My first playground etiquette question

[niq]

Your kid is in a large sand pit at the playground. A kid who is much older than yours (say yours is 2 and the other kid looks like about 5 or 6 - he is definitely one of the older kids in the sand pit) is misbehaving. When your kid and others "get in his way" he screams "no" and throws sand at them (not at their face, just sort of in their general direction). But other kids are too small to get it and the big kid's boundaries keep expanding. The parents either don't notice or don't do much. What do you do?

ETA important detail -- the playground is crazy busy. Anything worth playing with has to be shared/take turns/respect others' personal space.

[Deleted]

I would say brightly "oh no! Please don't throw sand!! It's getting everywhere and could get in people's eyes!" If it continued I would probably say more direct "please stop! I do not want sand thrown near me/my kid" and maybe move a bit of possible. if it still continued I would take my kid to play elsewhere.

[lilac05]

What would I want to do? Yell "knock it off, you little brat!"

What I would most likely do? Remove my child from the sandbox. Try to get him excited about something else at the playground. He's usually easily influenced.

I might also say, "please don't throw sand. The little ones don't understand how to keep it from getting in their eyes and getting hurt."

I also try to always remember that I don't know that kid, why he's acting that way, or why the parents are seemingly ignoring him. It keeps me from getting mad in situations like that.

[dcn]

This has happened to me, with no other parents around. (Older kids frequently are at our neighborhood parks unsupervised). I told the kid to please stop throwing sand. She said sorry and then played nicely after that.

If she had continued I would have just moved ds to another activity.

[mandymay]

I'd tell the kid to stop throwing sand nicely at first. If they continued I'd be more firm and direct and might ask them to play somewhere else. If that didn't work I'd move my kid. I don't have any problems telling kids to quit things that could harm others. It was a learned behavior though. When my daughter first started playing on a playground I was very hesitant. I think I have a lower threshold for playground bs now.

[spankswife]

I would say something along the lines of, "be careful, we don't throw sand. You could hurt one of the little kids if it gets in their eyes." (In a kind voice).

Second time I'd say it louder and more firm and hope his parent hears me.

Third time I'd relocate, unfortunately.

[origami]

I have no problem telling a stranger's kid "no. don't throw sand. Don't yell at the babies." If that didn't work Id go find his mom and tell her that her kid is throwing sand/scaring babies. Ive done it plenty of times but I live in an area where that's completely acceptable and no one gets offended when someone lets them know their kid is out of line. If a mom gave me grief for it, I don't know what I would do. Probably leave. When I tell the kid to (nicely) knock it off, that usually works. Thankfully.

[matildasun]

As a teacher, I have no problem speaking up if kids are out of line. "We do not throw sand in the sandbox!" "We are all playing together, please do a better job of sharing"

Edited to add- I usually start by giving them my best knick it off look.

[rugbywife]

Apr 27, 2015 5:43:18 GMT -5 matildasun said:

As a teacher, I have no problem speaking up if kids are out of line. "We do not throw sand in the sandbox!" "We are all playing together, please do a better job of sharing"

Edited to add- I usually start by giving them my best knick it off look.

Lol, this will probably be me.  In fact, I probably will need to watch my inclination to correct kids, as it is part of what I do naturally at work, I often find myself wanting to do it outside of school settings, like at the grocery store. 

[6fsn]

"It's not nice to throw sand. Stop before someone is hurt." I'd also try to direct my kid away from the thrower, but that's really hard with a 2 yo.

[Monica Geller]

Apr 27, 2015 5:43:18 GMT -5 matildasun said:

As a teacher, I have no problem speaking up if kids are out of line. "We do not throw sand in the sandbox!" "We are all playing together, please do a better job of sharing"

Edited to add- I usually start by giving them my best knick it off look.

This is what I was going to say. My teacher voice is very clear....there would be no question as to my career! And I would have no problem addressing it with the parent if it came to that. It may mean that eventually we find something else to do at the playground but I wouldn't be too intimidated to say something.

[anna7602]

I would suppress my inner urge to scream, "hey, you little shit!" (Really, I still haven't uttered this in over 6 years of playground-going, but man, how I have wanted to.)

Then I would either try to address the kid directly in a polite way or remove my kid from the area. Sand in your eyes is no joke. It has happened to DD and it sucks pretty badly. 

[niq]

So the story ends well. Mostly it was my first panic attack of "wow, I really don't deal with kids older than 4 ever, I have no idea what to do".

So I go deer in the headlights for about 20 seconds while these thoughts zip through my head:
The thoughts that went through my brain were roughly, in order
* HULK SMASH
* Where are your parents?
* Eh, it's a Sunday morning fun run, the whole point is to send your kids to the playground and half-ass it for an hour or so.
* This seems worse than half-assing it. I should say something.
* But if I do, I feel like I'll snap this poor kid's head off.
* Eh, I'll give it some time.
* No really, where are your parents?
* Hmm, he's a lot bigger than everyone else in the sand pit.
* Okay, he really wants all the sand. That is not workable and not normal.
* Maybe this kid has Issues?
* I'm a horrible person for thinking that!
* Uh-oh, now V is engaging. Gotta do SOMETHING now!

