Eh. Yeah, these kids are going to google themselves, but these #assholeparent pics aren't going to show up. I think it's stupid, but I don't think it's the crisis she's making it out to be.
Am I missing something? How will my kids be able to Google anything I post about them unless I also post their full names? Is their some kind of Google magic I don't know about?
And FTR, my kids know about every picture I post on FB before I post them.
Post by Kcthepouchh8r on Apr 26, 2015 9:53:17 GMT -5
I would imagine this applies to bloggers who put their full name out there. If you googled their name and the site contained moms last name/she referenced kids by first name I could imagine they could find it.
I can kind of see the point about over sharing things that kids could see in the future. I am at a loss how a picture of a kid crying would somehow bring embarrassment to said child. A boy putting on his mothers makeup or naked in the bath with his sister? Probably a different story.
There’s a Tumblr account called Asshole Parents and it’s simply photos upon photos submitted by parents of their kid in meltdown mode because the parent wouldn’t let them do something. Google #AssholeParent and you’ll be inundated with these photos. Kids crying, screaming, flailing, freaking out, tear-stained faces, faces contorted in anger…
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Funny, right?
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NO.
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Listen, I get it. I’ve been there and done it and am thankful to be out of that stage. Because the fact is, toddlers and small kids can be completely unreasonable little beings who will meltdown at the most innocuous things.Â
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Cut the sandwich the wrong way? Bam! Tantrum.
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You have to wear mittens in the middle winter. Full on freak out.
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Parents need to blow off steam because all this craziness can take its toll. We need to be able to vent and if we can laugh about it, all the better.Â
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But not this way. Not on the internet.Â
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This is the first generation of kids growing up on the internet. Their lives are blogged about, photographed, and every detail put out there for the world to see—the good, the bad, the funny, the sad, the embarrassing—it’s all out there. The truth is, none of us has any idea how it will affect them as adults.
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The other day my son came across an instant message I sent a friend that mentioned him. It was right after a challenging day of parenting and although what I said wasn’t bad, he was embarrassed I had been talking about him to someone else.
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Imagine how he would feel if I had taken a photo of one of his worst moments and posted it on the internet for all the world to see.Â
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Now, imagine if someone took a photo of one of YOUR worst moments without your knowledge or consent and put it on the internet.Â
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It wouldn’t feel good, yet it’s seemingly okay for parents to be doing it to their children without knowing how it will affect them in the years to come.Â
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Ten years from now those cute toddlers are going to google themselves, this is a fact. Not only will they google themselves, their school friends will google them, and even worse, people who aren’t their friends at school will.  People who could use those photos to make fun of your child, just like you were making fun of him by posting it.Â
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Only these people don’t love your child and they certainly don’t have your child’s best interest at heart.
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There are people who will see these photos and won't be laughing with your child, they will be laughing at him.
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I get it. We need to vent. We need to see the humour in parenting because it’s a tough gig. So send a photo to your friend then delete it. Get together with your girlfriends to vent when the kids aren’t around. Talk to your partner late at night and laugh about it.
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But don’t post these photos to the internet for the world to see.
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I understand the need to vent and laugh it off so I don't think you're an Asshole Parent at all.Â
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But be very careful because your kids are eventually going to grow up and they just might.Â
The author is so outraged and sanctimonious about this yet she links said website in the very first sentence! You can't be a mommy blogger and call out these other parents too. Pot, kettle and all that.
Ive never heard of the site, but.. I think she's making a big to do over nearly nothing. And really, is she saying we shouldn't post baby pictures because said baby won't be okay with it? Should I have asked my infant before posting his pictures?
I have a facebook friend who constantly posts about her son's Bipolar. He is 8 this is not her story to tell
Ffmc? I don't necessarily judge this.
We don't share dds diagnoses for the same reason you mentioned (outside of necessity of course). I have fb friends who are very open about their child's asd especially this month of course. I do think it's great when people make stuff like mental illness less taboo to talk about. Also it goes along with the old adage of if you do not provide a label one will be provided for them which is likely to be inaccurate.
I would imagine this applies to bloggers who put their full name out there. If you googled their name and the site contained moms last name/she referenced kids by first name I could imagine they could find it.
I can kind of see the point about over sharing things that kids could see in the future. I am at a loss how a picture of a kid crying would somehow bring embarrassment to said child. A boy putting on his mothers makeup or naked in the bath with his sister? Probably a different story.
I have seen someone post videos of her kids having tantrums. A video of a full on tantrum is pretty embarrassing.
I have a facebook friend who constantly posts about her son's Bipolar. He is 8 this is not her story to tell
Ffmc? I don't necessarily judge this.
