting her mom first) and no real curfew. this morning she knocks on our door before 9am wondering if dd can play wearing the same clothes as yesterday and telling us that she's been locked out of her apt and no one is letting her back in (our apt doors don't automatically self lock if closed, so someone had to physically lock the door). i let her and dd play for awhile but dd and i have errands to run and this lil girl is STILL locked out of her apt ?!?

i remembered this lil girl from a pool incident last summer - i had to dive into the pool and fish her out bc she was struggling in the deepish end of the pool and her mom apparently hadn't noticed that her dd was having problems in the pool.

who locks their kid out of their apt ? she can't be older than 5 or 6 (same age as dd, but when dd is playing w friends she also has a key w/ her) and given the lack of supervision i saw over the summer would you say something to the mom ? w/o being super condescending about it.

[pugz]

if she's locked out of her apartment, call the cops to deal with the situation. She is way way too young to be wandering the complex alone like that.

[browneyedgirl9]

Call child services and explain the situation. If she is in same clothing was she out all night. Did she eat?

Im a social worker. There are a lot of red flags here.

[Deleted]

Is her name Luka?

[sjh722]

I would call. Locking a 5 or 6 year old out is a big deal.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Apr 25, 2015 16:43:00 GMT -5 browneyedgirl9 said:

Call child services and explain the situation. If she is in same clothing was she out all night. Did she eat?

Im a social worker. There are a lot of red flags here.

we walked her to her door last night and watched her go inside .... dd sleeps in her clothes sometimes too so that didn't raise a red flag w me and she didn't ask me for anything to eat either.

i had to deal w/ CPS in late 2013 bc of things that stemmed from xh. not fun ! i'm keeping a close eye on things ... we have stuff to do later this afternoon and i've got my eye on this little girl.

[Deleted]

Did you get back in? Did you see her knock on the door? Any chance she is lying?

[Deleted]

I'd also call CPS. The pool incident last year, then this? Plus she thought it was weird that you'd not let DD come over without meeting her mom - to me that says this little girl has no rules, through a lack of caring rather than principle. This isn't free range parenting.

[anna7602]

I'm with @dontcallmeshirley1 on this one. Physically go over to the girl's home and knock on the door. Then let the police deal with it if there's no answer.

DD (age 6) has gotten accidentally locked out of our place and believe me, nothing weird is going on except for my being a little sleep-deprived. I don't know every single parent in our apartment block well, but I generally let DD run around with the other kids and if I can't find her, I start calling/texting the parents I do know. A lot of weekend afternoons, all the kids end up in one apartment or another. We've (meaning me and the other parents) have always been able to find them.

[jeaniebueller]

I would check to see if her parents are home or the door is locked before calling CPS. If this was a regular occurrence I may feel differently.

[zarapipe]

Call. Do not wait. Call

What happened? Did you end up running your errands? Where did the little girl end up?

[redheadk]

Seriously, call. Neglect is abuse. This isn't free range parenting, this is neglectful.

[jeaniebueller]

Did you confirm that she was indeed locked out and no one would answer the door? These responses are all sort of odd to me because in my experience (and I make CPS reports on the reg), as far as the immediacy of their investigation, they would probably ask if you knocked on the door yourself.

[Deleted]

Apr 25, 2015 16:24:43 GMT -5 TamiTaylor said:

Um I would call CPS as it sounds like this little girl is being neglected.

X2. There is nothing breezy about locking your FIVE year old out of the apartment.

[thejen626]

Apr 25, 2015 17:00:30 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Apr 25, 2015 16:43:00 GMT -5 browneyedgirl9 said:

Call child services and explain the situation. If she is in same clothing was she out all night. Did she eat?

Im a social worker. There are a lot of red flags here.

we walked her to her door last night and watched her go inside .... dd sleeps in her clothes sometimes too so that didn't raise a red flag w me and she didn't ask me for anything to eat either.

i had to deal w/ CPS in late 2013 bc of things that stemmed from xh. not fun ! i'm keeping a close eye on things ... we have stuff to do later this afternoon and i've got my eye on this little girl.

Update?