I try to swoop in before things go from worse to awful. Then his mom notices and tells him to stop. Which he doesn't right away, but okay, grownups are aware what's going on. I just move V and distract him with another piece of donut.

Three minutes later, I see big kid in his mother's arms, wet noodling until his hands can reach the ground to pick up sand and throw it at her feet. Mom is in full on Operation Ignore and continuing her conversation with grownups.

The End.




I think next time I will try a combination of "Use your words", "how would you feel if...", "Can you find a way to play together" and then just give up.

[jeaniebueller]

Apr 27, 2015 3:35:14 GMT -5 origami said:

I have no problem telling a stranger's kid "no. don't throw sand. Don't yell at the babies." If that didn't work Id go find his mom and tell her that her kid is throwing sand/scaring babies. Ive done it plenty of times but I live in an area where that's completely acceptable and no one gets offended when someone lets them know their kid is out of line. If a mom gave me grief for it, I don't know what I would do. Probably leave. When I tell the kid to (nicely) knock it off, that usually works. Thankfully.

Ditto. I have no problem telling overzealous older kids to knock it off. And I don't miss the toddler phase at parks at all, where you have to navigate so much of this.

[Deleted]

Yesterday this kid wouldn't let L go down the slide. She would go down and immediately turn around and climb up. So I said 'I know that girl isn't letting you take a turn L. I don't know why she doesn't want to play nicely'. She disappeared.
It was easier for me because there was another slide 2 feet away that is exactly the same and I feel like L needs to figure things out for herself sometimes.

[lifeisinteresting]

Apr 27, 2015 8:44:01 GMT -5 @hannymaren said:

Yesterday this kid wouldn't let L go down the slide. She would go down and immediately turn around and climb up. So I said 'I know that girl isn't letting you take a turn L. I don't know why she doesn't want to play nicely'. She disappeared.
It was easier for me because there was another slide 2 feet away that is exactly the same and I feel like L needs to figure things out for herself sometimes.

But don't shame the other kid. Maybe he has an absentee parent maybe he has a behavioral or learning problem. Does he need to learn to act appropriately in public? Yes! But shaming him ( saying he isn't acting nice) is not likely to be a teaching approach).
Try keeping your young child away from this child or speak up to the parent since you know who they are.

[Deleted]

Apr 27, 2015 9:12:58 GMT -5 lifeisinteresting said:

Apr 27, 2015 8:44:01 GMT -5 @hannymaren said:

Yesterday this kid wouldn't let L go down the slide. She would go down and immediately turn around and climb up. So I said 'I know that girl isn't letting you take a turn L. I don't know why she doesn't want to play nicely'. She disappeared.
It was easier for me because there was another slide 2 feet away that is exactly the same and I feel like L needs to figure things out for herself sometimes.

But don't shame the other kid. Maybe he has an absentee parent maybe he has a behavioral or learning problem. Does he need to learn to act appropriately in public? Yes! But shaming him ( saying he isn't acting nice) is not likely to be a teaching approach).
Try keeping your young child away from this child or speak up to the parent since you know who they are.

Her grandmother was miles away. The kid was 8 years old. I wasn't going to tell the kid what to do. I was just telling my kid that she shouldn't model that behaviour.
And telling the kid 'let my kid go down the slide' seemed dumb to me. I want my child to learn to handle things on her own. I told her to ask the girl to let her have a turn.
And I find when you ask kids things, a lot of them don't listen. They actually act worse on purpose.

[NandaB]

Yea...the teacher in me would have no problem correcting the child, but I wouldn't ask them how they would feel, or to use their words. I would simply say " please dont throw sand, it could get in peoples eyes" or "please let her have a turn on the slide". No parenting and no shaming.

[NandaB]

Apr 27, 2015 9:27:20 GMT -5 @hannymaren said:

Apr 27, 2015 9:12:58 GMT -5 lifeisinteresting said:

But don't shame the other kid. Maybe he has an absentee parent maybe he has a behavioral or learning problem. Does he need to learn to act appropriately in public? Yes! But shaming him ( saying he isn't acting nice) is not likely to be a teaching approach).
Try keeping your young child away from this child or speak up to the parent since you know who they are.

Her grandmother was miles away. The kid was 8 years old. I wasn't going to tell the kid what to do. I was just telling my kid that she shouldn't model that behaviour.
And telling the kid 'let my kid go down the slide' seemed dumb to me. I want my child to learn to handle things on her own. I told her to ask the girl to let her have a turn.
And I find when you ask kids things, a lot of them don't listen. They actually act worse on purpose.