We don't share dds diagnoses for the same reason you mentioned (outside of necessity of course). I have fb friends who are very open about their child's asd especially this month of course. I do think it's great when people make stuff like mental illness less taboo to talk about. Also it goes along with the old adage of if you do not provide a label one will be provided for them which is likely to be inaccurate.
I think it's a tough call either way.
You can post mental health awareness all you want. To post things that will in the future embarrass her child is not okay. She does it so people feel sorry for her not for awareness.
I have a facebook friend who constantly posts about her son's Bipolar. He is 8 this is not her story to tell
Ffmc? I don't necessarily judge this.
We don't share dds diagnoses for the same reason you mentioned (outside of necessity of course). I have fb friends who are very open about their child's asd especially this month of course. I do think it's great when people make stuff like mental illness less taboo to talk about. Also it goes along with the old adage of if you do not provide a label one will be provided for them which is likely to be inaccurate.
I think it's a tough call either way.
Well maybe she should limit her FBing about her son's mental state to a private FB group. Maybe he won't appreciate being the local poster child for BD, that's an invasion of privacy that will always be out there. And I refuse to label my child out of fear that they may some day be "mislabeled". Thankfully, I've never heard that old adage. That's sounds like "outing" someone to me.
We don't share dds diagnoses for the same reason you mentioned (outside of necessity of course). I have fb friends who are very open about their child's asd especially this month of course. I do think it's great when people make stuff like mental illness less taboo to talk about. Also it goes along with the old adage of if you do not provide a label one will be provided for them which is likely to be inaccurate.
I think it's a tough call either way.
Well maybe she should limit her FBing about her son's mental state to a private FB group. Maybe he won't appreciate being the local poster child for BD, that's an invasion of privacy that will always be out there. And I refuse to label my child out of fear that they may some day be "mislabeled". Thankfully, I've never heard that old adage. That's sounds like "outing" someone to me.
I agree. This child is also one of my child's friends. So let's say I let my daughter get Facebook, she FB stalks my friends and sees all this stuff about her friend. It's not okay ever. There is never a good reason to share your child's struggles on Facebook. Especially an older child.
I have a facebook friend who constantly posts about her son's Bipolar. He is 8 this is not her story to tell
Ffmc? I don't necessarily judge this.
We don't share dds diagnoses for the same reason you mentioned (outside of necessity of course). I have fb friends who are very open about their child's asd especially this month of course. I do think it's great when people make stuff like mental illness less taboo to talk about. Also it goes along with the old adage of if you do not provide a label one will be provided for them which is likely to be inaccurate.
I think it's a tough call either way.
Oh and. FFS the label that people would put on you is bad parenting you and I both know that's what you are saying. Broadcasting your child's issues so you don't get labeled as a bad parent is shitty parenting at it's finest.
My cousin has a boy a bit older than my DS. She posts both very sweet anecdotes/stories about him... and also refers to him as an asshole/the reason she needs wine some nights/etc. I side-eye every single negative post. It's one thing to tell your spouse or friend or whomever what a hellion your LO is being, but totally another to broadcast it publicly (she does not have her page locked down at ALL), and to a group of 1000+ "friends," nonetheless.
We don't share dds diagnoses for the same reason you mentioned (outside of necessity of course). I have fb friends who are very open about their child's asd especially this month of course. I do think it's great when people make stuff like mental illness less taboo to talk about. Also it goes along with the old adage of if you do not provide a label one will be provided for them which is likely to be inaccurate.
I think it's a tough call either way.
Oh and. FFS the label that people would put on you is bad parenting you and I both know that's what you are saying. Broadcasting your child's issues so you don't get labeled as a bad parent is shitty parenting at it's finest.
Meh I don't necessarily think it's so you can tell everyone that you're not a shit parent. Your child in social situations would benefit. Kids/parents show more compassion and want to help more vs just writing your kid off as a bad kid and shunning him/her.
Post by Kcthepouchh8r on Apr 27, 2015 13:44:19 GMT -5
Also people who pimp their kids illness/disorder for attention are gross and just the worst. I don't believe everyone who is more vocal has these motives though.
Oh and. FFS the label that people would put on you is bad parenting you and I both know that's what you are saying. Broadcasting your child's issues so you don't get labeled as a bad parent is shitty parenting at it's finest.
Meh I don't necessarily think it's so you can tell everyone that you're not a shit parent. Your child in social situations would benefit. Kids/parents show more compassion and want to help more vs just writing your kid off as a bad kid and shunning him/her.
Well since my kid is her only kids friend and I already new about it there is no go there. Plus there is a difference between my son is bipolar (which I don't like anyway) and my son is now in a mental hospital because of xyz. Now he is acting like this, or doing this. It's just not okay to share specifics of someone else's mental illness.
My SIL is mentally ill. We have had to tell several people that my kids are not allowed to go with her anywhere. We have managed to do it without ever mentioning her mental illness to others.