[madisen]

I'd check the door myself first. My 5 yr old tells me things sometimes that may be true in his head but not really true after fact checking or his perception of the event is off or whatever.

[pinkdutchtulips]

update ... we did go on our errands, came back and got ready for the GS event we had to go to and we didn't see her roaming around the complex (if she was, she would have come to our place). if she had come by when we were getting ready, i'd be on the phone.

i didn't go to her apt to see if she really was locked out. she seemed to be parroting everything that dd said (said that she was going to the same event that dd and i were - no, its a GS event and i know who's on the list)so i kept my ear out and i'll be paying more attention than usual if they play together in the future.

she and dd are to play tomorrow, if i notice the same clothes and the same story about being locked out - CPS and PD will be hearing from me.

the whole series of event unnerved me and it takes ALOT to unnerve me !

[lilac05]

I'd call & report the facts to CPS. They're trained to recognize red flags and are better at deciphering stories & what is imagination vs. reality.

All of the " are you sure she's telling the truth" responses reminded me of a former neighbor girl. She & her brother were home alone after school (she was 9 & he was jr/sr in HS). She would occasionally come over and tell me she was locked out of her house. She would come in, have a snack, and chat or watch a show for a bit until her mom came home. Turns out, she wasn't locked out, she just enjoyed my company, I guess. Looking back, things didn't add up. Oh well...

This situation seems very different, though. In addition to calling, I'd make sure she knew if she was ever locked out, she could come to me & I'd help and/or get her help.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Apr 25, 2015 23:18:02 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

I'd call & report the facts to CPS. They're trained to recognize red flags and are better at deciphering stories & what is imagination vs. reality.

All of the " are you sure she's telling the truth" responses reminded me of a former neighbor girl. She & her brother were home alone after school (she was 9 & he was jr/sr in HS). She would occasionally come over and tell me she was locked out of her house. She would come in, have a snack, and chat or watch a show for a bit until her mom came home. Turns out, she wasn't locked out, she just enjoyed my company, I guess. Looking back, things didn't add up. Oh well...

This situation seems very different, though. In addition to calling, I'd make sure she knew if she was ever locked out, she could come to me & I'd help and/or get her help.

the bolded is where i'm at. dd tells some pretty imaginative whoppers and i know she's making stuff up about what goes on at school (no you did not throw up at school - why bc they didn't call me). someone else's kid ?  i'm more of a wait and see type of person.

[jewel]

I think it's pretty weird that a 5 year old told you that she was locked out of her apartment this morning, and you did....nothing, but leave to run your errands.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Apr 25, 2015 23:33:47 GMT -5 jewel said:

I think it's pretty weird that a 5 year old told you that she was locked out of her apartment this morning, and you did....nothing, but leave to run your errands.

5 yo can say crazy things. i asked her if i could call her mom, she didn't know her mom's #. i told her we had to go and she left and i watched her go into her building. when we got back, we didn't see or hear her and i had my eye out. i half expected her to come knock on my door. there were so many inconsistencies as to what the story was that i had no idea what exactly to believe. tomorrow they're supposed to play again - if i hear another story about being locked out and she's STILL in the same clothes as today ... you better believe i'm calling someone.

i didn't do nothing,i did do something. i just didn't tell her to go home and hop into the car. I watched her walk back into her building and waited to see if she popped out as if i wasn't watching. she didn't. i didn't treat her any differently than how i would have treated dd.  i won't get CPS involved in a blink. i'll get CPS involved if i see a pattern not a one time incident. one story of being locked out and playing w/ dd for 3 hours and running off back to her building as if someone will let her in will set my radar off as let's see what happens next, if she comes back w/ the same story and take it from there. if she comes back tomorrow afternoon w/ another locked out story. i'll be talking to a parent. i wont get CPS involved over something that can be potentially resolved by talking to an adult.

[vanillacourage]

Wait, you think this kid is potentially being neglected and is maybe locked out, but you didn't walk her to her actual door and confirm a) she could get in and b) there was an adult home?  You just watched her walk into the building and when she didn't pop right back out you just went on your way?