I disagree that kid shaming us better than asking politely. I mean if were talking about not wanting your kid to copy undesirable behavior...I'd much rather my kid asked politely and then found something new to do/told an adult if they didn't get their desired result than for them to learn its cool to shame/embarrass another kid

[Deleted]

Apr 27, 2015 9:36:04 GMT -5 NandaB said:

Apr 27, 2015 9:27:20 GMT -5 @hannymaren said:

Her grandmother was miles away. The kid was 8 years old. I wasn't going to tell the kid what to do. I was just telling my kid that she shouldn't model that behaviour.
And telling the kid 'let my kid go down the slide' seemed dumb to me. I want my child to learn to handle things on her own. I told her to ask the girl to let her have a turn.
And I find when you ask kids things, a lot of them don't listen. They actually act worse on purpose.

I disagree that kid shaming us better than asking politely. I mean if were talking about not wanting your kid to copy undesirable behavior...I'd much rather my kid asked politely and then found something new to do/told an adult if they didn't get their desired result than for them to learn its cool to shame/embarrass another kid

The kid was being mean. My daughter kept yelling 'mom I can't go. Why can't I go?' The kid wasn't clueless to her actions. She was doing it on purpose and giving me a look, daring me to do something.
I also don't think my kid picked up on any shaming. It was just a fact. Cinderlla stepsisters are mean. Is it mean to call them that?

[redpenmama]

I would very sweetly ask him to stop. If he didn't, we'd relocate from the sandbox.

If my DD was misbehaving at a playground (entirely possible), I would be fine with another parent politely asking her to stop. In fact, I would want them to.

[CloudBee]

I have no problem speaking to other kids at the park, and I hope that other parents speak to my kid if I'm not there or don't see what's happened.

On Saturday I was at the beach playground with DS, and 2 kids (roughly 6 and 8) pushed in front of us (me/DS) as he was walking up the slide steps. There was a line, so once they pushed past us they had to wait. They turned around and I told them that no, we were in line, they shouldn't have shoved past (one of them put their hands on DS to hold him back as he was taking a step up), and to please get behind me and wait their turn. I don't tolerate such behavior, and their parents were probably 25 feet away. The parents actually smiled at me when I glanced over a minute later. ETA: They actually cheered DS as he went down the slide a few minutes later. He was clapping, so they joined in and showed some excitement. So obviously no hard feelings here.

It takes a village. I feel it's important to speak up for yourself and your kiddo at the park if need be.

I also think that there comes a time when you need to let your kid learn to speak up for themselves. So if DS had been a year or two older (he's 2), and I weren't in line with him (steep slide), I wouldn't have intervened. If I had seen what happened, I would have brought it up in the car on the drive home. Explaining that he has the right to say "I was here first, please get behind me".

[cjeanette]

If he does this to my child I would not have a problem saying something to the kid.

[lifeisinteresting]

Apr 27, 2015 9:44:09 GMT -5 @hannymaren said:

Apr 27, 2015 9:36:04 GMT -5 NandaB said:

I disagree that kid shaming us better than asking politely. I mean if were talking about not wanting your kid to copy undesirable behavior...I'd much rather my kid asked politely and then found something new to do/told an adult if they didn't get their desired result than for them to learn its cool to shame/embarrass another kid

The kid was being mean. My daughter kept yelling 'mom I can't go. Why can't I go?' The kid wasn't clueless to her actions. She was doing it on purpose and giving me a look, daring me to do something.
I also don't think my kid picked up on any shaming. It was just a fact. Cinderlla stepsisters are mean. Is it mean to call them that?

But that kid did. How do you know how much he is shamed or ignored at home or what behavioral or medical problems he has? You can't assume intent in a child. Show him kindness or the right way to act or leave.

[Alyssa]

I have a 5 and 3 year old and I have had my fun run-ins with kids in the sand pit.

I would have no problem telling that child, "Hey we don't throw sand here" I don't care if the parent hears or not, they should be monitoring their child and telling them not to throw sand. I tend to notice a trend in some parents that taking your child to the park means zoning out or playing on your phone while your child runs free.


I don't take bad behavior at the park. I had once saw a child, she was about 12 years old and playing in the little kids area, which is for about 5 under. So I'm sitting on a bench watching my 3 year old and he's standing with two other young kids at the top of the slide and not moving. It's a slide that's about 5-6 feet long, it's for little kids not 12 year olds. I see this girl plopping sand on the bottom of the slide and her mother telling my son and the other two little kids not to go down the slide. I think 'WTF?' If she wants to build sand castles, don't do it on the slide when children want to go down it.

This girl was busy putting loads of sand on the slide and the toddlers standing at the top were standing there confused. So I tell her, "Let them go down the slide"

She stands up and says, "What?"

I say again, "Let them go down the slide....thank you"

She backs away and the 3 little kids go down the slide and I take my son to the car because we were on our way out of there. Her mother walks over to her and says, "Why did you let them go down the slide?"


Can you believe that shit? I guess this girl was planning to load the slide up and then get up on the play structure and blast through it. Sorry little girl, not when I 'm there.

[megs193]

If another kid is throwing sand I have no problem telling them that we don't throw sand because someone could get hurt. It has always worked but if they didn't listen I would ask them which adult they were with and ask the adult to tell their child not to throw sand. If they weren't willing to make their child stop I would remove my child from the situation because it's just not worth it.