Meh I don't necessarily think it's so you can tell everyone that you're not a shit parent. Your child in social situations would benefit. Kids/parents show more compassion and want to help more vs just writing your kid off as a bad kid and shunning him/her.
Well since my kid is her only kids friend and I already new about it there is no go there. Plus there is a difference between my son is bipolar (which I don't like anyway) and my son is now in a mental hospital because of xyz. Now he is acting like this, or doing this. It's just not okay to share specifics of someone else's mental illness.
My SIL is mentally ill. We have had to tell several people that my kids are not allowed to go with her anywhere. We have managed to do it without ever mentioning her mental illness to others.
Yes but not only the child's friends would be interacting with said child. Kids work together in class, parents volunteer, etc. From what you shared about this mom it seems she's using her kids disorder to gather attention and I don't agree with that-I was speaking more in general terms.
I feel like it's kind of unfortunate that there's such a stigma of talking about mental illness. I do think people sharing their challenges publicly do help make it less taboo. I mean there's no qualms about me mentioning to others that I have celiac disease which means I need accommodations but when mental health comes into the picture it's like people are supposed to keep quiet about it. I wholeheartedly agree with you that the child should make the choice whether they are ok sharing their dx publicly. I think the worse scenario is when you have these kids that are 8, 9, 10+ and parents haven't shared their dx with them even though they were diagnosed as preschoolers or younger. I do hope my child doesn't feel the need to hide her diagnosis and feel ashamed but is confident enough to share for self advocacy so others can understand she does learn differently and does need accommodations at times that her peers may not.
Well since my kid is her only kids friend and I already new about it there is no go there. Plus there is a difference between my son is bipolar (which I don't like anyway) and my son is now in a mental hospital because of xyz. Now he is acting like this, or doing this. It's just not okay to share specifics of someone else's mental illness.
My SIL is mentally ill. We have had to tell several people that my kids are not allowed to go with her anywhere. We have managed to do it without ever mentioning her mental illness to others.
Yes but not only the child's friends would be interacting with said child. Kids work together in class, parents volunteer, etc. From what you shared about this mom it seems she's using her kids disorder to gather attention and I don't agree with that-I was speaking more in general terms.
I feel like it's kind of unfortunate that there's such a stigma of talking about mental illness. I do think people sharing their challenges publicly do help make it less taboo. I mean there's no qualms about me mentioning to others that I have celiac disease which means I need accommodations but when mental health comes into the picture it's like people are supposed to keep quiet about it. I wholeheartedly agree with you that the child should make the choice whether they are ok sharing their dx publicly. I think the worse scenario is when you have these kids that are 8, 9, 10+ and parents haven't shared their dx with them even though they were diagnosed as preschoolers or younger. I do hope my child doesn't feel the need to hide her diagnosis and feel ashamed but is confident enough to share for self advocacy so others can understand she does learn differently and does need accommodations at times that her peers may not.
And I agree he should and does know he has a mental illness, but at his age it is HIS story to tell not anyone else's. While I agree we should talk more about mental illness it should be up to each individual person to share on their own terms. People would be upset if I broadcasted my SIL metal illness on FB as they should be, a child should get the same respect.
Yes but not only the child's friends would be interacting with said child. Kids work together in class, parents volunteer, etc. From what you shared about this mom it seems she's using her kids disorder to gather attention and I don't agree with that-I was speaking more in general terms.
I feel like it's kind of unfortunate that there's such a stigma of talking about mental illness. I do think people sharing their challenges publicly do help make it less taboo. I mean there's no qualms about me mentioning to others that I have celiac disease which means I need accommodations but when mental health comes into the picture it's like people are supposed to keep quiet about it. I wholeheartedly agree with you that the child should make the choice whether they are ok sharing their dx publicly. I think the worse scenario is when you have these kids that are 8, 9, 10+ and parents haven't shared their dx with them even though they were diagnosed as preschoolers or younger. I do hope my child doesn't feel the need to hide her diagnosis and feel ashamed but is confident enough to share for self advocacy so others can understand she does learn differently and does need accommodations at times that her peers may not.
And I agree he should and does know he has a mental illness, but at his age it is HIS story to tell not anyone else's. While I agree we should talk more about mental illness it should be up to each individual person to share on their own terms. People would be upset if I broadcasted my SIL metal illness on FB as they should be, a child should get the same respect.
I agree with you..but in talking to others who do share their children's stories find it therapeutic. It's certainly helpful as a parent to read about other families who share a similar reality to us. The parents needs matter here too.
It bothers me there's such a double stamdard about mental illness. When a mom blogs publicly about her child's journey with cancer we applaud her in being courageous (and rightfully so). When someone blogs publicly about bipolar we are quick to judge (and not just you because you seem to have more reasons why more generally speaking).