[ECB]

Apr 26, 2015 9:42:02 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Wait, you think this kid is potentially being neglected and is maybe locked out, but you didn't walk her to her actual door and confirm a) she could get in and b) there was an adult home?  You just watched her walk into the building and when she didn't pop right back out you just went on your way?

Yeah, while I understand why you may not want to call CPS yet, ^^^ is doing something.  Just sending her back to her house and waiting to see if you see her again or not really isn't doing anything.  I don't want to pile on, but come on - you think there may be a problem but you just sent her back w/o going and checking yourself..??  I don't get it.  I really don't.  

[sugarbear]

You didn't actually see her go into her own apartment?

[SJ]

I would have started by calling her mom and/or knocking on her door to see if anyone was home.

I totally understand that she is young and kids lie, so my FIRST step would have been confirming with her parents.

Knocking on their door or ringing doorbell seems so easy and obvious.

[Deleted]

Holy shit. I mean, she's 5, FFS. I just don't get it.

[lifeisinteresting]

I think you had very poor judgement here. Calling CPS is not a call to say " this person has a terrible parent." Calling CPS allows professionals to investigate if there in any merit to child neglect or indangerment. They don't even investigate all cases or calls they receive; only ones that have some degree of merit. I know, I am a mandated reporter and some I have reported have not been investigated and I have "proof." Know what? That makes me frustrated but here's the reality, it is not my judgement or decision what to do with the information only to make the report. I realize that you are not a mandated reporter but as a parent how would you feel if your child was in danger or being neglected and someone acted as flippantly as you did with her?

II cannot be with my 5 year old 24 hours a day and I pray someone calls CPS and causes a huge problem for me but keeps my kid safe rather than being afraid too or not caring enough to and sending her back to a babysitter who is drunk or a caregiver maybe who went off the deep end and I just didn't catch no matter how much I tried.

[cjeanette]

Apr 26, 2015 9:42:02 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Wait, you think this kid is potentially being neglected and is maybe locked out, but you didn't walk her to her actual door and confirm a) she could get in and b) there was an adult home?  You just watched her walk into the building and when she didn't pop right back out you just went on your way?

This is where I at. Holy hell.

[pinkdutchtulips]

maybe my previous involvement w CPS is clouding my judgment. if you've never been in CPS cross hairs you have no idea how awful it is and how fast you want to get your case resolved (bc they DO open a case re any call)i don't have an itchy trigger finger w/ them. i'd attempt to resolve it outside of CPS first.

i will be keeping a close eye on her and if i hear the same story again ... i will take her to her door and talk to the mom or whoever is there. it's not uncommon in my complex for kids as young as 5 to play unsupervised .... i don't let dd run loose if i'm NOT home.


we walked her to her building up 3 flights of stairs and watched her dart into her door. i hung around to make sure she didn't come popping back out. she didn't. we went along our day. i did't act flippant w/ her. i was concerned and yes seeing her dart in made me relieved. if its a one time incident fine. time will tell but its on my radar.

i'm apparently not the only parent in the complex who was worried. i was talking with some other moms and one commented to me that she was impressed by my dd telling a little girl (the one from my OP)that she could not go to her apt bc dd knew she couldn't go into strange apts. the lil girl seemed puzzled.

[jewel]

This situation is sad. You have a history of concerns with the parent. The little girl is roaming alone, for long periods of time, without supervision. She's going into people's apartments without her parents' knowledge. She's in the same clothes 2 days in a row. She's claiming to be locked out.

Of course 5 year olds aren't always good truth-tellers. This could be nothing. Or it could be something. There is a middle ground between doing what you did (nothing), and locking up the mom and throwing away the key. It might have taken an extra 2 minutes of your day to walk her into her building and to her apartment. It didn't have to be anything weird with the parents, just a - "Hey, we had a great time playing with your girl this morning. Hope she can come over again next weekend!" Or whatever. Then you know that she's inside, and there is an adult present. No one home? Then you can decide how to escalate the response.

Seriously, the safety and success of "free-roaming" kids (although I'm guessing this poor little girl is more towards the regular neglect end) is dependent on collective supervision by adults.